Disclaimer: I do not own Macbeth or any of its characters, neither do I particularly want to.

A/N: I apologise in advance for this meagre attempt at a parody, as well as the immature humour within it. But I wrote this basically because I am just tired of being up to my eyes in Macbeth for those blasted exams.

Act 1 Scene 3

A heath

First Witch: Where hast thou been, sister?

Second Witch: Killing swine.

Third Witch: Sister, where thou?

First Witch: A sailor's wife had baked beans in her lap

And pumped, and pumped, and pumped. "Please stop!"

Choked I.

'Aroint thee, witch," the rump-fed ronyon cries.

Her husband's to Aleppo gone, master o'th'Tiger:

He held his nose as he set sail;

I followed suite, and with a wail,

I flew, I flew and I flew.

Second Witch: I'll give thee a wind.

First Witch: Thou'rt kind.

Third Witch: And I another.

First Witch: The sailor's wife had more than I could stand.

And the very cheeks they blow,

All the quarters that they know

I'th'public thrones.

I'll blast him dry as hay:

Sleep shall never night nor day

Hang upon his nostril lid:

He shall live a men forbid.

Weary sennights nine times nine

Shall he odour, reek and pine.

The woman's stench cannot be lost;

Sanity be tempest-tossed.

Look what I have.

Second Witch: Show me, show me.

First Witch: Here I have a pilot's nose,

Severed by the fatal blows.

(gunshot within)

Third Witch: A gun, a gun;

Macbeth doth come.

All: The weird sisters, hand in hand,

Hippies of the sea and land,

Thus come to chill out, chill out.

Thrice to thine, and thrice to mine,

And thrice again to make up nine.

Peace, the charm's wound up.