You are nowhere near
The Village of Konoha is under attack. The enemy strikes silently and at will.
Umino Iruka finds himself reminded of the times his parents got killed, 14 years ago.
Might there be a relation? In teaming up with Hatake Kakashi on Tsunade's order,
Iruka finds someone as willing as himself to find the perpetrator... and someone as willing
as himself to leave the past behind. But can they make it?...
Chapter 1
There's a saying in Konoha that's been taught to the children ever since the village was founded by the First and Second Hokage many years ago; a saying that had found its way to a plate now hanging in the hallway of the entrance of the Konoha Shinobi Academy. That saying goes, "Fight fiercely and you will be feared. Fight considerately and you will be followed." The writing on the plate has become old and weathered, and the metal into which it was engraved no longer looks as shiny as it did back in the old days. Still, whenever he passed by the plate on one of his many visits to the Academy, he would stop there for a moment to read it. As much as he believed in the truth of being "considerate to be followed", he wondered what became of the memory of those who died too young to be able to show their true qualities in battle, who died too young to be leaders. Many of them deserved it, he thought. It was certain that each of them was missed by those they left behind. By friends, or family... and sometimes both.
The rain was falling hard on the ground, little white splashes of water exploding on the surface of the stone memorial. The air was thick and heavy and moist, as usual when a thunderstorm hit the Country of Fire, and the person underneath the umbrella was wrapped in thick clothing, protecting him from the rain. The hands that were clenching the handle of the umbrella were not shaking from the cold, though. In all those years that Hatake Kakashi had come here to visit the memorial of his friend Obito, not once had he allowed himself the freedom to succumb to the weather changes: heat, cold, or rain. Even now, his gaze was focussed on the black monument in front of him, and it was hard to tell whether he realized it was raining at all. As always, he didn't remember how long he had been standing at that exact spot when he finally realized that a lot of time had passed, and it was time to return to the village.
Kakashi went forward and touched the monument with his right hand, the other still holding the umbrella. Then, after muttering some words that were drowned out by the rain, he turned around and went down the path that lead back to Konoha, its streets illuminated by the shops and restaurants serving those who were on their way home after finishing their days' work.
Uzumaki Naruto, one of the young shinobi of Konoha, was impatiently drumming his fingers on the counter inside the Ichiraku Ramen stand.
"Ah, I can't wait anymore! Ojisan, please give me the miso ramen with roast pork and egg, and make it big, I'm starving!"
"Alright, alright, Naruto, just a second."
Naruto had already started eating and was delightedly chewing on a slice of pork when the curtains were drawn aside and someone entered, slightly out of breath. Naruto didn't look up from his meal, but instead shouted "Iruka-sensei, you're late!" while eyeing the half of an egg swimming on top of some noodles, ready to attack it with his chopsticks.
"You're right, Naruto. I'm very sorry. I'll treat you for that."
Umino Iruka sat down next to Naruto, breathing out and then looking at his former pupil, breaking into a smile. Naruto, you've already finished half of your meal. Couldn't you have waited for me? It's been a while since both of us had the time to have a meal together, now that you're a full-grown shinobi and out of the village on missions all the time. I take the same, thank you." Iruka said to the owner behind the counter.
"Ah, Iruka-sensei, I'd waited so long for you already, and I was starving, gomen. You're almost like Kakashi-sensei, always so late." Putting the bowl of soup to his mouth with a grin on his face, Naruto drank the last of the broth and then shouted, "Ojisan, one more!"
Iruka turned to Naruto and looked at the fourteen year old boy next to him, a little startled.
"What did you just say, Naruto?"
"Eh, me?" Naruto looked up from his second helping of miso and pork ramen, trying to remember what he had just said.
"Nothing, Iruka-sensei, I just said I was so hungry that I couldn't wait any longer."
"Ah... okay then... let's eat." Iruka smiled, took up his chopsticks and started eating, and soon enough their conversation was filled with the exchange of news, and Naruto talked all about the missions that took him all over the Country of Fire these days.
