Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, and sadly I never will…………………but such is life! Anyways this here below me is a fic I thought of one day at school, it was not a fic that I concentrated real hard on so of course it is a comedy and yes characters are ooc……………… very ooc. But not to worry! My friends liked it and have asked me to put it up, I like it so lets hope you like it too! J
Why Inuyasha Never does the Grocery Shopping
Kagome stretched as she slowly got up, today was the day she went home and hopefully all her friends…………………..but then again it was one of grandpa's spells that she was using to alter the well. But you might as well keep your hopes up right?
She opened her eyes and got looking around it came as no surprise to her that the others were up already.
"ah………… lady kagome you finally wake," Miroku said.
"yea! What took you so long?!" Inuyasha demanded.
" I am ignoring that………….. good morning Miroku, Sango," Kagome greeted.
"If your all done wasting time can we go now ?!" Inuyasha asked irritably.
Kagome smiled so he was excited to go.
"No, you know we promised Kaede to help out for her absence……………….." Kagome gently lectured.
"oh the old bag wont know the difference besides she's only gone for one day!" Inuyasha said.
"Inuyasha? Please…………………………sit."
The hanyou hit the ground cursing up a storm. And the others silently left the hut.
The group found themselves at the well late in the evening carrying the gifts the villagers gave them.
" Hurry up will ya!" Inuyasha yelled.
"I am!" Kagome yelled back.
She muttered the spell ( insert any spell you want to here.) and the well began to glow a soft pink.
"I guess it's working……………. Oh crap it's a 1 min window! Come on you guys!" Kagome yelled .
the group charged towards the well, kagome first, sango second Miroku third and Inuyasha last.
Of course miroku being the guy that he was and having a backside right there, in front of him, grabbed on to Sango's rear.
The group landed with a thumb at the bottom of the well, another huge slap resounded in the well house.
"sango dearest I was only trying to guide you down the right path………" Miroku said innocently while holding his bruised cheek.
"I'm sure you were…….." Sango mumbled as Inuyasha helped her out the hut.
The trio went into kagome's house ( oh yea! The got a description as to what everything was so……………insert description here.)
"Kagome, your home seems very quiet………." Sango said as the entered the kitchen.
"I know…………… Miroku Inuyasha set the bags down there." Kagome instructed.
"Hey look your mom left a note!" Inuyasha said handing her the paper.
Kagome read over the note.
"oh dear an emergency has come up………It seems aunt Hilda has broken her leg on her cat's kitchen knife…………..i hope it's nothing serious. They'll be back in about three days," Kagome said.
"that is very sad……….." sango mumbled.
"Yea, yea, now what did those people give us?" Inuyasha asked
"well lets see………." Miroku said pulling out the contents of the bag, "they gave us sake………."
" a lot of sake……………" Sango added looking in the other bag.
"oh well………… hey you guys let's have a party to celebrate ya all coming!" Kagome said, " I can invite a few friends…………"
"preferably pretty girls……." Miroku put in.
"Hentai!" Sango yelled.
"not that I would look at them sango my love, you are the only girl for me." Miroku announced.
Sango snorted but blushed none the lest.
The party turned out to be more than just a few friends…………… cause her friends had invited their friends who invited their friends, who invited their school, who invited their friends, who invited their friends who invited their friends, who invited their brother's cousins sister uncle's daughter's dog, who invited the cat who invited the rat, who invited the owner of the house who made posters about the house party. That is how a drunk hanyou a drunk monk a drunk miko and a group of drunk teenagers that the now drunk miko didn't have the heart to tell to leave ended up at Miko's house. (the miko's name shall not be called to prevent her from being punished……………but just in case the miko was kagome, shh………… don't tell any body). Which leads to the fact why Kagome woke up to her house a bloody mess, sake bottles littering the house a drunk poodle and a house bear of any food.
"Damn it! mom is going to kill me………" kagome said as she picked up yet another bottle.
"Not if she does not find out……….." Miroku mumbled flicking through the stations of the very fascinating T.V, "we could split up and do the work………lets see Inuyasha could do the grocery shopping and we'll stay here and clean up,"
"That's a good idea." Kagome said, "ok Inuyasha I'm making you a list…………."
Kagome picked up the first peace of paper she saw and scribbled a list on it, she handed it to him along with a wad of cash.
"Ok now listen, keep walking straight, you bend the corner and then you'll come to a huge sign that says Supermarket go in there and get these items, ok?" Kagome asked.
Inuyasha nodded.
"Hurry back!"
"yea, yea."
Inuyasha set off with his list.
After taking the wrong corner and walking for quiet some time, five hours thirty minutes to be exact, Inuyasha reached the city limits he took his time in reading the sign and finding nothing that said supermarket walked on.
Glancing at his list he saw that two of the items were chicken and pork.
"that's not hard to find…….." Inuyasha mumbled, " all farmers have chicken."
Walking on he looked and listened as he passed the farms and finally picked up on the clucking of chickens.
"ha! Don't need no old supermarket!" Inuyasha said.
Opening the door to where the chickens sounds came from, he found himself in a house of chickens…………very angry chickens.
"now which one of you are going to give yourself over willingly?" Inuyasha asked.
The chickens weary of the intruder started to peck at him while fluttering their wings wildly and scratching at his hair and face.
