Disclaimer: No, I don't own Harry Potter. :P well…. I don't want to own it anywayz! And… Stupid-head-J.K.Rowling won't let me have it. Stupid. :P and I offered to pay all of my money for it! That's a whole dollar PLUS forty-five cents!
(This is going to be a happy story so the 6th book never happened, and Serius is still alive.)
It was right after the last day of school, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione were bored out of their minds. Since they didn't have A.I.M., they were sticking jet-packs to their owls' feet to make them fly faster. (Their owls were all secretly planning their murders for this.)
And the letters went like this:
Harry: I guess we should plan Voldie's death or something, huh?
Ron: No!!!! WAAAAAA!!!!!!! I don't wanna!!!!!!! I'm 2 scared!!!!!!!!!
Hermione: And I like you, why?
Ron: you like me?! Yay!!!!!!!!!
Harry: -.- RON!!!! U idiot!
Hermione: this was hardly even worth the ink!
Ron: wut? Don't say that, baby; I'll make it up to u!
Hermione: -.-Ron, stfu.
Ron: wut?
Hermione: SHUT THE FUDGE UP!
Ron: I only asked a question!
Harry: (you wouldn't understand anyway, it's gangster talk)
Ron: OOHH!!!!!!! Ok!
Hermione: It is not- oh, forget it, I just wanted to see if u guys wanted to go to the beach.
Harry- sure!
Ron- are u sure you'll be able to HANDLE seeing the Ronster in a bathing suit?
Hermione: you r SO lucky ur not close enough to slap right now!
Ron: Oh yeah! She wants me!
Hermione and Harry: -.-
Hermione: w/e, just ask ur family if they want to come, too, ok? I'll call Luna and Neville.
later, at the beach….
They were just arriving, and on their way to find a nice, sunny spot for the girls, and Ron, to lay out, while Harry went to pick up chicks.
Just as they were going to put down their stuff and junk guess who they saw?
… It was none other than the V-man himself! Voldie, crazy V, jerkazoid, the ass-that-must-not-be-named, Ol' snakey, Mr. Meany-pantss- "OK! WE GET IT!" yelled Hermione RUDELY. FINE THEN! He has a lotta nick-names, ok?
"What is he doing at the beach?!" Ron yelled, "The beach is for kool people ONLY!" "…" there was a long, stunned silence, which Ron didn't really get until Cranky-V interrupted- "I'm standing right behind you."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron screamed like a little girl and ran away, out of sight.
Luna (Being a no-common-sense kinda gal) faced Crazy-V with her wand pointed at him. "I come in peace!' Voldie shrieked, to everyone's surprise. "…" there was yet another awkward silence through the group.
"What?" the V-man asked. "Snake-people need a vacation, too!" everyone just shrugged and they all got into a long game of volley-ball.
--Harry's P.O.V.—
Harry was just in the middle of running away from some olda fan girls who said "their biological clock was ticking" when he saw that someone had joined his group of friends, and that, more importantly, they hadn't invited Harry into their volley-ball game. He was P.O.ed!
"Who's the new guyyy- AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! VOLDEMORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Harry was running in circles screaming like a small child. Everyone's faces fell flat --some even lowered their heads and dropped sweat anime style—at Harry's reaction. "uh, I'm RIGHT HERE!!!!!!" Baldy --I….Meann…Voldie-- pointed out. "uh, sure, WHY?!?!" Harry freaked out. "Cuz I wanna be. Got a problem with it, Almighty chosen one?" Baldemort asked.
"HECKS YEAH, I DO!" Harry screamed. "Harry, why do you hate me so?" asked Voldemort.(yeah, yeah, I know, no funny nick-name, but I'm tired.) "Cuz!" Harry answered. "Cuz, WHY Harry?" the green man asked. "You killed my Father!" retorted Harry. "Harry, I am your father!"
dun, Dun, DUNN!!!!!!!!
"NOOOOOOOOOOO-wait. No your not. They found his body. "oh, yeah, forgot about that… so I lied. Got a problem with it?" Voldie was being so snobby, it wasn't even funny. Ok, so yeah it was. But still. REALY snobby. Get the picture?
