Hey! This is my first (and probably only) Hunger Games fic. I wrote it a long time ago as a sort of challenge from my friend. We were discussing random pairings, and she told me I should try Peeta/Cinna. So here we are. Let me know what you think!
Peeta isn't sure what he wants. For two years, it's been Katniss. The way she looks when she enters the arena, full of determination. The way she seeks his company when she's scared or lonely but won't commit to a full relationship. It drives him mad.
He isn't sure when he figured out that his love for Katniss was his own masochistic liking for rejection. One day, he woke up and realized he would be so much better off without lusting for her when she wanted nothing like what he did. But he couldn't let go of his obsession.
He still remembers the day all thoughts of Katniss disappeared. Cinna was preparing both of them for the public that day. He winked at Peeta and said, "How does it feel to be on the arm of the girl on fire?"
Katniss was elsewhere, looking for Haymitch so that Cinna could start on him, too.
Peeta swallowed. "It... it feels right," he told Cinna, blushing a little. "It feels like I could stay there forever. I just wish she agreed."
That earned him a sympathetic smile from Cinna. "She'll get there," he assured Peeta, dusting gold powder along his jaw line. Peeta almost shivered; it was uncomfortable having Cinna so close and so intent on him alone.
"How does it feel creating the image of the girl on fire?" Peeta asked him quietly. "She wouldn't have the name without you. You must feel important because of it."
Cinna stopped with the brush in his hand and looked thoughtful. "I don't think of it as 'I created her,'" he admitted. "For me, it's more 'I revealed her.' She was always the girl on fire. I just made the costume that suited her."
He put the brush down and picked up a bottle of lotion, which he squirted onto Peeta's arm. Before Peeta could react, he began massaging the lotion into his skin.
Peeta tensed, wanting to shout at Cinna to stop. That was his skin. He could rub lotion just as well as a professional clothing designer. He couldn't bring himself to do it, though. Cinna was acting perfectly natural about it; he would feel childish if he squirmed too much.
Noticing his discomfort, Cinna sped the process and let Peeta take a break. "It's all right," he said coaxingly. "Katniss was shy at first, too, but soon it'll be like having your old stylist."
And it was. Cinna knew how to make Peeta feel more at ease. Even when Katniss returned with the slightly tottering Haymitch in tow, Cinna treated Peeta like he was the only one in the room until it was Katniss's turn. Even then Peeta still felt like his presence was more than just a circumstance; he was supposed to be there with Cinna.
By the end of the night, Peeta had found a replacement for his twisted heart. Instead of the girl who didn't want him, he yearned for the man who couldn't.
Peeta sits alone, missing the feel of Cinna's skin on his own when he gently rubbed lotion on Peeta's arm and whispered that he would do fine. He misses the feeling of reassurance that he gets when Cinna is in the room.
None of that can happen now, not when Cinna has been arrested and is currently lying beaten thanks to the Peacekeepers. He did it for Katniss, Peeta remembers bitterly. No matter what, it was always about Katniss.
He still loves her. How can he not when it's what he needs to do for her survival? It will be better for the world if she lives through the Quarter Quell. But there's just one problem. He loves Cinna more. And that isn't going to change.