It Was Always You
"I just don't see why you want to go to Kalos," Brendan said, shoving his hands in his pockets.
May sighed. "We've been over this before Brendan. I'm a coordinator, not a trainer. I need more inspiration more than you do, and right now, that inspiration is in Kalos."
"Why?" Brendan scoffed. "Just because you have one friend there is no reason to go running off halfway around the globe."
"I'm not going just because Dawn's there," May said, starting to get frustrated. She didn't know when Brendan had gotten so pigheaded, but lately, it had been irritating her a lot.
"Then why?" Brendan stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and faced her, his eyes angry and demanding.
May stared at him sadly for a moment before she replied.
"What's this really about, Brendan?"
"Look, you're my girlfriend, May. It's not really . . . appropriate for you to go travel alone."
May felt her temper flare, and she tried vainly to keep it in check. "Oh, so before, when we were just friends . . ."
"Things were different before," Brendan snapped, his own voice rising in anger. "You're my girlfriend. What would people think if you were traveling by yourself?"
"Who cares what people think?" May shouted.
"I do," Brendan said. "And you should too."
May laughed bitterly. "Oh, so when you were out winning badges by yourself, no one cared? Because, what? I was at home, helping my dad out in the gym like a good little girlfriend?"
"Yes!" Brendan exclaimed, seemingly relieved that May understood what he was getting at. May stared at him incredulously for a second before shaking her head in disbelief.
"Well, I hate to break it to you, Brendan, but I'm a coordinator before anything else, even being your girlfriend. And honestly, I don't even think I even want to be that anymore." And then she walked away.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Dawn said sympathetically over the phone.
"It's fine," May said, taking a deep breath. It really wasn't fine, but there was nothing Dawn could say that would make it feel any better. May still could barely control her anger whenever she thought about Brendan, about what he wanted her to be.
"It's just, sometimes I just want so much from life," May whispered, tears welling in her eyes. "I just want to take people and shake them and ask, 'Don't you want more than this? How can you be content with just . . . existing?'"
"I know what you mean," Dawn replied. "Sometimes, whenever I'm in a rut, or I've taken a break from coordinating, I look around and I get so scared. I think, 'What if this is as good as it gets?' But you know what?"
"What?"
"I always pull out of it. Something reminds me that there's so much in this world to look forward to. It might take a while, May, but one day you'll look up, and you'll see something that reminds you of that as well."
May paused, a smiling breaking through her years. "I hope so, Dawn. I really do."
"Wow," May murmured, getting her first look at Kalos. Her ship hadn't quite docked in Coumarine City, but May already could see the vivid colors of the Kalos coastline.
"The trees look so much greener here," May said to the girl standing next to her.
"Yeah, I know. I guess the grass really is greener on the other side," the girl joked.
May tried to think of something else to say, but the girl moved away. Sighing, May turned back towards the rail, wondering if it would take much longer to dock.
As May walked through the streets of Coumarine City, she found herself thinking about Drew. She hadn't seen or spoken to her rival for almost a year, not since she had started dating Brendan.
They hadn't parted ways on the best of terms, either. May thought sadly of their last conversation. They'd gotten into an argument, of course, which wasn't unusual. But May had made a snide comment, comparing Drew to Brendan. For whatever reason, it had really seemed to piss him off.
Drew had snarled, "Fine. If Brendan's so wonderful, than you obviously don't need me to stick around." Then he'd stormed out the door, and May hadn't seen him since.
May sighed, wondering where Drew was now. She never would have admitted it, but she missed him. He had been one of the driving forces that really pushed her to be the best she could be as a coordinator. May doubted she would be where she was now if Drew hadn't been there, pushing her to get better, get stronger.
And then, as if May's thoughts had sprung to life and taken form in the real world, there he was. Sitting casually at an open air café, sipping a coffee and scanning a newspaper.
May froze, unsure of what to do. She couldn't stop looking at him, and yet she was terrified he'd see her. Finally, she forced herself to move, hoping to take cover in a nearby bookstore.
Unfortunately, Drew looked up just as she disappeared through the door, catching a glimpse of her bandana as it whipped around a corner. Inside the store, May quickly slipped through the aisles, sometimes ducking right or left into another section. Finally, she knelt down and pretended to be perusing the biography section. She resisted the urge to look up and check if he was in the store. If she did that, he'd certainly see her.
After a few moments, May felt confident that he hadn't seen her. She breathed a sigh of relief and stood up, relief coursing through her. Of course, that was the exact moment her eyes met Drew's, as he stared at her from across the store.
For a brief moment, May considered disappearing in between the shelves, finding some secluded corner to hide in until Drew gave up and left. But that would be childish, she decided, and certainly not the behavior of a world renowned and respected coordinator.
Resignedly, she raised a hand and waved at Drew, forcing a small smile. Drew made his way toward her through the maze of shelves, his eyes remaining fixed on May's face the entire time. May felt a shiver go up her spine as she stared into Drew's green eyes.
Don't be ridiculous, May chided herself. You just haven't seen him in a while. That's why you're feeling so weird. But May had never felt like this before. There was a strange tugging sensation in her stomach, and every few seconds her heart seemed to lurch, as if it was trying to leap right out of her chest.
"May." Drew's voice was even, almost emotionless, except for the slight hint of disbelief. Only someone who had known Drew for as long as May had could distinguish the subtle ways he spoke. To anyone else, he just sounded sarcastic, mocking, or, occasionally, purely robotic.
"Hey, Drew. Long time, no see, huh?" May smiled again, and this time Drew smiled wryly back.
"Yeah, really. I never expected to see you here," Drew said, leaning against a shelf. May bristled.