That night, when Iruka arrived home and lit the lights inside his apartment after closing the door behind him, he couldn't help but smile thinking about how much Naruto had grown since they had been teacher and student back in the old days. Soon Naruto would be a chuunin like he was, Iruka thought as he took off his vest and forehead protector in the hallway. Soon Naruto would be an adult shinobi, pursuing his dreams even more intently to become the future Hokage of Konoha and soon, yes soon... Naruto wouldn't need him anymore. Iruka shut off the lights at the entrance and walked down the hallway towards his bedroom.
For the next two hours, before finally turning off the lights at his bedside and slowly dozing off to sleep, Iruka lay on his back watching the light's reflection on his ceiling and thinking, his heart beating steadily but a little faster than usual. It struck him as odd. This wasn't the first time—he felt something was troubling him lately. But it was something he couldn't put his finger on.
I love being a teacher. It's what I wanted to be since the first day I entered the academy. So my dream really has come true. I've seen mediocre students become wonderful shinobi (ha ha, Naruto)... Some have surpassed me now. This is my happiness, to see them grow up and become strong and yes, even no longer dependent on me. So why... What is this feeling? The feeling that some... thing is missing...that something's not right...
Often these days, he found himself thinking of his mother and father, the way they were 14 years ago in those last days before they died. He remembered the last time he saw them; the village in an uproar while the Nine Tails was attacking. His mother had ordered him to stay at home.
"Iruka, you stay here, close the door behind us. And don't go out. I forbid you to go out, do you understand me?" His mother's expression had been fierce, yet he had noticed the despair in her eyes at having to leave her child behind this way.
"Yes, mom, I understand".
His father gave him a long hug and kissed him before they left.
"We'll be right back, son. Don't worry."
The last images that Iruka remembered of his parents were of them holding hands as they ran down the hallway to the entrance of the house, looking into each other's eyes, and then disappearing from sight as they hurried down the stairs. The sight of both of them, holding hands and exchanging a last glance, was one that was burned into his memory forever and tonight, again, the memory seemed more vivid than ever. So vivid it hurts, he thought, but there was nothing he could do about it. And while the sky outside lightened up and dawn was already approaching, Iruka fell asleep.
The morning air was still cold when Nara Shikamaru closed the door behind him and stepped onto the empty street in front of his house to leave for Tsunade-sama's office. The fifth Hokage had called all the jounin and some of the chuunin to her office that morning for a conference on how to deal with some incidents that had happened the week before along the border to the Country of Rain.
Shikamaru scratched his head, yawning, the sun blinding him as he walked up the street towards the Hokage's headquarters.
"Man, this is so troublesome, it's far too early. I didn't even have breakfast yet."
Entering the main street, Shikamaru saw someone standing in front of a fruit stand that hadn't opened yet, holding up a book and reading. He was mumbling to himself while adjusting his forehead protector with his free hand. Shikamaru only got bits and pieces of what the person was saying. It sounded something like "She's gonna kill me if I'm late. I can't be late this time... Just one more page, then I'm really off..."
"Kakashi-sensei. Good morning! You're off to Godaime's office as well?"
Kakashi looked up from his book, a little surprised, as if he hadn't expected to meet anyone else this early.
"Ah, Shikamaru of the Naras. Good morning. Yes, I'm off to Godaime's office as well. Er... what time is it, exactly?"
Shikamaru smirked. Kakashi joined him and both walked further up the road, towards the big stone monument overlooking Konoha village under which the Hokage's office was located.
"It's twenty past seven. No need to hurry, there's still enough time. The meeting isn't until eight."
"Eh, really?"
Kakashi looked surprised, and after a pause he scratched his head. It seemed he was pondering something.
"Um, Shikamaru-kun, I just realized I forgot something. Would you mind walking the rest of the way alone? I'll be meeting you at the conference later then."
"Ah, okay, Kakashi-sensei..."
Before Shikamaru was able to finish his sentence, Kakashi had already vanished in a small cloud of smoke, true shinobi style.
"So troublesome, isn't it? That guy always comes and goes in such a flashy way..." Shikamaru grinned and turned around, continuing the walk to Tsunade-sama's offices.
It was a quarter to eight when Umino Iruka arrived in front of the Hokage's headquarters, his steps steady but a little slower than usual. He stopped next to the stairs that led up the office. Iruka didn't feel too well, and he realized those nights with only few hours of sleep were starting to get to him. He then took a look at his watch. Since there were still a few minutes left, he decided to sit on the stairs for a moment before going up.
