It was a beautiful spring day. Calvin and Hobbes were rolling down the hill in Calvin's wagon.

"How was your day at school?" asked Hobbes

"The usual. Failed a math quiz, got beaten up by Moe, and so on."

"Nothing out of the ordinary?"

"Well, our school talent show's coming up, but I'm not in it. Talent shows don't show talent, it suppresses talent. We're only allowed to sing, dance, or play a musical instrument. Last year, I burped to the tune of "Red River Valley" and got disqualified for "vulgar use of gas."'

"Maybe you could try playing the drums. You love to beat stuff up"

"And get a reaction back. Besides, I don't know how to play"

Calvin and Hobbes rolled home in the wagon. When they went inside, Calvin's dad approached Calvin.

"Heard about your school having a talent show"

"Yeah, but I don't want to be in it"

"Why not? Talent shows bring out the creative and passionate side of you while having the crowd clap you on. It builds character."

"For crying out loud, I don't want to build character! Remember the baseball thing? I got a bloody nose!"

"That was just by accident. Come on, Calvin, just try. I did sign you up for dance lessons."

"What? Oh, that's just perfect!"

"Now go upstairs and get dressed, you leave for class in about an hour."

Calvin marched up the stairs angrily. In his room, he kicked stuff around and growled into his pillow.

"Why so aggressive?" Hobbes wondered

"Dad signed me up for the talent show AND he wants me to take dance lessons!"

"Gee, and with short notice."

"Can you come with me, Hobbes? If I'm going to be embarrassed in a leotard, I want my best friend there to scoop up the remaining pieces of my dignity"

"I guess."

After Calvin got dressed, he and Hobbes went downstairs and got into the car. They drove off into town. On their way to the studio, they drove by the comic book store.

"Can I go to the comic book store, dad? I can just re-enact scenes from issue #509 of Captain Napalm for the talent show."

"I didn't pay fifty dollars for dance lessons to have you pretend to fly and shoot lasers at imaginary monsters. You're dancing and that's final."

At the dance studio, Calvin met his new dance instructor.

"Bonjour. My name is Pierre la Shance. I am your new dance instructor."

"Be still, my heart" mumbled Calvin

"First, we start with leg lifts. Lift them up in time to the music!"

Pierre pressed play on a boom box. Can-Can music started to play. Calvin tried as hard as he could to lift his legs up, but they were too small and stumpy.

"Keep trying, boy! Use those lee-tle muscles!"

Calvin tried harder, but he ended up spinning around in a frenzy, knocking down everything...even Pierre!

"Arrete! Arrete! I cannot work with this lee-tle troublemaker! Go see the other dance instructor next door, she'll probably tame this lee-tle snip!"

On the way across the street, Calvin's dad was super angry. "Why did you mess up? All you had to do was lift your legs in time to the music, and you ended up going on a rampage!"

"It's not my fault, dad! He was too creepy! I couldn't concentrate with creepers around!"

"Creepers or not, you're going to learn to dance!"

"Rats"