Percy And the FRIEND ZONE

Chapter 1: You're so fucked now

Disclaimer: Percy Jackson is copyrighted by Rick Riordian

Who am I? Well, I'm the most awesome, attractive, charming, fucked up and insane person you will ever meet. I'm also the son of a God, but that's just a coincidence.

This is the oh so merry story of monsters, girls, gods, titans, and the only place worse than the Underworld. Lets begin……

"So….why did Lauren think you were going to leave her for that other girl?" asked Herman lazily. He was a son of Ares. Oddly though, he made me understand why our dad's were friends. He was angry, pissed and rage filled. At the same time. Always. And no, I'm not being redundant.

"Apparently the part where me and Silena compared blood types to figure out what our children were going to be gave her a hint." I said indifferently, casually fixing my hair.

"Oh…that must have put you off you game." Herman stated, slumping further into the chair.

"Nothing puts me off my game." I said, grinning. "Not even the part where I broke up with Silena to get the advantage during capture the flag."

"I don't see how that works…" muttered Herman.

"It does when she's the one guarding the enemy flag." I said, turning out of the room.

"Yep…only one girl ever managed to put you off you game." Said Herman, gazing at me, the Ares part of him clearly enjoying the conflict he was about to create.

"Don't start." I whispered, angrily opening the door.

"Sure. I won't mention how Annabeth totally rejected you and just wants to be friends." His eyes started laughing. "Oops."

IN THE BIG HOUSE

"Yes!" yelled Mr.D. "My Percy just got SLAMMED senses are going wild!"

BACK TO PERCY'S CABIN

" Yeah…only girl who ever did." I muttered. Also the only girl I ever really wanted.

"Let's go to the sword arena." Said Herman, leading the way.

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We both fought sword and shield. Neither of us bothered with the armor . We fought fast. People called us rebels, or cool. People thought we idiots, or suicidal.

" You're slow today." I said, cutting through the air with Riptide, Herman just managing to catch the blade with his shield.

He lunged….he was going to over reach himself. I waited for the blade to come, got out of the way, giving myself a clear slice to his head…which was suddenly blocked by his shield just as his fist flew at my face. I threw down my own sword and tried to knee him. This happened every goddamned day. We didn't spar….we didn't even train…we just fought and beat the shit out of each other.

" Come on, I'm just starting to feel this!" Another thing to thank the Ares parentage for…an insane lust for fights. Which is what I looked for. The fight continued for two hours. Some half bloods were hunted by monsters. We hunted monsters. It was refreshing. Somehow, they were never expecting it.

Suicidal…like suicide. "That's enough for now." I said, standing up, breathing heavily. The fight had broken four dummies, several spears, and a suit of armor which Herman tried to hit me with. Anything goes. It's like fight club, cept it's just two of us and we scream like girls sometimes. Really, have you ever been hit with a suit of armor?

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It was almost dinner time. I was walking around camp alone, looking as Dryads jumper out of trees and Sartyrs did some nature appreciation which did not include saving anything.

I saw a new girl, sitting on a rock, looking scared and alone…excellent. I walked over, drinking her in with my eyes.(Note to the dumber readers: I mean this figuratively.) She had light blonde hair, pretty blue eyes and a lightish moustache which my mind managed to edit out.

I sat on the ground next to her, idly considering how I was going to do this. "Hey…." I grinned, looking at her. "Do you know a vet?"

She appeared startled. Now that's what I call manliness. "Um…yes…why?" she asked.

"Cause I got these sick puppies." I said flexing my arms. Crash. That's the sound of broken ice baby. "So…how did you come to our merry little hell for godly teens?"

"Um….I am not really sure…" she started twirling her hair in her hands. " There was this green thing….like you but less freaky…" Hmm….might be a bad sign. " It sort of….tried….attacked my mom….." Her stuttering is getting annoying.

"Oh." I said sympathetically. "Sounds like one of this fucking lizard men. They are pretty damn unpleasant."

"Yeah…and my mom….well the doctors say she's going to be okay but they don't know what's wrong with her…." Bingo! My way in.

"You know…the thing is…those lizard people's spit contains venom. And it's a bitch if it hardens in your hair too." I added as an afterthought.

"A venom?" she asked. "Is…there a cure?"

"Yep. Several. Blood of almost any other monster'll do it. They all evolved antibodies to those kinds of poisons. Really, if a monster does anything to you, 9 times out of 10 killing more monsters solve it."

"But…I don't….hurting is….I don't want to kill…." She said, looking sad and scared.

"Yeah…but I do it a lot anyway. Most of the people here…" I said, indicating the rest of the camp. "They'll only kill in self defense. But me….and Herman…well we kill all the time. You're probably in love for me by know but you're Goddamn stuttering is leaving you unable to express it." Yep….she stopped listening to me the moment when I gave her hope.

"Can you…..get…the blood of…a mon…monster?" she asked.

"Well…it'll be dangerous." I said. "But…that's why I exist don't I?" Shit, I've gone into out of control philosophical mode! "To risk my good for nothing life. Heck, there are three kinds of people aren't there? Good people, like you." I said, indicating her. "Bad people, like all those fuckers." I said pointing to the Ares cabin. "And the unlucky kind. Me. Bad people who want to be good, who realize the good people are really just a bunch of fucking useless pricks, and the bad people are fun and interesting. And I'm aspiring to be useless? That's fucking brilliant. At least I do it by killing bad things. So yeah, I will kill your fucking monster, and I will enjoy it. Cause I'm fucking sick to know any better." I drew my sword. "Right, it's fucking killing time!"

And that's how a typical day goes. I have no idea why some girls agree to go out with me. Except for one…her. Annabeth.