Hiya everyone, this is my first ever fan-fiction (YAY!) As you can probably tell from the title and category that this is a PHAN fan-fiction. I hope you will enjoy as, regardless of whether or not the ship is real (I can dream can't I), I just cannot deny their chemistry and ma feelz. So, sit back, relax and enjoy, even if the ship can only be real in imagination.

DISCLAIMER - I do not own any of the characters in this story and all of the events, scenarios and emotions expressed are purely fictional and nothing more. Rated T for triggers (slight suicide/ self harm) and possible swearing.

Chapter 1 - The Night before...

Phil POV:

The torrent of names and insults cut deeper and deeper into my soul more than any knife ever could. Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless.Their faces a blur of anger as they became to swirl around me, encircling me like a helpless prey animal waiting for the final, silencing blow that would end the torture. But it would never come. Their harsh, bitter words grew louder and louder and I felt myself grow smaller and smaller. Faster and faster they escalated – my muffled cries of mercy silenced by their venom.

Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless.Tears attempted to fall, but I could not cry – for this was all too real, all too common for me. Besides, I had taught myself not to give them the satisfaction. All emotion was drained from me, yet the fear still remained. I was that petrified rabbit in the headlights and this vehicle was never going to slow down. I wanted to scream, to run, but their words had me frozen.

Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!

Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!

Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless!

My torture was only just beginning. This was never going to end. Never. Never. NEVER!...

I was shocked back to reality from my own petrified thoughts, the malicious wordplay echoing through them before dissipating.Just a dream. Just a dream.My eyes shot open and plunder aimlessly in the darkness, unfocused, but able to make out the blurry silhouettes of my old, un-fashionable furniture.I groan vocally as I haul myself up to lean against my headboard which winces as I bear my weight against it. I feel around helplessly along to my bedside cabinet for my glasses, placing them on and immediately wincing at the glare from my alarm clock. 11.00 pm.I groan once more at the realisation that I have only been asleep two hours. It's going to be a long, long night.

I gently rest my head against the chipped, wooden headboard – its cold edge providing sweet relief to my clammy, quivering form. I glance around my room, but there is only darkness. I have always loved the darkness. To me, it is a place I can escape; to me it is not a source of fear or harm, but solitude, especially when compared to the bright, red flaming faces of my tormentors. Still, even darkness must leave me and I must face those headlights again and again, everyday until I have the sweet release of eternal darkness.

I have always wished for it, through these four years of pain and anguish. I have even attempted it on occasions. A blade to my wrists to release my crimson blood and my soul; a mouthful of un-labelled medication with ingredients far too complicated to be safe for human consumption - perfect; even a prolonged state of breathlessness as I hold myself under the scorching bathwater. Yet. There is always that niggling tug of emotion that subconsciously prevents the blade from going too deep; prevents my body from succumbing from the effects of my overdose; choking my lungs causing me to gasp for breath and one again fill them with precious oxygen…and life. That stupid, selfish, torturous weight is my mother, who despite my hate filled, bitter and twisted core, I could never harm through grief. She has done so much for me, despite her treacherous, cheating bastard of a husband deserting her.

I look over to my dilapidated wardrobe and recoil at the sight. My newly cleaned and ironed uniform hung over me. I grimaced at the thought of having to return to that place. That hell-hole, where I am completely alone.St Mathews Academy Boarding School.At least here there are no ties to prevent you from release. Nothing stopping you from doing it. Go on. I dare you…I quickly snap myself away from these thoughts and look away from the uniform. Surely this year would be different. Surely there must be a bright side. I know I have said this before, but damn it, I am not going to let those pathetic thugs get to me, at least not as much. Anyway, this term will be shorter, what with our exams and everything, so at least I could escape before the hot, uncomfortable summer when even the darkness does not provide comfort.

I slide silently back down into my covers and try to revel in their warmth. I cautiously remove my glasses, place them on the side and return myself to my unfocused and unnervingly vulnerable state. I close my eyes carefully, taking deep breaths as the swirl of acrid, venomous bile is spewed from my torturers mouths once more, but, I must get some sleep, I at least want to be aware of any potential captors tomorrow. Queer…Faggot…Worthless….Useless.Another slow, painstaking breath escapes. You'll be fine Phil. It's just a dream. Just a dream.

Dan POV:

I am going to kill him, that…that worthless, arrogant piece of sh-I was immediately shaken from my thoughts by my mother's strict, shrill voice echoing through our, long and winding hallway. Ugh, I can see where this is going…

"Daniel James Howell, if you do not get to sleep this instance I shall come straight up there and confiscate any and all items of leisure and enjoyment from your room," my mother hollered, her sharp, school mistress tones piercing the air towards my bedroom. "It's nearly midnight and I will not have you setting a bad example when you return to school tomorrow. You have alrea-," My mind shut out her voice after she began to enter one of her full-blown rants that would shrink even the most daring students back to sniveling, shaking first years.

I hate having such a control freak for a mother, who cared nothing more than her public image and forceful values. I suppose that is to be expected from a strict religious upbringing, not that there is anything wrong with that. Yet, seriously, I have always tried to adhere to her ideal idea of a son; just because I am not an apple polisher who regards the rules as gospel. But your not the ideal son are you Dan, eh? You may act like it, but we both know she will reject you if she found out… No, no I cannot think about her or her pretentious values right now for I have bigger, more pressing issues to attend to.

11:30pm. The light from my phone glared ominously at my tired eyes, but I have no option but to focus on the issue at hand. I have tried ringing his phone over fifty times already and yet I am still greeting by those dulcet, computerized words "Please leave your message after the tone". I sleepily rub my hand over my tired eyes and brush my fringe from my face. I groan loudly as I select the contact I need. Jack Howard.Worthless, piece of-"Please leave your message after the tone" I groan much more loudly this time and throw my phone to the floor, but careful enough so it does not break. I tell you, if my mother found my phone broken that would be the end of Dan Howell.

Anyway, despite the technical difficulty my anger at my so-called friend has not subsided. I cannot believe he would do this. Oh, in case you are wondering my so called friend has gone and got himself excluded and has left me without a roommate, meaning that I will have to be moved to another room – or worse have to have some low-life new meat invade my territory. I shudder at the thought. I cannot comprehend that situation, that would just be- No, that will not happen, I am sure of it. I hope.

I mean, it is not the initial fact of his exclusion that has induced my escalating anger, but, the fact that he has chosen to ignore the responsibility of telling me until today. Today – after six whole weeks with plenty of opportunities to inform me of his departure. It was only after I received the formal letter from my school that the news was finally given to me, although this didn't actually tell me why he was removed. Although I can probably guess it involved something prohibited or indecent. Let's just say that if it was illegal, he would probably be behind it.

I chuckle slightly to myself as I reminisce about the numerous foiled schemes of my best friend. I suppose the idea of having a new roommate wouldn't be such a bad idea, in fact given the status of my previous one it may even be a blessing in disguise. I shuffle under my covers and wrap them around myself, closing my eyes and trying to convert all of my excitement for tomorrow into concentration in sleep. Hey, I might even be placed in one of the girls' rooms, yes, that would be good, yes…

…wouldn't it?

...so, how was it? Not too cheesy I hope...Anyway, please feel free to review and tell me how to think it went. I am open to any constructive criticism and any ideas you may have...See you around for round 2...

P.S. Sorry about the cliche title but I am terrible at titles...