"It can't be helped, Iruka", he said to himself, shaking his head, "there's no way you can go on like this." While he was pondering whether he should ask Tsunade-sama for some medication that would at least enable him to sleep at night, Iruka closed his eyes and held his face up towards the sun. There was a soft scent in the air and the sound of birds chirping in the trees above him. The morning seemed peaceful... almost too peaceful. And that's when he realized that he was not alone.
He opened his eyes. The street in front of him was empty. There was no sound now aside from the wind in the trees... And yet, the silence was deceiving. He knew someone was there.
Iruka looked up, and in a tree in front of him he recognized the familiar figure of a silver-haired man of around thirty, squatting on a limb. One hand held a book, and the other was raised in greeting as their eyes met.
"Yo!"
"Kakashi-senpai, it's you. I thought I was hallucinating for a moment." Iruka gave a sigh of relief, laughing.
Kakashi jumped down from the tree and sat down on the stairs next to Iruka.
"I'm very sorry, Iruka-sensei. I didn't mean to surprise you like that. My bad."
Iruka shook his head.
"No, that's okay, Kakashi-senpai. Don't worry, I was just... But, why are you here already?" Iruka turned around and looked at the older man, mildly astonished.
"Aha! You mean why am I not late this time?" Kakashi answered, a guilty expression on his face.
Both men laughed.
"Actually, that isn't what I was going to ask," Iruka said, smiling. "I was just wondering why you were here and not waiting up in Tsunade-sama's office with the others, you know..."
"Ah, I see." Kakashi paused for a while. Both of them watched a bird land a few feet in front of them, pick up some straw, and fly away again.
Kakashi kicked a stone that he had spotted on the ground, and it made a slight clicking noise as it bounced off the wall of the Hokage's headquarters. "For the same reason as you, don't you think, Iruka-sensei? Sometimes it's just nicer to spend a few minutes alone, in quiet. I guess that's why."
Iruka glanced over at him. Kakashi wasn't looking at him, but stared into the distance, smiling.
"Hm, maybe you're right."
"How is Naruto doing? I haven't seen him since we got back from our last mission to the Village of Sand. I heard you were supposed to meet him for dinner yesterday?"
"Ha, well..." Iruka laughed. "You know what he's like. When I arrived at the ramen stand, Naruto had already finished his first bowl and was screaming for more. He will never change."
"I guess you're right about that. But you know what? There's no need for him to change. He's a good boy. You raised him well." Kakashi smiled.
"It wasn't really me who raised him after all, you know... it's more like..."
"Well, he sees you as his surrogate father, more or less... Doesn't that mean that you've had at least some influence on him? Don't be so humble about that, Iruka-sensei."
There was a moment of silence before a breeze shook the tree branches above them.
"Well, I guess it's time. We'd better go now." Kakashi said, jumping to his feet, as he stowed away his copy of Icha Icha Dream Vacation in his pocket.
"Hm," Iruka muttered. He got up and passed by Kakashi as both men slowly walked up the stairs to Tsunade-sama's office.
Kakashi noticed that his last remark had done something to Umino Iruka. The smile he had seen just a moment before had been suddenly wiped off the teacher's lips. His expression had become stern and serious. Kakashi followed the younger man up the stairs, and for a moment he felt the urge to ask him whether he had said something wrong, as it seemed he had. Pondering for a while, he decided against it. Sometimes, some things were better left unspoken, and after all, Kakashi felt it was neither the time nor the place to ask Iruka-sensei if he was okay.
Chapter 2
A group of men and women had already gathered in the fifth Hokage's office when Iruka and Kakashi arrived there. Tsunade sat behind her desk, watching the last of the shinobi enter the room.
"Alright, quiet everyone! Please close the door, Shikamaru!"
Kakashi sat down on a table near the front window while Iruka went to Tsunade-sama's desk to sit down there (a place that was given to him by Tsunade herself, as he was the main teacher of the young shinobi at the Konoha academy).
When Iruka went to the front without looking at him and sat down next to Tsunade, Kakashi followed the younger man with his eyes. He couldn't help but noticing a strange feeling in his stomach as he did, which had something to do with the encounter they just had had on the stairs outside.
