A Mariachi song poured out of a nearby radio, making the lonely night a lot less quiet but lot more pathetic. Marco was dressed in his dad's old suit and a sombrero, like someone who was just stood up at Prom. He sat in his chair, stuffing his face with nachos he would've been sharing with his bestie. Too bad she was out on a date with that damnable demon, Tom, doing Lord knows what.

"I'll have my own Bloodmoon Ball" Marco declared to no one while his mouth was muffled by crushed tortilla chips. "With blackjack and hookers."

He glanced towards the night sky for a brief moment. Was it just him or did the moon look a little redder than normal? Eh. It was probably nothing. Probably his miserable mind playing tricks on him. Who needs her anyways? He can have fun all by himself no problem. Marco didn't need her or her sexy legs. Those smooth pale legs he'd love to spread and get between.

Wait what?

"On the 667th day of the 667th age. The Crimson Moon descended upon this mortal plane. Writhing, twisting shadows stretched from the void, demanding tribute."

"Huh?" Marco sprung to his feet. He looked all around the room, wondering where that chilling demonic voice came from. It spoke in a guttural growl.

He looked to the nearby portrait of what looked like an old Sea Captain.

"A fair maiden of vibrant youth. A bountiful feast within a single soul. To satiate the living prelude to the end."

Marco can hear his own heart going several miles a second. He didn't know what any of that meant nor how or why he's hearing those foreboding words, but all he knew was that he needed to reach Star as soon as humanly possible.

His anxious gaze fell on the bell that Star used to bring herself to the underworld.

"Hold it right there, kid." Glossaryck cried out right as Marco's hands were mere inches from the bell and hammer.

"Going somewhere?" He asked, knowing full well what's going on as he laid on his side in midair.

Marco refused to dignify him with a response. He shot an annoyed leer at the little blue man before snatching his only key to the Underworld off the dresser.

He was about to hut the bell before the Glossaryck clutched his wrist with his entire body.

"Whoa whoa whoa. Do you honestly expect to go to the Underworld, like that?"

"The heck do you mean?" Marco bit back. Star's magical mentor was starting to get on his last nerve.

"I mean. Do you even know what you're gonna do when you get there, Mr. White Knight?"

He had nothing. Neither an argument nor a plan. Admittedly it was unlike him to think so impulsively and jumping into a place he knew nothing about. Actually he did know what it was. He was about to dive straight into literal Hell with nothing but the clothes on his back.

"Before you go up the River Styx without a paddle," Glossaryck floated away, gesturing Marco to follow. "You need to be prepared first."

They both ended up at Star's closet door. Marco couldn't help but feel a little remorse for looking through her things without her permission. But if he didn't get there soon with the aid he needed, then invading her privacy was the least of her worries.

With a wave of Glossaryck's six fingered hand, the door swung open and he floated right in. Marco hesitated for a bit before taking his first steps into the closet.

The closet was a lot more spacious than it looked. Heck, it looked like it stretched for miles. The whole place was filled with piles of junk, some which he could recognize and some he couldn't. Marco could swear he also saw huge piles of his hair from that day his beard grew to a size that consumed the entire house.

Marco felt a hand on his chest, halting his movement. He heard the snap of fingers and there suddenly appeared a spotlight shining down in front of him.

What stood tall within the shimmering spire, as if it was being presented by God himself, dropped his jaw and took his breath away.

"Yup." Glossaryck spoke plainly. "Can't go venturing into the Underworld without this."

Marco walked up to it. He gazed into his own elated reflection as he ran a hand across its cold metal surface. It was like staring into the physical embodiment of a power fantasy. Testosterone tingled on the tips of his fingers. He swore he could hear heavy metal thundering from the most distant corners of his mind.

"I know it looks like a bit of a loose fit, but trust me. One size fits all. Solaria made sure of that."

Marco peered into the visor. Like an endless black abyss that gazed back. He felt as though its lifeless form was goading him, awaiting to be put on. To see action it has missed out for millennia.

