December 23rd, 2017
Gabby's POV
"I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree"
I sit at the kitchen table, listening to Christmas music, filling Christmas themed tins with fresh baked cookies. It's my latest project in an attempt to save myself from climbing the walls.
Four different types of cookies, Cranberry Bliss bars, and a new favorite, Nanaimo Bars, which we'd recently tried on a weekend getaway to Canada. The kitchen is already spotless as I attacked the mess with fervor as I waited for the cookies to cool and the bars to set.
I was somewhat amazed at the fact that my kitchen is as clean as it is. Not only have I been baking all morning, but I've been cooking relentlessly for the past three weeks. I have prepared and frozen so many meals that our large laydown freezer in the basement is full. Lasagna's, Chicken and Beef pot pies, different types of casseroles, my Grandma's Chicken Mac n' Cheese - and I have even frozen meatloaf and mashed potatoes. That's more of an experiment since I haven't done it before, but if Rachel Ray says you can, who am I to disagree?
It isn't just the kitchen that's clean. So is the rest of the house. I have cleaned it from top to bottom at least twice since my maternity leave began on December 1st. As much as I need something to do, even I know cleaning it a third time would be over kill. We only moved in near the end of October so most of the house is still well organized and we haven't had enough time to accumulate random odds and ends that I can throw out with glee. I'm really into purging and organizing right now.
I have also checked and re-checked my lists. We have the necessities the baby will need already taken care of. We have also agreed that most of the other things can be purchased on a need-be basis. But I've gone shopping with some friends in an attempt to pass the time. It's not my fault the things I find are just way too cute to pass up. The baby shower cap was super adorable. I mean, how could I not? Was it a necessity? No. But I could justify it because my baby would love it. And they deserved it.
I shudder to think what I have actually spent on the cute little things that aren't truly needed, though. Thankfully, we aren't struggling financially. As a wedding gift, my parents presented us with a portfolio as they had done for my brother and Laura when they had got married. When we were born, they'd taken a small sum of money and invested it. Over the years, the stocks they'd purchased had done quite well so we put some of the money towards our house. The rest has remained untouched.
The house was an investment in our future and although it ended up costing a little more than we'd figured it would, it was still a bargain. It was a foreclosure. It's large, with more than enough space, in a fantastic area, great school district and near work. The lot size is phenomenal. It's wide and deep, just over an acre and a half. It's also in the same neighborhood as the house from Home Alone. We live in suburbia and we love it.
We knew from the beginning that it would be a large undertaking. That's why the house had been owned by the bank for so long with no buyers. So many people either couldn't see its value and what it could be or simply didn't want to take on the work. What surprised us was that developers hadn't snatched it up before we got there. We gave the bank a low-ball offer, a fair amount less than what they'd asked for it since it had been sitting on the foreclosure market for so long with no interest. They responded fairly quickly, accepting our first offer.
The front yard was a decent size, the house set back from the road about 60 or so feet. There is a cute little walk way that leads from the side walk up to the covered front porch. Matt promises that in the spring he will build us a porch swing and a couple of rocking chairs. He doesn't know it yet, but I have an idea for a beautiful gazebo, trellis and arbor in the backyard as well.
We decided when we were remodeling that we needed to make some changes to the yard. We put up a wrought iron fence so that the sides and backyard are enclosed. The fence itself isn't so short that a person can jump over it, but it's not so tall that it looks out of place, either. We just wanted to have peace of mind that our children can play outside and that the garage (with side entry) and the large shop in the backyard would be secure. Matt keeps all his tools for his construction jobs in there. In an attempt to keep our costs as low as possible, he had done as much if the work as he could, including building custom cabinets and built-in's for the house, which later led to custom furniture pieces. He had really enjoyed doing that and everyone has loved his work, so he's talking about maybe scaling back on the construction jobs and possibly focusing on custom pieces. That way he can work from home, in his shop, rather than having to go to a construction site, and be here with the baby and I.
