John Louis goes to Equestria
John Louis was an ordinary boy living a normal life on the WEST SIDE. Although John's parents were rich as fuck, they didn't give two shit about him because he was a little FAGLORD who banged his sister to death and he was also homosexual and watched MLP. One afternoon, John's friends dropped him off after school. John's dads pimpin' truck was not in the driveway, which seemed strange to John since his dad is a jobless bum that works at home.
"Where could my papa be?" thought John out loud.
Suddenly John heard a horrendous shriek from inside the house, but John knew that horrible sound anywhere. It was his bitch ass parakeet, Peanut.
As John walked up to the front door, he noticed that it was slightly ajar.
"That's strange," said John, "Oh well, time to see my aDOORable bird."
But when John opened the door he was shocked to find that his house was empty. Every single thing was missing so that all that was left was a barren house and a single cage with Peanut in it. John called out for his parents but there was no response, he was alone with Peanut in his abandoned house.
"Where did my parents go, Peanut?" asked John, hoping his dumbass parrot would understand.
"LATER BITCH, LATER BITCH!" squaked John's bird over and over again.
'What could that mean?' thought John. Suddenly he froze as he realized that his parents had abandoned him on the WEST SIDE to become EAST SIDE ballers.
"How could they do this to me?" said John as he fell to his knees in tears.
As John wallowed in a pool of his own tears, his stomach began to rumble like a Chinese earthquake. He had not eaten in days because his parents never fed him and KYLE PUG always stole his lunch money at school.
"If I don't eat soon I'm going to die!" screamed John.
John looked around to find any scraps of food that he may be able to scavenge for a meal, but to no avail. As he walked back to the front door, he noticed his parakeet in its cage.
"That fat cunt looks very tasty right about now," thought John. "I still remember Bryan the Morbidly Obese One's recipe for KFC parrot."
So John reached into the bird cage and grabbed peanut. He took a huge whiff of him and his mouth began to water.
"Shit bitch you are going to taste so good." said John.
"Please don't eat me!" screamed Peanut.
John did not give a shit that his parrot just talked and began to strangle the life out of it.
"Die muthafucka!" he screamed as he chocked the animal.
"I'll always love you John," said Peanut with tears in his eyes. Peanut remembered all the good times that they had together, and with his last breath uttered the words: "I'll KF see you later!"
John then began to prepare the bird for consumption. He did not however have all the ingredients for Bryan's super secret KFC bird recipe.
"I'm sure it doesn't matter much!" proclaimed John as he bit into the bird. Little did John know that if the recipe was not complete, the other ingredients would combine to form a deadly compound.
"OH NO, DEADLY MUSTARD GAS!" screamed John as he realized his fatal mistake. John fell to the floor, chocking and coughing up blood. The parakeet began to inflate to tremendous sizes.
'It's probably going to explode!' thought John.
Sure enough, the parakeet ruptured and sent out a deadly wave of mustard gas.
"It's an explosion of flavor!" screamed John as the deadly gust of gas blew him at a trillion miles per hour into the wall. Everything went black.
John awoke several hours later dazed and confused. He looked around and realized that he was no longer in his house. It was the EVIL FOREST.
"Dang this place is dank as fuck." said John as he looked around at the disgusting bullshit covered forest. Then out of nowhere there came out a black african jamaican zebra.
"What's real mah nigga?" said Zebrora the zebra who lives in the evil forest. John stood there shocked at the sight of the hideous creature that stood before him.
"Dang bitch you're black, don't touch me snow hoe!" screamed John as he backhanded the zebra and ran in the opposite direction like a pussy.
"Aw shieeet nigga, im callin' da cops!" screamed the black african zebra. And she called the cops. The pony cops.
Luckily for John they were ponies so he could kick their ass.
He ran into Pony City where he saw that nigga 2pac.
2pac saw john and was all like "dang nigga that be another man"
And john saw 2pac and said "aw shiet its 2pac, the ultimate rapper"
And so john told 2pac he thought he was dead and asked him how he got here and tupac said:
"nigga I never died, I just went 2 pony city"
Then 2pac said "look, biggie is right over there"
And surely enough it was Notorious B.I.G. right there in the flesh.
John nearly had a heart attack becuz he loves rap and those were his favorite rappers.
Then all of a sudden the cops showed up and they all scrambled becuz they're black and john was in trouble.
They didn't realize that they could totally take em cuz they're little pussy azz horses n shit.
"C'mere nigga! I got a hideout" said biggie and 2pac and john followed him.
They went to ghetto ass cottage in the south side of pony city. There was this ugly ass yellow bitch inside called fluttershy (more like buttershy amirite))
Then they ran inside the house and slapped the bitch.
"cmere babeh" said biggie.
Then 2pac and biggie double teamed her becuz she was their bitch.
"Aw shit this is 2 real for me!" said john and he left and went back to looko around pony city.
But then the cops showed up, and John could not run because he had to pee very badly.
"You're done for nigga" said the pony cops
John then realized that they were like half his size and it would be like fighting 9 year olds so he karate chopped them right in the face and killed them.
"Awww shiit" said applejack as he saw the bitches get CHOPPED
"you will pay for this, hyuck!" she said and charged at john
But just as she was about to kick him, he fucking grabbed her leg with one hand and was all like "bitch that's a mistake!" and totally flipped her into like a gas tank and it exploded all cool and fire and shit flew out of it, lighting all the houses on fire.
Then that nigga Twilight Princess showed up.
"you think you're real John?" she said "I show you how we roll in Canterlot"
Then she started trying to stab him and shit with her horn. But John's advanced training allowed him to totally grab her horn and rip it right off.
"ow that hurt" she say as blood sprayed everywhere.
John saw his chance to take her down and totally backflip kicked the bitch and broke her jaw.
Then he tore off her jaw and shoved her horn down, God of War style.
"oh shizzin hizzengar" said the Pink bitch
"fuk you hoe you're fucking annoying and fat and ugly" john said and pulled out his gat and shot her.
The whole city was all up on his grill now, trying to kill him and shit because he killed like 40 people.
Then that bitch raritty showed up.
"oh darling im a fucking hoe stuck up bitch fuck me get fucked"
And she died for no reason.
But then rainbow dash showed up and like flew up into the sky and shit like an airplane.
But john went inside and she couldn't do nothing cuz she was up in the air and he was inside.
So she left, and john took a shit in the house and killed sweety balls.
Then the FINAL BOOS Showed up: SPIKE THE DINOSAUR
And spike was like a turbo t-rex and he like swiped aat john and roared and bit him and shit, but john used his defense mechanism that releases poison from his butthole.
"I will poison you, asshole, and your asshole!" and the spike died.
But the the REAL BOSS showed up and it was Princess Sunshine that controlled the sun.
"oh shit he will kill us all, I must drop us the suhn" and she started doing it
Luckily for john he watched some real azz anime (dbz) and he turned SUPER SAIYAN 4.
"omg he is 2 powerful!" said sunshiner
And John did like a turbo super bomb kamehameha turbo lazer blaseter flasher and destroyed the whole plannet and flew off to his next adventure.
But then the world started fading away into blackness.
Suddenly john woke up back in his house.
"gee willackers, it was all a dream" he said as he stood up and saw his dead bird.
"oh no, peanut!"
Then realized he was gay and he killed his bird so he killed himself.
The End.