The Simplest Touch
Disclaimer: I own nothing - sadly.
Summary: Sometimes, all a person can do is hold onto you.
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He's not quite sure where it begins, but one thing that does become clear to Ianto Jones is that his boss seems somewhat grateful for it. It's the simplest thing in so many ways – the Welsh man shouldn't blame his teammates for not thinking of it… but part of him is angry at them anyway. They treat Jack's deaths as just normality – another hindrance in time, something as usual as rain in Cardiff. But Ianto sees his boss' face in those few seconds after life returns to him – the pain, the weariness, and disappointment. It's all gone in seconds, of course, but it's there long enough for him to notice.
So he learns to be there when his boss wakens from death, learns to hold him close, and give the American something to grip onto. Sometimes, Jack's grip is almost painful; sometimes it's as weak as a baby's. Those few seconds after reincarnation are the ones that define how he will treat the Captain for the remainder of the day. Oh, he's never too obvious about it – Jack would kill him, happily, if he thought Ianto pitied him in any way – but it does define his manner toward his boss.
Ianto becomes a little more determined to be there when his and Jack's relationship escalades into… something else. He recognises the fluttering in his own heart, and the way his world seems to spin in a slightly different way. As he falls deeper and deeper in love with Jack, it becomes almost an obsession, to make sure he's there for the man when he returns from death. Jack's grip on him becomes a little more prominent in his first waking breaths, sometimes joined with a kiss, sometimes a simple, tired smile. In those nights following Jack's coming back to life, Ianto will share the Captain's bunker, curling around the older man, giving as much comfort as he can. Sometimes, Jack will sleep in those nights; never for very long, but just enough for his body to totally shut down and allow him some sense (or so Ianto hopes) of peace.
It all comes full circle, of course, when eventually it is he lying on the proverbial death bed. His breath is ragged, choked from the poison in the air, and Jack's face is blurry above him, the Captain holding Ianto as Ianto would have held him. Only, of course, he will not come back to life. In that moment, the Welsh man feels guilty – so guilty – for growing close to the American. He can tell what this is doing to Jack; he can hear the weakness in his lover's voice, as Jack pleas with the four-five-six, and dimly, he tries to remember a time when the other man has shown more emotion. Words babble from Ianto's mouth before he can stop them, as Jack promises not to forget him, Ianto realises there is only one thing that needs to be said. The three words leave his lips, and though Jack replies with a denial, Ianto knows the truth. In every touch, every caress, every time the American clung onto him.
If he could, Ianto would ask Gwen to be there for Jack now. To hold him when he comes back to life, to soothe him and ease him back into the world of the living. But Gwen is pregnant, and after all, despite the rumours, despite the teasing, despite her own declarations, she does not love Jack. At least, not in the way he needs. She loves the hero, the saviour. Ianto was only ever in love with the man.
The brunet gives his boss, his lover, a half smile, as his eyes slip closed. He is close now, so, so close to the end, and perhaps, one day… perhaps he'll meet Jack again. Distantly, he feels the press of cooling lips against his own, and though he strives to respond, he cannot. He can only hope, for Jack's sake, that this last death might be the final one that the man has to endure.
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Author's N: *smiles sheepishly* I've temporarily abandoned Narnia fic (due to a lack of muse, mostly!) in anattempt to write Torchwood stuff. I basically watched all three seasons in the space of a couple of weeks a little while ago, and fell in love with Ianto and Jack's plotline. This is my first attempt at writing anything regarding Torchwood, so criticism/feedback would be appreciated!