I haven't just been buying for the baby. Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Ever since I was kid, I've felt like there was magic in the air and this year feels extra special. We are finally in our new house, our baby was due on December 20th - I'm now three days overdue - it has to be perfect. We only get one first Christmas in this house. So I pulled out all the stops and the house is fully decorated, inside and out. Nearly every room had a touch of the holiday spirit. Matt had enlisted Kelly, Otis and Herrmann to help string the lights around the porch, doors and windows on the first and second floors. There are lights in the trees and shrubs. We also found a life size and realistic looking sleigh and three reindeer for on the front lawn. The Santa that came with the display, however, left something to be desired. So for the time being, we have a projection screen in the window above the foyer that makes it look like Santa is delivering gifts. Maybe in the next year or two we'll add a blow up snowman or something. Add a little bit of whimsical to the display for our kids' enjoyment.
Once all the decorating had been done, I had looked around in awe. I may be biased, but it is absolutely the most beautifully decorated and festive house on the street, possibly even one of the nicest in the greater Chicago area. And I was giddy with excitement when I realized that our display makes my cousin's magazine perfect show-home look like a carnival side-show. I love my cousin, but she makes everything into a contest even when no one else wants to compete. So the fact that I hadn't set out to upstage her, but did, makes me happy as hell. I'm thrilled. Matt said it's endearing and cute, but I can tell he had thinks that I'm crazy to be this excited. He most likely blames the pregnancy hormones.
A couple of days after the house had been completely decked out, he came home from shift ready for a morning filled with sleep. Instead, he'd found a note saying I had run to the grocery store to grab some appetizers and other food for our Christmas/housewarming party. That had been a surprise. We had agreed that hosting a party so close to my due date could be overwhelming. We'd also agreed that the spring seemed like a good time to have the party. It would give us some time to settle into being new parents and allow us to find a routine with the baby. Spring would also be a good time because of the nicer weather. The kids who came to the party could run around outside and we'd have a barbecue...
So when I arrived home with our new SUV loaded with groceries, he asked me as carefully as he could what the sudden rush was. I actually had to admit to him that I just woke up with the idea and sent out a mass email to our friends and family that the party was in two days. When he told me that I was taking on too much, I had turned into a puddle of tears. In my emotional state, I had accused him of treating me like a fragile piece of glass. I told him that just because I was pregnant didn't mean I couldn't take care of things. I willed away the tears and then ranted for a few minutes as I unpacked grocery bags angrily and he had just stood there and listened, not once interrupting me. He'd learned the hard way, when I was about five months in, that interrupting a ranting and pregnant me was a very dangerous thing to do.
Eventually, I stopped to take a breath and had sat down because I was suddenly exhausted. Then a fresh batch of tears started to fall from my eyes. Matt had cautiously started to rub my back. I did a complete 180, admitting my hormones were at fault for the snap decision to have a party, that I wasn't really angry at him and that he was being so wonderful and didn't deserve to have me snapping at him. Of course he'd said all the right things again - that he understood and my hormones were in overdrive. He told me I had the hardest job of all - I was nurturing our child and preparing to bring him or her into this world. If all he had to do was bring me ice cream and pickles, and every now and again have me blow off some steam in his direction, he was getting off easy. Then a third batch of tears had been produced as I realized what I had done. The mass email. Now we were obligated to have the party, right? He helped me off the chair at the breakfast bar and walked me towards the stair case. He had sent me on my way, telling me to crawl into bed and get some rest. He would send out a second email right away, telling everyone that we weren't cancelling - just simply postponing.
He had crawled into bed a few minutes after I had, and once again, my hormones had changed my mood. I was smiling and laughing. Even I knew just how out of my mind I had been to have thought a party on such short notice was a good idea. He laughed so hard he had tears shining in his eyes. He told me that we would put in an appearance at my cousins party that weekend, staying for as long or as little as I was feeling up to and that for however long we were there, we'd scope out the competition. Next year, we will be throwing the family holiday party. And it will be epic. It will kick her party's ass. I am so in love with him that I had to spend the next twenty minutes showing him just how much. We'd slept more than the morning away after that.
I secure the lid of the last Christmas theme tin and then put them in boxes. One box had the tins for our families. Another box had the tins for our neighbors. Another was for the firehouse.
I rub my belly after feeling a powerful kick. I'm quite surprised at how active our baby still is considering the cramped quarters he or she are living in. From reading the books and talking to other women, I always assumed that the baby would a lot less active at this stage. Especially since I'm overdue.