How could it be that the young and popular Iruka-sensei, whom all the children admired and all the other shinobi teachers at the academy only spoke well of, looked so lonely at times? For Kakashi it was normal to be like that: to be on his own, take care of his team, take care of his own. He didn't expect someone else to do that for him, nor did he ever really think about it. But Iruka... he shouldn't be like that. He didn't even know whether the younger teacher had a girlfriend. They rarely talked about stuff like that, since basically they almost entirely talked about work related things or exchanged a few words when they met at the Ichiraku Ramen stand. But since he had never seen him with a woman, Kakashi guessed there was no one. It wasn't really fair for someone who always took care of others the way Iruka-sensei did to be alone like that. But well, Kakashi thought, looking outside the window where the sun was slowly rising, it can't be helped, can it?
Some people have their family surrounding them, some spend their life alone, some die when they're young. Just in sight, a few hundred meters away, he could see the graveyard where all the people he had ever cared about were lying now. His mother, who had died when he was too young to remember anything about her, and his father, who had taken his own life when Kakashi had been just a little boy. Rin, his old teammate, who had been killed on a mission several years ago when a kunai hit her in the back. And Obito, his best friend, who had died defending Kakashi and Rin many years earlier, and whose memory Kakashi was reminded of every day when he was looking in the mirror. Obito had given one of his Sharingan eyes to Kakashi to be transplanted into his body when Kakashi had lost his own and Obito was lying on the ground dying. A rock had smashed one half of his body while he was fighting against their enemies, defending his friends.
Not a day had passed since this incident that Kakashi hadn't gone to visit the stone memorial where Obito's name was engraved along with many other names of shinobi that had died in battles. And not a day had passed that he didn't morn the loss of his best friend that he couldn't save back then. Sometimes the pain was barely noticeable, like a small stitch that itched only when he thought of it, and sometimes it hit him full force when he woke up at night from nightmares in which he tried to grab Obito's hand to pull him out, but instead saw him being smashed by the rocks, over and over again, while Obito was calling his name. Those were the nights that he grabbed one of the books on his shelf and read until morning, as he was afraid to fall asleep again.
When Rin was still alive, she and Kakashi spent a lot of time together after the incident that killed Obito. When they got older, the village soon heard rumors about both of them being more than just friends and teammates. Rin had been very pretty, Kakashi remembered. Her hair had been sable-colored, and her skin light. Her smile was bright and happy, even after Obito's death. He remembered the long walks they took together, often talking about their common friend and teammate and how they remembered him.
Kakashi didn't completely understand the nature of his feelings for Rin and whether they surpassed those of a deep friendship, but he knew he really cared about her—after all, he had promised Obito that he would take care of her, and he intended to fulfill his promise.
He remembered a particular day when he and Rin were out in the woods, and Rin had been quiet for quite a while as they were walking along. That's when he suddenly decided to ask her to marry him.
Rin didn't look surprised, much to his surprise, and didn't answer immediately. Instead, she looked at the sky and smiled her typical smile, a little less brightly than usual maybe.
"Kakashi," she said, looking at him, "whatever promise you have given to Obito, you have no obligations towards me."
"I know, but that's not it." Kakashi said, looking at the girl with a confused expression on his face. He hadn't been aware that Rin knew about the promise he had given to Obito, but that wasn't why he'd asked her. "That's not it."
"Oh, it isn't?" Rin said, and leaned against a tree. She didn't look at Kakashi, who was still watching her. "So you do love me?" she said, now turning his head towards him.
Kakashi didn't answer right away, but instead was trying to grasp what she meant. How could she ask him a question like that? Why would he ask her to marry him if he didn't have special feelings for her?
"Yes, of course I do. I care for you, very much so."
Rin smiled and stared at the sky again. Then she sat down on the grass underneath the tree and looked at him.
"Kakashi, do you think Obito would want the two of us to marry? Is that why you're asking?"
"What do you mean, Rin? I don't understand."
Kakashi sat down in front of her. They both looked at each other. And then, again, Rin showed her bright smile and shook her head.
"It's not me you want to marry, Kakashi. I am not the one you're looking for."
Kakashi picked up a stick and poked the earth with it. Now it was he who shook his head. "I really don't understand, Rin. I always thought... you know... that you had certain feelings for me. I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry."
