AnaMaria: Well, here it is. a day late, but I hope you'll forgive me.
Gypsy: Yeah... IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, ANNA!
AnaMaria: Hey! My brother is a hobo, and I was really really busy yesterday!!
Gypsy: Yeah... playing with your new Wii!
AnaMaria: And hanging out with family! And opening presents!
Gypsy: Blah, blah blah! (to readers) All that matters is that it's up... Enjoy, readers!
A Dutchman Christmas
((The Dutchman Crew is having a peaceful Christmas Eve. Jimmylegs and Piper are tuning Christmas Carols on the radio. There is a giant tree on the bow of the ship and Palifico and Koleniko are decorating it.))
Jimmylegs: (Calmly) You know, this is the one time of year where I'm actually at peace.
Hadras: (pops up out of nowhere covered in a string of Christmas lights; begins singing) Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light! Light light light light light liiiiiiiight. LIGHT!
Jimmylegs: Was. Was at peace. (pulls out pistol and points at Hadras's head) Bye bye annoyance!
Piper: (grabs Jimmy's arm) No. No, Jim. Not on Christmas, dude.
Hadras: Yeah, Bo 'sun! It's too much of a happy celebration to die! (Begins marching in place) Light light light light-
Jimmy: Screw the Christmas cheer! (fires gun; Hadras begins marchign forward and bullet passes him)
Maccus: (comes up from hold-door in deck) Hey, crew! Merry Christmas! (Bullet shoots into the side of his head; Eyes roll in back of his head and he falls back below deck)
Palifico: He comes up saying Merry Christmas and being nice, and you shoot him in the head. Nice Jim, nice…
(Hadras is marching around doing absolutely nothing)
Piper: Geez, what's Captain gonna say about that?
Jimmy: He'll probably want to break out the "Maccus finally died" Jelly doughnut.
Davy: (cabin door flies open) Who-said-doughnut?!
Nicole: (pops out of Davy's beard) MAAAACCY!!!
Davy: (Looks down in shock) Where did you come from?!
Nicole: (jumps out of Davy's beard with a long tentacle tied to her ankle) WHEE! It's a
bungee cord!
Davy: No no no! I wouldn't want you jumping out of me if it were attached to my umbilical cord!
Crew: Eww…
Hadras: (pokes head up out of basket at Koleniko's feet. Top flies off of basket.) What's an umbilical cord?
Koleniko: It's something that sissy women have… like Captain!
Nicole: I must fly! (kicks off from Davy's chest and dives into deck door to below deck.)
Jimmy: (staring ahead) What she doing?
(Nicole retracts from below deck, dragging a limp Maccus)
Davy: Oh! You better not… (Nicole and Maccus get sulked back into Davy's beard) What!? (looks down) Get them out! Get them out! I know this girl and I know my crew! GET. THEM. OOOOOUT!!!! (frantically starts groping and clawing at beard) OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! OOOOOUT!
Palifico: Captain, I'm sure that you'll be-
Davy: OOOOUT!!! (grabs scissors out of nowhere)
Jimmy: What he doing? (blanks out as Davy begins cutting off his tentacles one by one, enunciating the word "Out" with each one)
Koleniko: (now reading a newspaper and not really caring) Oh, look guys, half-off at sushi palace. Wanna go there for dinner?
Palifico: Sure. Or, we could just eat these little wriggling things on the ground. What are these? (picks one up; inspects it) Oh yeah… CALAMARI!!! (throws one at Koleniko, who just then decided to put down the newspaper. The tentacle hits him in the face and begins sliding down.)
Koleniko: (gives Palifico a death glare, then pries the tentacle off of his face and throws it at a now distracted Palifico)
Palifico: Oh, so it's war then, is it? Fine. (Nanoseconds later, both Koleniko and Palifico are dressed in full-body cameo. Face paint and everything.)
Koleniko: AAAAAH!!!
Palifico: HOOONOOOOR!!!
(Both of them begin madly throwing tentacles at each other.)
Jimmy: (walks back to the radio, everything going on behind him.) So much for my peaceful Christmas. And this all started…with Hadras.
Hadras: (pops up) What about me? (looks down at body still covered in lights. Throws hands in air.) LIIIIIIGHT!
Jimmy: (glares) Hadras, two words… Shut. Up.
Hadras: (ignores Jimmy) Light light light light! Light light light light!
(Jimmy sights and cranks up the radio. Jingle bombs from the "Jeff Dunham: A Very Special Christmas Special" is playing)
Jimmy: Give me a bomb, Achmed! Don't be a hog! (looks over at Christmas tree)
(Palifico and Koleniko are sobbing and clinging to each other's shoulders. They still have sushi plastered to their bodies)
Palifico: I'm- I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! It's just that you didn't care about Captain or Christmas, and- and it just got to me!
Koleniko: Neither did you! (wipes away tear) I'm sorry… I love you, dude!
Jimmy: Hey, Hadras? I think I've got a variation of your song.
Hadras: (clasps hands) Really?!
Jimmy: Yup! This is a shout-out to Koleniko and Palifico… (starts marching in place and singing) Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!! Gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!! Gay-gay-gay-gay-gay-gay!
Hadras and Jimmy: (link arms around each other's shoulders whilst marching) GAAAAAAY!
Clanker: (From below) Hey! Shut the hell up! I'm sleepin'!
Hadras: You shut up!
Jimmy: (mumbles to self) Merry Christmas, Dutchman Crew… merry Christmas…
(All this other random stuff continues going on.)
Davy: (in response to Jimmy's comment, crosses arms across chest) Bah humbug!
(Maccus, now alive, and Nicole appear on either side of Davy)
Maccus and Nicole: BOO! (grin at Davy's girly shrieks of fright)
Nicole: Yup, Niko! He's a lady!
(Everybody laughs; Anna and Gypsy appear in front of everything.)
Both: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! Or nightmare! For where there's a will, we will find you!
Will: (runs across screen) I AM IN HIDING!!!
Anna: What the hell?
Gypsy: (throws hands in air) Don't look at me!
Anna: Point is…
Anna: Merry Christmas.
Gypsy: Happy Hanukkah.
Anna: Happy Kwanzaa.
Anna and Gypsy: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
(Stay tuned for an iAnna Christmas!)
Anna: See? I did a good job, didn't I?
Gypsy: We.
Anna: Wii?! Where! (runs off)
Gypsy: NO! NOT WII! WE! AS IN, WE DID A GOOD JOB!!! (runs after her, stops and turns to readers) Hasta la bye bye!