Title: Love sucks
Author: Dark Roswellian Angel
Elizabeth McDowell
Disclaimer: Still don't. Still hopeful. Still looking for my own Alec.
Copying/Downloading/Posting: Please let me know first, and let me know where my work will be posted as I would love to come visit it. Make sure that it is put under my name, as I would love to hear how others feel about it. Thanks ;)
Rating: K+, just in case
Synopsis: She's known seven important men in her life. Love sucks. (MA-implied- after all, is there anything else?- Logan-friendly if you can believe me going there)
A/N: I actually wrote this a while ago (back when I had some spare time), but I forgot to post it. Let me know what you think. I'm planning to go at this from a couple of other perspectives in 1 or 2 more chapters if this one is good enough.
Love sucks
I've known seven men in my life. Seven important men. You wanna know what I've learned from them? Each and every one of them? Love sucks.
My brother, my leader, my Zack. When we were kids, I thought he could do anything. He could fix everything, take care of any problem. When I was hurting or scared he took care of me. When the others were taken, he calmed my fears and protected me. And when they were going to take me, he saved my life. Even when I didn't know it, he kept watching out for me. For all of us. Because he loved us. He loved me enough to protect me from myself, to follow me on my harebrained schemes, even the ones he disagreed with, just to make sure I'd make it out the other side alright. He loved me enough to turn himself in to protect me, to take down Manticore when I said we needed to. Zack's love for me killed him. Twice. Love sucks.
Ben, my other brother. He was the sweetest kid I knew. Which you may think isn't saying much considering where I grew up and all. But even if we hadn't grown up there, he would have been an amazing kid. So full of wonder and hope and love. But break him out of Manticore's seven-rings-of-hell structure and love for a blue lady had him so twisted that he was doing some of the worst things I ever could have imagined. Things so bad that eventually I had no choice- I had to stop him right? And it took his love for me to make him know that I would take care of him the way I had to- to trust me to do the job right. Love sucks.
I've had two main enemies in my life. Both of them men. Lydecker once loved a woman so much that when she died it destroyed him. So much that he tried to make her live again- through me. And when he was faced with losing the only part of her that he had left, he chose to lose everything to save me. He even lost himself. White, well where do I start with him? His father loved his brother so much that he turned against his whole theology, and then they turned against him. Something tells me that didn't exactly put the charm into White's childhood. Then poor White went and almost blew everything by falling for his own wife. I bet the Snake Brotherhood just made him feel great about that- here he got a whole other chance after his dad screws everything up and he almost blows it because of love. Maybe that explains the personality disorder he's got going on. Whatever. Love sucks.
Normal- well he's anything but normal. I don't know exactly what's up with him, but word has it he used to be in love. It was this big epic thing. They fell in love the first moment they saw each other and they were all happy and stuff. Then she dies in childbirth and it just about kills him. Then the kid dies too- the only thing he still has to live for. And well, I guess he went off the deep end 'cause, well, look at him. He may be a prick but even he doesn't deserve that kind of heartbreak. Love sucks.
I don't know which of the last two to describe next. I guess I'll go with Logan. He was still getting over his wife when I met him. Still getting over how loving her screwed with him. Man, did she ever do a job on him. And just like that she comes back and tries to screw him over a second time. I don't know- maybe Bling was right. Maybe he did know. Maybe he didn't need me all pushing it in his face pointing out how he was letting her fool him again. But I didn't know- I thought I was helping him out. Anyway, sometimes I wonder just how bad loving me is going to mess with him. I know it's already jacked him up something ripe what with the target on his head and the virus and all that, but somehow I just know that when things end (and I can't seem to fight the feeling that eventually they will no matter how hard I try 'cause I know how much easier it would be to stay with him) it's gonna do a real number on him. Both of us probably. Love sucks.
So, that just leaves Alec. The big smart aleck in my life. The one who I had hoped love would leave alone- let at least one of the men in my life remain unvictimized. Or something like that. But no. 'Cause love just blows like that. It has to be him who's been so messed up by love- by loving someone that he was forced into hurting- that he's a complete shell. So alive on the outside that hardly anyone even realizes just how empty he is down deep- unless they're looking I guess. He's so scorched by love that I don't know if he'll ever be able to love again. Ever be able to trust again. Ever be able to believe that just by loving someone he won't be signing their death sentence again. Man, love sucks.
And I guess that's my biggest problem- my biggest sob story. Because until he's able to find the courage to love again, I'm never going to get my chance to find out if there could possibly be a good side to love. A happy-ever-after, white-picket-fence (only more Trannie, kick a** style), true-love-really-can-win-over-all side. 'Cause after everything that's happened, everything that's gone down, I've finally realized that he's the one I'm really in love with. Whole heart. Whole soul. Meant to be with for the rest of my life. Can't be with anyone else no matter how much I care about them or how wonderful they are or how much easier it might be for everybody if I could just love them back. But I can't do that because somewhere along the line, I messed up and gave my heart to the person who's been messed up by love more than anyone else I know. But that kind of figures right? After all- love sucks.