Authors note: this is my first attempt at humor and my second fic ever written. Please tell me what you think... and be kind if you think it sucked.
It was a warm summer day in the forest. A cool breeze was in the air. Jesse, James, and Meowth found themselves lost in a sea of greenery.
"Where the heck are we?" asked Meowth.
"James I thought you said you could read maps! Now we're never going to catch that Pikachu!" Jesse snorted.
"I can read maps... just not very well," admitted James. He took out his map and looked at it again.
"Let me see that!" said Jesse as she snatched the map from his hands. As she glanced at it a look of shock kept on her face. "Why of course we're lost," she shouted, "this is a map from that seafood restaurant we ate at last week!"
"I was wondering why we hadn't hit the big 'X' yet," muttered James.
Meowth's face was red as he tried to contain his anger. "Keep cool," he repeated to himself.
"No wonder we never capture any Pokémon!" said Jesse, still miffed. She was angry, but you can't be too angry at someone as dumb as James. He was so goofy, you had to expect these things. Actually all of the trio had done stupid things, though no one felt too eager to admit it.
"I've just about given up on you James! You're practically a lost cause!" said Meowth. "Actually both of you guys are dumb, I'm leaving!"
"Finally!" said Jesse, "We thought you would have taken the hint when we traded you for that Ditto!"
"Yes!" shouted James, "Why don't you go back to Hollywood and you're Meowth gang!"
Meowth was hurt. They knew damn well not to mention that Meowth gang! He left quietly and tearfully to the forest.
"Oh!" said Jesse, "No chaperone! You know what that means!"
"Yeah!" cried James, "more muted sexual tension between two under developed characters!"
"Exactly," sighed Jesse with a sweatdrop. "Let's rest for a while here in the clearing, while I formulate a plan to get out of here and to catch that Pikachu," she said.
"Okay," James agreed.
Jesse pulled out a small stereo and popped in a meditation tape. She pushed the play button. "We've got a Pokémon on ice and the boss will treat us nice, when he finds out what we've done we will become number one..." it sang, along with the team motto and Rocket song. Jesse sat still and rubbed her temples.
"Pikachu for me and you, Pikachu for me and you,..." she repeated to herself.
James, on the other hand, was busy picturing himself in the latest style of dress. "Didn't I see something in Vogue last week," he asked himself. He looked at Jesse. He had never liked Jesse's earrings, but what could he do? "They're all wrong! I mean look at the color!" he thought to himself.
Suddenly a twig snapped behind them. They looked at each other in surprise. Then a rustle of leaves could be heard. The two grabbed each other for protection. Then Meowth appeared from behind the branches. The two sighed in relief, but still held on to each other.
"You two!" cried Meowth, "I'm gone for one minute and you can't keep your hands off each other!"
"What?!" they both cried, blushing a bit.
"I thought you weren't coming back Meowth," said Jesse angrily.
"I never said that! I said I was leaving! I had to use the litter box!" he shouted. "Do you want to know what I did Miss Nosy or can I keep some things private?!"
"Please, keep it private!" said James.
"I wasn't talking to you!" Meowth pointed to James, "unless you're a 'Miss'."
"Some people have mistaken me for one," he sighed.
"Enough! the both of you!" Jesse slapped them both. "It's hard being the only sane one here," she sighed.
"Yeah," said James, "we've got to get that Pikachu!"
**** (an hour or so later)
Pikachu stared at Ash. He liked Ash, but he was becoming too cocky. Pikachu reminisced about the times when they really meant something to each other. Not in a homosexual way. He thought as he shook his head. But in a type of platonic love. "Pika," he sighed. Sometimes Pikachu wished he had a wider vocabulary.
Ash, Misty, and Brock were walking further up the path than Pikachu. Pikachu found it harder and harder to catch up with them. The Nurse Joy in Viridian City said that his cholesterol count was way up. Pikachu huffed as they walked up a small hill. He had always thought it was natural for Pikachu's to be fat. He thought it made himself look cute and jolly, but now he began to rethink his diet.