Marco didn't feel the smile contorting his face.

The speakers shrieked and the demon announcer cleared his throat. "Ladies and Gentlebrrgh. It is my pleasure that I request you now to turn your heads skyward."

The ceiling clicked and groaned as a giant stone hand extended forth. A massive Ruby shined from its palm.

"When the light of the Bloodmoon drobbles down and selects one lucky soul, a mortal soul, damning it to be consumed and binding it to the outer realms for eternity in it's hypnotic. Ruby. Brrrodum."

"Whoa- wait, what'd he say?" Star quickly turned to Tom, looking rather worried about what she thought she heard.

"Uhh, nothing babe." Tom hastily dismissed. Suddenly organ music befitting a funeral echoed throughout the dance hall, evoking irritation from Tom and prompting him to act.

"Arrgh, it's the wrong piece of music!" The demon prince turned towards the Organ Player. "This is gonna drive me crazy. Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

"Uh, okay." Rather than oblige, Star did what she always does and did the opposite. She shuffled off the the side, making a quick, but inconspicuous break for the exit.

"Where're ya goin?" One demon blocked her path, causing her to run into his hulking, suited chest. "Party's just getting started.

"I uh," Star's eyes darted every which way, searching for a valid excuse to leave. "Gotta pee! Yeah, that's it!"

"Oh but c'mon." A female demon came from behind, followed by other demons. Her voice was like velvet venom with each word. "The Bloodmoon's just about to descend upon us. It's a once in a six and a half centuries opportunity, y'know."

"Yeeahhh, I think I've decided to cut this short. Not feeling so well, y'know? Ha ha."

"Nonsense. Sick or not, nobody should miss this." Spoke another demon closing in on Star, licking his lips.

"C'mon, stay a little while, sacrif- I mean, dinn- I mean Princess."

"The best part's just about to start."

"How bout n- okay you guys are getting waaayyy too close." She reached for her wand strapped to her back. "Where's Tom. Tom? Could you tell your demon buds to lay off? Please?"

"Oh we're not gonna do anything to ya Princess." One demon spoke as he creepily raised his claws and bared his sharp teeth.

"Our Lord will have the first taste of course. But not before we get to toy with our food first, heh heh." Growled another demon.

His rough hand wrapped around Star's wrist, while the other seemed to reach for her skirt. Immediately she brandished her Wand.

"Chainsaw BF-"

Out of nowhere, a double bladed harpoon pierced right through the back of the demon's head.

As blood spattered all over her dress, Star stood in complete shock, her mind struggling to parse what had just happened. But nonetheless, she knew that it was totally sick. In a good way.

The harpoon shot out of his blood-spurting mouth before it roughly pulled back and took the demon with him.

Before anyone knew it, that same demon exploded into a red, chunky mist, the cause being two smoking barrels.

The shotgun flipped open, two shells popping out seconds before two more were shoved right back in. A long chain retracted into another barrel below the top two, the harpoon returning to its original place.

Every eye in the ballroom landed upon this hulking mass of a man standing by the entrance. No more than 6 feet tall, he was covered head to toe in black and green metal, the only semblance of humanity being his vaguely humanoid form. Whoever he was, his reasons for being there were most likely far from peaceful.

Whispered, fear-struck murmurs spread throughout the masses like a plague. Though the cacophony of hushed tones were mostly incoherent, a single blood-curdling word stood out from the rest.

"Doomslayer..."

The moment his right arm swung the air, a chainsaw burst forth from an opening above his wrist, revved and ready to rip and tear. A snare drum echoed throughout the area, followed by a series of distorted guitar shredding flowing seemlessly into one another to form a beyond heavy instrumental that shook the underworld and all its inhabitants.

"Star!" Uttered a deep, distorted voice.

In the blink of an eye, the "man" leapt from the entrance shooting and reloading his brutish firearm during his airtime. When he right beside Star, he started swinging his chainsaw arm all around both of them, cutting down the surrounding demons and showering the two in liquid crimson.

