For Sam
Word Count: 4552
i.
"Are you nervous?" Parvati asks as her nimble fingers make quick work of braiding Lavender's honey blonde hair.
Lavender almost laughs. Nervous doesn't quite cover it. They've been in their section of the Ark since their sixth year. Now, in honor of their sixteenth, they will be matched with one of the boys from the other side.
She should be excited. This is the day she officially becomes a woman and takes her place in society.
But there's a lump in her throat, and it doesn't matter how many times she swallows. It seems to be stuck. All she can do is keep her gaze straight ahead, watching the stars as the Ark drifts by.
Parvati's hand rests on her shoulder, and Lavender wishes she would keep it there. She wonders if her partner will touch her like that, if any boy can be as gentle as her best friend has always been.
"I don't want to leave you," Parvati admits, her voice barely audible.
"Me neither," Lavender says.
For several seconds, neither speak; neither move. Lavender thinks they could stay like that forever, but a mechanical voice comes across the speaker.
"All females from Chamber C, please report to the Match Hall immediately. Failure to comply will be met with punishment."
Lavender shudders. She knows all too well how crimes are dealt with on the Ark. Some are lucky enough to be beaten. Others—the widowed, the infertile, the ones who can no longer contribute to the survival of the human race—are put in a chamber and sent outside without a suit.
"Maybe we'll be neighbors," Parvati says she grabs her bag from under her cot and slings it over her shoulder.
"I hope so."
For ten years, she's had Parvati. Lavender can barely even remember her mother's name, but she knows that Parvati sleeps on her left side because old wounds from a punishment when she was eight still ache, that Parvati's brown eyes have the faintest streaks of gold in them, and so many other little details that probably don't mean anything in the greater scheme of things, but mean everything to Lavender. Parvati is safety.
"We should go," Lavender says, and Parvati takes her by the hand, and they fall in line behind the other girls in their section.
…
Lavender doesn't know exactly how the selection works. A week before the ceremony, each girl had been taken for an examination. This one had been different from all the others. Blood had been drawn; cheeks had been swabbed. Lavender had found herself on her back with her legs spread while a masked man probed her and inspected her, all while a nurse had recited the rhetoric Lavender has heard damn near every day of her life.
Humanity once lived on a planet known as Earth, but the planet was destroyed in a giant flood, destroying most of the population and resources. There were those who knew devastation was coming, and they prepared by building the Ark 2.0. Humanity survived because of care and calculations, and it will continue to do so as long as you comply and do your part.
Lavender rolls her eyes. According to Parvati's twin, Padma, the tests are used to determine ideal genetic matches. Lavender doesn't understand how any of that works, but she doesn't care. She doesn't want a match at all. Why can't she just have her little cot by the window where she and Parvati sit and stare out at the infinite universe before them?
She's always imagined the matching ceremony would be something glamorous, but it's a surprisingly quiet affair. Captain Riddle doesn't make an appearance. Instead, his second in command, a woman named Bella who has a reputation for being cruel, says a few words about how important the ceremony is.
"When I call your name," Bella says, pushing her wild curls behind her ear, "you will come forward and meet your match. A guard will then escort you and your match to your living area."
Lavender holds Parvati's hand tighter. Her nerves feel as though they're on fire, and her stomach ties itself into painful knots.
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Parvati whispers.
Lavender wants to believe her, but this change feels like the end of the world, and she doesn't know how to handle it.
"Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger."
A quiet girl who has always preferred books to company moves forward. A boy with red hair and kind eyes meets her, offering her an uncertain smile.
"Blaise Zabini and Daphne Greengrass."
It goes on like that for what seems like ages. Lavender can almost convince herself that it's going to be okay, that she and Parvati don't have matches, but her hope is quickly dashed.
"Dean Thomas and Parvati Patil."
Parvati squeezes her hand and offers Lavender a smile that might be an apology. "See you soon, I hope," she whispers.
And then she's gone. A guard leads her and her match away, and Lavender tries not to cry.
"Neville Longbottom and Lavender Brown."
She isn't surprised that she's disappointed. Her match is cute, and he offers her a smile that makes her feel warm inside. Maybe she should feel something for him, but she doesn't.
"Shall we?" Neville asks, offering her his hand.
Lavender doesn't take it. She keeps her head held high and follows the guard out.
…
The living area isn't anything special. There's a space for their belongings, and there's a proper mattress with a proper blanket.
There is no window.
"What do you think?" Neville asks.
"I miss the stars," Lavender whispers.