Rin laughed and laid one of her hands on Kakashi's knee. He thought he saw a trace of sadness in her eyes, yet he didn't really understand why.
"Some day you will find someone that you really wanna be with—a person you love and wanna take care of. But that person isn't me. Even if you don't understand it now, you will understand it later."
Kakashi didn't look at her, but kept on poking the earth with the stick in his hands. Then he threw it away. He didn't know what to say. His mind had gone blank.
"Believe me. You're a bright boy, Kakashi; you will realize when you find that person that I would never have been the one to make you happy. And you should be happy. Because that is what Obito would have wanted you to be, don't you think?"
Her hand on his knee shook slightly. When Kakashi looked up, he saw a tear running down Rin's face, and his heart hurt watching her like this. He took her hand, and both of them sat there underneath the tree until the sun began to set, neither of them saying a word.
After that day, Kakashi didn't see Rin very often. She got transferred to another team and eventually married another shinobi a few years later. When she got killed, he attended her funeral and watched her husband and her little daughter cry at her grave. He was feeling numb that day, number than ever.
After the ceremony was over, he had gone to Obito's memorial stone and had sat down in front of it. See? I couldn't protect her, Obito. I failed, once again. While I do my job and guard whoever pays for it, I can't even help those important to me... I know I tried to protect her, but she wouldn't let me. Now there's no one left, is there? Everyone's gone now. Forgive me, Obito, but it seems I couldn't keep my promise...
Kakashi remembered how he had returned to his apartment that day, thinking of his father and how he had committed suicide after returning from a mission that had failed because he had decided to save his friends instead of completing it. On that particular night, the thought of killing himself was an urge that he was barely able to overcome. In the end he didn't do it, though. The only thing that was left in his life was being a shinobi now, and protecting those inside the village. And he felt obliged to pursue that, until the bitter end. No matter how bad he felt, he wouldn't allow his emotions to get the better of him. He couldn't save Obito, and he couldn't save Rin. But he owed it to both of them to not give up what all of them had become shinobi for. If that meant for him to spend the rest of his life alone to pursue his goal, he accepted it. But he would never, ever lose an important friend, or someone that he was supposed to be protecting, again. Never again.
Kakashi looked up from the graveyard outside and noticed that Tsunade had already started talking. Everybody was listening to her attentively, since the rumors that had spread about what had happened had been serious and alarming.
"Everyone, listen! Many of you probably already heard what happened, but let me tell it again for those of you who haven't. The Country of Rain officially asked for our help a few days ago, since many of their guards disappeared or got killed recently while patrolling the border to the Country of Stone. The Hokage of the Hidden Village of Rock has released a statement denying any involvement of the country's shinobi in those incidents, and so far there has been no reason to doubt that. Yet this presents us with a difficulty." The expression on Tsunade's face was more serious than ever, Kakashi noticed. It seemed what had happened was really not to be taken lightly.
"Our biggest problem at the moment is that we don't know who we are up against. As you know, there are several of our people who were guarding the border to the Country of Rain missing as well. It seems as if whoever is responsible for that is already in our territory. So we have to be very alert as long as we don't know what's going on. Upon consultation with the shinobi of the Country of Rain, I have come to following conclusion: we will send more teams to the border to investigate the incidents. And further, we will have a few teams patrolling the village at night, since the last person who disappeared, Hakuri, was found dead a few days ago not far away from the village, as you all might remember."
There was whispering among those present. It seemed the situation was worse than many had imagined, Kakashi noticed. He himself had known of the incidents, but hadn't been aware of their magnitude. It seemed that the seemingly peaceful last months had been deceiving after all.
"Questions anyone? No? Okay, that's all for now then. Kakashi, Iruka, would you come to me for a second please?"
Kakashi stood up along with Iruka, who turned around, and both men gathered in front of Tsunade.
"Kakashi, as the highest ranking jounin, I want you to be in charge of organizing the patrols inside and outside the city. You choose the teams and have them sent to their assigned locations. Iruka, I want you to assist with that. Is that okay?"
They both nodded.
Tsunade sighed. "Ah, where's the old geezer when we need him? Have either of you heard anything about Jiraiya yet?"