"umm…. Yeah, I do." Harry Said. "Then I now pronounce you Snake-dude and wife!" everyone turned around to see Ron, back from his screaming rampage, only now he was drunk.
"Ron, how many have you had?" Harry asked flatly.
"HEY!" Ron yelled at an unnecessary volume. "I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"
-.- everyone just shook their heads, except Luna, who was singing along to some song that some nearby muggles were playing. "The drinks start pourin' and my speech starts slurrin', everybody starts lookin' real good!" She sang. Then she got all loopy and started doing never-ending cartwheels. While listing all the words she could think of that rime with luck, which, in retrospect, probably wasn't such a good idea. (if you know what I mean.)
And so, ignoring Luna, they went back to their conversation "So…. Voldemort… how did yo get those cuts on your arms?" Harry started making small talk while Ron and Hermione made out, Ginny stood in the middle of a crowd of muggle-boys (and some death-eaters) who were admiring (or gawking at, however you want to put it) her slutty-to-the-extreme 2 piece. Luna was still loopy and making her way to the F's in her list. (let's pray for her) And Neville? Well, I don't feel like writing about him right now, so some random gangsters drove by and shot him in the head. Yay creativity! So anywayz, back to Harry's question…
"Oh, I did it with the 'emoextremenonawesomenesscuzimemo' spell. "uhh…..wait, let me read it…. Ok, done, so your emo?" Harry asked. "yeah, what'd you expect? I killed my freakin' grandparents!" said Crazy-V. "Oh." Harry said. "I thought that was mentally ill, not emo!" Voldie chose to reply to that comment by shooting random spells at Harry. At least, until Luna came cart wheeling right into him, forcing him to the ground, all the while still naming words that rime with luck… "FUCK!" she cheered as crazy V came tumbling to the ground, which through him off so much Harry was finally able to kill him, but, of course, this wouldn't have worked if it weren't for Crazy V getting all emo at the last minute and running in front of Harry's "Avada Kedrava" spell, all the while yelling- "I hate life!!!!!" so...yeah. you get my point on the whole emo-ness of the situaution. But before they could ponder why he hadn't done that years before...
Suddenly thousands of reporters were crowding around Luna and Harry. "Ms. Lovegood, how does it feel to have played such a large role in the death of he-who-got-his-ass-kicked?" one reporter asked. "…Guck, Huck, Juck, Kuck…" Luna continued to name words until all the reporters went away to ask Harry about the Hungarian Horntail that Ginny said was tattooed on his back. (-do ya get it?-)
Later that night, when the reporters were all gone, they all went to a beach cook out, (except Neville, whom they didn't even realize was dead...cuz no one ever pays any atention if your last name talks about how fat your ass is.) So they danced and ate 'till they all passed out, as drunk as an Irish collage freshman who visited New Orleans for Marti grass. (and that is DRUNK.)
Me: Well, that's my first one shot! Give me ideas for more in reviews!
Ron: But you made me drunk!
Harry: And you made ME a bastard!
Hermione: And you made ME a know it all!
Me: (laughs loudly)
Ginny: and you made me a slut!
Neville: And you killed me off!
Luna: Whoa! Cool! When I talk, its words! It's like – where am I? And what does 'fuck' mean?
Fred and George: And why weren't we mentioned?
Me: Oh, sorry, I'll mention you next time.
Fred and George: That's better!
Draco: you know, I wasn't mentioned either!
Me: tough luck, bastard.
Draco: AVADA---- (gets strangled by auther)
Rupert Grint: o-k….. well, at least Kelly didn't kidnap me in this one!
Me: Oh, I knew I forgot something!
Rupert Grint: PLEASE, NO!!!!!! Have mercy!!
Me: muahahaha!!!!!!
Then Rupert Grint came into the story somehow and Kelly came in too, and tied him up and put him back in her closet.
The End!!!!!!!
Rupert: (muttering) goshdamnit.
Luna: seriously, where AM i?