"Pika!" he called after Ash.
"What is it now Pikachu?!" demanded Ash. He was constantly being annoyed by that chubby little Pokémon! He thought to himself, one day Pikachu will learn to stop whining.
"Pika!!!" he said even louder than before. Pikachu was sweating bullets. He clutched his chest, let out a squeal of pain, and collapsed to the ground.
Just then a very lucky Team rocket happened to stumble upon the Pikachu lying on the road. His beloved trainer had forgotten all about him and he was left lying unconscious and vulnerable.
"What the hell?!" exclaimed Jesse as she almost tripped over the yellow ball of fur. She looked at it for a moment then shrieked, "Ewww gross! A dead Pokémon!"
"Not again!" sighed James.
"Pika...chu," it said weakly.
Suddenly the trio's faces lit up!
"Is... is... that w-what I think it is?" stammered James in excitement.
"Finally!" said Jesse as she pulled out a Pikachu-safe net.
"No wait, it looks hurt," observed Meowth.
"Oh, you're right," said Jesse.
"To the Pokémon center!" James commanded.
A short time later they found themselves at a Pokémon Center.
"You were very lucky," said the Nurse Joy. "Your Pokémon could have died. It almost had a heart attack! What do you feed it?"
"Wow, she called it 'our' Pikachu!" they cried, totally ignoring her question.
"Now about your vet bill..." Nurse Joy continued.
"Uh, we'd like to stay and chat some more but we're really in a hurry!" said Jesse nervously.
"Really!" added James, as they ran off with the Pikachu and left Nurse Joy with the bill.
Pikachu awoke nice and warm snuggled in leather gloved arms. He looked up to see two emerald colored eyes smiling down at him.
"Hello little Pikachu, now you're mines and Jesse's too!" said James.
"Ka?!" screamed Pikachu. He squirmed in James arms, but he didn't thunder shock him. He looked around and found himself surrounded by Team Rocket while floating in their balloon.
"Don't worry," cooed Jesse, "You'll love being with our boss. He's really nice to Pokémon."
"Pikachu especially!" chimed in James.
"Pikachu? Pika pika ka chu, pika pika," he said.
"Pikachu says that maybe you aren't as bad as Ash says you are," translated Meowth. "Think about it," he said to Pikachu, " you'll have lots of other Pokémon to be with, and all the cream you can drink." Meowth drooled thinking about it.
"Pika pi pika," he said.
"He said, 'I suppose you're right'," said Meowth.
Just then in the distance the soft sound of a girl weeping could be heard. The balloon floated in the direction of the sound. As the balloon drew closer it appeared that the girl crying really wasn't a girl at all, it was Ash! The balloon landed near him.
"Why are you crying little girl?" Jesse laughed haughtily.
"Why won't you give me back my Pikachu!" he cried. His eyes were red and almost swollen shut from crying.
"'Why?'" James repeated, "Because you abandoned him in his hour of need!"
"Pika!" he said.
"But think about it you guys, what if you two were separated.... how would you feel?" pleaded Ash.
The two rocket members looked at each other and bushed for a second. They felt incredibly guilty this time.
"Pikachu!" Pikachu yelled as he squeezed out of James grip and leaped into Ashes arms.
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!" Ash cackled. He then pulled on his lower eyelid and stuck out his tongue. "Naaa! I tricked you! I tricked you!"
"What?!" screamed Jesse and James angrily. But before they had time to react the little twerp ran into the nearest bushes and disappeared.
****
"We almost had him this time!" James whined as they trekked back to their hideout.
"That may be so," said Jesse with a triumphant look, "But tomorrow is another day!"
THE END
Author's Afterward: Yes I know this is dumb, but what can I say? Did you really think Team Rocket would win? I wanted them to, but it wouldn't be true to their character, plus it proves that they're softies at heart. Ash really is selfish and evil.