"Last time I saw him was when he was still in the Village of Sand, helping the Kazekage Gaara in building the new Shinobi Academy there. But he doesn't seem to be there anymore, since we already sent for him and were told that he left there two weeks ago. We don't know where he is at the moment," Kakashi said, shaking his head.
"That idiot Jiraiya. Oh well, it can't be helped, I guess. Ok, I'll leave the two of you in charge, as I have something important to do. I will be awaiting your report on the teams tomorrow."
Kakashi noticed the newspaper with the betting results on Tsunade's desk next to a bottle of sake, but it was better not to mention it. One thing he had learned about her since she became Hokage was that it was better not to argue with her, as one of her fists was able to knock a grown man off his feet. And as the woman in charge, she would take gruesome revenge for any criticism by giving out missions like cleaning the elementary school's bathrooms if she was put in a particularly bad mood—which was the case if someone kept her from spending quality time with her drinks and various other distractions.
Tsunade looked at Kakashi, and then at Iruka. "That's it. You may go."
"Right... We're off then, I guess," Kakashi said, turning on his heels and heading for the door. Iruka followed him out, closing the door behind them.
There was a moment of silence when both of them stood in the hallway. Then Kakashi broke it by giving out a few precise orders. "Iruka, I want you to check which of the older pupils of the academy might be able to help patrol at night, since we barely have enough experienced teams inside the village at the moment. I will make a plan for the next few days; I have all the lists of available teams at home. Please hand me a list by this afternoon."
"Okay." Iruka nodded.
"Good. Then I'll be off now."
"Okay."
Kakashi went to turn around but stopped in his movements. "Err, thank you, Iruka..."
Iruka looked back at him. Then he nodded.
Both men exchanged a last glance and then parted in different directions.
Chapter 3
It was early afternoon when Kakashi sat at his desk in his living room, brooding over papers that included the various teams that were available for planning at present. He had decided to have at least two teams patrolling the village at night, one experienced and maybe one lesser experienced, since there weren't as many experienced teams available as he wished. Still, the task ended up being more difficult than he had hoped.
It was making things worse that he didn't know anything about the folks they were up against. He hated the thought of sending inexperienced genin shinobi from the academy, aged twelve to sixteen, towards an uncertain enemy. But as things were standing it seemed he didn't have a choice.
He took a sip of tea and looked at the picture at his bedside of himself, Rin, and Obito, with Yondaime, the fourth Hokage, standing behind them as their team leader. Next to it he had the picture of Team Seven: Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, and himself as the team leader. It was strange how those pictures resembled each other... and how the people in those pictures looked alike. Obito had been a member of the Uchiha clan, just like Sasuke. They were not particularly similar-looking, yet their eyes were the same. Sasuke... Another one he hadn't been able to save. Sasuke had joined Orochimaru, who was in hiding at the moment.
What had hurt Kakashi even more than loosing one of his pupils like that was seeing how desperate Naruto and Sakura had been when they couldn't stop Sasuke from leaving. Especially Naruto... He had almost lost his life trying to get Sasuke back two and a half years ago at the Valley of the End. Kakashi had brought Naruto back to the village afterwards, and noticed the despair that Naruto felt when he was admitted to the hospital after what must have been a gruesome fight with Sasuke at the waterfall. That despair reminded him of what he felt upon losing Obito; Naruto was just like him in that respect. He had grown older now, and was more mature since returning to the village with Jiraiya, who had been training him for the last two and a half years, but still, all he talked about was getting Sasuke back.
Kakashi, just like Sasuke, had no one close to him to fight for anymore. He had always understood why Sasuke's main goal was to go after his brother Itachi, who was responsible for the killing of the Uchiha clan. He understood that it was something Sasuke needed to do. But having Sasuke fall victim to Orochimaru and join his forces... That was something he wished by all means he could have prevented. If only he had been present when Sasuke left the village and been able to stop him, Sakura wouldn't have suffered as she had. And Naruto wouldn't have suffered as he had. There was nothing known about Sasuke's whereabouts these days. Whenever Naruto was ready for it, Kakashi would join him to help him get Sasuke back. Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto... The old Team Seven...
He looked at the clock. It was already ten past three, and he needed to get on with his planning, so he shook off those thoughts and focused on his work. He was the one in charge, and he had to take responsibility for a lot of people, so the least he could do was to give his task the highest attention possible. And the priority for the task was to secure the village while putting as few teams in danger as possible. He started writing down a schedule system on a sheet of paper before him while the afternoon sun now fell through his curtains.
