This story was inspired by Carousel sung by Melanie Martinez. It's an absolutely amazing song, and you should all listen to everything that she sings. Oh, and I had to throw a little bit of sassy Rosalie into this story, because I love her. Haha.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the title, only the story and any mistakes.
"You're fucking kidding me!" Isabella Swan cried out, a grin on her face and putting her hand to her head. "This is insane, Jacob!" Jacob Black grinned over at her in response. He had already known what her reaction was going to be—he was her best friend, after all. He knew what to get her for her twenty-first birthday. "This is fucking amazing, Jacob."
"Yeah, well, you know me," Jacob smirked. "I am pretty fucking amazing."
"And so super modest as well," Bella mocked lightly, the grin still stretching her mouth. "I'm so glad I have such a humble best friend."
"So?" Jacob looked impatient.
"So...?"
"Are we going to go, or what?!" Jacob pushed her.
"Of course!"
The Tove Lo concert that Jacob had got her tickets for was everything she had wanted. They were right up the front—almost close enough for them to reach out and touch the singer. Her voice was on point, and the crowd was incredible, and even though it was the last place on the planet that Jacob wanted to be, he was a good sport. His bulky body was like her protector from everyone, keeping the crowd from bumping her around. Afterwards, he took her out for burgers and insisted that he be the one to pay. Bella argued with him, but he won, using the birthday card.
"That was perfect," Bella told him afterward as they walked down the busy New York streets afterward, their arms linked.
They were always like this, invading each other space and touching each other. It was normal, and if it wasn't like this, Bella wouldn't know how to operate without Jacob standing in her personal bubble. He was like her other half, and he always had been.
"I'll walk you up," Jacob said as they reached her apartment building. Their arms unlinked as she dialled in her security code and let them in. As they walked toward the elevator, their arms brushed against each others, and he reached out for her, this time his hand finding hers, his fingers lacing together. The sparks that flew through their bodies had nothing to do with friendship and all to do with something else, but neither of them commented on it. They took the elevator up to her floor and when they reached her room, she wondered what was going to happen.
"Thanks for tonight," Bella said earnestly. "I needed that."
"Yeah, you're boss is kind of a jackass," Jacob sympathised. "I can't believe you had to work on a Saturday. Your birthday Saturday."
"He doesn't have a life, so he thinks that no one else should," Bella shrugged. Jacob made a face but didn't say anything else. She felt her stomach turning over in a way that only Jacob could do, and she didn't want to let go of his hand. But then he was pulling away, and she felt empty until his hand came up to cup her face and he brought his mouth to hers briefly.
Just like every other stolen kiss, Bella's body felt like it was lit on fire. His lips burned against hers, and she felt as though every nerve in her body was aware and reacting to her best friend.
"Happy birthday, Bella," Jacob whispered, before he turned and walked back to the elevator, leaving Bella standing at her door, her fingers on her lips, staring after him.
Jacob had a basketball game with a bunch of his friends a week later, one that Bella always went to cheer him on. Not like he needed any extra help, given Jacob was the best one out of the pack, and there was always girls there who were happy to act as his own personal cheerleader. Alice Brandon, her room mate and best friend, went along with her, always more than happy to ogle a bunch of sweaty boys with their shirts off.
"The things I would do to that man..." Alice licked her lips in almost a predatory manner as she looked over at Jacob's friend, Paul Lahote. Bella made a face as her eyes followed Alice's.
"Eh," she shrugged. "He's an asshole."
"That's what makes him perfect for a one night stand," Alice smirked. "A night of fun and then never have to worry about him again." Bella laughed, but her interest in Paul had rapidly faded and her eyes seeked out Jacob. He was weaving his way amongst a couple of the boys, bouncing and basketball as he went, and then jumping up to send the ball through the hoop. It slid inside and he let out a cheer, grinning at the rest of the boys.
"Show off!" Embry Call shouted over at him. Jacob looked as though he was going to ignore him, but then he ducked over to where he was standing and threw him into a headlock. That started a mass play fight amongst all of the boys and Bella shook her head as they all acted sixteen, rather than men in their twenties like they were.
"He's so hot," came a sigh from behind them. Bella forced herself not to turn around and look at the two girls sitting behind her and Alice. They had been making breathy comments the whole time they had been there, and she had managed to ignore them until this point. "Jake, right?"
"Jacob," her friend corrected her. Bella's whole body prickled at that and Alice shot her a sympathetic look.
"Bells!" Jacob was jogging over to her now and she grinned up at him. He gestured at the water bottle next to her and she tossed it over to him. He came to a stop and took a long drink. It was almost pornographic as he emptied the rest of the water over his hair and it tumbled down his face and over his bare, broad shoulders and then over his washboard abs.
Bella hoped she wasn't drooling.
"Hi, Jacob." It was the first girl again, and Bella's eyebrows pulled together in a frown as Jacob looked over at her and flashed his customary, toothy smile.
