Jason looks at the names engraved forever in stone. The two most important people who gave birth to a man he'd once called dad (wished he could call him that again) and the hero who tried to save (is still trying to save) Gotham.
He wondered if they would be appalled to see him. They probably already had been when he'd first come to the manor.
But everytime Bruce talked of them, when Alfred talked about them, they were always these kind people. A doctor who saved lives and helped Leslie at her clinic. A smart woman with a golden heart and equally golden laughter.
Jason liked to think back then that maybe they would actually be happy Bruce took him in. Seemed like something they'd do anyway if, you know, they didn't have a kid of their own. Or at least made sure he'd be staying at an actual nice home for orphans. They seemed like the type to care and from all the stories, they probably were.
Giving in to the exhaustion he was feeling, Jason knelt down. He had a plan. He couldn't talk much to any of his…of the others. But maybe he could talk to these two.
He'd once imagined that since Bruce was his dad then that made them grandparents and he'd never had that before. If they were alive maybe they'd be like the ones on TV, spoiling him and Dick with toys and cookies behind Bruce's back. Dick would maybe not hate him just so he wouldn't make them sad or angry. Maybe he'd even have been an actual brother to him (like he was trying to be since after Jason's fiery come back to Gotham, after they all thought they'd lost Bruce, after everything).
Closing his eyes, Jason opened his mouth to talk. He didn't know what about exactly. How he wished he could go back to before? How maybe Bruce was right and he was just a broken thing that can't be fixed? How Dick had been right to throw him in Arkham…or maybe not that. Arkham brought bad memories and laughter. Always the laughter.
Shaking his head, he ignored the bits of snow that fell off his hair. Ignored the blood that was coloring all the white a very vivid red. Ignored too, or did not notice, the tears running down his face.
Taking a breath, ignoring how much it hurt to do so, he started talking.
"I wish you were alive."
He let the words come to him. He wasn't sure what he was feeling right now but people always said talking would bring it out. Whatever 'it' was.
"Bruce wouldn't have found me and I could have just stayed in the alley. Watching my mom slowly kill herself. Watching everyone try to kill me slowly too. I maybe wouldn't have gone her way but there a lot of things and people that can kill a person in Gotham. Hell. Maybe…maybe I was broken already before she finally died." He paused as the unsettling thought came to him. He really was a broken thing, wasn't he? Too broken for Bruce to fix. For anyone who would try. He wasn't sure if anyone but him had tried. Talia had tried to mold him not save him.
"Bruce would grow up to be happy. I think Dick would probably still be in the picture. I think you guys would've loved to go to the circus. He's a bleeding heart like you and your son. You still would've taken him under your wing. You would've cared for him."
Jason didn't notice but he'd started leaning forward. The rough patch up job he'd placed on his torn side was already too full of blood to stop more from leaving him.
"Replacement, he's called Tim. I mean, his name is Tim. I only call him that coz it ruffles the feathers. Not his anymore, I think. But Dick's. And B. Anyway, Replacement would still be there with his family. They'd be there, won't they? He'd still have his family. Family who won't die coz he ain't Robin…Because Batman needs a Robin but with you there, there won't be a Batman…" Jason tried not think how if there was no Batman then Gotham would have no hero. Or maybe someone else might've stood up to be one. Maybe? Who knew? He tried not think on it. It wasn't something to share to these two.
"And then Demon Spawn…Ha!" Jason laughed weakly. "I can actually picture B still running off and acting the wild child. Talia would fall into him only coz he can actually be charming. And asshole smart."
Jason closed his eyes. It was getting hard to keep them open.
"You'd probably spoil him too. And he'd maybe lose the attitude even." Jason paused. "Hmm. But Dami without it is just weird though so maybe you'll just soften it."
When he opened his eyes he realized he was already lying on the ground between the two spaces of his would've been grandparents. No. They were, weren't they? He was adopted. He could be a Wayne. Just for this while. When he woke up he could go back to reality. No family, no friends. No one to call his. No one to call him theirs. He deserved to dream right? Right?
As he felt himself fall asleep, he liked to think that he wasn't imagining the warmth he felt on his face. Much like the remembered warmth of Catherine's, of his mother's hand when she wiped his tears away. He imagined it would be the same thing with grandparents.
When Bruce found him, Jason had a small and tired, so very tired, smile on his face. He looked so much younger. Like the youth he was supposed to be. Like the child he had been. Should've been.
He looked at his parents names before reaching down for his son. Jason also looked much like a child would after having a good cry and was comforted. Did they do that?
Bruce hoped so.
(Sorry. I don't know how to end it. You can just imagine: )
1. Bruce did make it and Jason is still breathing. That the snow actually helped to slow the bleeding. That by some miracle his son was still alive. That he wouldn't fail him again. That as he walks away to bring his son home, he could feel his parents behind him guiding them both just as he had felt it earlier when he'd thought to check here of all places.
2. Bruce didn't and he just wants to bring him in from the cold he no longer feels. Wants just to bring him home. Will think later on how that smile came to be. That however late he had been. Again. His parents had not. That he had been comforted while he left them. That he was maybe right now with his parents, smiling that wide grin he had when he'd declared, "This is the best day of my life."
