A Skeleton on Display
Prologue:
Into the Black
Darling, there's something you should know
I gave my heart away a long time ago
And I will never get it back
It's gone, gone, gone into the black
This flesh and bone are all I have
And you deserve more than that
-"Into the Black"
Hannah Miller
Two years ago, my life seized to make sense. Everything I believed in, fought for, lived for, dissolved right in front of my eyes. He was everything to me, the reason I existed, and he left without a backwards glance. I never believed I was good enough for him, I knew that I wasn't. He spent months convincing me that he loved me, that he wanted me...forever. He was good at everything, so when he lied I believed him.
I had heard of heartbreak; read the classic novels about it, watched countless movies concerning it; I always thought it was exaggerated, that the people were weak. I never thought it was healthy to base your entire existence on someone else's. But, I finally understood the day he left. No one chooses to love someone with their entire soul, to give someone complete and total power over them, it happens without your consent and it never wavers.
I spent weeks curled up in the fetal position crying hysterically, aching for him so badly I feared I might physically die, and sometimes wishing I would. I felt dead already on the inside; my heart and soul were vacant from the loss of him. I lived moment to moment, trying to keep my sanity, which was just barely hanging on. My purposes back then was to keep all memories of him fresh in my mind, remember the feel of his cool lips on mine, the smell of his skin, the sound of his voice, and force myself to remember every detail perfectly so that I would never forget he existed. I needed to know that he had been real and that, once upon a time, he had loved me. And though I would not admit it to myself, I secretly hoped he would also remember and come back for me.
I spent half a year completely unaware of everything around me. I alienated myself from the few friends I had, from my parents, from the world. The only person that could make me feel halfway human was Jacob Black. He made the heartache go away for a little while. He could make it all okay just by smiling.
I fell in love with Jacob very easily. He kept the bad things away and I needed that. He loved me, protected me. Though, what I felt for Jacob was only a very small fraction of what I knew I could feel, of the love I felt for him, it was still very real and strong.
I knew Jacob's feelings were much deeper than mine. I knew that he felt for me what I had only felt for one person in my entire life, would only feel once. It was unfair and selfish, but I never explained this to Jacob. I never told him that when Edward left, a part of me went with him, the part of me that is capable of pure, innocent love. I could only give Jacob what was left of me and he deserved better.
I kept Jacob in the friend's zone for months. I tried to ignore the way he would look at me and flinched when he tried to touch me. I was trying to be fair to him, give him a chance to give his love to someone that could reciprocate it. But, then Jacob became distant. I thought he had finally gotten the message, and though that is what I thought I had wanted, when it happened, I was lost all over again. I had lost the only other person I ever loved. I was empty again.
After weeks of calling him and leaving countless, rambling messages, with no reply, I tracked him down. That is when I found out that Jacob was a werewolf. He had been trying to protect me. Young werewolves can be very unstable and violent and he never wanted to harm me in any way. He was protecting me from the one thing that was keeping me sane, himself.
Eventually, I explained to Jacob how much I needed him, how much he meant to me. He took it as a confession of romantic love, and because I needed him so badly, I did not correct him. That is how Jacob and I ended up in a very confusing, safe, relationship.
I know this is very short but I wanted to see if anyone was interested in reading more. Let me know!