"Hi," he replied, but his attention went back to Bella quickly. "Gone Burger after?" He asked her.
"If you think I'm taking you anywhere like that," Bella scrunched up her nose as she gestured to his sweaty body. "Then you are sorely mistaken."
"Aw, Bells," Jacob pouted at her. "That hurts." She laughed and opened her mouth to argue when he lunged forward and grabbed her around the waist.
"Jacob Black! You put me the fuck down!" She squealed as he rubbed his sweaty face into her neck before easily spinning her around, pointedly holding her so tight, that the dampness from his torso began to soak through her shirt. "Jacob! You asshole!" But she was laughing as he finally put her down. He was grinning at her, his eyes dancing as she sat back down next to Alice.
"I'll go home and shower first," he promised her, reaching down to press a kiss to her cheek before jogging back onto the court. Bella watched him go, caught up in a day dream about what his abs would taste like under her tongue when Alice leaned in close to her.
"Nothing like the smell of pheromones in the afternoon," she teased her.
They had been chasing each other for years.
For a long time, they had just been friends. Best friends. When they were fourteen, they had decided to practice kissing, since neither of them had experienced their first kiss just yet. It had been awkward, and Jacob kept head-butting Bella because he kept turning his head in the same direction that she was canting her own head. They had laughed it off, and not attempted again. It wasn't until Rosalie Hale's seventeenth birthday when they had played spin the bottle. The kiss they had shared then had been a lot better, the pair of them both having a lot more experience by that time.
They had somehow managed to laugh that off as well.
But it kept happening.
They had never slept together, at least not in the biblical sense, but when both of them were single, they just always managed to find their way back together. They said that they were only friends, and they never talked about the fact they would hold hands and interlace their fingers like only couples would.
Jacob didn't tell Bella that the only reason he only ever had one nights stands was because he was waiting for her.
Bella never told Jacob that the reason her relationships kept failing were because her boyfriends were always jealous of him.
They both knew.
But they didn't put it into words.
They loved each other, but they didn't say it—not in that way. They were both scared because they knew that if they did say it, things between them would change and they would end up in a place that neither of them would be able to come back from. And if they went there, they wouldn't be able to be best friends anymore. If things didn't work out, they couldn't just forget about what had happened.
And they had both experienced enough loss in their lives to know that they couldn't bare to live without each other.
Even if it meant that they couldn't be together in the way that both of them really wanted.
"Bella," Jessica Stanley sung out as she knocked on her office door. "Your boyfriends here." She grinned and wiggled her eyebrows pointedly as she jerked her head down the hallway. Bella rolled her eyes and nodded.
"Yeah, let him in," Bella said. She finished typing up her document and then saved it, and spun around in her seat as she waited for Jacob to come in. He walked in a minute later, grinning at her and leaning down to give her a kiss on the forehead before sitting down on the sofa opposite her. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"
"Well, as you know, I go on holiday in four weeks time," Jacob began. He had become a high school PE teacher. It had surprised Bella when he had decided to do that, but it sort of made sense. He was great with kids, and he could pretty much be a fitness model—PE was also probably the only class in school that he actually paid attention to. He was in his third year of training, which meant he was now an assistant in a school, and getting to take holidays when the kids did.
"Yes, you fucking lucky bastard," Bella growled. "Stop reminding me."
"I was thinking you could come with me," Jacob stated. Bella's chin jerked up as she frowned at him.
"What?" She blinked at him.
"I was thinking," Jacob repeated, a little slower this time. "You could come with me."
"Up to your cabin?" Bella asked.
"Yeah, sure," Jacob grinned at her. "We used to go up there all the time." Bella stared at him for a long time, thinking back to when her and her father would go up to Jacob's fathers cabin with the pair of them. She hadn't been there in a while, maybe since their last year of high school when about ten of them had headed up there to blow off steam before exams started and their carefree days were over. She still blushed a little when she thought back to the last night they were up there. It was still the closest that they had ever come to having sex. "Bella?" Jacob waved his hand in front of her, an amused smirk on his face.
"Oh right," Bella shook her head. "I don't know if I'll be able to get the leave..."
"Well, I'm only going up there for four days, and one of them is a Saturday," Jacob got up from the couch opposite her. "Just ask, yeah?"
"Yeah," Bella nodded. Jacob came in closer to her and gave her shoulder a squeeze, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "I'll see you tonight? For Jasper's birthday?"
"I'll see you then."
It was surprising, because her boss could be a bit of an asshole at times, but he actually gave her the time off. Aro Sheen told her to the take the week, so she actually got a couple of days to herself before she went off with Jacob. She told him that night when they all met at the bar to celebrate Jasper Whitlock's birthday, and he had grinned at her, throwing his arm around her shoulders and pulling her in tight to his side, kissing her hard on the mouth.
