Dr. Nicholas Rush (100 Drabbles) Drabble #86- "Choices"
He had made a decision, based on a list of choices. He could have choose to just ignore the interface chair, and risk never getting to explore the vast amounts of information that may have been hiding and locked away. The same information that may very well hold the answer to the problem of their current situation. None of them understood, if only he could access the flight path. He would be able to better navigate Destiny, maybe to even lead her back into the direction of Earth. Or he could probably find what they were missing to dial the gate back to Earth. Even though he honestly didn't want to go back. He honestly had nothing waiting for him back at home; this was his life now.
His other choices had been to try and manipulate someone else to sit in the chair, and see if they were lucky to gain the information. Though if it went wrong, such as killing the person, he'd suddenly be accused a murderer. And he was getting tired butting heads with Young, especially about this issue. He wasn't trying anything new to try and get them home any faster. So it was kind of ironic that he was actually trying to do something and yet, he's the one getting all the crap. He knew if he succeeded in getting them home, he'd be looked on as a hero. Yet, if he managed to screw this up, it would almost be as if he's an executioner.
As much as he wanted to have someone else sit in the chair, there wasn't anyone he felt would be able to know how to go about this delicate procedure. Oh sure, they could probably find a way to control the amount of information was being downloaded into one's mind, and the speed. And probably could manage to section off which part of the brain was being affected, so it wouldn't cause much damage to the person's brain as a whole. Even so, the only other person he felt would be able to complete the job, if not better, was Lily. And he sure as hell wasn't going to have her risk her own neck.
So that left one other choice, and that was for him to sit in the chair. He was told, in person, that it was perfectly fine with Colonel Young if he did so. So that's what he was doing. Either he was going to gain the information he needed to get them one step closer out of this mess, or he was going to die trying. And it seemed nobody gave a damn either way. So after a bit of work to make sure they could control the experiment as much as humanly possible, he sat down and felt the electric nodes screw against his skull and get sucked into his subconscious.
He could clearly see the information downloading in the background of his visions. The glowing text of Ancient literature quickly being poured and absorbed into his mind. These damn visions and flashbacks were really starting to become a nuisance. Being reminded that he wasn't there for his wife when she was dying, was really starting to tug at his heartstrings. He fact that Dr. Daniel Jackson kept hounding him about the Icarus project. The same project he got so wrapped in that allowed him to not give the proper love and care to his wife when she was dying. History was repeating itself, in a way. Even some moments in class resurfaced, seeing a younger Lily continuing to struggle with understanding the course material. She never raised her hand to answer a question.
It was also getting annoying dealing with these damned nose bleeds in between. He had to keep focused; everything was just a distraction. Why couldn't he figure this out? Why had it been so easy for an annoying kid to discover it, to crack the code. That's what really annoyed him at the end of the day. That kid was the genius that he would, unfortunately, never be. As more time passed, he was starting to have more and more complications. And he could have sworn, in the background, he could hear echoing voices. Though, he was so focused on the task at hand, he couldn't make out what they were saying, or who was saying it.
"…He didn't want to involve anyone else."
"I'm in command of this ship, and that means, you don't do anything without involving me. Do you understand?"
"I can't believe he'd do this…"
"…Let's wake him up."
"I can't. Severing the connection externally could be very dangerous. He has to do it himself. Look, with or without me, Rush would have done it!"
"…Let's forget about Rush for a second. If he wants to kill himself, so be it. If anything goes wrong, I'm pulling the plug."
Walks off, Lily following behind him. She stops him away from the others, in a corner.
"I can't believe I'm hearing this, and especially from you. Rush was right. You don't give a damn about anyone other than yourself and your personnel-"
"You're out of line, Ms. Dalhberg…"
"Yeah well, maybe I am. What are you going to do about it? Leave me stranded on another planet. Why don't you tell them all what really took place. Oh that's right. Your own reputation would be on the line."
"…"
"I don't want anyone touching him. I believe when he wants to come out, he will be able to manage, just fine on his own. No one is to do anything with him, not even touch a hair on him, unless it's to check his vitals. Understood? He has me on this ship for a reason, and I'd be damned if anyone does any ill harm to him. Not again, anyways."
