Today we look at the near-stars of Final Fantasy VIII…Where are they now?
"We first went to the Shumi Village to see how the Shumi Tribe was doing ten years on!"
Inside the peaceful underground village there remained only a mass gravesite with a delicately carved Laguna statue at the head. The elder shumi approached.
"Yeah well once the second sorceress war ended we all got back to work on the statue. It took 8 years of back-breaking labour but we finished the statue."
"Yes but where are the Shumi people today?"
"The entire population of Shumi village….twelve in total, died in the arduous production of our glorious statue. But their sacrifice was not in vain! Now, Elder can look at this beautiful statue and think, 'Man, Laguna sure was a great guy!'"
---
"We would have liked to interview the present inhabitants of Balamb Garden but we were satisfactorily informed by Balamb residents that after ten years of travelling, the archaic hovering machinery broke down and the garden is currently drifting aimlessly in uncharted waters…"
"So moving swiftly on, we ran into a familiar pair of bumbling Galbadians in Deling City. Indeed, our cameraman stumbled upon them in the bathroom of the Deling City Hotel. You may remember them as Wedge and Biggs of the Galbadian Army!"
"It's been a rough few years since we were discharged from-"
Wedge cut in, "Booted out of the army…for massive incompetence-"
"There were no positions left to be demoted to! So now you're looking at Latrine Captain Wedge and Deputy Latrine Lieutenant Biggs! ...It's not a good life."
---
"I can imagine you are wondering what's going on with everyone's favourite couple after they did their bit to save the world. Unfortunately we couldn't find Fujin and Raijin at this time so we had to make do with the other happy couple: Squall and Rinoa, currently residing in the extra apartment of the Presidential Palace of Esthar!"
Squall and Laguna were sat at the dinner table playing cards, surrounded by empty beer bottles.
"We've been happily married for a while now and things have really settled down since the final battle. Laguna gave us this little home for our efforts and well I couldn't be happier!"
Rinoa emerged from the kitchen looking particularly distressed, "Is this all you're going to do tonight? I thought we might go out somewhere nice."
"Not tonight, I'm busy!"
Rinoa became increasingly angry, "All you ever do is play cards and go bowling with your friends! I can't live like this any more!"
Rinoa promptly ran out in floods of tears into a neighbouring apartment.
Squall said, "This is nothing, she's just had a tiring day." Squall quickly followed after her.
"Rinoa!" He called from the bottom of the steps. The neighbour confronted him, "She doesn't want to see you, Squall."
Not at all persuaded he bellowed, "RINOA! RINOA!"
---
"To avoid any more nervous chatter with the semi-drunken Esthar President we left the happy couple to argue in peace."
"After that cliched snippet of married life we scoured the continent to find a more unique pair of mercenaries, Fujin and Raijin.
Raijin spoke openly as ever, "After Seifer was rejected as the Sorceress' knight he couldn't pick himself up, ya know. He just mopes around all day, ya know. I tell ya to see him these days is depressing, ya know..."
"HOPELESS"
"Um, yah. Well anyways I got a job at the Galbadia Hotel but I got fired. They say I'm too clumsy..."
"INCOMPETENT"
"Ya know after all we did to save the world I can't help but feel like a..."
"FAILURE"
"You're not hiring are you? I could really use the money, ya know!"
---
"Finally on our travels we ended at the only building on the Centra continent. A rather old, dilapidated building I must add."
A sign outside the run-down building read, 'Pensioners of the Round' Retirement Home.
Odin was sitting in an arm-chair looking particularly old and dishevelled.
"Well since those blasted 'SeeD' took care of the 'Sorceress of the future' crap, they told me they didn't need my services anymore!" He slammed his fist on the chair.
"So you're not in business any more, Odin?"
"No. Definitely not now since my six-legged horse refuses to take me anywhere!"
In the nearby stable a skeleton of a horse stood as if it was still capable of moving.
"And it seems no-one cares about Sir Odin! No, you don't see my picture in any of the history books! People only care about the 'popular' Knights of the Round Table. Lancelot, Arthur, Galahad but not Odin! I always did the hard work while they pranced about in song and dance in the castle. I tell you if I…"
"Much to our dismay, Odin continued to talk for a very long time. We casually slipped out when he began to talk to the skeleton of his mutant horse."
"Well we hope that was insightful, because we certainly had a fun time crushing your idealistic dreams of the world after the war! But on a serious note, what we can draw from these brief interviews is that, for a long life of devotion and hard work, you get seriously screwed over by the government!"