I stand up from the stair and arch my back as much as I can, attempting to stretch out the kinks. I can't really remember the last time I felt comfortable. I'm not even sure if I remember what comfortable feels like. Now it's about finding the least uncomfortable position. Usually I'm readjusting every few minutes - and that's if I'm lucky.
I walk from the kitchen eating area into the formal living room. Looking around, I can't help but smile. Although our home has formal spaces, they are all comfortable and livable. Nothing stuffy. The only room we kept even somewhat formal is the large dining area and that's primarily to host large family gatherings. Matt and I have been ending each night that he isn't on shift sitting on this couch, just starting at the decorated tree.
"I wonder what Daddy is up to," I say quietly to the baby, rubbing my belly again. The weather has me a little on edge. The weather people have been saying that mid morning, a few hours after shift ends, a snow storm is going to roll in. I pick up the phone and hit speed dial number one. It only rings a couple of times before I hear his voice on the other end.
"Gabby?" I can tell he's jumpy. "Are you OK?" He's just as anxious as I am for the baby to arrive. The plan is that once the baby decides to make their appearance he'll take a month long furlough and Herrmann will step into the role of Lieutenant.
"We're fine," I assure him. "Nothing yet."
I can hear him exhale. I can't tell if he's relieved or disappointed. "I just wanted to call and say hi."
"Hi," I can hear him smiling. "What have you been up to today?"
"Oh, you know," I hedge. "Not much."
"Mmmhmm," I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he's amused anyway. "What are you going to do this afternoon?"
I peak out the window and I notice the wind is starting to blow a little harder than I like.
"Gabby?" he says, trying to get my attention.
"I've got a load of towels that I need to wash. And the baby wants Chinese food so we're going to order in. Maybe watch some sappy Christmas movies."
"Sounds like heaven. I wish I could enjoy that with you."
"Think you can get out of work?" I ask, teasing him.
He laughed. "I wish. Chief wants all hands on deck tonight. Just in case that storm rolls in early."
I miss that. The nights where we're all working together, side by side. Usually those nights are full of excitement. Suddenly I hear "Hey Gabby!" being shouted over, what I assume is, Matt's shoulder and into his phone.
"Hi guys," I say back. It's then that I hear the automated female voice, alerting Firehouse 51 that all of them are needed at the site of a car accident. "Be careful," I tell him. "We love you."
"I love you both too," he tells me before quickly saying goodbye.
I know that after the busy morning of baking that I've had, I should probably take this time to slow down. Throw the towels in the washer and then relax. Maybe lie down on the couch and have a nap... I've been taking that advice as much as I can. To sleep as much as possible before the baby comes. Some days are easier than others though...
About two hours later, I put my SUV in park outside of the firehouse. I tried to nap. I really did. But I just couldn't get comfortable. And after twenty minutes of trying, I gave up. I looked out the window and saw the wind was getting stronger and I just felt uneasy. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe it's intuition. I don't know. What I do know is that I feel calmer being at the station.
I glance at my rear view mirror and notice the temperature gauge is telling me that it's about 25 degrees outside. The snow is blowing in the streets, the visibility is becoming less and less. I can't really tell if the snow that's blowing is new snow that is falling or if it's snow from the ground being kicked up by the wind. Maybe it's a combination of both.
I grab my purse from the passenger seat and open my door, bracing myself to step into the elements. Sure enough, it feels colder than 25 degrees. I hadn't realized just how cold it would feel in the wind.
I look at the ground cautiously even though it's been salted as I make my way to the door. I'm so focused on spotting any slipping hazards that I didn't notice Kelly, Capp and Joe had spotted me from the Squad table. The three men had jumped up, rushing to door to hold it open for me and usher me inside, wanting me out of the cold.
"Hey, Gabs," Kelly kisses me on the cheek. He then turned his attention to my belly, putting his hand on my bump. "Hey munchkin," his eyes sparkle when he feels the baby move. "Quite the kicker you got there," he tells me.
I grimace. "Yeah."
"You OK?" Joe asks, leaning down and giving me a hug hello.
"My back is angry," I t them. "Very angry."
