The Revenge of Hogwarts: A history
I expected to have a quiet, peaceful life on the shelves of a decent library, where someone would look into me once or twice a decade, where I could sleep soundly, but no! This girl, every week or so she thumbs me open roughly, looking for god knows what. It's almost as though she wants to know everything I contain. One year she left me at home when she went to Hogwarts, and I had a taste of what it feels like to be a normal book, although in a Muggle house. (But honestly, she preferred to take those awful Lockhart books over me!). Then when she realized how much she misses me and how ::ahem:: important I am, it's back to the grind. She squashed me into her truck with this awful snapping book that almost ripped me apart, but does she care? Oh no! Not a whit!
Why doesn't she just leave me in the Hogwarts library? Ah! The bliss! It would be so peaceful, sitting with my fellow-books, having a word or two... Then I wouldn't mind if occasionally someone read me, Why, I might even help with the search! But now, whenever she looks for something in my pages, I stick the ones that contain the information together. Serve her right for the way she treats me! She folds me right open and cracks my spine, she scribbles in my margins, she dog-ears pages, she drops all magical substances on me that make me shrivel up... No respect and consideration for me! One might almost say she treats me like I don't have my feelings! Inconsiderate like all humans are... And this is the same girl who's so fanatic about the rights of house-elves. As if those miserable creatures are more important than books!
And those two awful friends of hers, Potter and Weasley don't help a bit. always insulting me, making snide comments... One would think books couldn't hear...
This isn't the least of it. Why, she even calls me bad names! I have got 1052 august pages filled with instructive information considered pertinent by my noble creators, and she calls me biased!
Someone ought to teach that girl how important books are! You know what, I'm going to get into the library one night and lock the door so nobody can get in! Mwuhahahaha! Let her try to survive without books and then I'll show her! Well now, I'd better be off and spread the plan amongst my fellow conspirators in the library
EPILOGUE: Hogwarts: A history marched away, an evil plan hatching in its twisted, mangled pages. Several days later, Madam Pince found the library mysteriously locked, but could unlock it with a simple Alohomora charm. Nevertheless, Hermione Granger did not miss her copy of Hogwarts: A history till several weeks later, when she retrieved it from the library, promptly dropping Bubotuber pus on it.
Review, review, review!!!!!!!!!! Or else I'll ask my pet Chimaera to drop in for dinner some day....
DISCLAIMER: Hermione (poor girl, she's not that evil!), Madam Pince, Potty and the Weasel belong to JKR, so does Hogwarts: A History (although I did mess up its thoughts, didn't I? ::evil laugh::)
PS: Did I ask you to review??????