Fangirls

Rated: M *for sexual content and themes

Disclaimer: I don't own bleach

Ichigo lounged on the couch chatting with Renji. He'd decided to throw a little party since Isshin and his little sisters were gone for the weekend. Hitugaya, Masumoto, Chad, Uryu, Orihime, Rukia, and Renji were playing party games and enjoying each others company.

Suddenly, Uryu yelled at Orihime, "I know! It's like every single one!" Ichigo and Renji looked across the living room at this little outburst.

"What are you guys talking about?" asked Ichigo.

"Fan fiction," Uryu said with venom. "It's so ridiculous. Half the scenarios don't even make sense. Most of the yoai oneshots don't even have a plot line that goes with our character traits, there just us having sex with one another!"

"I know," growled Ichigo. "At least you guys are paired up with the same person most of the time. I think I've slept with every one here at least once."

"Yeah and why is always guyxguy or girlxguy. There is never any lesbian sex," said Rukia exasperated. "And I'm gay for crying out loud!"

"And I'm bisexual," stated Orihime. The two eyed each other. Rukia quickly scooped up Orihime and carried her up the stairs bridal style.

"Ichigo!" Rukia shouted down the stairs, "Don't come in your bedroom for the next two hours!"

"Heh! Wait a minute! You two are not doing it on my bed!!" He went to follow them, but Uryu held him back.

"Just let them go," chuckled Renji, "Maybe some nice fangirl will give them a really good time. God knows they need it." Ichigo sighed and stop struggling. A long moan was heard from the bedroom upstairs. Hitsugaya turned up the music to drown it out.

"At least they are gay," said Renji. "I hate it when some fangirl hooks me up with a guy. I'm straight for crying out loud. Man I need to get me a woman." Matsumoto pushed her breasts against the back of Renji's head as she hugged him.

"It's ok Renji. Everyone makes fun of my boobs. I'm always in some ridiculous situation were everyone laughs at my endowment."

Renji blushed and looked up at Matsumoto. "You know I always was a boob guy." He winked knowingly at the orange haired woman above him. Matsumoto got the hint threw him over her shoulder with a huge grim on her face. "Hey Ichigo, don't come down to your clinic beds for a while," he said from the fireman's hold he was in.

Ichigo looked out of the computer screen at the fangirl reading this fic and shook his head.

"How many of you seriously clicked on this story just because Maggie put yoai smut in the description? You sicken me." He turned to the others. "At least you guys are straight. I don't have to worry about getting dragged off somewhere."

"Um…I'm gay," said Uryu. Ichigo looked at him doubtfully.

"Common Ichigo. Isn't it obvious. My hairs always perfect, I'm obsessed with my outfit, and I'm even in a fucking sewing club. And everyone can tell I have a major crush on you."

"You do," said Ichigo and blushed. Uryu carefully reached in for a kiss which Ichigo returned enthusiastically. "You know I didn't get to shower today," whispered Ichigo into Uryu's ear. The two made their way to the bathroom, hugging.

Chad and Hitsugaya were left down stairs alone. Hitsugaya glanced at Chad and sighed. "You know she's going to get us to fuck," he said to Chad. The larger man nodded. "Let's get this over with." They undressed and climbed onto the couch.

And so the world of fan fiction was at peace and everyone got laid.

THE END

I seriously don't know where this came from. I just thought it would be funny if the characters were discussing fan fiction.