Everything was going perfectly; that is, until I made a horrifying discovery. It started as any other morning; I ate cereal, I went to work, and as I entered my cubicle, I noticed a slender young repair-women inspecting the hard drive of my work pc. At first I was a little surprised and confused, but before long I grew used to it and the two of us began chatting as she finished her inspection. I pulled my all time favorite song on YouTube: The Chatanooga Choo-Choo by Glen Miller, and boy, her panties hit the floor like a bag of bricks. After her little wardrobe malfunction was sorted out, we went back to the coffee room to take our break, despite having done no work that day. The repair woman noticed the fridge was half-open, so she went over to close it, but as she closed the door, a can of Bud Lite rolled out of the opening, she bent down to pick it up, and just like that, I was on her.

"Is that yours?" I asked

"Yeah," she replied super depressed, "I've become a bit of an alcoholic now that I have a kid at home."

"Oh yeah? What's his name?"

"Super Kloud."

"Well, with a child in the house, you'd better stay away from the drink" I said as I forced the beer back into the fridge.

I then realized my mistake and gave her the beer. "Ya know, you probably have had a long day, why don't you enjoy this moment away from your kid" I said, eager for any chance to get her intoxicated.

"Well, I guess you're right." she stated, and grabbed the beer again.

Before I could tell her that drinking in moderation was the only way to prevent any kind of drinking and driving, she was already downing the alcohol. Before I could open my mouth, she was so drunk off of the single can of Bud Lite that she was passed out on the floor. Before I could come to my senses, I dragged her over to the broom closet where I figured she'd be safe from the boss' eyes until her shift was over. But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't just leave her there like the victim of some savage mugging. I figure it would be less suspicious if I brought her back to my car to rest. As I put her in the car the two top buttons of her blouse popped off and exposed her cleavage. The now airborne buttons accidentally shifted the car into neutral, sending it careening down the hill towards the cement barriers at the bottom.

The impact threw her out of the vehicle's front window, but luckily the still nameless woman landed on a substantial pile of mattresses, which happened to be near a local spinning class, and the old crones there soon had her blouse patched up, good as new. I thanked them for their swift work, and handed them a hand-full of bottle caps. The leader of the old crones bit the bottle cap, and it bent, so she knew it was real. I dragged her near-lifeless body back to the car and I began to unbutton my trousers. I looked behind me to make sure the old crones were not watching this, but to my luck, they were busy repairing the blouse of another passer-by. I breathed a sigh of relief; I was glad they were not about to see what I was about to do next.

I suggestively slipped out of my trousers in the middle of the now barren street, and once they were firmly grasped in my hands I began tearing them into strips to wrap around the pretty lady's blood-soaked body. Nervous about being seen in just my undies, I hurriedly stopped the enormous amounts of bleeding with almost enough time to spare; just as the last bandage was wrapped around her gashed forehead, a squad car rolled around the corner with its lights on. I felt a bit embarrassed trying explain the situation to the kind police officers. After inspection of her unconscious body he began signalling his partner to call an ambulance. I quickly hopped into my car and put the car into reverse. I backed out of the parking lot and straight into the highway, which was apparently part of the parking lot. As I glanced in my rearview mirrors, I noticed the policemen hurrying into their squad car. I needed to escape. I needed to be alone with her. Just for a moment. It wouldn't take long. Just for a moment…

I glanced back on her to make sure she was okay, and noticed something peculiar. On her exposed leg. Were those…. scales? I thought nothing of it. It must've been my imagination.I put my eyes back onto the highway/parking lot, when all of a sudden something whipped me in the side of the face, I turned around, looking for an answer to this mystery, but found nothing. Looking back, I found myself hit in the face again and again, until I looked around and noticed a tail protruding out of her hind end. It was then that I came to a stunning realization; this woman I had met merely 15 minutes ago wasn't a woman at all, but rather the brown-ish gay lizard from the hit film Kiara the Brave (unrelated to the Walt Disney Pictures film Brave)! I guess her tantalizing beauty and severe alcoholic nature must have hidden the fact that under that woman's clothing, there was actually a homosexual reptilian father responsible for the upbringing of the legendary Super Kloud! I felt so silly upon noticing this. So silly, in fact, that I pulled the revolver from the glove compartment of my car and pressed it against my forehead. "9/11 was an inside job!" I screamed as I pulled the trigger…

Just then the car sped off the highway and into a parked fuel tanker. The explosion resulting from the impact was seen through orbit. Just my luck, I thought to myself in purgatory. Another gay lizard ruined my life. Fin.

To be continued…?

No. Never. Burn this.

Don't listen to that guy, we're doing more of this. Keep this sacred in your hearts.