A/N: I do not own the show or characters, etc. This fic takes place in the future: Henry is 19 years old, Emma and Regina have been married for 4 years and started dating when Henry was 13. This story will be angsty but I promise it will have a happy, Swan Queen ending :)

*Trigger warning for a miscarriage*

*Each chapter is titled after a song*

*All mistakes are my own*

The Lonely Hour

Chapter One: Never Going Back Again

*Present Time*

The door slammed shut with such force that Regina was surprised when the pictures did not fall off the walls. Away from prying eyes, she sunk down to the floor and broke down. She could remember the exact time she had last cried: three weeks prior. Every emotion she had been holding in for three weeks escaped from deep inside. Her perfectly drawn on makeup smudged within seconds.

Cries came out and the former evil queen sounded as though she was close to dying. Truth be told though, she thought she could die. Her emotions were ripping her raw and it was the most vulnerable she had allowed herself to be in about one year. It's too bad that she was the only one to witness the breakdown.

Emma had been begging Regina to show something, anything, so that she knew Regina still cared. Every time the Savior asked Regina kept her poker face on and refused to let herself show weakness.

Then one night she was completely blindsided and what she considered weak escaped before she could do anything to control it.

"I slept with someone else."

That sentence continued to sound on repeat in Regina's head for three weeks. Every time she thought she forgot about it, it all came rushing back.

So the brunette finally broke down freely, even though it was too late.

*3 Weeks Earlier*

They were sitting on the couch and the television was on, playing something Emma had picked out. Regina was flipping through a book and both women were silent. Emma's heart was beating so fast she was sure Regina could hear it. If she could, she didn't say anything.

The blonde was tired of not feeling anything. Well scratch that- she did feel something. She felt frustrated. Frustrated because Regina had been acting like a robot for the last year. She never showed emotion anymore. Emma never knew if Regina was happy, scared, sad, anything. The blonde begged and tried everything to better their relationship that she could think of but Regina wouldn't work with her. They barely spoke anymore, let alone show each other any affection.

Last week Emma went on a day trip to a nearby city and found herself at a bar. It happened to be a lesbian bar and Emma tried to drink her troubles away. When that didn't work, a woman started to flirt with the blonde and Emma didn't stop her. One thing led to another and Emma broke every promise about fidelity that she ever made to Regina.

She wasn't trying to make excuses for what she had done. But Emma needed to feel something. She craved intimacy and affection and for someone to just act like she mattered. And Regina wouldn't give her any of that.

"Regina, we need to talk."

Without even looking up from her book she replied, "What is it, dear,".

"I slept with someone else."

That got her attention.

The brunette froze before looking up at Emma.

"Excuse me?"

Emma took a deep breath as she felt her world start to crumble. "It happened last week and it meant mothing but-"

"Get out."

"What? Regina, let me explain."

"No!" Regina bellowed out. "There is no explaining!"

Emma pleaded, "Yes, there is. If you would just let me in and talk to me for once."

Regina finally reacted. "There is no way we be speaking now! I cannot believe you did this to me. Especially after everything we've been through together."

"We?! You barely acknowledge that I've been through anything. It's all about you, Regina. You won't even hold a conversation with me anymore that goes beyond the surface."

"Bullshit, Emma! You are just making excuses for your unforgivable action!"

"Regina, please-"

"I said get out!" Regina jumped up and threw her book across the room. Pages ripped out as it slid across the floor.

Emma jumped at the outburst and tears started pouring down their faces.

A muffled, "Regina", escaped from Emma's mouth.

"I do not want to see your face again. Do not try and contact me. You will see your stuff eventually. Now get the hell out of my house."

Emma took a step closer to Regina to try and reason with her. That provoked Regina to pick up a nearby glass and chuck it across the room as well. It crashed into a million little pieces, similarly to both of their hearts.

The blonde realized there was nothing more she could do at that moment so she grabbed her wallet, keys, and phone and walked to the door.

She hesitated with a hand on the doorknob as she turned to face the brunette.

"I love you, Regina," she whispered.

Regina shook her head and said, "No,".

Emma could see the tears falling down her face. She forced herself to leave even though she could barely see through her own tear-filled eyes.

The door silently opened and Emma slipped through. She quickly drove away in the Bug. Regina didn't know where she was going and part of her didn't care but another part of her wanted to know so bad.

There was a time in her life when Emma was the one person she could always turn to. At this moment, she silently wished for everything to go back the way it was before everything went downhill a year ago.

No. I cannot think about that. What happened, happened. And nothing is going to fix it. Especially not Emma. Regina thought to herself.

After Regina had spent the better part of twenty minutes sobbing into her hands, she forced herself to pick up the pieces. The brunette had been grieving for one year and ultimately decided that she needed to pick herself back up. Sure, Emma was there for her but she didn't suffer the way that Regina did. She figured that if her own wife couldn't heal her, the only person to do it was herself.

What Regina failed to realize was that Emma had spent a year repairing herself and her wife. Or at least she tried to. Regina hardly payed Emma any attention anymore and she didn't make an effort in their relationship.

But Regina didn't see it that way. So she picked up her phone and typed out a quick text to the blonde.

Regina: Emma, you should be thankful that Henry is out of town for school. Don't you think I have suffered enough? Or was this just your way of making sure that I truly die inside? I trust that you are at your mother's house and not off screwing someone else, again.

Satisfied with her message, she pressed "send". Regina went upstairs and begged for sleep to take her another world: any world except for her own.

A minute later she received a reply from Emma.

Emma: Yes, I am at Mary Margaret's. When are you going to stop acting like you were the only one who lost our daughter?

After reading the text from the blonde, Regina clutched the phone to her chest and bawled herself to sleep.