Great. He had just discovered what may have been the key they need to unlock the main systems, to solve this problem, and now his heart is giving him problems. He falls to the ground, clutching at his own chest, grunting in pain. Dr. Jackson is just standing there like a bloody idiot, asking him if he's okay. He looks up briefly, there is another echoing voice, except this time, he can hear what they're saying.
"What's happening to him? TJ! Check his vitals now, something is wrong. Dr. Rush!! You better not die on me now, damn it…"
He had made his peace with Gloria. He felt a lot better, knowing that she didn't blame him for anything. And assured him that her cancer, her dying, was not because of him. And as he was walking to the door, to lead him back to the real world, he was thinking back on the number. 46. All the signs had been all around him, but she had told him something that he never realized until now. Not only have Gloria held the signs to this simple solution, Lily had too. He chuckles as he thought back on it all now. Lily had been his 46th student to sign up for the class, she had choose to sit in seat 46, and even her injection wounds on her arms. He was surprised that those are a sign, even though it reminded her that she had been a junkie. She had four puncture scars on her left arm, and six on the right. He shook his head, smiling to himself. The talk with Gloria, maybe that would make him a new man. He sure didn't feel guilty anymore. And he had to sit down and tell Lily everything. She'd be interested to hear. Especially that she had been holding the answer all this time as well.
He opened his eyes, not really knowing where he was or what was going on. It was taking his mind a bit to come into focus, having had his mind probed like that. Young was barking something at him, something about stopping Destiny from jumping. People were stranded? He couldn't do anything, wincing in pain. He was afraid maybe Lily was stranded, and he almost forced himself up on his feet, to at least try. He sighed in relief when he saw her, but she had come up so fast. He grunts a bit, his face being forced to the right, his cheek turning slightly pink and now throbbing. She had actually slapped him, and pretty damn hard too. He glared up at her, disbelief on his face, anger on hers. She was rigid like a board, and she was panting in anger. Brody and Eli stood off to the side, even they were shocked silent, watching the scene.
"Don't you EVER do that to me again, Dr. Rush!"
That's all she said, and he watched her stormed off. He knew she would have been upset with him. He knew he was basically the only person she had left to care for her. He had been the only one to have given a damn about her well being all these years. And she had done the same to him. Even sitting in that chair, before he sat and talked with Gloria on her deathbed at the hospital, Lily had been there prior. He thought back to the memory, now alone, a silent tear falling.
He heard the beeping of the monitor by her bed, having silently just arrived at the hospital. He saw Constance sitting there and Lily standing to the side. Constance stood up, acknowledging him then leaving. He was about to walk in, but saw Lily sit down next to Gloria. He stood in the doorway, watching. Gloria had seen him, but even then, he felt she had wanted him to watch the little session she was having with Lily.
"You're going to be okay. You're going to pull through this. You have once before, you can do it again. I can take over the work, so Dr. Rush can be with you more-"
She smiled, taking the younger woman's hand in hers, squeezing softly. She shook her head, sighing almost peacefully, although she was dying.
"Not this time Lily. This is the end for me."
She watched the younger woman start to cry, a tear falling down her face as well. She squeezed her hand again, giving a small smile.
"You're a dear friend, despite the age difference. In fact, you've almost been like a daughter to me…"
"Gloria…"
"I want you to promise me something. Promise me you'll watch over Nick, and care for him. When I'm gone, he'll need you. You're the only other person I know, who can bring out the best in him. To keep him sane. I won't be around to do that anymore. He'll need someone to believe in him. To trust him, to care for him, to love him. Promise me, promise Nicholas, Lillith…"
The younger woman sniffled, squeezing her hand back and watching her nod.
"I promise, the both of you, that I will always care for him. Trust in him, rely in him, and be there for him. I promise, in this life and the next…"
He wiped at his eyes, then noticing his nose was bleeding again. He wiped at that, and got up off the chair. He walked into the main hub room, standing at the console he did on any other day. He knew he'd have to make it up to her. To show her that he truly, appreciated her. And that he'd try to not hurt her again. He promised himself, and to her, silently. Promised that he'd never hurt her again.