For several moments, there's only silence. Lavender stares at him, wanting so desperately to feel something, anything.
Neville clears his throat, and his cheeks glow a soft pink. "I think we…" His blush darkens, and he mumbles incoherently.
Lavender frowns. "I'm sorry?"
He gestures toward his crotch. "I think we're supposed to… You know…"
She doesn't know. Not really. The girls had been given a brief explanation of procreation during their thirteenth year, and Lavender knows that she's supposed to lay there while her match lays on top of her.
"Okay," she says, shrugging. "Let's get it over with."
…
Neville sleeps beside her, his soft snores filling their small room. Lavender lays there, still naked and feeling completely filthy.
She knows sex isn't meant to be for pleasure, that its sole purpose is for reproduction. Still, she had expected to feel something from it.
Her eyes close, but she doesn't fall asleep.
ii.
"Hey, neighbor."
Lavender feels her heart flutter when she hears that familiar voice. When she turns, she's greeted by those familiar dark eyes, and that bright smile she loves so much. Parvati hurries forward, leaving her match behind and hugging Lavender.
"We're neighbors after all," Lavender says, grinning.
She wants to hold Parvati longer, but she sees a guard in the distance, whip ready at their side. Physical contact with someone other than a person's match is strictly forbidden. Their old lives are gone. There can be no more hugging and holding hands. Lavender can't explain why this realization hurts so much.
"Have you met Dean?" Parvati asks, indicating her match who has stopped to talk to Neville.
"Is he nice?"
"Yes." There's a sincerity in Parvati's words, but her smile doesn't quite meet her eyes.
Dean may be nice, but he doesn't make Parvati happy. This is strangely comforting.
Lavender doesn't understand why she feels so relieved, but as she, Parvati, Dean, and Neville make their way to the cafeteria for breakfast, she can't stop smiling.
…
"All female occupants of Block G, please report to the Labor Center for your career assignment," a mechanical voice chimes through the speakers. "Failure to comply will be met with punishment."
"Finally!" Parvati says as she and Lavender meet each other in the corridor.
Lavender chuckles softly. "Finally? We just got matched last night," she reminds her friend. "Careers usually take a full day and night cycle."
Parvati shrugs, pausing to tug anxiously at her hair. "Do I look like a teacher?" she asks.
"I would trust you with my children," Lavender assures her.
She doesn't know why Parvati blushes and turns quickly away at that. Lavender clears her throat awkwardly and begins moving again. Parvati follows her along, a strange silence hanging between them.
Lavender doesn't know how to feel. There's always something going on between them. This sudden silence and the tension that it brings is so foreign to her.
"What do you hope to become?" Parvati asks.
"Happy." Lavender's cheeks burn, and she shrugs. "Sorry. Um, I don't know. I haven't really given it much thought."
Parvati leans in and presses a quick kiss to her cheek. Lavender looks around, trying not to panic. There are no guards around to witness the illegal contact, but she still can't bring herself to relax.
"I do hope you manage to be happy," Parvati says softly. "You deserve it."
Somehow, happiness seems impossible. How can she be happy when her happiness somehow depends on Parvati? It isn't right. Their teachers had never mentioned such complications in their lessons, and Lavender doesn't have a solution now.
She's meant to be with Neville and produce at least one offspring. There are rules in place for a reason.
But Parvati had kissed her. It doesn't matter how chaste, how innocent the kiss had been. It only makes things more difficult to process.
Somehow, Lavender doesn't mind. It's the most beautiful confusion she's ever felt.
"You're smiling," Parvati notes.
"It's going to be a good day."
…
Once again, Riddle does not show up to greet them, and Bella has taken his place. Lavender wonders if Riddle even exists at all, or if he's some sort of bogeyman used to keep everyone in line. Whatever the truth is, she fears him less and less as time goes by.
There is no introduction, no speech. The spokeswoman jumps right into. "Those who will be working the kitchens," she says. "Susan Bones and Millicent Bulstrode. Padma Patil has been selected to work in our laboratory."
"Shocking," Parvati murmurs as her twin hurries forward and accepts her work badge.
"Those who will begin nurse training: Hannah Abbott, Hermione Granger, and Daphne Greengrass. Teachers will be Tracey Davis and Parvati Patil."
"Congratulations," Lavender says.
Parvati stares at her for several moments. Her lips quirk, like she doesn't quite know what to do. Finally, she just nods. "Thanks." And then she's gone.
"Lavender Brown will work in farming."
