St. Louis, Missouri. July 19th, 2012

–

St. Louis University of Missouri, Biology department…

The sharp light reflected against Rebecca's glasses while she scrolled through her email yet again; her light brown bangs, due for another trim, falling in front of her eyes every time she looked down at the paper in front of her on the keyboard. She double and triple checked it, making sure she had all that she needed and that she had met the requirements laid out before her. Her foot tapped to a silent beat while her fingers rapped against the desk, her mind deep into her work. Mumbling back her own words to herself, her other hand had found its way to her temple and she began rubbing it mindlessly. Mind switching between her outline to what she had on the PowerPoint, she felt herself going a little mad with the redundancy of it all.

Well, it is just a speaking gig..

"Better to be overly prepared than under prepared" she mumbled to herself, propping herself in her hand as she checked one last time. Satisfied with her thorough mental checklist she closed her laptop with a sigh and placed it in her bag along with her charger and USBs for the next day. Grabbing her outline for her speech and the notes that went with, she put it along with her laptop as well, keeping everything together. Check out wasn't until the day after she's supposed to give the speech so she settled for not worrying about packing until much later. She sat back in the soft armchair of her hotel room and rubbed her eyes furiously. She wasn't tired. No, if anything she just felt mentally drained. From her flight, to the delay, getting her rental car and then overall making sure her speech was put together properly and thoughtfully, it was time to call it a night. She dropped her hands and looked to the front of the room near the TV and spotted a Keurig machine on top of a table, along with it was Keurig cups of different coffee flavors and some select tea bags. She bit her lip in thought and then checked her watch. It was 11:35 at night and she had to be at the university by 8am the latest…

Well, why not.

She stood up and made her way to the little machine and grabbed a small cup that was provided by the hotel. She went to the bathroom to fill up the cup and came back to the machine and poured it into the hatch it had. She ripped open the tea package and dropped the black tea bag into the cup, placing it on the machine and turning it on. As the water audibly heated up before pouring, she walked toward the balcony and opened the glass door leading to it. It was a beautiful night for July. Not super warm, but not remotely cold either. A breeze would come through and it would make her somehow feel new, refreshed, like she could take on anything. It was a feeling she wish she always had, a good dose of motivation just given to her instead of needing to force herself to do things.

The machine dinged and pulled her from her thoughts momentarily. She ran back inside, grabbed the hot cup and brought it back outside. She leaned against the wall of the balcony and stared out into the city. It wasn't the prettiest site, not like Chicago or New York, but it was still a nice view from her room. That was one thing she always tried to aim for when she needed to stay in a hotel room. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and exhaled, that same relaxing breeze hitting her again. She leaned in further, relaxing into her environment more and more, getting completely lost into the feeling when she heard a small clink from her movement. She opened her eyes and looked down her pajama top; a familiar, dull silver staring back at her.

Oh, right.

She looked back up toward the skyline and gave a resigned sigh, feeling an all too familiar void in her resurface. Why does she do this to herself? She hasn't seen the man in over 14 years, she should have left this dumb thing behind in Racoon City with the rest of the evidence from the mansion and training facility. She grabbed her now cooled down tea and began to sip at it. What was she hoping to gain by keeping it? Bringing it to every job and mission she had? She checked her watch again, it was 12:01, then ran her fingers through her hair and groaned in utter frustration. It was getting late. She doesn't think about him anymore; not like how she used to at least. In the beginning it was damn near every day since they parted ways. She always wondered, did he make it through the forest? Did he ever gain the deserved freedom he sought after? Or did he succumb to the evils that lurked in the dark well after they left the Arklay mountains? Where was he now? Was he even still alive?

These were thoughts she had during her time in the mansion and when she was writing up the report of his 'passing'. Even after Racoon City was no more, she still couldn't help but think about him; the man that had disappeared from her life just as fast as he had appeared. Fortunately as she had gotten older, he came to her thoughts less frequently to almost non-existent. Her holding onto the dog tags was purely habit by this point, second nature. Perhaps it grounded her, reminded her of where she came from and what she's overcome. It kept her anxiety at bay and allowed her to continue on with her ,sometimes difficult, tasks calmly and collectively.

Or maybe you're just full of shit and keep coming up with excuses.

Frowning, she stared at her tea before drinking it more, the now cold liquid tasting bitter to her. Was she coming up with excuses? Maybe. She didn't know why anymore, and not knowing annoyed her to no end. She drank the rest of the tea and crushed the paper cup in her hand, her fist balling in a sudden fit of anger.

"Dammit Coen!" She pressed her face into her hands and said exasperated through gritted teeth. "Leave me alone already! You're probably not even alive anymore!" Her eyes went wide at her own words and she shut her own mouth. Saying it out loud, even just hypothetically, caused a huge pressure in her chest. Her throat tightened and she had to take a few deep breaths to alleviate the sudden pain. She grabbed the dog tags around her neck and squeezed them. How awful was she? How could she say such a thing? Yes, she's upset and yes; thinking about him frustrates her. But there's no reason for her to take it out on him, even if he's not there with her. Swallowing hard she came to a much needed realization, one she needed years ago.

She stared at the sky one last time and nodded. "You're alive. You're alive and living your life." A sad smile graced her features and lump in her throat formed. "It's time i finally do the same thing." Voice shaking, her eyes stung once she announced her resolve and she willed away the watery sensation, looking down and blinking rapidly. "Yea." With that, she goes back into her room and slides the balcony door closed and draws the curtains. Peeling off her slipper socks and crawling into bed, she takes off the dog tags and lays them next to her glasses. She gave them one long look, her mind going over it all again.

Tomorrow will be the last time she holds onto the past like this.