Guys This Is My 94 Hogwarts rules Enjoy
~Nicola

The Hogwarts Rules

No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
2. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "I told you I was hardcore".
3. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.
4. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".
5. I will not ask Lupin if it his time of the month.
6. I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.
7. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
8. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
9. Professor Flitwick's first name in not Yoda.
10. I will not refer to the hippogriff as "Horseybird".
11. Crucifixes do not ward off Slytherins, and I should not test that.
12. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".
13. Neither does he respond favorably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".
14. Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in June.
15. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"
16. I will not refer to "The Grim" as a nice doggy.
17. I will not refer to Professor Lupin as a nice doggy.
18. There is no bring a muggle to school day.
19. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts."
20. "Putting down Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.
21. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".
22. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice.
23. There is no connection between Hitler and Voldemort.
24. I am not allowed to declare "Official Hug A Slytherin Day."
25. I am not to wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT! shirt to school.
26. When in the presence of the Dark Lord, I must call him The Dark Lord. Not 'Snake-Face, the Dark Lord Happy Pants'.
27. I am not allowed to ask any of the Malfoys if it's "true that blondes have more fun"
28. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office'.
29. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... GOT... THE... POWER!'
30. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout 'To the Batmobile, Robin!'
31. Or 'Thunder, Thunder, Thunder, THUNDERCATS, GO!'
32. I am not Voldemort's illegitimate love child.
33. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
34. I do not have a Cyberman Patronus.
35. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.
36. Taking red paint and writing creepy messages on the walls is not funny, either.
37. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor first years as Christmas decorations.
38. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy is not permitted on the school grounds, not even for entertainment purposes.
39. It is generally accepted that Cats and Dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
40. I will not write all my essays in red ink claiming it is blood.
41. It's not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a T-shirt that says 'All the good-looking ones die young' with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.
42. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus's Animagus form.
43. I will not write forged letters home to the parents of Muggleborn first years detailing the Satanic rituals they are learning.
44. Locking Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter in a broom cupboard together to see if hot gay sex will occur is not appropriate.
45. The four houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.
46. Teaching first years to chorus in unison 'The amazing bouncing ferret' whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong, funny, but wrong.
47. No matter what I say to the Dark Lord, I will never make him laugh.
48. Murmuring 'I see dead people' every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.
49. I will not replace Professor Snape's Pumpkin Juice with Skele-Gro, and it was not an honest mistake.
50. I am not funny. No matter how much I make myself laugh.

51) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball
52) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office
53) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter
54) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick
55) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar
56) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination
57) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"
58) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.
59) I am not allowed to joke about Remus's "time of the month"
60) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand
61) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals
62) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"
63) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work"
64) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot
65) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it
66) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive
67) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast
68) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"
69) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways
70) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor
71) I will not use the phrase, "Get a Life" when talking to Voldemort
72) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy
73) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling
74) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full"
75) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell
76) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate
77) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways, not even on Halloween
78) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their colours indicate that they're "covered in bees"
79) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge
80) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core"
81) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm, not even if they are in Slytherin
82) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers
83) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion
84) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"
85) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts
86) I do not have an Edward Cullen Patronous
87) I will not lick Trevor
88) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey"
89) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween
90) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously
91) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions
92) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet
93) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice
94) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God