"No results found"
Mai stared at the familiar dull gray words. Disconnecting in the age of social networking was so much more deliberate than just not returning calls or responding to emails. Cutting ties took effort. Maybe that effort was just a name hastily typed in a search bar and a few clicks, but it took thought and purpose.
The slow decline of their friendship was devastating and inevitable. Every unanswered text, every vague 'yeah, maybe, I'm kinda busy right now', every social media tie cut hurt her deeply but surprised her none.
The facebook search returned the same results it had for months now. None. She tapped the lock button and started to slide the phone back into her pocket when a terrible, hopeful, devastating thought crossed her mind. She slowly pulled the phone back out, swiped it open.
Her fingers hovered over the keyboard.
K-a-w-a-i S-h-i-z-u-k-a
Anxiety curled in her, waiting to rush through her veins and swallow her whole. She didn't have to search. She didn't have to keep pushing. Let her have this one hope that someone connected to him didn't completley hate her and wish she didn't exist. She could stop.
Was that really better? Was not knowing and giving herself false hope really the answer here?
Not knowing and not thinking about it. That was the answer.
But not one she was strong enough to follow. She knew, pressing the 'search' button, that this was folly. That whatever the result, any effort spent on him and his family was too much to be healthy. Nothing related to him could help her anymore.
But nothing unrelated to him to help her either. Everything was the same bleak shade of hopeless.
The results appeared. Her breath caught.
'Shizuka Kawai'
and then, below it:
'Add friend'