I don't own Noir so don't sue me please.
Authors Note: First Noir fic. So give me an idea of how you like it.
A Long Week
By: Heart Attack
Inside a small café on the outskirts of town a slightly over weight woman sat in her old wooden chair sipping her steaming tea listening to some soft music. Yeah right, this chick was freaking massive, the size of a whale is putting it nicely. She had some how managed to squeeze her huge back side into a chair and was slurping down some tea, or was it slop, that is beside the point. Wait what is the point anyway, never mind. So she was sitting there slurping down her tea from a jug spilling most of it down her gritty stained sundress that was tearing at the seams and was showing off things that are better off still hidden in a dark dank box, her coffin. As she continued to accumulate pounds the chair in which the bus she called a butt resided in gave in and her massive load hit the ground with more force then an atom bomb. The shock waves shattered glass for miles around. As the ground finally stopped shaking a car pulled up. Out stepped our two favorite assains sunglasses shielding their faces from the hideous sunlight that scorched their pale skin.
" That is our target, Madame Fat, I mean Fredrick. Our client was crushed by her when she failed to check her rear view mirrors before sitting down." Mireille said shading her face from the sun light to her pale Asian companion. Kirika Yuumura was wondering wither the bullets would penetrate far enough to be lethal. Madame Fredrick had a lot of protective fat over her vitals.
" Well let's go do this while the place is empty shall we" Mireille said walking into the café. As they enter dramatic music starts to play.
" Kirika turn the music off I can't focus." Mireille said ripping the small CD Player out of her hands and smashing it. The noise got Madame Fredrick's attention, she lowered the jug and shifted her huge five-chinned face to face them. God was she fat, wait I already made that clear.
" What do you want?" she asked her body giggling with every word, her breathing labored.
" It doesn't matter who we are." Mireille said to her pulling out her gun.
"I see, you have come to kill me have you" she said smirking a sickeningly fat smirk. Using the wall as leverage she heaves herself up and huffs, she smirks once more then throws herself at them rolling at them at lightening speed. Kirika barely managed to escape her fatty wrath however Mireille wasn't so lucky. Her lower body was being crushed by the enormous weight crashing down on her.
" Mireille!" Kirika screamed avoiding a ham of a hand as it swatted at her. Sending a round of bullets into Madame Fredrick her worst nightmare came true. The bullets had no effect on her. Side stepping another attack she jumps onto the behemoths back and climbs up her back to her head.
" What the heck are you doing?" she bellowed thrashing about wildly. Kirika who was currently holding for dear life, took off her sunglasses with one hand and shoved them down Madame Fredrick's throat. Gurgling noises could be heard as the thrashing slowly stopped. She had finally suffocated and her dead weight lies on Mireille's lower body.
" Get me out of here!" Mireille said through gritted teeth. The blood flow to her legs had been cut off for a while now. Grabbing a chair Kirika uses it to lift enough fat for Mireille to crawl out. Helping her stand they walk out to the car.
" Can you still drive?" Kirika asks uncertain if her blond friend could.
" Yes, lets get out here she already is beginning to smell." Mireille said getting to car and driving off. " Why do you always use your sunglasses, those were expensive too." She said as she drives home. They only lived about a half an hour away from where their target was.
" Sorry, I will try not use those to kill any more, I guess I'll go back to forks." Kirika said thinking about their friend or person who they know but Mireille never really liked. After the Manor Chloe went into the fork business and has be generously giving them forks, lots and lots of forks.
" No, I mean I don't care as long we don't need to contact her about anything. Sunglasses are fine." Mireille said still bitter about Chloe almost killing her.
" Okay Mireille." Kirika said knowing to test her luck. Being squashed by a five hundred pound ugly chick wasn't her idea of fun either. 'But maybe being crushed by a small Asian chick was Mireille's idea of, wait did I just think that. Bad Kirika, bad girl. Yes very bad girl. Wait I have to think about something else, like um, I don't know of anything else to think about, wait what about colors. Yes colors, like blue and green and blond and blond and even more blond. Dang it there I go again, what is wrong with me!' she mentally screamed shaking her head.
" You okay Kirika, you don't look so good." Mireille asked turning to her flustered friend. ' God she looks good even when she is sick. So good, stop it. I shouldn't even have thoughts like that let alone about Kirika.' Mireille scolded herself.
" I am just a little tired that's all." She said calming down a bit her empty mask back in place.
' This is going to be a long week' they both thought turning to look out of their windows.
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Author's Note: if you like it then review it please. Press the button it is not that hard. Come on here let me help you press it. There see it is that simple.