Hey all. For those that have read Falling to Pieces, er, well, as it turns out, I do have an internet connection here on vacation. I just wasn't aware of it until I got here.

Anyways, when I started writing this, I was thinking of how Sirius can't be the black sheep from the Black family because that just doesn't make sense; one page turned into two, then three, then five, then ten…

And now this.

Complete stupidity ensues. Read at your own risk.

6.14.08 Edit: I edited this because I finally realized that, hey, there are a few verb tense problems in the beginning! So I fixed those up. Hopefully the beginning is better now.

7.9.08 Edit: Another edit. Surprise, surprise! Yes, I have what I like to call Obsessive-Compulsive Editing Disorder. It's really quite annoying. Anyway, all I did was fix a few things up; nothing concerning the plot changed. At all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.

Song: American Idiot by Green Day

When I was sorted into Gryffindor and not Slytherin in my first year at Hogwarts, I knew that I was different from everyone else in my family.

But I'm not a black sheep. I mean, honestly; you can't be a black sheep in the Black family. And I'm not some prissy white sheep either; a white sheep reminds me of a Malfoy's hair. Eek… that makes me shudder.

I am a rainbow sheep. Because I am just that cool.

And as I sat at the table, ignoring everything around me, I thought about my lovely rainbow fleece coat. Oooh, pretty…

"Sirius?" I heard someone say as they waved a hand in front of my face.

Snapping out of my rainbow fantasies, I turned to Remus, the owner of said hand, and said, "Huh?"

Remus was trying to hold back his laughter… and failing. "Sirius," he gasped out in between snickers, "you've been staring at the ceiling for the past ten minutes with your pumpkin juice glass in your hand. You were drooling and about to drop the cup."

Setting down the cup, I wiped my chin and sent a withering glare to James and Peter, who were both laughing rather hysterically.

"Sorry Padfoot," James managed to say, "but your expression was too bloody funny!"

I flushed, not because I was plain old embarrassed but because Remus had seen my less-than-pretty zone out expression.

See, there's another reason I'm different from the rest of the 'noble' house of Black. I'm bisexual and have had a steadily growing crush on my good friend Remus since third year; as far as I know, everyone in the Black house is straight.

(Okay, I wonder about my brother Regulus's sexuality often. But that's beside the point.)

And, see, because I had this crush on Remus, I didn't like it when he saw my less than angelic moments. A part of my mind that sounded suspiciously like James guffawed and said that it didn't matter because I was never angelic; I mentally slapped this part of my mind. And I mentally clocked James just for good measure.

"All right, all right," I grumbled as my friends' laughter died down. "Now that we've all had a good laugh at dear old Padfoot, can we switch the subject to how utterly stupid Mr. Prongs is if he thinks he is over Lily Evans?"

That got James's attention.

Scowling, James was obviously blushing. "You've been telling me to get over her for years; what do you want from me now?" he said scathingly.

Remus and Peter flipped their eyes to me. "Well, I was just pointing out that you're an idiot if you're lying to yourself, that's all," I said, shrugging.

Eyes went to James. "Oh, you're bloody fickle about your opinions, Sirius – you are aware of that, aren't you?"

"I am not fickle! I'm just different!"

"What does being different have to do with being fickle?"

"Everything! The people that are different from the regular norms are generally fickle!"

"All right, now you're just stereotyping people."

"No, I'm not! I'm just being Sirius!"

"And…?"

"And I'm being bloody different! I'm the rainbow sheep, dammit!"

This earned me some strange looks. "Rainbow, Sirius?" Remus said, raising an eyebrow.

I sighed exasperatedly. My friends obviously weren't quite up to snuff with how my mind worked yet. Honestly, we were in seventh year! They should know my crazy tendencies by now! "I can't be the black sheep from the Black family, can I? And I'm not some stupid white sheep, either. So I'm the rainbow sheep!"

Peter gave a laugh while James hid his snort. Remus shook his head slowly at me and said, "By now, I really shouldn't be surprised at the strange things that pop up in that empty head of yours."

"Empty?" I said indignantly. "My head isn't empty! I've got a fully functioning brain that I choose not to use!"

Remus looked at me incredulously. "Why the hell wouldn't you use your fully functioning brain?" he asked bluntly.

I replied, "Because… well, I'm not really sure, actually."

Remus groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "A classic example of Sirius, once again, not using his brain," he said dryly.

Aiming for the 'adorable as hell' look, I pouted at Remus and said, "Mr. Padfoot says Mr. Moony is being uncharacteristically and unnecessarily mean to his nearest and dearest friend."

Remus, unfortunately, remained unfazed. "Mr. Moony wishes that Mr. Padfoot would stop talking about himself in the third person if he wants to earn himself some credibility," he said flatly.

How is it that he never gives into me like I give into him? Life is just completely unfair.

Of course, life is destined to be unfair when you're the rainbow sheep amongst a bunch of black ones with sticks up their asses.

Scratch that. I'm the sparkly rainbow sheep. Because I've got such a sparkly outlook on life.

"You're cute when you're mad," I tried.

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes. "Oh, I truly am flattered by that amazingly original line, Siri," he said, using my rather disliked nickname that Regulus calls me whenever he gets the chance. I did like it when I was younger, but it's gotten quite annoying.

I scrunched up my nose. "Why, Moony, were you being sarcastic?" I said in an equally sarcastic tone.