After a quick battle with the deadly chickens Inuyasha gave a victorious laugh picked up one of the dead chickens chopped the head off and stuffed it in the bag that kagome gave him.
"now I need pork…………….pork is pig! And I'm sure I saw a pig around here!" Inuyasha said.
Retracing his steps he saw a prize winning pig. Grinning evilly he went into the pig pen it took nothing for the pig to be defeated, but try as he might the oversized pig could not fit into the shopping bag so he slit it down the middle and stuffed the bloody hind part into the bag.
"now all I need is bread, corn flakes, flour, sugar and milk," Inuyasha mumbled as he set off again, " But what in the world are corn flakes?!"
Inuyasha stopped and pondered this then came to the bright idea that it was corn with flakes………… whatever flakes were.
So walking into the a corn field he picked several heads of corn and stuffed them in his bag.
Inuyasha walked for another hour before he heard a maiden crying. He of course went to her aid.
"what the hell is the problem?" Inuyasha asked moodily upon seeing no demon around.
"I………… I……… my hair!"
Inuyasha looked at the girls hair that was covered in white substance.
"what's wrong with it?' He asked.
"What- what's wrong with it?! I have flakes!-"
"Really? Can I have some?" Inuyasha asked eagerly glad that he had found flakes for kagome.
The girl looked at him weirdly before nodding her head.
"great! Put it in here!" Inuyasha said holding out the bag.
Not stopping to look what was in the bag, the girl shook her head vigorously over it.
"gee, thanks." Inuyasha said and walked off.
"now where to find bread……………" he pandered.
After some walking he stopped at a house,
"they should have bread." He said as he knocked on the door then barged in.
"who the hell are you?!" a middle aged man asked from around a dinner table.
"I want bread." Inuyasha demanded.
"well son your out of luck the bread you see here is the last we gots." The man stated pointing to the gravy soaked bread in his family's plate.
"fine give it to me!" Inuyasha demanded.
"nope not a chance in the seven hells." The man said.
"now I asked nicely give me the bread or meet your end!" Inuyasha demanded,
Quickly the family handed over the bread, he put them in the bag then continued on his journey.
"Gosh you people move slow……." Miroku said as yet another show finished.
"well maybe if you'd help us!" Sango yelled.
"hey I did my room……" Miroku said.
"where in the world is Inuyasha…….." Kagome asked looking out the window, " he should back by now……"
"your right he should." Sango said.
"ok I'm calling the police." Kagome said.
Minutes after she dialled some one picked up.
"hello police department."
"hello I'd like to report a missing person….." Kagome said.
"how long has he been missing?" The lady asked.
"about 8 hrs now, but he's a tourist so he doesn't know his way around………"
"Can we have a description?" The lady asked.
"yea, he has silver hair……… puppy dog ears-."
"miss we have no time for prank calls, good day."
Before kagome could say anything the line went dead.
"great just great…………." She mumbled.
"maybe he shall soon be here," Miroku offered their distressed friend .
Inuyasha came to a small town stopping a lady he asked.
"do you know where I can get flour, milk and sugar?" He asked.
The lady looked at weirdly, "the baker is right infront of you…….." She said.
"thank you."
Inuyasha went into the store she gestured to.
"do you know where I can get flour and sugar………oh yea and milk!'
"well……… next door there is a grocery shop………….and you can get the flour and sugar here."
Inuyasha nodded, " can I have some please?" He asked.
"that's what I said………." The man answered.
"fill this bag." Inuyasha told him handing him the spare bag.
"put every thing in here?" The man asked.
Inuyasha nodded, shrugging the man went around back and came back moments later with the bag full of both sugar and flour.
"that'll be $100 ,"
"what's that?" inuyasha asked.
"don't play smart, just give me the money," the man demanded.
"I aint got none." Inuyasha said.
"well then you aint got no sugar or flour then."
Inuyasha glared at the man.
"you see these?" he asked holding up his claws " they aint no butter knives. Now give me my bag………."
Without another word inuyasha took his bag from the trembling man and left.
He walked to the supermarket asked a lady where to find the milk and then followed her directions to the fridge where he saw the milk trapped in a evil box, using his claws he slashed the boxes open and collected the milk in the flour bag.
Inuyasha strode off very proud of himself.
"um………….miss can you tell me how to get to ( insert name of where kagome lives)?"
"sure just take this bus right here…………" The lady said as the us pulled up.
"thank you,"
And so It came to pass that Inuyasha completed his grocery shopping and returned to the shrine a very proud hanyou, he had served a day in kagome's world and completed his task.
Inuyasha made his way to the kitchen where Three frantic people were doing things that frantic people do.
"hey guys I did the groceries." Inuyasha announced putting the bags on the table.
"Inuyasha!" kagome yelled jumping on him.
After their happy reunion kagome and sango went to empty the bag only to find their hands in mushy substance.
"what the hell………." Kagome said pulling out her hand she saw looked in the bag and saw the slaughtered animals and god only knew what else.
"oh my-."
Kagome ran to the bathroom to barf.
"what?" Inuyasha asked as Sango's face turned a odd shade of green.
Ok people in reality it's much funnier than that and a huge part has been edited. But I is very lazy……………and it didn't sound that long when I was saying it………….. my butt hurts too……………sniff and pout. please review……….please…………. with a cheery on top?
cutebaby