26 September 2010
"If you do that, I'll scream," warns Syed, after hearing what Christian has in mind. He struggles desperately, trying to get out from under him.
"All that wriggling isn't helping," smiles Christian, using his vastly superior strength and weight to easily subdue him.
"Christian, no," begs Syed, as Christian's lips search for his.
"Don't fight me," Christian growls, covering his mouth with his own, just before the door entry phone buzzes.
"There's someone at the door," grasps Syed, managing to twist his head away.
"Really?" asks Christian mockingly, as he rolls off Syed, allowing him to escape.
Halfway to the door, Syed turns around and sees Christian reaching for his trousers. "What are you doing?" he demands.
"Making myself respectable for our guest," replies Christian quizzically.
"No, no," insists Syed, returning to pull the trousers out of his hands and fling them across the room; "I'll get rid of them, I'll only be a minute," he assures him urgently. "Don't forget where we were," he reminds huskily, planting a quick, hard kiss on Christian's lips before walking over to answer the now-insistent buzzing.
"You mean where you were begging me not to ...?"
"Don't ruin it," snaps Syed, without looking back.
"If I close my eyes, it's like she's in the room," teases Christian.
"You know, just for a minute there, I thought I felt … are you getting a bit of a tummy?" asks Syed as he reaches for the answer phone.
"SHUT UP," cries Christian in an exaggerated voice, but he can't help moving his hand over his stomach to reassure himself.
Syed gives him a big cheeky grin before he says "Hi".
"It's Amira."
Syed drops the phone as if his hand has been burned, and backs hastily away.
"What's wrong?" asks Christian anxiously, when he sees his reaction.
But Syed cannot answer; he just stares at the phone in shock.
Christian quickly gets up and goes to pick up the receiver. "Hi," he says carefully.
"Christian, it's Amira, let me in."
With a feeling of inevitability, his face firmly set, Christian presses the door-release button and goes to get his dressed.
###########################
"I would like to talk to Syed alone," Amira demands frostily, as soon as she sets foot in the flat.
Christian looks to Syed to decide, but all Syed can do is stare at Amira's round tummy.
"I'll leave you to it," he says quietly after a moment's silence. He grabs his jacket and walks past Amira and out the door.
"I've come to make you an offer," says Amira, finally snapping Syed out of his trance.
Syed burrows a little deeper into Christian's bath robe (which he vaguely realises Christian must have put on him to cover his dignity).
###########################
"It doesn't have to be the end of the world," soothes Jane, squeezing Christian's hand reassuringly.
"He chose his child over me once, why should it be any different this time?" he sighs, already beyond hope.
Knowing there are no words that will comfort him, Jane puts her arms around him and holds him tightly.
###########################
"I still love you, and I'm willing to give you another chance," says Amira, getting straight to the point.
"Um, right," mumbles Syed without looking at her, as he walks to the kitchen. "Would you like tea or coffee, or maybe juice? Christian likes ..."
"A chance to be part of my life, of our baby's life," Amira interrupts impatiently, "but there's a condition."
From the moment she walked in the door, Syed knew what was coming; and now, as she is saying the actual words, he can feel the pressure building in his chest, the old familiar feeling of being trapped returning. Even as he feels joy at discovering he is going to be a father, the feeling is swamped by the most unbearable pain he has ever felt in his life. "Can it really be over, after so short a time?" he wonders despairingly.
###########################
A couple of hours later
"Please try to understand," begs Syed, reaching his hand out towards Christian even though he knows he no longer has the right to touch him. "I can't lose my baby, but I can't have you both. I'm so sorry," he cries, tears streaming down his cheeks.
Christian doesn't speak; he just stands staring stonily at Syed, with his packed bags by his side.
"She won't let me be a part of his life, if I don't give you up," Syed pleads for understanding, his voice strained, the pain visible on his face. "She'll move away, somewhere I'll never find her. Qadim can make it happen; he has contacts in all kinds of places."
Christian picks up his bags.
"Syed, let him go," says Zainab quietly, taking his arm to pull him away.
"Can't you see, that's what I'm trying to do," he cries, rounding on her; and Masood, who is standing nearby; "but I can't just let him leave without explaining why I'm abandoning him yet again," he sobs brokenly.
"Christian, please wait," he cries, as he turns back towards Christian, who is now opening the taxi door. "I love you," he whispers.
Christian looks coldly at him one more time, before getting in.
"When you hold your baby in your arms, the pain will go away, Papoo," says Zainab, trying to comfort him. She links her arm through his and turns to walk home. Syed lets himself be led; he says nothing.