There had been a collective 'ooh' that went up from their friends, which they ignored, and then parted to grab seats around the table. Alice was worried that Jasper wouldn't like the present that she had got him, and Bella and Rosalie had to spend the first half of the night assuring her that he would love whatever she got him.
Jacob only had one or two beers, he hardly ever got plastered anymore, and one of them had to be sober enough to tell the taxi where they were heading home.
Alice and Jasper were the first to leave. Emmett booed them, but Jasper said that he was the birthday boy and it was his choice to leave when he wanted too. And it was pretty clear that if the two of them didn't leave soon, then they were going to mount each other right in the middle of the bar. Rosalie was next, which meant that Emmett disappeared just after her. The people left were a few of Jasper's work mates, and a couple of people from Uni.
"Wanna walk me home, Jakey Boy?" Bella sung out, spinning around on the barstool that she was on. He laughed as he saw the glazed look in her eyes and came over to stand in front of her. She parted her thighs so that he could stand between them, and he lifted his hands to card through her long, tangled hair, tucking it behind her ears.
"I think it may be a taxi over walking, my Bella," he said to her with a grin.
"Why?"
"Because I'm just going to end up carrying you all the way up the street if we walk," he told her. "I know you—and you're a sloppy drunk."
"You sure know how to make a girl feel special," Bella smirked at him, reaching out to put her hand on his sturdy chest. He said something back, but she was focussing on the way his heart pounding underneath her fingers. Ever since they were teenagers, Jacob had taken pride in his body, and Bella had definitely appreciated it. She loved the way it felt—and she absolutely loved the way it looked—but the thing that she loved the most was the way it responded to her. She could feel his heart thudding when she touched him, and the goose bumps that broke out over his skin when she raked her nails over it.
"Bella?" Jacob was staring at her.
"Mm?" She blinked up at him.
"You ready to go?" He asked her.
"Sure am," Bella grinned and bounced off her barstool, forcing him to take a step place to give her space to put her feet on the ground. He covered their tab and then circled an arm around her waist to steady her as they walked out of the bar. It didn't take them long to find a free car, they were flooding the streets of the city at this time of night, and Jacob gave his address to the driver. "Ooh. So presumptuous," she teased him as she twisted in her seat so that she could throw her legs across his.
"Yeah, well, you're on the couch," he teased her right back.
"Liar," she shot at him. "You know you'll be the one on the couch." Jacob laughed, resting his hands on her outstretched legs. He rubbed his hands up and down her smooth skin, and she leaned her head against the glass of the window, staring at him.
The taxi ride was silent, other than the humming of the soft radio in the front. Jacob's eyes shifted between outside the window, and over to Bella, then back out the window. But Bella's eyes never moved, always resting on Jacob. He was beautiful to stare at, she could do it for days on end. Even when her eyes were heavy and her body was numb from the alcohol, she would still stare at Jacob.
He covered he taxi fare and got out of the car, holding out a hand to help her get out. He laughed when her dress got caught up around her waist, flashing her black lace underwear underneath the skirt. Getting back on her feet after being in the back of the taxi was not a good idea, and she stumbled forward unsteadily. As always, Jacob caught her, half carrying her into his apartment building. They took the elevator up to his room, and Bella almost fell on the ground when he shifted her from one arm to the other to get his key out of his pocket.
"Shit, Bells," Jacob laughed under his breath as he caught her. "You had quite a bit tonight."
"Alice kept buying more and more shots," Bella shrugged. "Someone had to help her with them."
"And so you did, like the good friend you are," he mocked her lightly.
"Something like that," Bella slurred with a grin. Jacob laughed. She took a step forward, and then almost fell over again, and he stepped forward to put an arm around her waist, steadying her.
"Okay, doll," Jacob bent down and easily picked her up, one arm banded around her back while the other was under her knees. "I think it's time for bed." Bella's eyes were already closing as she laid her head down against his chest, and he shook his head as he walked toward his bedroom. His apartment was smaller than hers and Alice's, but that was okay, because he lived alone and he didn't spend all that much time there. When he wasn't working, he was at the gym, or out with the boys, or he with Bella. It wasn't really a home, more like just somewhere to sleep and keep all his things.
"I told you that I would get the bed," Bella mumbled out as he put her down. Jacob just laughed as she flopped backwards, putting her hands above her head and letting out a contented sigh. Jacob took off her shoes and tossed them to the side, lifting up the covers and waiting for her to roll under them.
"Good night, Bells," he whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on her cheek.
It had been so long since they had been back up to the cabin. Or maybe it hadn't been so long since Jacob had been here, she wasn't too sure, but it had been a while since she had been there. They took Jacob's truck up, their bags piled in the back. It was a long drive, and after the first few hours, she dozed off, buckled into the middle seat of the trucks cab, slouched against Jacob's sturdy body. Jacob grinned, turning the music down and resting one arm along the back of the seat so that his hand rested lightly against her shoulder.
