Well I've finally returned and with a new story no less. This is my first attempt at a Brawl story and I hope it's enjoyable.

I own nothing

Episode One

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Smash & Melee News; your top information provider for all the latest information on the Smash Bros. tournaments and participants. Tonight, we have some special guests, who will give us an inside look at the secrets of the Smashers. Our first guest is the magical princess with wisdom of ages; Princess Zelda!"

"Good evening," she smiled warmly.

"Our next guest hails from the Mushroom Kingdom, and never seems to be in the right castle; Princess Peach!"

"Hi everyone," the blonde giggled while blowing kisses.

"And finally, this bounty hunter from the stars always gets her target; Samus Aran!"

"Hey," she nodded.

The three women sat in a row across from the announcer on a large stage surrounded by a studio audience who were all dying to learn the dark secrets of the residents of Smash Mansion. The girls were only doing this for publicity, since people seemed to be losing interest in their fights, or at least that's what Master Hand said. The trio knew in actuality that the reason for all this madness was of course Peach's fault. The blonde decided that it would be quite a good idea, at dinner time, to bring up the subject of some fan fictions she had read. The others were all quite oblivious to the existence of these stories and so went to go research them…and all hell broke loose. Samus had to be prevented from murdering multiple members of the manor because, "Those goddamn fan girls keep having me sleeping around and I'm not letting them write anything else!" Ike started avoiding Marth, like many of the other male friends who spent time with each other for fear that they might be influenced by the stories and "hawt sexy times" would erupt at any minute. So, in order to regain order, Master Hand decided he needed the girls to set the record straight, literally and figuratively, about all the members lives and everything would go back to normal.

"Alright ladies we'll be taking questions from the audience one at a time. Remember nothing is off limits: the questions can be about anyone in the tournaments, both past and present, and they can be about anything in their life. Have you got it?"

"Of course," they replied.

"Good. Sir?"

"Yeah I got a question; why don't Link ever talk?"

Zelda was quiet for a moment.

"Well he can talk, quite well actually, but the Triforce of Courage takes away a tad bit of brain power. After all you'd have to be stupidly brave to try all the things he does to save me."

"Yeah and when he does talk it's usually something stupid so I like it better when he's just shouting," Samus smirked.

"Speaking of shouting what does Kirby do around the mansion," a woman asked.

"Oh that's easy," Peach giggled. "He sits around in the kitchen and acts as a garbage disposal. We just toss stuff into him and he gobbles it all up. It's so cute!"

"Peach," Zelda interrupted, "wasn't that Yoshi's job at first?"

"Well yes but he's a little strange…here's a little fun fact for you all. The reason it hurts when Yoshi eats people and turns them into eggs isn't because we're in an egg. It's because being crushed into a ball and fitting through the digestive tract of a dinosaur in a matter of seconds is quite excruciating."

"It's not all that bad Peach."

"Well Sammy not all of us are quite so limber in metal suits that turns us into tiny balls already. And I actually have a question; how hot is it in there?"

"Not at all really, you see we have this amazing thing called a built in ventilation and air conditioning in the future and it's in my armor too."

"Still doesn't change the fact you crush yourself…"

"Hey at least I'm not a masochist like that blue guy. What's his name again Zel?

"Lucario. Yes it's quite a shame. That's why he gets so powerful when he gets hurt. Gosh do you two remember when he broke his arm?"

Peach shivered slightly.

"I almost wanted to hide in a dungeon."

Samus chuckled then looked at the princess with a smile.

"You know that's a question of mine. What's it like being captured and kidnapped?"

The princesses rolled their eyes and sighed.

"Well," Peach said, "it's gotten quite boring really. And it's a bit frequent so I actually have my own cell when Bowser gets me. It's fully furnished and decorated, even has my name on it."

"Lucky," Zelda grumbled, "Ganon just tosses me into a cell and leaves me. He doesn't even gloat or put up guards. He just wags a finger at me and is all 'I'm going to win your kingdom princess' then practically skips off cackling. It's actually quite creepy, but I just magic up some books and tea, then I'm all good."

"Hey I have a question. Are Bowser and Ganon friends?"

"Acquaintances," Samus muttered.

"Oh I think they're more frenemies. What do you think Zel?"

"Well since the whole Subspace incident they aren't exactly as trusting of each other anymore. But yeah I think Peach is more correct."

"Alright well let's see if we have any more questions. Ah yes you sir."

"Yeah so uh Samus: If you got a yeast infection and went to a molten planet would it turn into bread?"

The two princesses' eyes widened as they turned towards the hunter who was gripping her plasma whip with an iron fist.

"Sammy?"

"Two words. DIE FUC-"

WE'RE CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES.

Never tempt the wrath of Samus...

Anywho hope you all liked this and now it's your turn. Please comment or message me any questions you'd want to ask the girls about anyone in the series. Hell you can even ask them questions about life in general. Just try not to make them too mad :D