I don't know about what the Time Lords believe happens after death. I don't know what I believe happens after death. But I know what I want. I want a reunion of friends and family. I want a shedding of all the troubles and trials and pains and problems. And I want everyone to walk off hand in hand to something more beautiful and exciting than any of us can imagine.
I wanted that for the Ponds and Eleven.
And I wanted it to go something like this.
A Long Winter's Nap
"Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."
The children were gathered at the foot of the bed listening quietly and reverently as Grammy began the story. Her best story. Well...not her best story. The best stories were about the girl and the man who flew away together. But tonight was Christmas Eve and the William's had their traditions. And so the children had switched off the TV and put away their Walkmans and settled with quiet excitement to hear the tale. Grammy was funny and silly and on certain days just slightly mad and it was always nice to sit and listen to her talk. Even if at times it was hard to follow. She talked about exciting things and delightful things, impossible things and somehow, for as long as they could recall she'd always made them sound so real. Almost as if she's lived them.
For her part, well...she was growing quite thin. The loss of her husband had begun a sort of crack within her. A crack. She'd laughed darkly at that when the idea had popped into her head as she'd stood at his gravesite. They'd asked her if she wanted to speak, to say a few words as he was lowered into the ground. But they wouldn't understand her whispered and heartbroken "Stupidface." They'd crane their heads and demand she speak louder so they could hear her. Instead she simply shook her head, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue as they muttered prayers and threw black earth onto the box that held her dearest love.
Boxes. Every man she ever loved was in a box now and so very far away.
That crack had widened, piercing her soul, sagging under the weight of loss and an empty bed and a heavy sustaining love that now had nowhere to go. That crack had grown into a sinkhole, dark and deep and cavernous. It was now more her than she was. Amelia only existed on the borders of the pain and slowly it was eating away at that as well. When there was nothing left her ground would give way and she would follow Rory into the dark.
This was not to say she didn't love her son and her grandchildren. Even in darkness there was always contrast. Otherwise you would never truly know just how black it was. They were her lights now, small little candles of joy that she clung to when she bothered clinging at all.
She had overheard Anthony fretting in a whispered tone that this might be "Mom's last Christmas." And so it might be. She didn't know. It didn't matter so much to her anymore.
Right now she had a story to tell. She had always loved telling stories.
"When what to my wondering eyes did appear..."
She stopped. The children waited patiently. Grammy was always stopping now and then and Dad had told them not to rush her, just wait patiently. She'd catch up. She'd finish.
"When what to my wondering...eyes...did...appear." She repeated.
And then, around her the scenery changed, blurred and blended.
Suddenly, after 53 years she was home and it welcomed her.
The sounds, that familiar pulse of those engines, those beautiful engines was like a song. No, it didn't look the same. No doubt he had changed it in a fit or a fugue or some deep sorrow but it was still the TARDIS.
She watched an impossibly younger version of herself speed by. Coat, hat, wellies, probably off to get her suitcase to wait for him in a garden.
And then there he was.
She was moving in slow motion but feeling lighter than she had in decades. Nothing hurt, nothing ached. The vibrant color had returned to her hair, the youth to her skin. And that scandalously short skirt had made a reappearance. She walked towards him but the relief and the joy she saw on his face made her feel as though she could fly.
And then, she was two places at once. She was moving towards him as he moved to her yes, but she was also on the stairs, above, watching from a distance. Watching herself and the Doctor as they played out this final scene.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
As they drew closer she noticed the exhaustion around his eyes, in his eyes, she felt it radiating from his body. And she knew why she was here. To say goodbye. To sing him to sleep.
The Amy that was and wasn't her raised her hand to his cheek and he mirrored her action.
The Amy watching the other, dreamlike version of herself suddenly felt compelled to look to her side.
And there was Rory, smiling patiently, waiting, waiting as he always was.
"Hello, Amy."
"Hello." It was all she could muster in this moment. Her voice broke on the tiny little word and she felt her throat threaten to cinch itself closed. He looked so calm, so calm and young and strong. She'd last seen him, small and gray on a hospital bed, cancer eating away at the last, shredded remnants of their life together. She'd held his hand as he died and held it for a good two hours afterwards. She hadn't wanted him to get lost, or feel lonely. She'd promised him she'd stay. Rigor had nearly cemented his grip to hers when Anthony had finally, tearfully begged her... Please, Mum...please... to let him go.
And now here he was again, at her side, beautiful, handsome, strong, perfect, amazing and unforgettable Rory. As he slipped his arm around her waist the sinkhole began to fill.
She looked to her other side and there was the Doctor. Not the one in the console room below, the wounded one, slightly stooped, weary, tired and so much older than she had ever seen him. No, this was the Raggedy Man that had crashed into her garden. This was her best friend and her hero.
"Hello, Pond."
"Hello, Doctor." She said. Her voice no stronger than when she had spoken to her husband, her throat raw with unshed tears. "But how can you be here and there. How can I be here and there?"
"Amelia, this is hardly the most confusing thing that's happened to you in your life." he said with a gentle smile. "That's a reset of me. A pause. A bookmark. An intermission to allow for the shuffling of scenery behind the curtain. The real me, is already here, with you."
