Someday

Chapter One – Hardships

Authors Note: This is the first fanfiction I've written in probably about two years. I've been dying to work on this idea for a long time, but at the time I was too focused on other things. So, it's time to begin it. Please feel free to comment and let me know what you think about it, constructive criticism is appreciated, though try not to flame me. Thank you.

Sleep was officially impossible. It had been four hours since the rest of the ship had fallen into an easy slumber, but the woman who lay upon her bed was completely positive that she would be the only one unable to fall into the same restless doze the rest of the crew had managed. Their worries radiated off of them, and to be quite honest, she far from blamed any of them. There was the possibility she could snap, become the kind of person they had been fighting to find and stop since their adventure began. Her wildest fears had been realized, and now she wasn't exactly sure what to do with herself.

With her eyes closed, she pressed her lips into a thin line as she fought the tears that threatened to fall. How could everything be ruined so quickly? It's not as if life had been easy since she had learned she had the ability to become a Jedi, or that she really wanted half of the trouble she had been put into. She wanted a normal smuggler's life, the life she had had before. The life where she could drink Juma Juice and do what she pleased, anything that could bring her the kind of cash she was always hungering after. The life that had officially been thrust upon her was far from what she dreamed.

Now, Carth wasn't speaking with her, and the rest of the crew looked at her as if she was going to snap at any moment. Was she, though? There was the strict possibility that she could go over the edge, and with her abilities, she would potentially be unstoppable. She could hurt them, and she knew that. She was strong and the knowledge that her strength spewed from something so unreal terrified her, now more than ever.

What was going to happen now? Would the mission carry on, even though she knew of this dark secret that the council, that Bastila herself, hid from her for the longest time? There was really no other choice, to be quite frank. Life had to continue, even if it felt like her heart was being peeled from her chest. She ached for normality, for anything but this. Life had to continue, and she didn't have a choice but to let it.

But how could anybody get over the knowledge that they were once one of the most powerful Sith Lords in the universe? How could somebody deal with the fact that they had taken more lives than could be counted?

With her own arms wrapped around her, a stifled sob slipped through her lips. As those dastardly tears tumbled down her cheeks, she pondered what was to come next. More than that, she imagined the outcome. She would be shunned from society when they learned the truth. If her own crew, her friends, rejected her this badly, then the rest of them were a lost cause. People she didn't even know would hate her before they learned who she really was.

A cry pierced her room, and Revan immediately leapt from the bunk she was resting upon. She searched for a moment, at last realizing who had made the sound. Mission Vao, a small Twi'lek girl, was lying on her bed, her body curled up in a ball, and tears pouring down her cheeks. This was the one member of the crew who Revan felt particularly defensive over, whether it be her age or her stature. Revan knew that most of the crew felt the same about the girl. "Mission?" Revan asked, keeping a safe distance lest another member of the crew come barging in and think she was the reason for Mission's cry.

Mission's body jolted upright, and Revan was surprised she didn't smack her head off the bunk up top. The two females stared at each other for a moment, before Mission's head dropped down onto her propped knees and she sobbed. Revan stared at her, her desire to reach out and hold the girl expanding, but she couldn't bring herself to touch her. "What happened?" she whispered, instead.

Mission's eyes didn't find themselves moving anywhere but her knees as she spoke, her voice muffled from the blanket covering her knees. "I had a nightmare... You were…" Another sob, and Revan immediately felt sick to her stomach. The reason for the pain in the girl's voice was caused by Revan's own actions. Actions that she, herself, didn't even remember. Mission continued, "You were wearing the robes… The lightsaber. You looked at me… I tried to ask you why and…" she sobbed again as Revan shuffled away from her. "The way you looked at me…"

Revan was going to vomit, she was certain of that now. She felt completely ill. "Are you alright, now?" she asked, quietly. Mission's sobs were slowing, and her sniffling was decreasing. That had to be a good sign. Mission's eyes moved towards Revan, her eyes bloodshot from crying. "I know that wasn't you, I could tell. You're somebody else now, and you don't remember being her. I'm not scared of you, but…" she trailed off, almost embarrassed. "I'm scared of what you can do."

Immediately, Revan felt her body trembling. Even if Mission's words were meant to be reassuring, they didn't sound it. Not to Revan. Immediately, Revan nodded. "I'm going to go and check that we're still on course." Her voice cracked, and she was certain the tears were building all over again. For such a powerful Jedi, such a powerful ex-Sith Lord, she was crying a lot lately. Maybe it was the shock.

Quickly, she moved herself out of the room she shared with Mission before anymore words could be exchanged. She passed the main room of the ship, her eyes cast downwards. It wasn't until her body slammed into something a whole hell of a lot harder than a person that she stopped.

Immediately, her gaze flashed upwards, and she saw HK standing in front of her. "Query: Master, have you lost your sense of sight?" he asked, and Revan shook her head. "Sorry, HK," she grumbled before skidding around him. She wasn't in the mood to listen to any of his "meatbag" statements. She padded down the corridor towards the cockpit. Her body was numb, and she felt a little more like an outsider on her own ship than she meant to. The moment she stepped inside, she froze. She should've known he would be here, and she didn't even think about it. Her eyes fell over his body, and her shoulders immediately slumped. This was a confrontation she was hoping to avoid, at least for a while.

He didn't speak, didn't even look at her, and Revan moved quietly towards the navigational charts. Her eyes fell over the locations and her fingers tapped some buttons. "When are we landing?" she asked, her voice stronger than she felt, at last. Carth's eyes raised, meeting hers. "Soon enough. I don't have an exact time."

The harshness in his voice surprised her, even though she shouldn't have let it. She knew that out of everybody, he was the most shocked, and the most dismal. "Alright," she said, turning away from him, the tears boiling all over again. She couldn't let him see her cry. If there was ever a good time to be trapped on a ship, it was not tonight. She moved towards the door, stopping as she reached it and turning back to look at him.

"We have to survive with one another for a little longer, Carth. I think the rest of the crew can feel the hostility, too. I'd appreciate it if you'd tone it down," she told him, her eyes turning cold as she looked at him. He stood up, then, turning to face her. "You would appreciate it? Oh, that's good to know! I'd appreciate it if you hadn't destroyed my planet and my family. I guess we can't always get what we want."

The hurt pounded back, and in one motion, Revan turned away, all but running down the corridor to find sanctity elsewhere on the ship. More specifically, the cargo bay.

Author's Note: I hope it was okay, read and review! Chapter two will be up soon hopefully. Thanks, guys!

-Shay.