"Come on," Capp says, attempting to lead me over to the Squad table. I always thought the fact that Squad 3 had their own table, when Truck 81 and Ambo 61 didn't have anything to claim as their own, was elitist. But it was still nice to know they were concerned enough to invite me into their domain - even if it was just a table.
"I think I just need to move around," I tell them. "Moving around seems to help."
"Hey!" I turn around at the familiar voice.
"Hey Herrmann," I smile brightly. He pulls me into a quick hug.
"This is a sweet surprise." He lets me go and steps out of the way so Otis can greet me as well.
"Even sweeter if you guys want to unload that beast out there," I nod my head towards my SUV, pressing the keys into Otis' hand as he leans down and kisses my cheek.
"You brought us treats?"
"I brought a lot more than that. Unload it all?" I question with a smile that tells them I know it's a lot to ask, especially in the cold blowing wind.
"You got it, Gabby," Herrmann smiles.
"Do you guys know where Matt is?" I ask.
"Kitchen," Kelly calls out to me from over his shoulder as the door closes behind him.
"Thanks," I call out softly but they don't hear me. I rub my back as I leave the apparatus floor, headed towards the kitchen. I don't think I've ever been this uncomfortable. I make my way into the common room and see Matt at the sink, his back to me. Mouch is in his usual spot. I put my fingers to my lips and motion for him to be quiet so I can sneak up behind my husband.
He's waiting patiently for the coffee to finish brewing. I admire the way the long sleeve grey CFD shirt fits him. I can see how muscular his arms are...even his back has some nice definition. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of the naughty thoughts. The hormones coursing through my body are a blessing and a curse. Unfortunately I can't scratch that particular itch right now though. I reach out and pinch his ass, thoroughly amused when he nearly jumps out of his skin. He whirls around and see's that I'm the offender.
"I should punish you for that," he growls playfully, sweeping me up into his arms and kissing me.
"I wouldn't object," I whisper when he pulls away from lips.
"You know I do have a private room," he wiggles his eyebrows.
"Something tells me that bed would too small for the both of us right now," I laugh, but it's the truth.
"We could give the shower another go," he kisses my neck, reminding me of our first on-duty encounter.
I giggle and blush. "We were so lucky we never got caught."
"And if we keep playing our cards right, we never will be," he kissed me again. He cups my face as he pulls away, gazing into my eyes. "This is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see you," I tell him. Truthfully, I didn't want to be alone either. I inhaled sharply, my hand going to my back. I shifted on my feet.
"You OK?" he was serious now.
I nodded through somewhat tight lips. "Yeah, my back is just really sore."
He nods sympathetically. My biggest complaint in the last couple of weeks was definitely how sore my back has been. He motioned for me to turn around with playful wink.
I smiled gratefully as I turned around. I stand about a foot away from the counter and then lean forward and bracing myself on the edge. That alone takes immense pressure off my lower back. It's a relief that I know won't last long. His hands start to gently kneed my aching muscles, slowly increasing the pressure to the desired level. He has learned quickly that the amount of pressure at any given time could be different from the time before so he had become rather skilled at reading my body language.
"Where do I sign up for that treatment?" Sylvie joked as she walked into the room.
I looked up and nodded in greeting. "You just gotta get yourself knocked up," I smirked.
She chuckled. "I'm good, thanks. Happy to hire a masseuse."
I'm surprised to see McAuley enter the room. I looked at Sylvie who was now standing beside me and harshly whispered, "what's he doing here?!"
Even though she's normally a welcoming person, she shakes her head and her eyes roll back. "He's filling in for Chili. She was on the short list for Christmas vacation. Another paramedics plans fell through and they decided to stay in Chicago and work. Let someone else have a Merry Christmas."
"That was nice of them," I cringe. Yes, it was nice that someone decided to give up their vacation and let another go, but now McAuley was at the station. I'm not entirely sure my mood swings won't be directed at him at some point while I'm here. That man tends to suck the life out of the room. Matt's hands move up my back and he's now working on my shoulder blades, slowly heading towards my shoulders and neck. I'm feeling a little better but I'm not quite ready for him to stop. "So what's Chili doing?"
"Apparently her best friend from high school called to invite her to spend Christmas with her and her family at their ski house in Colorado."
