Paige quietly clears the last of the plastic cups from the counter and looks around the lake house. Quiet. Empty. Like nothing had ever happened, almost back to the way it was before. The girls, well all except for Emily, had left shortly after the ambulance. The rest of the guests trickled out after them. Emily had been quiet, "tired," she said, and after a short conversation about what had happened to Jenna, she wordlessly climbed into bed. So here she was, tidying the house, sweeping up the remnants of the party. She couldn't sleep, or pretend to sleep, or whatever Emily was doing, but she could do this; keeping her hands busy to quiet other things. As she places the last few cups and napkins in the trash she notices Spencer's handbag on the couch. Left, apparently, in her rush to sleuth. Paige puts on the table by the front door, in case she stopped by later to grab it.
There was really nothing left to do, but she didn't want to go back upstairs, she couldn't. She gently picks up the framed picture of her and Emily laying on the counter by Emily's purse. She wished she was able to see Emily's face when Aria had given it to her. Was she happy, angry, regretful...anything? Anything but silent, Paige hoped. They were so happy in that picture, in that little world where Emily was Paige's everything; her best friend, her partner, her lover. The person who pushed her more than anyone ever had, the one she was willing to fight for harder and more persistently than anyone she had ever met, the one who she loved, who taught her to love. The one who made her feel whole, who showed her how to be more than the scared, angry girl who lashed out at the ones she loved. The one who made her feel special, like she was worth something, like she deserved to be that happy.
But it hadn't been enough, nothing had been enough to keep that world going. Being a shoulder to cry on, helping Emily with the loss of her first love. That hadn't been enough; Emily was still hurting in ways Paige didn't know how to fix. Being Batman hadn't worked; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep Emily safe. She had gotten herself kidnapped, and wasn't even with Emily the night that she hurt her shoulder. She had even failed at being Emily's rock, all the support she had given, how hard she had fought for the both of them, and..nothing. Quiet and alone and nothing. She couldn't do anything right.
Everything breaks then, holding that memory of a world that had existed for far too fleeting of a moment. Of course they wouldn't be together next year. Paige would be off at Stanford and Emily would be..somewhere else, meeting someone new. Someone better. A better comforting shoulder, a better Batman, a better rock. Someone who could actually get something, anything right.
She doesn't notice she is crying until the small droplets appear on the glass of the frame. Her legs give out soon after that, leaving her to clumsily slide down to the floor clutching desperately at that fading memory. It was over, or at least ending, fading away, slipping through her hands. And she knew, knew deep down that once it was over, once the last goodbyes were said, she'd never get it back. And she'd be alone.
She doesn't hear the door open. Doesn't hear the soft footsteps approaching. Barely registers the soft hand on her shoulder.
"Paige?"
"Spencer?" Paige blinks, confused.
"I came back to get my bag, what..." Spencer falters as she gently rubs Paige's shoulder. "What happened?"
"Emily...she...she said..and now she's not even talking to me.." Paige couldn't finish. The tears were falling too hard, too fast. The room was spinning. Spencer waits. Watching for a break, a calm, a moment long enough to get Paige settled on the couch, more comfortable. When she could, when Paige was ready, she sets the picture Paige was holding on the coffee table, and takes out a small packet of Kleenex out of her purse and sets it next to the frame.
"What happened." She repeats.
"My birthday gift to Emily." Paige sniffles, "it was a meeting with a swim coach, like a really famous swim coach."
"And? She didn't like it?"
"It didn't work. I tried so hard to get that appointment, I even fudged a little on her injury to get him to see her," Paige pauses as Spencer lightly shakes her head, "but she said it wouldn't work, that he couldn't get her ready for next year."
"So no scholarship?"
"No scholarship, no Stanford," Paige lets out a strangled sob out "no us!"
"What do you mean, what did Emily say?"
"That we wouldn't be together next year!" Paige breaks again, sobbing into her hands. Spencer waits until she calms a little then gently passes the tissues to her. Paige dabs her eyes and weakly blows her nose.
"And why is that, why do you think she said that?" Spencer asks calmly
"Because I'll be 3000 miles away at fucking Stanford! 3,000 miles away for 4 years while she's," Paige pauses for a second trying to get her voice under control, "she's somewhere else, meeting new friends, finding someone who can be there for her, protect her, care for her. Who she can build a life with." Paige finishes, curling up into herself.
