A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever. I wrote it to test the submitting system and to work out how to work it out. :) The idea occurred to me last night and wouldn't go away. I hope that some fans will derive some pleasure from reading it; I certainly hope that JunI will. Feel free to flame, spam, review, do whatever you like.
Warning!!! May contain some intolerant opinions expressed by characters and unsuitable thematics for some readers.
Kyuzo restrained himself from sighing irritably with great difficulty. Didn't Kanbei have better job than to ogle him shamelessly as he stood tall and proud on the barricade? The man was a disaster as far as subtlety went; Kyuzo was sure there were already at least two broken hearts in the vicinity because of him – Kirara's and Shichiroudji's. Luckily the water maiden was not there, but Shichiroudji's glance left no doubt as to how mistaken exactly was Katsushiro to assume the 'spouse' title belonged to a real spouse. Shichiroudji was making up for all of it in jealousy only. He was thankful that 'the right hand man's ire was not directed to him, but to Kanbei, whose fault it all was.
Kyuzo on his part had obviously added two more to his fanbase. Katsushiro was staring at him with open admiration – hell, the kid was bright pink in the face; Heihachi could not believe his eyes when he saw the cannon Kyuzo was carrying and he seemed to take it personally. Kyuzo did not mind. The attentions of both seemed much more acceptable and… innocent, that was the world, than those of the lecherous old guy.
He landed on his feet gracefully, that's right, pals, keep staring at me, it's not my fault that my mother was a bloody dancer and my waist is as close to Scarlet O'Hara's as they come, and reported with short and precise words his findings to the group. Kanbei seemed to presume he was the natural born leader, but in fact Kyuzo was informing them all; who knows what Kanbei would have done with the information, withheld it, perhaps? He was creepy enough for it and Kyuzo did not trust him as far as he could throw him, and he had never been good at throwing anything heavier than a sword.
"They are going to attack tomorrow," he answered shortly to Kanbei's last question – couldn't the fickle samurai see that he was dead on his feet? "I'm going to sleep."
But as soon as he turned to take off to the forest and some blessed silence and solitude, he swayed.
"Are you all right?" Kanbei immediately asked, as if he was waiting for his cue, as if he had arranged all this just to be able to ask his question and Kyuzo was really getting too paranoid.
"I'm fine," he snapped with disdain in his voice. "I have been on a mission for more than twenty-four hours and have not eaten, that is all."
Kanbei fussed. "I can't understand you young folks, not having eaten, I mean really, proper feeding is the key to longevity and health, what are these anorexic ideas that they plant into your heads?"
Kyuzo would have dearly liked to plant his swords into Kanbei's head, both of them, but it would have probably been detrimental to the defense plan. And he did not want longevity if it meant more time to be around and suffer Kanbei's terrible flirting methods.
"Can you get to the village on your own?" Shichiroudji asked calmly, although his eyes still cast lightning bolts in the direction of Kanbei.
"Of course," Kyuzo replied curtly. He did not dislike the other samurai, but Kanbei's demonstrated affection was making him edgy. He made a step or two, but his knees suddenly felt weak, his head faint and dizzy. The world spun around, and the next thing he knew, Kanbei was inserting his hands behind his back and knees and lifting him off the ground.
"Poor you," he cooed, "you are really too tired. I will carry you back."
Kyuzo wanted to scream in frustration, but he clenched his jaw resolutely and settled on crossing his hands and pursing his lips, all the while being carried to Kanbei to the village under the concerned gazes of Katsushiro and Heihachi and the withering one of Shichiroudji.
"You know," Kanbei kept talking conversationally, "it would be easier for me to carry you if you'd put your hands around my neck."
As if!, Kyuzo thought. The only reason he would ever put his hands around Shimada Kanbei's neck would be to strangle him. He kept looking away stubbornly, resembling an ice statue for all his rigidity. He was not approving of this manhandling to his person.
In the village, after Kanbei had fussed enough for Kirara to run over and start fussing as well, this time over Kanbei's natural goodness of heart to bring Kyuzo – the girl was either in complete denial or she still thought she could attract the samurai's attention to herself all of a sudden – and Gorobei to appear somewhere in the edge of his vision, cackling under his breath – it was all the more irritating because he didn't do it openly – Kyuzo was reverently put down on the bed mat in the room the samurai were sleeping in. He was keeping tight-lipped still, although he would have liked nothing better than to shout himself hoarse at Kanbei for presuming what he wanted and what he needed. At least he still had his swords where he had left them and he took the scabbard in his hands immediately. One just felt more secure around Kanbei if they had a weapon between them. Or maybe it was just Kyuzo. Kirara and Shichiroudji certainly did not seem to share the sentiment.
