A/N: M'kay, first DMC fanfic. Apologies if people are OOC, this is still new ground for me. Anyways, I don't own Lady, Dante, Agni or Rudra, but Adrienne is my character. Enjoy!
"Y'know, this is all your fault."
"My fault?"
Dante glanced up at Adrienne whose face was twisted into a scowl. He feigned offense.
"You wound me."
"Well it is!" she snapped. "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!"
Adrienne huffed and sat down on the couch, crossing her arms. Dante shrugged and went back to his magazine. The whole thing had started yesterday...
Dante and Adrienne had taken on what seemed like a rather low-key job hunting down a rogue sorceress- a novice, actually possessed by a succubus. It was going well until the little brat had thrown a sort of blue powder at them which caught in Adrienne's throat, causing her to have a mild coughing fit. Dante had gone unaffected and killed her, but not before some of the dust caught in his throat and he'd sneezed. Brushing it off, they'd gone home and collected their bounty.
It wasn't until they'd woken up this morning that both had felt something was... off. Adrienne, for certain, didn't remember going to sleep in Dante's room. And she felt much larger and less squishy. Imagine her surprise when she walked into the bathroom, looked in the mirror and instead of seeing her usual mess of ebony curls, saw silky strands of white. She'd screamed (yelled, actually) and woken up Dante, who was too sleep addled to notice something was wrong right away. It wasn't until he'd gotten up to go see what was wrong that he noticed his chest felt... heavy. And he felt so much closer to the ground... It wasn't until the two met in the hall that they realized what had happened.
They'd switched bodies. It was like waking up as the opposite gender- only worse. After their initial shock, Adrienne reasoned that the little brat from the day before must have doused them with a transfiguration spell, causing their bodies to switch. Which leads us back to the present.
"Adrienne" turned the page with one elegant finger, not looking up at "Dante."
"I didn't douse us with that blue shit," he replied.
"I didn't see you try to avoid it," she retorted.
Dante rolled his (her?) eyes and set down the magazine (s)he'd been reading.
"Well how was I s'posed to know she was going to do that?"
"I have no fucking clue, but it's still your fault!"
Honestly, the scene itself was rather comical. Dante's body, sitting on the couch with arms and legs crossed, and Adrienne's with her bare feet propped up on the desk, still wearing her nightie. That was what Lady walked in on as the two continued to bicker. "Dante" turned to look at her when she came in and pointed accusingly at "Adrienne," who seemed too interested in her assets to notice.
"Lady! Tell him to stop groping my breasts!"
"They're not exactly 'yours,' darlin'."
Lady gaped. This was new. She looked at the huffing, frustrated "Dante" with a look of utter confusion, and then back at "Adrienne" who was staring down the front of her nightie. "Dante" glared at "Adrienne."
"I don't care whose body I'm in, they're still mine! Lady, tell him to stop!"
It took Lady a minute to figure out what was going on, and she could barely process it anyways. She looked at "Dante."
"Addy... is that...?"
"Of course it's me!" she replied, glaring at Lady, who then looked at "Adrienne" with disbelief.
"Dante?"
The mess of dark curls made a noncommittal noise in acknowledgement. There was a long pause when no one said anything, Lady looking back and forth between the Sorceress and the Half-Devil. She bit her lip as she attempted to stifle a few giggles, only to burst out laughing seconds later. Adrienne's frown deepened into an all-out scowl.
"And now she's laughing at us," she said, disdain dripping from "Dante's" voice as she glared at Dante. "I hope you're happy."
Dante didn't look up.
"I'm not complaining," he answered.
It was a few minutes before Lady stopped laughing long enough for Adrienne to explain what had happened. The Huntress listened with a silly grin on her face and waited until Addy was finished.
"So you two just... woke up like this?"
"Unfortunately," grumbled Adrienne. "I just hope we can fix it."
Dante looked up at this, slightly alarmed.
"What do you mean 'fix it'?" he asked.
"I mean put us back in our respective bodies," she retorted. "I don't know about you, but I don't like being this hulking... giant of a person!"
"Hey-" Dante sat up straight in his chair and leaned on the desk, pointing an accusing finger at Adrienne. "I am not hulking."
"You certainly feel it to me," mumbled the Sorceress, crossing her arms and pouting.
Lady shook her head and sighed. These two were absolutely hopeless. Looking at Adrienne, she addressed the Sorceress (and stifled another snicker).
"So what's your plan?" she choked out.
"My 'plan'," hissed the Sorceress, "Is to look through my books and see if I can't reverse the effects somehow- right after he stops groping me!"
Dante was poking "Adrienne's" breasts again, watching them in a strange mix of wonder and bemusement. He glanced up at Adrienne, stuck his tongue out at her, and picked up his magazine, obviously bored.
"Well, technically," he droned, "I'm groping myself."
The color drained from Adrienne's face and she stared at Dante, mortified. "Adrienne's" lips twisted into a smirk and cast a knowing glance in "Dante's" direction.
"Besides, it's not like I can stop you from-"
"Shut. Up." snapped the Sorceress.
Dante shrugged.
"Suit yourself."
Lady choked back another laugh and cleared her throat, struggling to keep a straight face.
"Are you going to need any help?" she asked, her voice strained.
"No," sighed the Sorceress, "But I will have to get Miss America over there to help cast it. Lord knows I can't do it in..." She gestured to her- "Dante's" body. "...This."
She was rewarded with a bullet barely grazing her cheek. Dante was glaring at her with a scowl on his- "Adrienne's" face. She smirked in response.
"...You missed."
"Nu-uh."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too."
"Did not."
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"Did not!"
The two of them were glaring at each other again and Lady rolled her eyes. You'd never believe these two were over ten if it weren't for the 30 year old bodies (give or take). She shook her head and started back towards the door.
"Whatever you two. Call me when you're back to normal."
The door shut behind her, Adrienne and Dante still at a stand-off. Behind Dante's desk on the wall, something cleared it's throat.
"You know, Brother, I do think she missed."
"She? It's a 'he'!"
"Is it?"
Another gunshot resonated against the wall.
"What did I say?"
"Oh, Dante." Adrienne clicked her tongue. "You're just pissed because you know I'm right. You missed."
"I did not!" he protested, getting up from the desk and walking over to where Adrienne was standing.
"Well, you missing was hardly Agni and Rudra's fault," she pointed out, smirking.
"You...!"
What normally would have been Adrienne grasping at Dante's throat, which Dante usually avoided by picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder or locking her in the bedroom, turned into a struggle where "Dante" had "Adrienne" by the wrists and was holding her away from his body. Somewhere along the line, they lost their footing and "Adrienne" fell backwards over the chair with "Dante" close behind. They landed on the ground with a loud thump.
Dante groaned.
"Ow..." hissed Adrienne.
Dante pushed at his body, trying to roll it off of him.
"Get off 'o me," he grumbled.
Adrienne made a noncommittal noise and rolled off of Dante. After a few minutes of disturbing quiet, Dante looked over at Adrienne.
"Why didn't you tell me I was so heavy?"
At this, the Sorceress burst out laughing. Adrienne was laughing so hard she had trouble breathing. Dante grinned, but kept his voice even.
"What? It was a serious question."
"Right." Adrienne took a deep breath and sat up. "Well, at least now I know why you like those so much."
"Dante" gave "Adrienne" a hard poke in the side of her chest.
"Hey! That hurt!"
Adrienne hummed in response and got to her feet. She offered a hand to Dante, who was still on the floor.
"Well, Princess, let's see about a spell that can get you your trigger finger back, shall we?"