The entire room darkened when the red luminescence of the Bloodmoon was cast upon the two. For but the most fleeting of moments, the two caught a glimpse of one another before turning back to their surroundings.

Sparing no time and leaving no room for any more of their brethren to fall, every demon transformed into more abysmal, hideous forms. New appendages protruded, limbs stretched, and bodies grew in moments. Once their forms were completed, they all rushed towards the duo, mouths salivating and limbs outstretched.

The horde stopped just short of the two mortals. It was likely that countless reinforcements were called in as the entire room was filled with more underworld denizens than before. What any normal person would see is a seemingly unending wave of vicous creatures ready to tear the two limb from limb.

Star and her new dance partner instead saw a target rich environment.

"We have you surrounded." One demon growled, its voice distorted and twisted. "There's no escape."

"Yeah, for you." Star raised her wand to the air as it glowed a sinister green color. "Anyways, as I was saying... CHAINSAW BFG!"

It fell like a hammer and with a burst of blinding green, it metamorphosed into something entirely different.

Colored in the same way as her wand, it was a giant futuristic cannon of sorts. The way the two handles were held was like that of a minigun. It whirred and buzzed with magical energy, more than ready to rend demon scum asunder.

The moment Star pulled the trigger, a barrage of chainsaws, presumably made of plasma, began blasting forth in a raging torrent that shredded all in its path into ribbons. The trigger practically embedded itself into Star's skin, releasing it being an idea completely cut off from Star's mind.

Star's so-called rescuer soon joined in on the carnage, mowing down whatever vile creature was unfortunate enough to run into the path of his weapons. Much like Star, the stranger gave his opposition no quarter or mercy.

The two stood back to back as they shuffled fluidly across the ballroom, the scarlet spotlight following their every move. Every swing, every shot every reload flowed into one another in a swift, yet methodical rhythm. Every rapid thud of corpses and empty shell casings hitting the ground. Every pull of the trigger. Every elongated scream of each dying demon. The heaviest series of guitar riffs that graced the multiverse. It all culminated into a chaotic choir of death and destruction that accompanied their macabre dance. They spun around each other, shooting and swinging the air around without even touching the other as if one knew what the other was about to do before they did it. As if their souls were in sync.

Star couldn't help but wear a grin that stretched from heart to heart. She reveled in how much fun she was having, nevermind the fact that she was causing mass genocide to a society her family is allied with. The dance was sooo boring up until this very moment. She could cut loose as much as she wanted and nothing or no one could do anything to restrain her.

"Staaar!" The man called out once more. He hooked a distant demon, sending the creature flying towards a chainsaw that split him right down the middle, leaving him in two writhing, bloody pieces. Another monster rushed him afterwards before he got a mouthful of double barrel and a head full of buckshot.

"How do you know my name?" Star asked as she pressed a different button on her Chainsaw BFG, which allowed a single towering chainsaw blade to extend without being shot out. As she swung her arms as if her life depended on it, her oversized weapon decimated anything that was dumb enough to get in its way.

"It's me, Marco!" The visor slid open, revealing a familiar tan skinned face with a mole on his cheek. At the same time, Marco's shotgun blasted a demon's head off while he still kept his eyes on Star.

"Marco?" She gasped, though her initial shock didn't prevent her from annihilating a dozen demons within seconds right then and there. Was it just her or was his voice a little deeper? "What are you doing here!?"

"Let's get outta here!" Marco blew a hole through one bulkier demon, hooked another through the hole he made, and pulled both of them towards him before their bodies fell to the ground in sliced thirds.

"This place is the worst!"

A thundering roar accompanied a massive blast of fire that sent Marco flying several yards away. Tom, still clad in his white tux, walked forward, his hands on fire and hanging beside him. He was hunched over in peerless rage and murderous intent.

Tom looked skyward as the blood red light began fading away.