They spent a lot of time together, but it had been a while since they had actually gone away together, with the plan of getting away from the rest of the world with just one another.
Jacob could actually remember the last time they had gone away together.
Before their final exams, their senior year in school.
The last night had gotten pretty intense between them. All of them had been drinking, there had been a couple of joints passed around, and then they had all paired up. Alice had disappeared with her toy boy at the time, Paul and Rosalie had been pretty much having sex in front of them for half the night, and that was when Bella and Jacob had laughed and decided to head inside.
There had been some kissing, and some definite over the shirt and shorts groping that had happened between them. But that night things had gone a lot further. They had gone upstairs to the room that Jacob slept in whenever they came out here, and their clothes had been ditched in seconds. His fingers had buried themselves between her legs and she had gripped him, her tiny hand pulling him to the edge quickly. They had been breathing hard as she had lifted herself over him, resting her sweaty forehead against his, rubbing her wet heat up and down against him.
At the time, Jacob didn't know what had stopped him. But he had rolled them over and had got her off with his fingers again and then emptied himself on her stomach.
He had figured out his reasoning later, though.
They had never talked about that night, and things had cooled down a bit for a few months. Bella had dated this guy she met in her first couple weeks of at University, Edward Masen, and Jacob been with a couple of other girls. They were still friends, but it felt as though they had drifted apart. Bella's father had been injured in a car accident, and she had been dragged back to Forks. Jacob had gone with her as emotional support, and things had just slipped back into their old routine.
And it had never really stopped.
They were best friends. They went to movies together, out for coffee and lunch. And they would also do things that best friends usually didn't do but that came naturally for them, like holding hands and kissing and going to sleep together in the same bed, in states of undress. Sometimes those things would stop, and there would just be the 'normal' friend things that happened, but they always found a way back to each other.
Jacob loved her, and he didn't want anyone except Bella. He hadn't actually dated or been with anyone for two years now, had barely even given another girl a second glance. But he hadn't told Bella that. He didn't want her to feel as though he was pushing her. He knew her better than anyone else, which meant that he knew why they had never made a go of it.
As in, a proper relationship.
Her mother, Renee Dwyer, had walked out on Bella and her father when Bella was eight. That happened to a lot of children, but Renee had floated back in and out of their lives right through high school. Charlie Swan was a strong man, but he had a soft spot with the one he was in love with, and he let Renee come and go. And every time she left again, running away on some new wild adventure, she would leave Bella and Charlie behind, broken. Charlie would sink into dark depressions and bury himself in his work, all but leaving Bella to fend for herself. And by the time he managed to drag himself back out of it, Renee would come back in and the cycle would start itself all over again.
Bella had said time and time again that she didn't want that. She didn't want to be so in love with someone that all of her happiness was tied into that person.
Jacob could understand that, but he had grown up with a different kind of love. He had grown up with his father, Billy Black, who had lost the love of his life and the mother of his children, Sarah Black when the kids were all very young. He had grieved, but he had also moved on with his life. He left pictures of her around the house and he spoke about her lovingly and warmly of her whenever anyone asked. Billy had dated, and things had been serious with one of the woman in town at one point, but she had moved away when her mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer and she needed to look after her.
Love was meant to consume a person, but it wasn't meant to steal away the persons soul.
Now he just needed to wait for Bella to see that he was going to be that love for Bella.
They reached the driveway for the cabin and Jacob had to stop his truck and pull the handbrake on, so that he could get out and open the heavy wooden gate. He remembered when he was younger, it would take both himself and Bella to manage to life and move the gate. Now, it felt so light. When he got back in the truck, he looked over at Bella, who had her eyes open and was looking over at him.
"Shit," she mumbled. "What's the time?"
"Almost three."
"God, I've been asleep for ages," she shook her head and rubbed at her eyes with her fists.
"I'm pretty sure you were just faking it because you didn't want to open the gate," Jacob smirked over at her. Bella made a face at him and then grinned as they drove through the gate and then he stopped and got back out to close it.
"God, it feels like a different world...Being here," Bella said as she stared out the window at the forestry they were passing by. It was a far cry from their usual scenery with the rushing traffic and steady stream of pedestrians and buildings as far as the eye could see. They pulled up outside the log cabin, which still looked exactly the same, and a strong wave of nostalgia washed over her. "Shit," she breathed as she got out of her truck and leaned her head against the door of the truck. "It hasn't changed a bit."
"Nope," Jacob shook his head as he got out of the truck as well and walked around to the back, grabbing out his bag. "It's exactly the same." He headed toward the door, not waiting for Bella to grab her own things and follow after him. He unlocked the door and walked inside, taking in a deep breath and smiling.
Coming back to the cabin always felt like coming home, maybe even more than going back to Billy's.