She doesn't really care what she has to do. Parvati has the career she's always wanted, and that means so much to Lavender.
As a guard meets her and guides her to the farming sector of the Ark, Lavender can't stop smiling. Maybe happiness is possible after all.
…
Farming isn't as terrible as it could be. Neville has been assigned to the farming sector as well, but their paths don't cross often. It's almost like her own little escape.
"Is this real dirt?" Lavender asks, lifting it and breathing in the strange, but pleasant scent of it as it slips between her fingers.
She's only read about dirt before. During their history lessons, Mrs. Minerva had told them about the land.
Unable to resist, she sticks her tongue out and sprinkles some of the dirt onto it. The taste is disgusting, it seems to stick, no matter how many times she frantically tries to wipe it off.
A soft chuckle makes her cheeks burn. Lavender turns, trying to spit discreetly, but the gritty feeling remains.
"Not easy, is it, dear?" an older woman with wild blonde curls asks, grinning at her. "Dirt has a way of sticking. Sybill Trelawney."
"Lavender Brown. Did you try eating dirt your first day here?"
Sybill lets out a sound that's something between a laugh and a heavy sigh. "I was a little younger than you when the flood hit," she says, examining a tomato before plucking it from the vine and placing it inside her basket. "My grandmother tried to warn them, but she was called a conspiracy theorist."
"You remember Earth?" Lavender asks.
No one ever talks about the old world. Their older teachers would always speak with nostalgic tones, but they never went into detail. Lavender wonders if it's against the rules.
"Brown! Back to work!" a guard calls, her hand twitching dangerously close to her whip.
Lavender bows her head, her honey blonde curls falling in her face as she moves along. She isn't used to being so active; her legs and feet protest, but she forces herself to carry on.
"You'll get used to it," Sybill says. "Those born on the Ark do not have the same energy the Earthborn had. All the metal and wires have corrupted your aura, I believe."
Lavender doesn't know what an aura is, and she doesn't ask. Her eyes remain fixed upon Sybill as they carry on, collecting fresh tomatoes. She waits for the older woman to continue and tell her stories about the old world. Instead, Sybill seems to lose herself in her thoughts, mumbling and humming.
Lavender gives up hope of learning.
…
"Look at you! You're absolutely filthy." Parvati studies her, keeping a safe distance.
"And you look absolutely gorgeous," Lavender says.
Parvati's cheeks darken with color. For a moment, she seems to be unable to do anything but stare at Lavender, her expression unreadable. Finally, she offers her a pearly smile. "Come in with me."
Lavender hesitates. The law of the Ark dictates that passengers can only be alone in living quarters with their match. She doesn't understand the rule, but it must be in place for a reason.
She should say no; they should part ways, and she should find a way to stop thinking about this. Instead, she nods. "I would love to," she says, following Parvati inside.
Her friend's living quarters is almost identical to her own. The only real difference is that bed is more centered, whereas Neville likes their bed to the left so that his side rests against the wall.
Parvati dips a rag into the water basin and moves closer. "Here," she says softly, gently sliding the rag over Lavender's skin and wiping away the dirt.
There's something about the way Parvati touches her that makes Lavender shiver. This is hardly the first time they've been so close, but it's different. Her heart begins to race, and it feels like something is tickling her insides.
This is what she's supposed to feel with Neville. She doesn't know how she knows, but it just makes sense. Neville doesn't make her feel anything at all; he is just a stranger who might one day become a friend. Parvati, however, makes her feel safe and warm.
She leans in and presses her lips to Parvati's. Part of her is certain she's wrong, that Parvati will push her away and remind her that this is against the law. Instead, she pulls Lavender closer, her slender fingers tangling in Lavender's curls.
"Good," Parvati whispers when they break apart for breath. "I was afraid I was the only one."
Lavender shakes her head. Their lips meet again, and nothing has ever felt so right before. In that moment, nothing matters except that they are together, and the world feels so beautiful.
Parvati pushes her onto the bed and crawls on top of her. "I don't know what I'm doing," she admits, trailing her fingers slowly along Lavender's inner thigh.
Lavender laughs, but it fades into a moan. Whatever Parvati is doing, it feels good already.
…
"I should go," Lavender says, sitting up and letting the sheet fall and expose her bare chest.
Parvati lays beside her, dark eyes moving over Lavender's body. "I wish you didn't have to." She sighs and climbs out of bed. "But you're right. Dean will be back soon."
Lavender swears under her breath at the mention of Parvati's match. She had nearly forgotten about Neville. He's probably already back to their quarters and wondering where she is.