Some time later, when he had just made a schedule for Gai's team (including Lee, Tenten and Neji), and had just had another sip of tea, there was a loud knock on the door.
It took him by surprise, and he spilled a little of the green tea across his desk.
That must be Iruka, of course... What the hell am I doing here? He looked at the tea stains on some of the blank papers and dried the spots with his sleeve.
Before he could say, "Come in," the door opened and Naruto entered, wearing an excited expression on his face. He blurted out immediately, "Kakashi-sensei, is it really true? Are the Akatsuki coming to attack the village? Or is it maybe Orochimaru who's behind it? I just heard it from Shikamaru...!"
"Naruto, first of all, calm down. And please don't come bursting in like that unless you want to give me a heart attack—and I'm far too young for that. We don't know yet who's behind it."
Naruto bent over and put his arms on his knees. He was out of breath from running.
"I'm sorry Kakashi-sensei, I didn't mean to give you a heart attack; I didn't even know you had a heart, after all." Kakashi looked up, perplexed, right into Naruto's grinning face.
"Just a joke, Kakashi-sensei, just a joke. Don't look at me like that, I wasn't serious." He patted the older man's shoulder in a friendly manner, and then he sat on the bed next to the table. "Hm, so we don't know yet who's behind it." Naruto looked disappointed, and Kakashi knew why.
Every bit of information about either Orochimaru or Akatsuki would have meant getting closer to Sasuke as well. Kakashi felt for Naruto. Both of them sat there silently for a few minutes, not saying anything.
"Um, Kakashi-sensei... Can I ask you something?"
"Hm? What is it?"
Naruto looked around the apartment, thinking. Then he looked at Kakashi with a curious expression on his face. "It's something I wanted to ask you before, but I thought you might get angry at me or something..."
"Go ahead, Naruto."
"Um, I was wondering... you know... I wondered why you're living all alone, Kakashi-sensei..."
Again, Kakashi looked at Naruto, perplexed. He didn't know why, but somehow this conversation had taken a really strange turn. "Now what exactly do you mean by that, Naruto?"
"It's just... I was talking to Sakura today, and she said that people wanna marry when they're older or find someone to live with, even if they don't wanna marry, because that's common sense and everybody does it. But then I thought that many of the older shinobi are not married—like you, or Asuma-sensei, or Ero-senn–I mean, Jiraiya-sensei, or even Iruka-sensei... Um, so I wondered why..."
Kakashi took a deep breath. "So you have been talking to Sakura..." Kakashi sighed.
No wonder Naruto was confused; girls his age were usually ahead of the boys when it came to questions like that, and Sakura was a particularly tough case.
"Hm, Naruto, actually, that's difficult. As you know, being a shinobi is a dangerous job. People go on missions and some of them die or get hurt, so they probably feel this isn't something they'd want to involve a partner in. It's... hm... how can I say it..."
"Lonely...?" Naruto looked at his hands. "I mean, isn't it, Kakashi-sensei? It seems lonely to me, to not have a family and to always be on your own."
Kakashi's heart had skipped a beat when Naruto said that, but he tried not to show his surprise. "Actually, I meant to say something else. But yes, Naruto, it can be lonely at times. But that's the way it is, there's no way a–"
"Haven't you ever been in love with someone?" Naruto now had his hands on his knees, and his voice sounded so sad and serious that Kakashi actually felt a cold sensation running down his spine. He didn't understand what had inspired this conversation, but it seemed that Naruto was dead serious about it.
Kakashi hesitated for a while, thinking. There were only two people in his life that he thought he had loved—if love was the right word for it. He didn't know whether a word existed for what he had felt. But since both of them were dead, it probably didn't matter anymore.
"Yes, I loved someone, Naruto, a long time ago. But when we love someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that we wanna marry them. Sometimes we love our friends the same way, because they are important people to us."
"I don't understand this, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto was watching his feet on the ground, shaking his head. "I know I'm still young, but I don't understand why some of the girls make such a fuss over boys, but treat their best friends very badly. I mean, I think when you love someone, it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl, does it? Because when you love that person, you don't care about that, right?"
