Short steps, deep breath
Everything is alright
Chin up, I can't
Step into the spotlight
She said, "I'm sad,"
Somehow without any words
I just stood there
Searching for an answer
-Everything's Alright; by Laura Shigihara
"What is happiness to you, Georgia?"
That question — or quote, rather — came from Georgia's stepsister, Ethel. The two girls were watching some stupid Tom Cruise movie called "Vanilla Sky". In some ways, it was interesting, but it was mostly predictable. At least, that's how Georgia saw it. Ethel thought it was the greatest cinematic masterpiece of the early 2000's. It was almost laughable how much she loved that movie. But that damned question — what is happiness to you? Georgia had no real answer to that. She didn't know how to answer that. It felt like a trick question. And while Ethel's need to quote the movie seemed almost like a joke, Georgia knew, deep down, her stepsister was a bit curious on whatever answer was given.
"What is happiness to me?" Georgia looked at Ethel with an arched brow.
"Yeah."
"I dunno."
"How can you not know?" Ethel exclaimed, looking at her stepsister in exasperation.
"I've never thought about it," Georgia responded.
There was a long silence between the two girls. A silence that allowed the exchanged words to sink in. There was a truth behind Georgia's words, one Ethel couldn't quite understand. Happiness seemed to be such a simple thing, one that could be easily dealt with. But it was also complicated, fleeting and uncertain. Georgia could say happiness would be whenever her stepfather wasn't at home. She could also say it's whenever her ex decided to leave her alone for a day. But then she'd have to relive the painful experiences that came with her stepfather eventually coming home and her ex deciding to contact her the next morning. So, in Georgia's mind, she felt she never truly knew what happiness was.
Ethel, on the other hand, felt she had a clear grasp on the word. She had healthy relationships with other people, including her stepmother, Georgia's mom. She was a straight A student, she was very social and outgoing — the list could go on. In Ethel's mind, all of those achievements equaled happiness. That was something Georgia felt she had taken from her at an early age.
"I feel like you know what happiness is," Ethel admitted, breaking the silence. "You're just too stubborn to really see it."
"Am I?" Georgia asked.
"Yeah."
"And how do you know this?"
"We've practically grown up together, Georgie," Ethel murmured. "I know you."
Scowling at the nickname, the teen crossed her arms over her chest. Was she stubborn? Was Ethel right? It was a bit unnerving, thinking about how stubborn she could be. Georgia didn't want to believe she was, but there was a small possibility that her stepsister was right. Note the word small.
"Look, I don't know what happiness means to me," Georgia sighed. "I don't know if I'll ever know what it means."
"Just think about it, okay?" Ethel said. "Maybe one day you'll finally come to a conclusion."
`.`.`.`
Georgia could remember a time before her mother remarried. A time before Ethel, a time before that son-of-a-bitch Jayson — a time before. It was a very brief moment, one that felt too short. It didn't feel right, it didn't feel good, the briefness of that moment. To Georgia, it felt incredibly unnatural. Her parents had divorced when she was barely a year old, and her father took off once everything was finalized. Mother and daughter never heard from him again. Things were nice for a couple years, then Jayson showed up. Georgia hated him from the beginning, but her mother wouldn't listen.
Jayson McNamara was a three time divorcee, having a total of four kids between his three ex-wives. Georgia's mother didn't care. The couple married only a year after meeting. It was a very unhappy time. The fighting began almost immediately after the wedding.
From the honeymoon onward, Jayson and Georgia's mother fought almost constantly. From the moment they woke up, to when it was time for bed, there was guaranteed yelling, screaming, and things being tossed around. Georgia had grown accustomed to it. Ethel, Jayson's eldest daughter from his third marriage, had grown accustomed to it, too.
The only downside to the marriage were the kids' relationships with their new stepparents. Ethel and her siblings/half-siblings had a decent relationship with Georgia's mother, Dianna.
Georgia, unfortunately, had a horrible relationship with Jayson. He verbally abused her almost daily. Dianna hardly ever intervened. No one seemed to have the balls to stand up to Jayson.
That was the first reason why Georgia seemed to not know what happiness was.
`.`.`.`
At fifteen, Georgia had a boyfriend for a very short while. It barely made it over two weeks before ending. Her ex-boyfriend, a junior named Ishmael, had shown immediate interest in the teen at the beginning of the new school year. Georgia was flattered at the attention, and went along with Ishmael's flirting and playful attitude. They started dating a month later. Barely two weeks in, Georgia broke it off.
Ishmael proved to be a huge douchebag. He didn't take the break-up well.
Georgia made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with her ex — no contact, nothing. Ishmael didn't take the request seriously. He contacted her almost religiously, begging to be taken back and then calling her names. Georgia never wavered in her initial decision. She documented everything her ex-boyfriend sent her, and every little moment of almost physical interaction between them. Ishmael never had the balls to confront her about anything since the break-up. It was almost laughable.
That was the second reason why Georgia didn't know what happiness was.
`.`.`.`
Relocation. That was something almost everyone had to go through. For whatever reason, people at one point or another had to pack up and leave because of something. For Georgia, it was because of a sickly family member. One she had never met before, because they were on her father's side of the family. Again, Georgia's parents divorced when she was young, and she never maintained contact with her father's relatives. Dianna, for some unknown reason, seemed to hold good standing with a good number of her ex's family.* It was weird.
So, because of the news of some unknown sick family member, Georgia, Ethel, Jayson, and Dianna moved from their home in New Jersey to some no-name city practically across the country. It sucked, it really did.
That was the third reason why Georgia didn't know what happiness was.
`.`.`.`
In reality, the teen could go on forever as to why she didn't understand Ethel's question. What did happiness mean to her? Why did it come across as so important? Who knows? Maybe Georgia would figure it out after some thought. Maybe she never would.* It was hard to say.
Letting out a sigh, Georgia ran a hand through her hair. A slight scowl came across her face as her fingers tangled in her matted curls.
God, I wish I could cut it all off, she thought. Not even a second later, a bit of guilt bubbled a little in the teen's stomach. Georgia, despite how frustrating it could be, did like her hair to an extent. For her, it was a little too curly, a little too hard to manage, but there were always upsides.
Dianna would always say that Georgia inherited the Lewkowicz curls, and it was something to be proud of. Apparently, the curls were one of the more prominent features in Dianna's part of the family. Georgia could've cared less, honestly.
What Georgia saw as important was getting through the day. She wanted to survive a whole day without being bombarded with all the negativity her personal life seemed to bring. From Jayson's relentless abuse to Ishmael's constant harassment, it felt as though life was looking for any way to bring Georgia down. There was a constant need to just overwhelm and overstimulate and completely irritate the teen. But she managed to make it through day in and day out without so much as a complaint. That was something Georgia took to heart, the not complaining. If anyone outside her family found out how unhappy she was, then questions would be asked. If anyone found out how unhappy she was with Ishmael's constant presence, then questions would be asked. Georgia didn't have that kind of time or patience.
And Ethel seemed to have the audacity to ask what happiness meant. . .
There was no definite way to answer that. God, there probably never would be.*
(A/N):
Sorry for the wait on the chapter, but I hope you guys like it. If you've got any form of constructive criticism, don't hesitate to give it. I'd greatly appreciate it.
The TRANSFORMERS franchise does not belong to me. All I own are my OCs, my subplot(s), and the shoes that I wear. If you have ideas for OCs or subplot(s), don't hesitate to PM me or let me know. I'll add them in as soon as possible.
Be sure to leave a random fact in the review section. Old or new, I'd be happy to hear what you guys know.
Thanks a bunch, my friends.
Kollene Macintosh