"Can we do this again?" Lavender asks, pulling her shirt over her head and smoothing out the creases.
Parvati grins. "I'd like that."
Lavender wishes she could stay. She doesn't know why the match system is the way it is, but it isn't fair. Her life would be so much happier if she could stay with Parvati.
But those are the rules. They've been taught the laws from an early age, and she knows it is not her place to question it.
Parvati holds her close, and they share one last kiss. "I miss you already, Lavender."
iii.
It becomes a routine for them. Lavender knows she shouldn't do it. Rules are in place for a reason, and she's spent her entire life following them without question.
But now the questions have started, and Lavender doesn't care about what she's supposed to do. All she knows is she wants Parvati, and she will risk everything for one more kiss.
…
"You look happy," Neville notes whenever Lavender comes back in.
She smiles, hoping her match doesn't see the guilt in that gentle curve of her lips. "I thought you would be in the farming sector a little longer," she says evasively.
In the back of her mind, she wonders if she's somehow managed to lose track of time, if she and Parvati had been so lost in one another that everything slipped away. It isn't likely; she would have had a close call with Dean.
"I was released a little earlier than usual," Neville answers, shrugging. "The grain fields aren't doing well."
"Tragic."
At least he's talking about gardening. It's almost an obsession for him, and she knows that if he starts talking about plants, he won't have time to ask her questions, to wonder why she had been out when she should have been home. Lavender exhales, and it feels like a weight has been lifted from her shoulders.
She doesn't know how to be a rebel, how to break all the rules without remorse. Guilt has been heavy in her heart since she first fell into Parvati's bed a month ago. It would be so much easier if she didn't care, but she does.
Neville talks; she listens. Her mind is forever away, though, but he doesn't seem to notice.
…
"Lunch!" Sybill says happily as she and Lavender find a little table away from the others in the farming sector.
Lunchtime is her second favorite part of the day—better than everything except her stolen moments with Parvati. Unlike the other workers throughout the ship, those in the farming sector get to enjoy a fresh lunch. Nothing has been processed.
"Something is bothering you, dear," Sybill observes, pursing her lips.
Lavender swallows dryly, fumbling awkwardly with her pear. It would be so much easier to deny it, to pretend that everything is fine. Something tells her that Sybill will see right through her lie. The older woman often makes her feel like she can read her mind. Before an excuse can even form in the back of her mind, she nods.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Lavender considers. Really, she wouldn't. She is still coming to terms with her feelings and trying to make sense of her new life, her new desires. These things feel too deep, too personal.
But the words come out before she can stop herself. It's half terror, half relief, but she lets the words fall. Without even thinking about it, she tells Sybill everything she feels for Parvati, how worried she is about having to sneak around, how guilty she feels because Neville is so lovely and deserves so much better.
When Lavender finishes, Sybill's face grows pale. She shakes her head, muttering under her breath in tones too low for Lavender to properly hear, but she almost sounds frantic. Her bright, dreamy eyes widen as she meets Lavender's gaze. "My dear," she says, her thin fingers curling around Lavender's wrist, "you have to give your friend up. Such things are forbidden."
Though the warning is clear in her mentor's words, something else catches Lavender's attention. The way Sybill speaks makes it sounds like there are others like her. Is it really possible? She doesn't understand how anyone can be like her. The match system is supposed to be so precise, and she's come to believe that she's an anomaly.
Somehow, that makes her feel better. The tension in her body seems to melt away—at least, for a moment.
"Are there others like me?"
"I'm sure there are," Sybill answers, keeping her voice low as she bites into her apple. "They have undoubtedly learned to keep quiet about who they are and what they do."
Lavender's stomach twists itself into knots, and she suddenly feels cold all over. "What happens if they're found out?" she asks, her voice made small by fear.
Instead of answering verbally, Sybill turns her attention to the window. Lavender doesn't need a clarification. Regardless of age, everyone on the ship is required to witness executions. She has seen a handful of criminals released among the stars if their crimes are great enough. Is loving someone really so terrible that she would be put to death?
"End it," Sybill says gently. "I promise you, dear, it will make things easier in the long run."
…
She doesn't go to Parvati's after work. Instead, she returns to her living quarters and strips away her clothes, placing them to be washed. She carefully scrubs away the dirt from her pale skin until she is clean before laying on the bed, still naked.
When Neville comes back, he seems surprised to be greeted by her sprawled across the bed. They've had sex once a week because she feels obligated, but this is the first time she's taken the initiative. For several moments, all he can do is stare at her.