###########################
The same day, in the evening
"So where will you live?" asks Zainab, as she prepares dinner.
"Dad's found us a lovely little three-bed a couple of streets away from his house. He's having it completely gutted and re-decorated at the moment," replies Amira cheerfully.
"How does he feel about you and Syed being back together?" she asks awkwardly.
"It took a lot of convincing, but he now understands how important Syed is to me; and that once the baby is born, Syed will feel differently about everything," explains Amira. "And as long as he makes me happy, dad's prepared to let us 'get on with it', to use his words. I know he will be watching Syed very closely to make sure he doesn't ever let me down again." Her smile doesn't quite disguise the warning. "But that's all in the past," she adds breezily. "Once we've settled into married life away from here with our new baby, we'll be so happy," she insists confidently, reaching down to kiss Syed's cheek. He doesn't react.
"Syed, call your father and brother," snaps Zainab, as she hands the dinner plates to Amira.
Syed, who hasn't spoken a word since Christian left in the taxi, gets up from the table and starts to walk towards the kitchen door. After a few steps, he is vaguely surprised to see the floor rushing up to meet him, and then everything goes black.
"Syed," cry Zainab and Amira in unison rushing towards him.
"Mas," shouts Zainab, "come quick, Syed's fainted."
After about 10 minutes, it becomes clear that it's more than that.
###########################
A couple of days later
"Has Mr Masood recently suffered any kind of emotional trauma?" asks the doctor.
"No, of course not," snaps Zainab dismissively. "What kind of trauma?" she asks uneasily.
"It could be something like being involved in an accident, or maybe witnessing one; or losing a loved one, someone he may have been especially close to?
When no one responds, he continues. "We can find nothing physically wrong with him - the tests we've carried out have all come back negative. That leads us to consider his mental state. There may be something he just can't cope with, something too painful for him to deal with. When no immediate escape is possible and the emotion is overwhelming, we often 'numb out', or lose touch with our feelings. The mind shuts down, and we become disassociated from reality. Things may seem to be happening in slow motion, or we may even lose consciousness.
Are you aware of anything which could have caused such an extreme reaction?"
"Mum," says Tamwar angrily, "are you going to tell him, or should I?"
"Tamwar, please go and wait in the car," orders Masood.
"He's lost the man he loves, the man who means more to him than anything in the world," Tamwar tells the doctor, his voice filled with sadness. "His wife made him choose between the man he loves and his unborn child," he adds, looking accusingly at Amira.
"This is not my fault," she cries, "none of it. He wanted us to have a child. It was his decision from the beginning," she informs them before storming out.
"If I lose my grandchild, I'll never forgive you," Zainab hisses at Tamwar, before rushing after her.
"How long do you think he'll stay like this?" Tamwar asks the doctor.
"It could be days, or weeks, it's hard to say," he admits.
"If I could bring Christian, his partner, here; if Syed could hear his voice, do you think that might bring him around?" asks Tamwar hopefully.
"There are no guarantees in these situations, but it can't hurt to try," says the doctor, refusing to give false hope. "We will monitor Mr Masood's progress over the next few days and let you know if there is any change." He walks off, leaving Masood and Tamwar staring after him, both wishing he could have given them something more concrete.
"You heard what he said, there are no guarantees," Masood calls after Tamwar as he rushes out the door. "Syed will probably wake up of his own accord in a day or two, there's no need to bring him back," he adds wearily, but Tamwar has already left. "I knew it was too good to be true," he sighs, "we're never going to get rid of him." He wearily walks into the ward to sit by his troubled son's bed and hold his hand while he still can.
###########################
"Jane, he would want to know about this," Tamwar insists, forcing his way through the door despite her best efforts.
"He's suffered enough because of your brother," she replies angrily.
"You know Syed loves Christian just as much as Christian loves him," he reminds her. "Syed has suffered too, don't forget. And you of all people should understand why he couldn't turn his back on his child," he adds reluctantly.
"Don't you dare play that card with me," Jane shouts, now furious. Grabbing his arm, she drags him back towards the door.
"I'm sorry, please," begs Tamwar, "that was below the belt, but I'm desperate," he pleads, sticking his foot in the doorway to stop her closing the door, and then crying out in agony as his foot is closed in the door.
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," cries Jane, when she sees how much pain he's in. She puts her arm around his waist and helps him to hop awkwardly back into the sitting room. She then carefully removes his shoe and sock and puts ice on his foot.
"It's okay, I'll be fine," says Tamwar after a few minutes, "I'm more worried about Syed."
"All right," sighs Jane, "I'll get in touch with Christian. I'll tell him what's happened."