"And you?"
"Can't even do that now." Paige interrupts closing her eyes and desperately wishing Spencer wasn't there. She wanted to be alone. She needed practice.
"Paige," Spencer began, her voice soft.
"It doesn't matter, she's always deserved better, you know that," Paige mumbles softly, almost inaudibly, as she pulls away from Spencer's gaze more.
A few moments later Spencer breaks the silence.
"Paige," She says forcefully, hoping to get a reaction out of the girl curled up across from her.
Silence.
"Paige," Spencer repeats, "look at me."
Paige looks up slightly, her watery eyes meeting Spencer's. Spencer looks at her with a hard, piercing gaze, but also, somehow...soft? With a touch of familiarity, like Spencer saw in her eyes something she knew, that she recognized.
"You can't let her do that to you," Spencer said, after a long pause.
"What?" Paige started.
"All that doubt, that self-hatred, that 'she deserves better?' That's what made the scared, angry little girl who lashed out at everyone, including those she loved. Who hurt people, hurt my best friend, because pushing people away was easier than being with them. Who I didn't want anywhere near my Emily..." Paige curls tighter, flinching at the memory.
"But," Spencer pauses "I don't know that girl anymore. The Paige I know is a loving, kind, strong, proud girl who absolutely deserves Emily's love." Spencer let out a small smile "even if Emily is too stupid to fight for it right now."
"But she's right," Paige sighs roughly "A 3,000 mile, 4 year, long distance relationship, that's a fairy tale." She finishes bitterly.
"Yeah, you might be right, we don't always get what we want, we don't always win." Spencer takes a breath and glances down, "The universe is a finicky little bastard."
It's barely there, but Spencer hears it, a small chuckle from Paige.
"But," Spencer continues, "that is no reason to throw everything away for some girl."
"Emily is not just some girl!" Paige fights back, raising her voice.
"But she's not the only one" Spencer looks at Paige, "I know you love her, and some part of you might always love her, but your life certainly doesn't end with her." Spencer puts both of her hands on the coffee table, looking Paige in the eyes, "you have a wonderful thing with Emily, and you have a right to cherish every last moment with her, to fight as long and as hard as you can to keep her, but the absolute worst thing you can do." Spencer pauses, "the worst thing you can do is to thrown it all away, turn your back on everything you've become just because it ends. You can't go back to being that scared, angry little girl who doesn't believe she's worthy of love. Because you are. Yeah, Emily might go off somewhere and find someone who makes her happy, but so could you. You could find someone at Stanford who can be there for you, protect you, care for you. Who you can build a life with. You deserve it, all of it, just as much as Emily does."
"But I don't want some girl, I want Emily!" Paige pleads.
"I know," Spencer sighs heavily, "and yeah, there won't be another Emily, but there will be another girl, many other girls, who can make you feel happy and safe and loved. As long as you let them. As long as you let yourself believe that you deserve it."
Paige sits there quietly, sniffling.
"I hope, I really really hope, you find a way to make you and Emily work, but if it doesn't, please, please don't ruin the memory. Don't make it be about the only girl who could ever love you. Make it be about a beautiful girl who gave you some of the best years of your life. Who helped you come out, who you shared your hopes and dreams with, who laughed with you, cried with you ,and helped make you into a person I'm glad to call my friend." Spencer finishes, and lets the room descend into silence once more.
"Thank you," Paige says after a while, wiping her nose on a tissue.
"Are you ok? I can stay if you want," Spencer asks, showing Paige a look of genuine concern.
"I'm fine," Paige sniffles, "I know you probably didn't plan on spending your night watching me blubber on like this, and I better get to bed anyway."
"Are you sure?" Spencer asks again.
"I'm ok, it still hurts, I still need to talk to Emily, but," Paige pauses to flash a small smile at Spencer, "a little bit less like the end of the world."
Spencer sees the hurt lingering in Paige's eyes, hears the fear and sadness undercutting the words, but gives her a reassuring smile back.
"If you ever need anything," Spencer gets up and gives Paige a light hug, "I'm here."
"Thank you Spencer," Paige says as she returns the hug, "really, thank you."
Spencer nods as she gets up and walks to the door. As she places her hand on the handle she turns back to Paige, and to the picture of her and Emily laying on the coffee table.
"Whatever happens, I want you to be able to look at that picture in 4 years and smile."