"Oh, wow," Bella laughed as she came inside and looked around. "Exactly the same," she repeated his sentiment when she saw the rug that was pulled over the couch in the lounge area. It was the one that had been tugged over them when they had fallen asleep in front of the campfire outside when they were younger. It still had stains from where Bella had spilt juice when she was seven, and Jacob had spilt his first beer when he was fourteen. It was fraying and so thin in some places was so thin it was almost see through, and yet Billy still kept it here.
"I've made a few modifications though," Jacob called from where he was walking down the hallway to where the wooden steps lead up to the loft, which was where his room was. Bella dumped her bag and jacket on the ground and followed after him, skipping up the steps two at a time. She stopped when she saw the 'modifications' that Jacob was talking about.
"Oh my god," she laughed. "Billy would have shit a brick when he saw this."
"I thought he was going to disown me," Jacob grinned over at her. The room was practically the same as before, a single bed in the corner with thick blankets folded at the end, a huge wooden cupboard with a thick padlock which held all the hunting rifles—the reason why Jacob wasn't allowed the loft as his room when they were younger, a long couch, a telescope beside the windows and then a brand new sixty inch TV with two big speakers and a PS4.
"I'm surprised he hasn't thrown it out yet," Bella raised her eyebrows.
"He knows I wouldn't come down here if he took away my babies," Jacob shrugged. "I don't get much down time when I'm back home, between work and study and then everything in the weekends—"
"Oh, you social butterfly you," she teased him.
"So," Jacob continued, ignoring her mocking. "When I'm down here, maybe half the time I spend is actually just playing Destiny."
"You bet your ass I'm not going to let you do that this weekend," Bella shot at him. "I want to go to the beach." Jacob grinned.
"You in a bikini? I'm down with that."
It was late by the time they got back from the La Push beach. Bella had been shivering for the past hour but she refused to come back to the cabin, saying that she wanted to soak up as much nature as possible, given this was the first time she had gotten out of the city in almost two years, since she spent a Christmas in Forks with her father. Jacob never really got cold, and so in the end, they stayed in the water, out past where the waves were breaking, Jacob's arms wrapped around her. Yeah, maybe there had also been some kissing, until Bella's chattering teeth had literally made Jacob drag her out of the water.
"I swear you're just constantly freezing," he stated as he closed all the windows and curtains and then started dumping wood on the fire.
"Hey! We're naturally opposite! You're outgoing, I'm reserved. You're into TV, I'm into books. You're hot, and I'm—"
"Not?" Jacob finished her sentence with a smirk. Bella narrowed her eyes at him and picked up a pillow, throwing it across the room at him. He caught it easily, laughing, and tossed it toward the armchair near the fire.
"Shut up," she said as she let out another shiver, dragging down the ratty blanket that was behind the couch. "You think I'm hot." Jacob shrugged as he pulled a lighter out of his back pocket and set fire to the corner of newspaper. Bella tilted her head to the side as she watched Jacob stand up and turn back to face her.
"I think you're gorgeous, and I think you're beautiful," he said with a lift at the corner of his lips. "I wouldn't just call you 'hot' though, Bella." Bella felt her stomach do a little flip flop thing which only happened when she was around Jacob, and she tried to give him a quick smile before pulling the blanket up around her chin and laying her head down, looking toward the fire. Jacob noticed the quiet response but didn't say anything, walking toward the kitchen and opening up the fridge. "You hungry?" He called.
"Not really, although I'll take a hot chocolate?"
"There isn't any milk..." Jacob cringed as he looked over at her. "Sorry. We really should've done some shopping before we came back from the beach." He smirked for a minute. "Maybe I would've remembered if I wasn't so worried about you getting pneumonia."
"Oh ha ha," she replied drily, rolling her eyes at him. Jacob grinned back.
"But there's a bottle of Sue's apple cider? I could heat that up?"
"As in her apple cider that I got drunk on after two mouthfuls? I don't really think that's a good idea," Bella laughed.
"Why?" Jacob shrugged as he picked up the bottle and squinted at the tiny instructions on the back of the bottle that Sue Clearwater had meticulously written. "It's just the two of us. Plus..." he let out a laugh as he looked back into the fridge. "I'm pretty sure that's the only eatable thing that we have until we can get to the store tomorrow." Bella studied him for a moment, and then shrugged.
"Alright. Why not?" Jacob grinned back at her and walked further into the kitchen, finding a pot in the cupboard and pouring half the bottle into the pot and turning the stove top on. Bella had managed to get most of her hair towel dried and then tied it in a messy bun on top of her head by the time Jacob had heated up the apple cider and poured it into two mugs. He walked into the lounge and handed one to brunette.
"How are you okay in the short sleeved shirt?" Bella cried as he sat down on the couch next to her. "It's freezing!"
"It's like you're cold blooded," Jacob grinned. "How about we move the couch closer to the fire?"
"Sounds good," Bella went to get off the couch but he shook his head.