Then he turned his three-eyed gaze towards the intruder. His expression was blank and he was deathly silent but his eyes shifting to a piercing red said it all.

"You FOOL!" Towering spires of fire erupted all over the ballroom. It felt like the entire universe quaked beneath the sheer fury that Tom radiated.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA..." Tom's demonic, distorted voice was omnipresent, as if he was everywhere at once. "ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?"

Tom bellowed in a mighty, anguished roar as he held both palms forward. A baseball sized fireball spawned before him and grew exponentially as seconds passed by, until it reached about fifty times it's size.

"THIS IS FOR MY ANCE-"

A double bladed harpoon shot right out of the Prince's chest, a rain of blood spewing forth out of his new wound. Before he knew it, he was yanked downwards, hitting the ground with a thundering thud, the impact making a shallow pit beneath him.

As tried to recover, he felt a hand on each of his horns and a high-heeled boot keeping his head in place, the heel puncturing his skin. It didn't register with him immediately that both his horns were ripped right out of his skull, but once it did, his elongated shriek of ungodly agony could very well be heard across multiple dimensions.

Tom suddenly lost about two-thirds of his vision when the tips of those same horns were thrust right into his two main eyes. His third darted every which way, unable to process what was going on. He could faintly see something pale, pink, and blonde standing over him.

He could taste a steaming pair of barrels jammed down his throat.

And then there was nothing but pieces of blood, brain matter and bone where a head used to be.

Star looked up from Tom's lifeless, headless body. She surveyed the carnage that she and Marco wrought with a stone face. Her eyes shut briefly before she took a deep, exasperated breath.

"Let's go, Marco." Star dryly said before making her way to the exit. Without a word, the boy scrambled to his feet. Even as heavy as the armor looked, he seemed to move as fluidly as if he wasn't wearing it at all.

"... I don't a hero, I need a friend."

The words cut deep, but Marco understood. He knew he shouldn't have tried to get in the way of Star's night, even though he was right in thinking something was gonna go wrong. He should've trust her to have control over things. Heck maybe it wasn't really necessary for him to be there.

"You're right." Marco said in melancholy. "I should've trusted you. I'm sorry I ruined your night."

"Weeelll, it wasn't a total disaster..." Star's fingers traced every contour of Marco's hardy six pack. She used his broad pecs as a pillow as her bare form clutched his. "Now I know you could 'dance'. And you have abs! Sweet, delicious aaabbbs."

They locked eyes with one another, smiling at their partner's disheveled state.

"Hahaha. Sex hair." They both said in unison. The realization brought surprise to their faces.

"Whoa, we both said-"

Their eyes widened more.

"-The same thing!"

"Okay, stop that!"

They both yelped as they covered their mouths with their shared sheets. Star pointed her wand at him out of reflex, feeling somewhat threatened by these weird turn of events.

Their faces as they failed to hold back their snickers, which blew up into hearty laughter.

"Now go make me some na-"

Star's ceiling came down in a thunderous boom. Blinding red light exploded out of the ensuing hole, shining down upon the perpetrator.

To say the creature was unsightly beyond belief was still an understatement. It was a gigantic, slender creture, that stood on four elongated humanoid limbs. Tentacles writhed out of each end of it's body. It's dented, round head bore a hollow ovular hole, presumably its face.

It screeched gutturally as it crawled towards the foot of the bed. It hunched over, looking as if it was about to pounce.

Marco and Star simply traded glances. Then smiled as they pulled their weapons from beneath their bedsheets. Marco his shotgun and Star her wand.

"Rip and tear?" Marco asked as he loaded a couple shells.

Star's wand glowed a familiar sinister shade of green before it transformed to the Chainsaw BFG.

"Until it's done."

Author's Resurrection: Dragon Kick will return soon. It's not dead and neither am I. Sorry about disappearing without a word. Things happen. And stuff. I hope you enjoy this dumb little off-shoot in the meantime.