"Why? Because I'm a girl?" Her argument with Brendan still rankled, although May belatedly realized she shouldn't take that ire out on Drew. Fortunately, although he seemed a bit bemused at her comment, Drew didn't take offense.
"No, I just figured you'd be with your boyfriend." The way Drew said the word "boyfriend" made May pause. He's fishing for information, May realized, desperately fighting the urge to laugh.
"Um, no," she replied, mirroring Drew's casual posture. "And he's so not my boyfriend."
"Why not?" Drew asked, amusement playing across his face.
"He wanted someone who would play wife, and I actually wanted a life?" May offered.
Drew rolled his eyes. "Only you would manage to make something like that into a rhyme," he said, although certainly more good-naturedly than he would have said it a year ago.
May stuck her tongue out at him. "But what about you? Don't tell me that great Drew Hayden's still single?" Drew made such an awful face that May burst out laughing.
Through tears in her eyes, she said, "You look like I just suggested you should marry Harley."
"Ugh. No, although what I was thinking of wasn't much better. Remember that girl, Briana, from Chrysanthemum Island?"
"Oh, yeah," May recalled. "She was so nice."
"Uh, not really. We dated for a while, and when I tried to break things off, she turned into this major stalker."
"Oh, come on. It couldn't have been that bad," May teased. "She was what, five foot one, and maybe 90 pounds soaking wet?"
Drew stared at her, his eyes deadly serious. "I had to get a restraining order because she kept threatening to kill Solidad every time we went out to dinner."
May cracked up. By the time she managed to get her laughter under control, her chest ached and her lungs felt as if they were about ready to shrivel up and die.
"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you," May finally managed to gasp.
"Really?" Drew asked sarcastically. "Because you could have fooled me."
"It's just, I don't know. I never expected romance to be this . . . difficult."
"You're telling me," Drew said, shaking his head. He looked at his watch, and May saw they'd been talking for almost twenty minutes. The late afternoon sunlight had faded into evening, and May realized how hungry she was.
"Do you want to go get dinner?" Drew asked, almost as if he read her mind.
"How'd you know I was hungry?" May asked, surprised.
"You're always hungry," Drew reminded her. "Come on, I know a good Italian place."
When May saw they had stuffed shells, she almost cried.
"I haven't had stuffed shells in forever," she moaned, inhaling the rich smell of ricotta cheese.
"Why not?" Drew preferred what May called "stringy pasta" as opposed to stuffed dishes like ravioli and shells. He twirled angel hair in alfredo sauce on his fork while he waited for May to answer.
She shrugged. "I don't know. Brendan really didn't like Italian, so we ended up going to a lot of other places."
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know, Mexican, Chinese, stuff like that."
It was Drew's turn to stare at May incredulously.
"May, you hate Mexican food."
"It's not really that bad," May said, although the thought of forcing herself to eat another taco made her cringe.
Drew laughed. "Right. You can't even say that with a straight face."
"Fine," May said. "I do hate Mexican. But when you're in a relationship, you're supposed to make compromises."
"Oh, really?" Drew raised an eyebrow. "What compromises did Brendan ever make for you?"
May was silent, unable to come up with an answer. All of a sudden, tears welled up in her eyes, unbidden and unwanted.
"May, what's wrong?" Drew asked in alarm, but May just shook her head. She pulled a couple bills from her pocket and tossed them on the table. Grabbing her purse, May stood up and left, trying to keep people from seeing the tears streaming down her face.
Drew found her sitting on a bench in a nearby park, her knees pulled to her chest and her head bowed. She heard him sit down next to her, but she didn't say anything and neither did he. They sat in silence for a long time.
Finally, Drew said quietly, "May, you have to talk about it. If you don't, it will just fester. Believe me, I know."
May swallowed hard. For a second, her voice wouldn't work. Finally, she took a deep breath and started to talk.
"I just . . . I hate myself, okay? I wasted so much time on that asshole. I could have been doing so many other things. When I think about all the hours I spent pretending to like museums and poetry readings and, of my God, fishing."
This time it was Drew's turn to burst into laughter. "You actually went fishing? How'd you sit still long enough to catch anything?"
"I didn't," May laughed. "In fact, I capsized the boat."
"I would have paid money to see that," Drew grinned.
"Yeah, well, Brendan wasn't too happy." May's smiled faltered.
Drew looked at her intently for a second, and then asked, "Do you know why I left? After we had that fight, I mean."
May shrugged. "I just figured I'd finally managed to piss you off so much that you didn't want to come back."
"No." Drew slid closer and took May's hands in his. Her heart fluttered, and May felt her eyes drawn to Drew's.
"I was, in no uncertain terms, insanely jealous of Brendan. It physical hurt me every time I saw the two of you together, so I finally just left."
May didn't say anything for a second. And then . . .
"You idiot. You never said anything, I never thought—"
"Because I wanted it that way," Drew said brusquely. "I thought I was making things easier."
"So, all this time . . ." May murmured, curling her hands around Drew's, barely daring to hope.
"Yeah. All this time." They sat like that in silence for a while, before May asked the question that was on both their minds.
"So, what now?" May asked, smiling shyly at Drew. He laughed and pulled her close.
"Well, we could start with this," he said, and then kissed her. Deeply. And passionately. May slid her hands onto his chest as he rested one hand softly on the back of her neck, the other lightly cupping her face.
This is what Dawn meant, May thought. It was like everything suddenly made sense, all at once. All that longing, that confusion, the long days when she felt like there was some huge part of her life missing.
"It was always you," May murmured when they broke apart. Drew just smiled and pulled her in for another kiss. They sat there, with the night air humming around them and the summer wind lightly brushing their skin, and for once, just once, May felt like she was where she belonged.