"It's fine, I got this," Jacob told her, handing her his mug. Bella held both of them as Jacob pushed the wooden coffee table out of the way and then easily pushed the heavy couch closer to the fire until it was only a few feet away. "This probably isn't safe...Just don't get so drunk you fall over when you get off the couch."
"Eh," Bella shrugged. "At least I'll be warm." Jacob laughed and rolled his eyes. He sat back down on the couch, a little closer to her this time and took back the mug. They drank in silence for a couple of minutes, Jacob leaning back on the couch and spreading his thighs so that his feet were close to the fire and warming them up, even though he was already comfortable. Bella stretched herself out, throwing her legs over his lap and shuffling her butt forward so that she was up against him.
"I miss this," Jacob murmured.
"You miss what?" Bella asked, taking a sip of the warm cider.
"This," Jacob turned his head to the side, only half of his face visible give the plump couch cushions. "We never just hang out anymore."
"What are you on about?" Bella raised an eyebrow. "We hang out all the time."
"But never just us," Jacob replied. He was staring at her, one of his hands resting on her knees, and Bella licked her lower lip. Jacob was good at looking at her as though he could see right through her and it made her feel naked. Completely naked. Which ironically enough, was something that Jacob had not actually done, despite how long they had been fooling around. He had seen the top, and then the bottom, but not at the same time. But he could still make her feel like he could see everything.
"That's because we're adults now, Jacob," she tried to keep her voice light. "We've got lives now."
"Hey, I was more than happy to have my whole social life revolve around you in high school," Jacob smiled at her and reached out to tap her on the tip of her nose. Bella scrunched it up at him and he grinned at her. "You're cute when you do that." She rolled her eyes and then drank more from her cup. Jacob started talking about a couple of the boys he was coaching, and Bella just sat there and listened, enjoying the buzz from Sue's apple cider, and the way Jacob's thumb was brushing over her knee, getting a little higher up her thigh, and listening to him talking. He was so passionate about his job, completely different from Bella, and he loved the people that he worked with.
She had finished her drink and was sufficiently intoxicated by the time Jacob's hand was so far up her thigh that it was only a whisper away from her underwear.
"Why did you stop me that time?" She blurted out. Jacob stopped mid-sentence, his lips parted, and for a moment he looked confused, but then he knew exactly what she was talking about.
The night that they had almost had sex, before graduation, when they were at this very cabin.
"I stopped you because..." he swallowed hard and sighed, turning his head back to the fire. "I stopped you because if we had sex, I wouldn't be able to forget it." Bella raised an eyebrow, looking confused.
"Well, yeah," she let out a laugh. "I would be pretty insulted if you did."
"No, I meant..." Jacob sighed again and pursed his lips together. He got this pained, intense look on his face and Bella reached out to touch his jaw lightly with her fingers. "When you're dating other guys." Bella's fingers froze on his face. He turned his head back to face her, his eyes boring into hers. "If we had sex, then I wouldn't be able to forget about it, and we wouldn't be able to...To do this. To pretend that we're not more than friends when we're around other people and when you're with other guys, and then still fool around, or whatever it is that we do later on."
"Right," she murmured. "I get it." Jacob licked his lips and swallowed hard, leaning in a little closer to her.
"It doesn't have to be like this, Bella," he said to her quietly. "We don't have to do this whole back and forth, round and round. I feel as though we're stuck in this endless circle where you're always just slightly out of the reach and—"
"Jacob, I don't know what you're trying to say—"
"I'm saying that I'm here, Bella," his voice was low and his head was inching a little bit closer to her and Bella's breathing was doing all kinds of weird things, catching in her throat and then coming out too quickly. "I'm saying that I've been in love with you since we were thirteen, and not just in the best friends kind of why. And this whole time that we've been doing this big, carousel game thing that we have going on, there's only been you." Bella looked shocked at that and she pulled back from him.
"What?" She uttered.
"I haven't been with anyone else, except you...You know, slept with anyone," he told her.
"I thought you had..." Bella sounded uncertain.
"I've dated other girls and I've kissed them," Jacob let out a short laugh. "Apparently I'm a really good kisser," he muttered before taking in a deep breath. "But that's it."
"You're a virgin?" She finally asked. Jacob shrugged, not looking at all bothered by her disbelief.
"I know who I want to be with," he replied easily, although his eyes showed how tense he was. "There's no point in fooling around with anyone else if they're not the person that I really want." Bella felt as though the whole world was spinning, her breathing quickening, her stomach twisting in a completely different way from earlier. It wasn't a nice flip flopping feeling, it was a nasty churn that made her wonder if she was going to throw up. "Bella, I'm not trying to pressure you into—"
"No, I know," Bella forced herself to give him a part smile. "I know."
"I just needed you to know where I'm at, what I'm thinking—"
"I know," Bella repeated, nodding her head jerkily. "Look, I think I'm just going to head to bed." Jacob frowned and leaned forward.