Kanbei had managed to dispatch Katsushiro to do some stupid thing or another, but he did not hold that much sway over Heihachi and the engineering samurai came to see how Kyuzo was doing. Kyuzo was doing perfectly fuming, but for the sake of presenting a unified front to the villagers and not disclosing that their so-called leader was a greasy snake with perverted mind he made himself answer civilly to Heihachi's inquiries after his health. He was more interested in what the mechanic had to say about the cannon he had brought. They were discussing it and he had just begun feeling more at ease when Kanbei entered with a steaming bowl of rice and chopsticks and had him tensing again. Heihachi of course did not notice, because his eyes were glued to the bowl and he seemed to be salivating.
"I got something for you to put in your mouth," Kanbei said with a glint in the eye that almost made Kyuzo gag. How could such simple words be so abominably suggestive? "Do you want me to feed you?" Kanbei asked helpfully and without waiting for the answer, proceeded to Kyuzo's side and made as if he was really going to feed him. Kyuzo glared at him, which did not seem to bother Kanbei in the least, and forcefully took the bowl and chopsticks out of his hands. He could hear Heihachi swallowing audibly as he started shoving rice in his mouth. Generally he did not care what he ate, but now he was glad that it was rice, which meant that he would soon be able to get up and away from Kanbei's "care".
He ate about half the bowl and thrust it back in Kanbei's hands, hoping to get rid of him as soon as possible.
"You ate too little!" Kanbei insisted. "Are you sure you are not ill?" He moved to put his hand on Kyuzo's forehead, but the samurai scoffed and knocked it away so forcefully that Kanbei was almost going to drop the rice bowl.
"Oi! The rice!" Heihachi shouted in alarm. He grabbed the bowl from Kanbei and looked at them scandalized. 'I'm going to put it somewhere safe,' he informed them and marched out of the room. Kyuzo had a very good idea what Heihachi considered to be the "safest" place for the rice – his own stomach, and he stifled a smirk. Quickly he realized though, that left him alone with Kanbei and it was not a good thing.
"Kyuzo, we are comrades," Kanbei reproached with his humid stare boring softly in Kyuzo. "You know you can tell me anything, right? If there is something wrong with you?"
'Comrades' was close to 'colleagues', and 'colleagues' was too close to sexual harassment as far as Shimada Kanbei was involved, Kyuzo reflected as he pondered on the best approach to make the man go away.
"I'll be perfectly operable at dawn for the attack, if that is what you are concerned about," Kyuzo said loftily. Hopefully the reminder of the attack would send Kanbei scurrying away to take care of matters he should be taking care of.
"No, that is not what I'm concerned about!" Kanbei replied with the best indignation Kyuzo had seen in a long time, still staring at him like a big, motherly-minded-but-really-quite-perverted puppy. One could probably see the little hearts in his pupils if one looked hard enough, Kyuzo thought, and did not care to look. At all.
"Nothing else to be said, then," he snorted and tried to make himself comfortable on the many fluffy pillows that Kanbei had insisted on providing for him. Might as well make the most of it and get some sleep before the attack. That was when he realized that dark was falling fast and there was no light whatsoever in the big, spacy, empty room. Meanwhile Kanbei continued to look at him with this soft, reproachful gaze, and when it became clear to him that Kyuzo was absolutely unwilling to carry on with the conversation, he sighed, turned and made for the exit. Kyuzo panicked.
"Wait, don't leave me!" he called in a suddenly raspy voice. He hated this, hated it, but he had never been able to get away from his fear of sleeping alone in a dark room. It was so childish and shameful! And the more he tried to stubbornly overcome this little pesky fear, the more he was convinced that the shadows that were there with the flame flickering came circling closer as it was extinguished, preparing for a strike… Not even sleeping with his swords helped.
Kanbei immediately turned and made a beeline for him.
"I will never leave you," he said solemnly as he came back and kneeled by Kyuzo's side, taking his hand in his, "you should know this."
Kyuzo growled with disgust, forgetting his fear momentarily and pulling his hand away. But even Kanbei's company was better than none.
"Just stay here till I fall asleep, will you," he said, not really wanting to phrase it as a question, and without waiting for his words he turned to the other side and arranged the pillows under his head.
"Of course," the lovestruck puppy that was Kanbei cooed, "I will stay even longer for you."
Kyuzo grimaced, because he didn't want to be molested in his sleep. "Until I'm asleep is enough," he muttered and closed his eyes. He was tired, his body aching from the strain, and his mind swam, but what lingered on the brink of falling asleep was that he was cold, and… He suddenly felt a cloak being draped on his body, and he had the very vague thought that it was Kanbei's cloak and it would really be better if the man washed more often and then he was warm and asleep.