"Get cleaned up," she says, sitting up and grinning at him.
"What's changed?" he asks, but takes his clothes off and makes his way to the basin.
She doesn't answer. Right now, as she watches the water run down his bare skin, she doesn't trust herself to speak. Even a lie would be too difficult.
Lavender is glad when Neville joins her in bed, climbing on top of her. It isn't as awkward as their first time, and their movements feel more natural now, and she can almost relax.
Almost.
…
She lays awake, watching Neville sleep. His soft snores fill the room, but the sound isn't the reason she can't fall asleep. Her mind is still racing.
She should be happy. Neville us a handsome man, and he's so kind and good. Anyone would be lucky to be his match.
Something is wrong with her. It doesn't matter that Sybill has said that there are others like her—girls who like girls, who defy everything they've been taught. Lavender still thinks she's a freak, nothing will change her opinion.
Tears form in her eyes, clinging to her lashes. She squeezes her eyes closed, letting the tears streak down her cheeks.
She wishes she could be normal.
…
Lavender tries to be the woman she's supposed to be.
There are no secret meetings with Parvati, no more dreams and wishes and hopes. She focuses on her job, on her match, and she keeps her head down.
It is hell. No matter how hard she tries, she can't shake the feeling that she's living a lie. But maybe it's better than living her truth.
iv.
"Did I do something wrong?"
Lavender isn't prepared for Parvati to corner her, but she guesses she should have expected it. After all, she's avoided Parvati for so long, trying to pretend that she's okay, that she's over it. Of course it would be a matter of time before she needed answers.
"No."
"Then what is it?" Parvati demands, catching Lavender by the arm when Lavender tries to turn away. "I thought we had something. I thought I meant something!"
Suddenly, everything seems to shatter. She's done such a good job crafting her illusion and trying to move on. Now, her mask falls, and she feels so exposed and vulnerable.
"Not here." Her voice cracks with emotion.
"Mine? After work?"
Lavender nods.
She doesn't know which emotion is stronger as she walks away: hope or dread.
…
"I can't do it," Lavender says, carefully balancing the basket on her hip as she picks another tomato. "I don't want to be apart from Parvati."
The best thing about Sybill is that she doesn't seem to judge Lavender. As Lavender talks, the older woman listens patiently, nodding without interruption. She isn't sure that Sybill actually understands, but it's a comfort nonetheless.
"You love her," Sybill says at last, pausing to pull her wild curls from her face.
It isn't a question, and that catches Lavender off guard. For a moment, all she can do is stare at Sybill, processing her words. Love. It's such a silly thing to think about. No one seeks to love their match; everyone knows that these arrangements are made out of duty.
Is it possible that she loves Parvati? She knows that she cares for her deeply. There are strong feelings that cannot seem to out into words.
Is it love?
"What do I do?" Lavender whispers, the basket slipping from her trembling hands; a dozen tomatoes spill onto the ground.
Sybill pauses to help her pick the tomatoes up. "Be careful," she says. "That's all you can do."
Once the tomatoes have been collected, Lavender moves along, carefully observing each vine for ripe fruit. Her thoughts blur together into nonsense, and it's impossible for her to really focus on the task at hand. As her mind turns back to Parvati again and again, she realizes that it's true. She has fallen in love with her best friend, and there's no going back.
…
"You know we aren't supposed to do this, right?" Lavender asks.
They sit on Parvati's bed together. Lavender realizes how much she's missed this. As lovely as Neville is, he doesn't really compare to Parvati.
Somehow, they fall back into a routine. It's almost like Lavender hadn't left at all, like they haven't had a long stretch of time apart. It amazes Lavender how natural it feels.
"I know."
Lavender trembles as she brushes her fingers through Parvati's dark hair. "It's a crime."
Parvati places her palms on Lavender's cheeks and pulls her closer. Their lips meet, and Lavender melts. How could she have even tried to push Parvati away? This is the only time that she's ever felt whole. She must have been insane for thinking she could just give this up and walk away.
"You're worth breaking the law for," Parvati murmurs, her lips grazing Lavender's cheek.
"We'll have to keep it a secret."
That's the worst part. She wants to be able to be with Parvati, to love her without fear. But she will love her however she can.
"It's okay," Parvati assures her.
It's really not. It's unfair and cruel, and Lavender wants to scream. Instead, she just holds Parvati closer.
Their love is dangerous, but it is theirs. No one fan take that away from them.