"No, wait, you don't have to—"
"I'm actually just really tired, Jacob," Bella was already untangling her legs from his, pushing the blanket off her and putting her feet on the cold wood of the floor. "Um, so, I'll take the spare room down the end?"
"We can sleep in my bed, you know it's the most comfortable," Jacob told her. Bella looked at him for a long moment and then dropped her gaze to the ground.
"I think I'm just gonna crash out in the spare room," she mumbled. She reached down and pressed a kiss to the side of his forehead. "Night, Jake." Jacob watched her go in silence before letting out a growl and slumping back into the sofa. He heard her moving around the other end of the cabin, into the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash down her face, and then he heard her go into the end room.
And close the door firmly.
Jacob sighed.
He really hadn't meant to start this conversation, at least not tonight.
He was hoping that they could at least have one night where it was just chilling out, relaxing, making out in front of the fire and getting each other off in his bed before falling asleep together.
Clearly that was definitely not going to happen.
When Jacob got up the next morning, the time on his phone said that it was a little before ten. He had gone up to his room not long after Bella had left, and had played playstation until the early hours of the morning, the headphones for his iPod turned up load. This was the first time in a long time that they were in the same house as each other but not falling asleep in the same bed, muchless in separate rooms. He got out of bed and headed down the stairs, only wearing a pair of sweatpants and not bothering with a shirt. He couldn't hear anything, so he assumed that Bella was still in bed. She had a habit of sleeping in until noon anyway, so he wasn't expecting anything less.
Until he reached the kitchen and saw a piece of paper on the kitchen table.
Jake,
I asked Charlie to pick me up. Don't get mad at him, he doesn't know anything. I told him I had to get back home for a work emergency. I'm sorry I didn't wait until you woke up, I just needed to get some space. I need to process everything you said, because I wasn't expecting it. I hope you still have a good weekend.
Bella.
Jacob growled and scrunched up the piece of paper, throwing it in the direction of the fireplace.
Bella was pretty sure that Jacob was avoiding her.
Although she couldn't be absolutely certain of that because she was avoiding him.
And it completely sucked.
When her boss was being an asshole, she would assault his work email account with pissed off messages, and when he would finally check them at the end of class, he would send her back funny cat videos. Or when Alice had Jasper over and they were being all couply and nauseating, she would usually lock herself in her bedroom and talk to Jacob for hours on the phone. Or just in general, on Friday nights or in the weekend, they would always meet up at least once for dinner or a couple of drinks.
It had been two weeks now, since she had left him at the cabin and asked Charlie to come and get her. Charlie had sounded confused to the phone, not sure why Jacob couldn't be the one to give her a ride. He had awkwardly asked if there was something more than friendship going on because he and Billy had been waiting for it—but Bella had cut him off with a long, tired look. She had caught the bus back into the city and spent the rest of the weekend in bed. Jacob hadn't tried to call or text her, but then, that was expected.
But now, two weeks later, Bella was lunging for her phone every time she thought she heard it vibrate.
"Just call him," Rosalie stated bluntly as she looked over the rim of her wineglass at Bella. The brunette had a non-committal noise at the back of her throat and Rosalie let out an exasperated huff. Alice shot her a reprimanding look before turning to Bella, her gaze more gentle than the blondes.
"You really should call him," she said softly.
"We've had fights before, okay? And it's always worked out before. We're both just really stubborn so we need...I don't know. We just need some space, I guess," Bella mumbled and shrugged. Rosalie and Alice exchanged looks that Bella saw and made an annoyed noise. "You guys need to stop giving each other like I'm some kicked puppy that you need to look after!" She snapped at them.
"He loves you. You love him. Get together and have dirty, glorious sex and have a bunch of muscly, pale-skinned children and live happily ever after," Rosalie said. "You are being a complete idiot by running away from this guy who has clearly loved you forever." Bella blinked at the gorgeous blonde opposite her. Rosalie stared back at her, one perfectly plucked eyebrow arched as though she was daring Bella to disagree with her.
But she didn't.
Because she couldn't.
"I think maybe there might have been a better way to phase that," Alice hissed and Rosalie just shrugged unapologetically. "Look, Bella," Alice put her tiny hand on Bella's arm. "The thing is...You and Jacob...Well—"
"Love each other. Duh. We've covered this," Rosalie looked bored of the conversation. "Bella," Rosalie reached across the table to grip both of her hands. "I totally understand that you're scared and you're freaking out and you think that this might ruin everything. And hell—maybe you're right and maybe everything will get fucked up—"
"Rose!"
"Just wait, Alice!" Rosalie shot her a glare before looking back at Bella. "But whatever you guys have going on, it's not healthy, and it's going to screw up your friendship anyway. So you either stop fooling around with each other and messing up your heads, or you actually give this a go. Which I think you should do, because you two would be perfect for each other, and you owe it to yourselves to at least try." When she finished, her face relaxed back into it's usual resting bitch face expression and she took another sip of her wine. Bella and Alice were both silent for a few long minutes before Alice shrugged.