"Nice," I sigh. It both a comment directed at Chili's plans and Matt's ministrations. "Thanks," I smile over my shoulder. He smiles at me as I stand upright.
"These are delicious," Otis declares as he walks into the common room, his mouth full of some of the treats I had baked, the box of tins in his arms. "These are for us, right?"
I laugh. "Yes There's a tin in there for everyone," I motion to the box.
"How much food did you bring with you?" Mouch questions as Joe, Kelly and Capp bring in armloads full of grocery bags.
"Enough to make you all dinner," I smile. I can feel Matt's gaze burning me. I turn to him.
"You do realize that you don't need an excuse to come here, right?"
"I know," I answer. "I really was just going to watch movies and order Chinese food, but I just don't want to be alone tonight... So I figured if I wanted to come see you, then I may as well do something useful since I can't sit still."
He seems to be considering his words carefully. Over the past few weeks, he's wanted me to slow down. In my defense though, I have. The only reason why I've kept doing as much as I have is because I've been bored out of my mind. Having no work to go to, I've house bound most of the time. I tackle a project, and then nap. Get up and tackle another. It's only been this last week that I've had a burst of energy, which suits me just fine. Sitting still is not in my blood. I like being busy. I know once the baby finally comes, my life will be drastically different. I'm excited and ready for that. But until then, I need to keep myself occupied...
"Just don't over-do it, alright?" He motions towards our friends who are all digging into their Christmas treats. "If you need help, tell us."
I lean in as close as I can, which isn't easy anymore with my giant belly between us. I give him a quick, loving kiss. "I will. Don't worry."
I'm sitting at the table, sipping on some hot tea. Pouch hasn't left my side since the moment he spotted me.
"So how are you doing?" Sylvie asks me as she breaks off a piece of a cookie that I had baked.
"Good," I nod, but I can see she doesn't believe me. "I want my body back," I admit. I've loved being pregnant, but it's certainly had its challenges. "I'm tired of not being able to see my feet." I cringe a little as a pain in my back occurs. "My back is constantly aching. When I want to roll over, it's not so simple anymore." Sylvie chuckled. "I had no idea it was even possible to be this uncomfortable." I feel tears stinging my eyes. "I've never been a crier and this entire pregnancy I've been thinking that I wish I held stock in kleenex." She's laughing now. "I'm crazy and I know it."
"Hormones."
"I feel bad for Matt. He's been so great. If I need or want anything, he takes care of it. And he never knows what mood I'm going to be in from one second to the next." I wipe at the tear rolling down my cheek. "I guess you're sorry you asked that one simple question, aren't you?"
She smiles and reaches out to touch my arm. "I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Especially considering you're over-due." I take as deep a breath as I can, trying to calm down. "Speaking of being over-due...what did the doctor say at your last appointment?"
"She told us it could happen at any time."
"I sense a 'but' coming..."
I nod my head. She knows me well. "She said the baby has only dropped down slighty. So it could happen quickly, or maybe not at all. She wants to induce me on the 30th if nothing has happened."
"Are you OK with that?"
I shake my head no. "The baby will come when they're ready. We have our birth plan and I really don't want to deviate from that. Everything that I've read has said that one medical intervention is likely to lead to another and another... "
"What does Matt think?"
"He wants us to what's best for the baby. He said he trusts me to make the right decision, though. That I know my body. That if my instincts say no medical intervention, then there won't be any unless it's necessary."
"I sense another 'but'..."
"He's hasn't said it to me, but I know he's ready for this to be over. If I said let's induce, he'd be thrilled. He's pretty much been living on high alert since the Braxton Hicks incident."
I had researched false labor and everything had indicated that it wasn't usually painful. Usually. What I felt was painful. Matt had kept track of the duration and length of contractions. It didn't make sense - there was no rhyme or reason to when they occurred or how long they were...so we did a quick search online and found that to stop Braxton Hicks, doctors recommend that the woman put her feet up and drink a large glass of water, so I did that. After two hours of these painful and unpredictable contractions, we both pretty much convinced that it was time. But we were wrong. It had been Braxton Hicks contractions after all. The reason why they were painful was most likely because my ligaments were still stretching.
