Don't own.
"Oh hell no... you've got to be kidding!"
Allen had just arrived home from school. Well, it was Kanda's house, really, but due to his sudden desperate need of a roommate besides Lavi and Allen's not so sudden need of a place to stay, he'd agreed to let him move in with him. Allen had recently started going to the local college, having finally finished all the painful but necessary paperwork, and due to his schedule either got back really early or really late. Today was one of the rare days where he got home not necessarily early but not late either, his watch telling him it was about 3:30 in the afternoon. Of course, it's a well known fact that Allen isn't the luckiest person alive, so naturally his joy at actually having time to relax when straight to hell when he realized he couldn't get in the house.
Kanda had been, surprisingly enough, talking, or rather complaining, his ear off for the entire month or so before his moving in about how Lavi always left the front door wide open, forgetting that the handle was broken and didn't lock or how it didn't always keep the door closed. Well, finally, after another week of complaining once Allen had moved in, Kanda finally got around to changing it. It had been two months since, and Kanda was still the only one with a key to the lock on the handle, since he had yet to make copies, so of course if Allen got back late and Kanda was already asleep, he was SOL unless Lavi was awake or Kanda was feeling generous.
Lavi had left for his girlfriend's house the week prior and was supposed to come back the next evening. This was not a problem. In fact, it was a blessing, since Kanda, being the insensitive jerk that he is, constantly locked Allen out just for fun. Now, he could easily assume Kanda had had the grand idea to lock the door knob before he went to work just to spite Allen just as easily as he could maybe begin to believe the idiot had slept in and rushed out, not really paying attention to which lock he locked. Either way, it pissed him off, because here he was, standing on the porch of Kanda's house, locked out, hungry and now royally pissed because all doors and windows were locked tight, his ride home was gone, he had no phone- Kanda dropped it in the toilet "by accident"- and for some unknown reason had about five miles to walk before he got anywhere near civilization.
"Son of a bitch!" Allen cried out, pissed beyond all reason. He stood there for about another minute or so, his mind racing as he remembered the bus stop about a mile or two from where he was. "Alright. Fine. Fine!" he said, walking off in the direction he sort of hoped the bus stop was, shouldering his backpack so it wasn't so uncomfortable.
Forty or so minutes later, Allen decided he really needed to think things through better before actually doing them. He'd found his way to the bus stop, miraculously not getting lost. His anger was gone, mostly, having settled into a dull annoyance that quickly faded as he reached the bus stop, temporary disappointment replacing it. "Aw... I just barely missed it, by like... ten minutes..." he mumbled to himself. Taking a second glance at the schedule, however, proved him wrong. "Wait... no I haven't! I'm ten minutes early!" Allen celebrated, thinking his plan over again. 'Maybe I'll get there faster walking, though...' he thought, noticing it took about one hour for the bus to come back around to that same stop. 'Gah, why couldn't I know of this when I was literally right across the street from Lenalee's house?' His musings were cut short as the bus pulled up to the stop, Allen vaguely noticing it was about ten minutes late as he paid the fare, going to sit near the front of the bus. The bus driver made an announcement concerning their new night routes as they took off, Allen himself tuning out his surroundings and turning on his MP3 player, dozing off soon after.
He jerked awake to find he didn't know where he was. He looked around, thinking he might recognize something, but nothing seemed familiar. The bus pulled up to a plaza, and Allen, not wanting to get more lost than he already was, got off, quickly getting on another bus. Another thirty minutes later and this was repeated. It was once he got off the third bus that he realized his stupidity. "I shoulda just stayed on the first fucking bus! Now where the hell am I?" he cried out, trying (and failing) to pinpoint where he was. "Oh well. Damage done. Might as well get on this one." he said, getting on the bus labeled "Route 22". After another twenty minutes, Allen finally started to recognize something. Quickly getting off the bus at the next stop, Allen walked in the general direction of that big building that had tickled his memory, but somehow he ended up in what he quickly recognized as the red light district. Uttering a curse under his breath, he looked around, spotting the building again and redirecting his feet to that general area. However, before he could get any further, someone grabbed him, calling him Charley and saying they needed his kidney for a snowman he had underwater. Allen promptly punched the man unconscious, turning and running away from the area as quickly as he could, only to realize he was even more lost than before. So he did what he did before, simply standing on his tiptoes, spotting the building and walking towards it once more. However, before he knew it, his attention was drawn towards the brightly lit shops that Allen's instincts told him would make him rich should he play his cards right, so he didn't notice someone was dragging him towards a huge mountain looking place until he was in it. This, however, did not freak him out like it should've. Reason being, the inside was crawling, overflowing, brimming with all kinds of candy. "Candy mountain..." Allen muttered, his mouth watering, but he quickly swallowed and shook his head. 'Nonono, this is a bad idea. I gotta get out of here.' And so, ignoring the salesman that dragged him in there, he bolted from the place, running away from the district and towards what he hoped was that building he'd been trying to get to.
Allen kept running, ignoring any and all stores and sales people, until finally, he stopped, or rather was stopped, when he ran into...drum roll, everybody please, you'll never guess this... Kanda!
"Moyashi! Fuck, don't do that! What the hell are you doing here?" Kanda asked, clearly shaken by Allen's sudden appearance.
"To be quite honest, I would like to know that as well. I got on the bus with every intention to go to Lenalee's house or maybe the nearest store, but as you might've already guessed, I got bloody lost! And as per usual, my sense of direction only works in the red light district, so here I am! What about you, why are you here?" Allen said, a dangerous smile playing on his face.
'God, I've never seen him so irritated...' Kanda thought, deciding that a smartass answer would get him into an early grave. "I work at that tall building over there." He said, pointing to the building Allen had been trying to get to. "I just so happened to park in this area... why'd you even get on a bus?"
Allen sighed, clearly irritated. "The door handle was locked. I couldn't get in." he explained simply.
Kanda frowned. "Locked? Well, no matter. Come on, my car's over there." he said, grabbing Allen's elbow and leading him to his car, keeping all vendors at bay.
Fifteen minutes later and they'd gotten back to Kanda's house, finding Lavi's car parked outside.
"Well, that explains." Allen muttered to himself, starting to get out of the car. Looking to his right he noticed something. He looked, and looked again, and looked a third time just to make sure he'd seen right before he burst out laughing. This, naturally, caught Kanda's attention and even annoyed him a little.
"What the hell is so fucking funny?" Kanda asked the twitching, giggling mass that was the boy, but all the got in response was a faltering jumble of "Magical Adventure" and a shaking arm pointing to his rear right window, or at least, where it used to be.
Kanda's face morphed into a mixture of disgust and mild amusement, constantly shifting from one to the other as if he didn't know whether to be pissed or to laugh. Finally, he cracked a smile, and before he knew it he'd joined Allen in his state. They laughed so hard, Lavi came out of the house to see what all the fuzz was about. Once again, a shaky arm pointed, and soon, Lavi had joined them.
There, on Kanda's back seat, with glass littered all on the seat and the floor of the car, was a dildo with a helicopter attached to it, with the word "SURPRISE" written on it with sharpie.
This actually happened to me, minus the red light district and getting lost and stuff. I overdramatized it for the sake of my readers. Hope you enjoyed!