"Yeah. What she said."
Jacob rubbed a tired hand over his forehead as he gathered up the basketballs that were scattered through the gym. His last class of the day had run late and he had told the kiss not to worry about putting all the equipment away. Anyway, it wasn't like he had anything to be rushing home too. It was Friday, three weeks now since he had been left at the cabin. His fingers had itched to call or text her a hundred times, but he had stopped himself.
She knew how he felt.
He had put it all out there—everything.
The ball was now in her court.
"Oi, Black!" Came a shout from across the gym. Jacob looked over his shoulder to where one of the other PE teachers, Leah Clearwater, was standing in the doorway at the gym. Leah was one of those teachers that Jacob hated when he was at school—she was constantly in a bad mood and walked around the like she was constantly sucking on a lemon wedge. He avoided her whenever could. "You've got a visitor," Leah muttered and looked at someone who was out of Jacob's eyeshot. Whoever it was said something to Leah and then stepped into view.
Bella.
Looking absolutely edible in a high waisted black pencil skirt, an ivory, short-sleeved blouse that had a few buttons popped open and her hair pulled back in a sleek, high pony tail. Jacob couldn't help but sneak a peek downward and saw that she was wearing a pair of black high heels that made her long legs seem even more endless and incredible.
"She's kind of scary," Bella joked awkwardly as they hesitantly took a few steps closer to each other.
"Yeah, yeah," Jacob agreed, tapping his fingers against the basketball he was holding, trying to keep his nerves under control. "All the students are scared of her—probably half the teachers."
"Are you?"
"No way," Jacob attempted to grin and puff out his chest. "I ain't scared of nobody."
"Except Sue," Bella interjected.
"Ooh, yeah," Jacob cringed. "Sue can be pretty scary—especially if you drink from her expensive wine glasses."
"You broke two of her expensive wine glasses," Bella reminded him, and there was a slight smile on her face, almost a proper Bella smile. "And that's why she chased you with the wooden spoon."
"We all remember things differently," Jacob smirked at her. Bella raised her eyebrows and let out a little giggle. But then the silence stretched out and the tension returned and they both looked at the ground uncomfortably. Jacob sucked in a deep breath, ready to try and break the silence but when he opened his mouth, Bella was already blurting,
"I love you, Jake!" Jacob's jaw hung open and he blinked at her in surprise.
He had not expected that.
Want—yes.
Expected—not at all.
"Uh," Bella let out a forced laugh and shifted from foot to foot. "I mean, I've never said that to anyone else, but from what I've understood, there's meant to be some kind of response right about now..." Jacob shook his head quickly to try and loosen his tongue.
"Shit! I love you too, Bella! God, you know I do," he managed to get out, almost tripping over his words. "I—God, I just wasn't expected you to say that! Like at all! I'm—" she cut him off by pressing her soft lips to his. Jacob returned the pressure hungrily, skipping right past gentle and slow and went straight to hungry. Bella gave a squeak and let him drag her body to his, her arms going around his neck. Jacob kissed her until he was panting and she was breathing heavily—both of their mouths swollen. Jacob stared down at her, searching her face for any signs of hesitation in her eyes.
There was none.
"You love me?" Jacob repeated back to her, as though feeling the need to remind her of what she had just said. Bella swallowed hard and jerked her head in a nod.
"I mean...I'm not not scared or anything," she admitted. "I'm fucking freaking the fuck out over here!" Jacob let out a laugh at her admission. Bella breathed out heavily, wetting her lips. "But I want this—I want us. I don't want to keep going around in circles and pretending that this isn't...I don't know—that this isn't more than just friends—best friends." She looked tongue-tied and adorable and Jake couldn't help but lean down to kiss her mouth again.
"You're always going to be my best friend, Bells," he murmured when they broke apart, one of his hands cupping her face to hold her close to him.
"Even when I freak out and ditch you in a cabin in the middle of the woods? Because I'm warning you—that might happen again. I'm still adjusting to all of this," Bella's voice was strained.
"Bella," Jacob laughed. "I waited for you from the time you threw mud pies at me. I think I can wait a while longer." Her whole face softened and glowed and she lifted herself up onto her tip-toes to meet his mouth and then there was the sound of someone clearing their throat, echoing through the gym. The two of them sprung apart, looking like the guilty teenagers that Jacob lightly had to reprimand when their PDA became too much for class. This time, though, it was Leah who was catching him out.
"Time and a place, Black. Time and a place," she glowered over at them, before storming off again. Bella and Jacob exchanged looks, their lips pressed together as they tried to stop themselves from laughing.
"Maybe we should go," Bella suggested with a smirk.
"Sounds good," Jacob grinned, stealing one last kiss from her before snatching up her hand and dragging her out of the gym.
Didn't turn out quite the way I saw it all going in my head, but oh well. Hope you guys still enjoyed it.
Let me know what you think :)