I had felt ridiculous for not being able to tell the difference...I had assumed that with my training as a paramedic, I'd be able to tell. But the doctor that night who had examined me at the hospital assured me that we had done the right thing. Better safe than sorry. She had also pointed out that while my body knew what to do, I was still experiencing everything for the first time, so it was natural if I thought one thing was happening and it was something else entirely. I had nodded and said that I'd know better for next time, and she had patted my leg kindly and told me not to put so much pressure on myself as each experience can be different from woman to woman and even pregnancy to pregnancy.
"So, regardless of how it happens, are you ready for it? Labor, I mean," she clarifies.
I can feel tears stinging my eyes again. "I didn't think I would be this freaked out. When I start thinking about it, I have to focus on something else. It's just so overwhelming." I rub my back where I have a twinge. "I don't know how many times I delivered babies when I was still working on Ambo. I know how it all works. On one hand it's normal and natural... but on the other hand," I search to find the right words, but I can't.
"It's OK, Dawson," she tries to soothe me.
I shake my head and then look around to see who else in within earshot. "What if I can't do this?" I whisper.
She leans over and hugs me, tears now in her eyes. "You are one of the strongest women I know. There is nothing you can't do."
"I don't mean just the labor," I admit. "What if I can't do this? Like any of it?" This is a fear I haven't admitted to anyone, not even Matt. "What if I screw this kid up so badly that they end up in intense therapy before they graduate high school?"
She ignores what I said about therapy. "You know, I believe that baby's pick their parents," she says. I never expected that to be her response. She was either ignoring the confused look that crossed my face or didn't see it. "I think this baby hand-picked you and Matt because he or she knows that the two of you will be the most amazing mommy and daddy. I've seen you both with kids and I gotta tell you, if I were a baby-to-be, looking for the perfect parents, I'd choose you two as well." She started to look through the tin, selecting the next confection to eat. "Honestly though, if you weren't worried about that, I'd probably think something was wrong with you. Don't most first time parents have the same worries?"
Maybe's she's right. "Yeah, I guess."
She makes her cookie decision and breaks it in half. "These really are delicious." She handed me the other half. "Besides, whatever you screw up and do wrong with the first kid, you won't repeat with the second." I could see the smile tugging at her lips. I start to laugh and then she joins in.
"Good timing," I smile as the guys file into the common room, just getting back from a call. "I just finished dinner."
"It's not some weird pregnancy concoction, is it?" Mouch questions eyeing the food from afar. "It's not like...I don't know...spaghetti and chocolate syrup instead of tomato sauce?"
"Don't knock it 'til you try it, Mouch," Matt says with a straight face.
"Seriously?" Mouch is surprised.
Matt smirks and I laugh.
Herrmann rolls his eyes and taps Mouch's head on his way past. "Smells delicious, Gabby."
I smile at him as I set down the last pot on the table.
Matt came up behind me, his chin resting on my shoulder, his large hands spread across my belly. "Hi babe. Dinner looks great." He places a kiss on my temple. "It's been a long time since this table has been set like a dining room table," he teases. The fact was this table had never been set for dinner except for holiday meals. If the cook wasn't behind the counter serving whatever they'd made into everyone's plate, it was a buffet line.
I laughed. "It was set the table or scrub the showers."
"Thank you for setting the table," he laughed. "Although I'm sure you would've had those showers sparkling."
"Yes, I would have," she nodded. I look around . "Where's Sylvie and McAuley?"
"They took a victim to the hospital," Matt answers, but doesn't go further into detail. He seems somewhat distracted, then he takes a deep breath and seems to refocus. "They should be back within the hour, though."
I nod. "OK." I look at the guys. Everyone seems a little on edge. I consider asking what had happened, but I decide that if they want to say something, they will. Or I'll overhear bits and pieces of a conversation. And if nothing else, I'll talk to Matt in the morning. "Well, don't let it get cold. Dig in!"
So this is it. The first part. I'm thinking it'll be about three parts in length. I have the second part done and I'm working on what I hope will be the third and final installment of this story.
I had assumed that I would have this completed in time to post on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, but I just couldn't quite make it happen as hard as I tried. So even though it's past Christmas Day, I hope you will still enjoy the story just as much since I'm still managing to post within the Holiday Season.
I hope you've all had a happy and joyous season and that you have a safe and fun filled New Year!