He took her hand and squeezed it and the crack in her soul finally sealed.
He grinned at her. That old mischievous, darling and so sorely missed grin.
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.
"Haven't grown dull on me in all these years, have you?" He asked giving her a light tap on the forehead. "You hardly have an excuse. You're only 87, I'm well over 1500 now and still as sharp as ever."
"Is that still me?" She asked gesturing to the other Amy.
"That's a projection of you." He replied. "You're in your bed surrounded by your family in Brooklyn. Your mind is here on the TARDIS and your soul...is here with us." He said softly. "Hello, Rory."
"Hello, Doctor." Rory answered cheerfully. He reached out to pat the other man's cheek and the latter grinned in reply. "We've missed you, mate."
"But where is here?" She she asked.
"Somewhere I quite honestly never expected to be." He said with a bemused shake of his head. "Even now...the universe can still surprise me."
They stood there on the steps watching the Doctor and Amelia as well as the stricken face of the dark haired girl who hovered nearby.
Amy didn't ask about her. She had a strange feeling there'd be time for that later. She was only happy that he had indeed not traveled alone.
One moment the Amy below them was there, smiling and whispering one last something, a final endearment to her friend and the next she was gone.
Watching him pull off the bow tie hurt. It physically hurt. It was only tempered by seeing that the Doctor at her side still wore his proudly.
What remained was quick. Not like the last time at the lake. There was no pain on his face. No regret. No anxiety. One moment he was there and the next...the tale was told.
"Can we finally go to the pub now?" Rory asked with a quiet smile and Amy knew he was deliberately drawing the Doctors attention back to the here and now. That is, if this counted as the here and now. "You promised you realize? And you also promised to pay."
Thankfully, it worked.
"Is that how you want to spend the afterlife, Rory, really? In a pub? Did you lose your spirit of wonder during all those years?"
She grinned and laughed, so happy to see her boys together again.
"Not a chance." Rory said good naturedly. "Though I think perhaps it should be Amy's choice."
"Amy's choice, of course, excellent idea!"
The three of them turned away from the scene though the Doctor lingered for a moment, staring at the new man in his clothes and his impossible girl.
"They'll be alright." he said softly. "They'll look after each other. The Doctor will care for Clara and vice versa. I wish them well."
Amy watched...watched as he let it go.
"You're still the Doctor though right?" She asked him suddenly.
"No." He said seriously. "I'm Ambrose. I'd like to be called Ambrose now." He then broke into a wide grin and tweaked both of their noses before clapping his hands together rubbing the palms as he had always done. "Of course I'm the Doctor, I'm always the Doctor and I always will be! Now, as for us. Never quite done this before, being dead and all but I feel we three may be in for an awfully big adventure. Maybe the biggest of all."
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
He extended his hands to both of them and Amy grabbed it gleefully and watched as Rory did the same.
"We'll need to swing by the Library of course and pick up our daughter." her husband said as he kissed her cheek.
They were walking, hand in hand in hand down the corridor of the TARDIS. To Amy, it seemed to be the way to go. It felt right.
"Yes, River! Can't be dead without, River." The Doctor said excitedly.
"So...family outing then?" She asked with a sniffle.
"Yes, Ponds. After much delay, a family outing."
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
They continued on and for the first time in a very, very long time Amelia Jessica Pond felt happy and complete and healed in the way that only a Doctor and a nurse could heal her. She was so happy, so at peace to be back with them. She'd been waiting for this day, the day she could travel with them unhindered, untroubled, forever.
Just ahead was a TARDIS, another one. Not the one they were in but the one Amy remembered from her dreams. Bright, shiny and blue and waiting just for the three of them.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight, Happy Christmas to all and to all a
"There she is!" The Doctor shouted excitedly. "Happy Christmas, dears." He said as he pulled out two keys handing one to each of them. "Let's be off."
"Happy Christmas, Doctor."
Raggedy Man.
"Goodnight."
She said the word so softly that had the children not drawn closer to hear her they might have missed it. She was smiling as she closed her eyes and went still.
And she would remain still but that wouldn't be discovered until a few hours later when she was called for Christmas Eve dinner and failed to respond. .
The Raggedy Man part of the story hadn't made much sense but that was ok. Grammy often got confused. Sometimes when she told the stories about the girl who flew away with the Doctor she said "I" or "We", which made them all laugh.
When I did this. When we did that.
It was funny. As if she had some life they could never imagine. Sometimes they'd catch her gazing out of a window as though she were still waiting for someone to come calling and spirit her away. Sometimes they wondered if Grammy had once had secret adventures. Or was possibly planning and wishing for more.
But that, well that was just silly wasn't it?
Personal head-canons.
There is indeed a Time Lord afterlife. While they may all be parts of a whole they are still separate men, so every regeneration is granted his own.
So, this was all just a trifle but after yesterdays episode I needed a happy ending. So, I wrote my own. Hope you liked it. Thanks for indulging me.
Oh and the absolute amazing artwork for this story is presented courtesy of OddTheSunGod. Look for her amazing work on Tumblr! She's fantastic and she's an enormous 11/Amy/Rory shipper just like me. Check her out!