For a moment Kakashi didn't know what to say. Naruto posing these questions... What exactly was he getting at...?
"Sometimes, Naruto, things are not that easy. You're right in general, but sometimes it's more difficult than that..."
"You mean, because we can't marry our friends, ne, Kakashi-sensei? Like Sakura and Ino. I mean, Sakura loves Ino, and she's her friend, but they cannot marry. Or like Chouji and Shikamaru. Or like, hm... you and Iruka-sensei. Or like me and Konohamaru... or... or..."
Kakashi looked at the young boy next to him, startled. Then his expression became serious. "That's right, Naruto. Because men marry women and women marry men. That's how it is."
"Hm, that's strange, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto was still looking at the ground. "Maybe I don't understand it so well, but I think some women would rather like to marry a woman and some men would rather like to marry a man, wouldn't they? Because they like them more. So even if they can't marry, they still wanna be together because they like each other, and I think that's only normal. I don't know why some people make such a fuss about that..."
Just seconds ago, Naruto had looked like the old Naruto to Kakashi: the boy who practiced sexy no jutsu to grotesque perfection and bragged about how many cups of ramen he could eat per day. Now suddenly Kakashi realized that Naruto had grown a lot since those days. He was a young man now, with his own thoughts and opinions. He was no longer the boy who wasn't to be taken seriously... And Kakashi noticed that, because his heart was beating faster now. What Naruto was saying moved him in a strange way, in an unexpected way... And he didn't know what to say to that, so after he took a pause, he muttered, "I guess you're right," while his eyes went from overlooking the papers on his desk to the pictures at his bedside.
"I mean, they say it's not normal... but I think that's stupid. Who decides what's normal or not, it's not like it's written down on a scroll somewhere, is it..."
The picture of himself, Obito, Rin and Yondaime looked like it was taken yesterday, Kakashi thought. No, it felt as if it had been taken yesterday. He remembered that he had had a similar conversation with Obito once, when they had taken a break from their training and paused underneath some trees. He remembered that Obito had said the same things that Naruto just said and that just like now, he hadn't known what to say, so he said nothing. After a while, both boys continued with their training and parted that night, just like they did every night. And Kakashi also remembered that that night he didn't sleep because he had been unable to get Obito's words out of his head.
"So, Kakashi-sensei, can I ask you something else?"
Kakashi paused again, and then said, "Yes, you can." He looked at the boy.
"You said you loved someone a long time ago. So... do you think you will ever love someone else again?"
"Hm... You can never decide on that, Naruto... But maybe someday I will."
"Good!" Naruto looked at him now, and started smiling. "Because I think you should, Kakashi-sensei. And then you probably won't need those boring books anymore!" Naruto shouted, pointing at the complete collection of Icha Icha Paradise on Kakashi's shelf and holding his belly, laughing. Kakashi couldn't help but join Naruto in laughing, when they heard a knock at the door and Umino Iruka's voice could be heard.
"Kakashi-senpai, are you there? It's me, Iruka?"
Kakashi stopped laughing and arranged the papers on his desk to a correct and orderly heap. Then he shouted, "Err yes... come in, please!"
While he looked at the door that was opening, he realized that Naruto was smiling at him for a second before he also turned to the door and shouted "Iruka-sensei! You're here! We've been waiting for you already!"
Iruka stopped after crossing the doorstep, looking astonished. "You have? How did you even know I was coming here, Naruto?"
Naruto laughed. "Kakashi-sensei told me! He said you needed to talk about something very important!"
Kakashi looked at Naruto with a mixture of anger and confusion while he noticed some blood rushing to his head due to the blatant lies Naruto was telling. "Naruto, what are you talking about...?"
"Never mind, I need to go now. Iruka-sensei, will you come to Ichiraku Ramen later?"
"Eh, maybe, Naruto... It depends on how soon we're finished here, I guess. We have lots of work to do."
"I know, I know. If you come, bring Kakashi-sensei along, okay? Then we can have dinner together and both of you can tell me about my role in the super-mega-important defense plan for the village, and I, the future Hokage, am ready for it!"
He made a "nice guy" pose, just like Gai would have done in this situation, pointing his thumb up, then took one last look at Kakashi and Iruka and stormed out the door, smiling. Both men looked after him, unable to say a word.
More to come