"No, not at all, Padfoot dearest," Remus said. If people could kill with their excessively sarcastic tones, anyone within earshot of Remus would've dropped dead.

Ooh, Snivellus dropping dead right into his nasty porridge… now that's something to think about…

"You did it again, Sirius," Remus informed me a few seconds later. "Would you stop zoning out like that? It's really scary. Besides, you could be thinking dirty thoughts."

"At the breakfast table?" Peter said indignantly.

James rolled his eyes. "Sirius is a specimen of his own kind and thinks about the strangest things at the strangest times," he said. "Imagining shagging someone at the breakfast table is probably normal for him."

Now hang on, I was just thinking about Snivellus dying! Was that so wrong?

…well, all right, thinking about another bloke dying probably isn't good…

Fixing James with a glare, I said, "Mr. Padfoot urges Mr. Prongs to shut up before Mr. Padfoot goes over there and shoves his fork up Mr. Prongs'…"

I never did get to finish my sentence because, at that moment, in a flurry of perfume and carefully primped hair, Lily Evans blasted past me and knocked me into the aisle.

"Hey!" I spluttered as I righted myself. James looked unperturbed at Lily's entrance, though I can't always tell what's running through that mind of his. And I can't quite tell whether or not anything is going through that empty head at all.

"Mr. Black would like to inform Miss Evans that she nearly split Mr. Black's head open a second ago!" I called down to Lily.

Looking at me through carefully curled lashes – why the hell had she primped so much more than normal and why the hell did I notice or care? – Lily called back, "Miss Evans would like to inform Mr. Black that she really doesn't care and that she would be fantastically happy if Mr. Black split his head open!"

I really can't see what James sees in her.

"Mr. Black would like to say that Miss Evans is a mean prick!" I replied crossly. "And that she looks like she primped for an extra two hours this morning as opposed to taking no time at all as she usually does! Is Miss Evans trying to impress someone, perhaps?"

"Miss Evans recently decided that she happens to like taking care of herself," Lily said, sticking her nose into the air. I, quite frankly, thought she looked like some kind of pug with her nose sticking up like that. However, I knew that if I told her that, the owner of that nose would make sure that I got into detention that night because, unfortunately, the owner of said nose is the Head Girl this year.

Bah. Lily Evans is a prissy know-it-all.

"James, I'm sorry to break it to you but your love interest isn't very nice," I said to James.

In turn, James glared at me over his glasses. "She isn't my love interest anymore, Sirius. Merlin, he hounds me for years to get over her, but when I finally get around to it…"

"It's best to not question Sirius's logic and to just ignore the rather disturbing chatter he spews out," Remus advised. "It's worked for me since first year."

Pretending to be hurt – I knew Remus didn't listen to me half the time; I'm not as stupid as everyone seems to think I am – I said to Remus, "Well, Remus, if I knew you truly felt that way about poor Sirius…"

Shoving me playfully, Remus said, "Come off it, you berk." My heart involuntarily skipped a beat when he touched me.

(The sad truth, ladies and gentlemen. Sirius Black keeps his cool in front of the whole female population of Hogwarts, but when it comes to Remus Lupin, well, see, there's this large puddle on the floor that seems to spit the same nonsense as Sirius… yes, I really am that pathetic. Stop laughing.)

In an attempt to take my mind off of my pathetic self when it came to Remus, I thought again of my pretty rainbow fleece coat. Dammit, I want rainbow colored robes, and when I get said robes I will parade into the Black home and shout, "Look at me, bastards, I can actually think for myself and I've got these kick-ass robes to prove it…"

"…bloody hell, Sirius, that's the third time within half an hour!" catapulted me out of my thoughts. Thanks loads, James.

"You really ought to stop zoning out like that. I'm losing IQ points just looking at your expression," Remus said dryly, which invoked a snort from Peter.

Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, he-who-couldn't-scrape-up-three-OWLs.

"Well, mates, it looks about time to head to Transfiguration," Remus said, standing up with the rest of us following suit. Most of the students in the Great Hall were starting to leave for their first class.

Looking over my shoulder, I saw Lily desperately shoveling in food. The extra primping probably cost her valuable breakfast time.

"Shame that you're ruining your lipstick, Evans," I called over, "not to mention your figure."

I just barely managed to duck before the piece of buttered toast hit me in the head. Remus was also smart enough to duck when I did; however, the fifth year bloke in front of him was not that intelligent and the lethal piece of toast nearly knocked him over.

Damn, Evans had a good aim. And a good arm.

"What the hell?" the fifth year sputtered, whipping around to see Lily blushing madly.

"Sorry!" she called out. "I was trying to hit the black haired boy in front of you!"

Muttering something about deranged toast-throwing redheads, the fifth year stalked off into the crowd while Remus and I tried as hard as we could not to burst into hysterics.

That night, as I sat in the common room, staring at the fire, Lily Evans plopped into the chair next to me and said, "You're drooling, Black. What the hell do you have on your empty mind?"

I wiped the stupid drool away and said grumpily, "I do so have a mind, Evans, and a brain. I just don't use either of them very often because catastrophic things happen when I use my mind or my brain."

Lily gave me a strange look. "Isn't your mind considered the same thing as your brain?" she asked.

I gave out a strangled sound that sounded like some kind of mortally wounded and mentally retarded animal. (A duck, maybe?)

"I have a hunch as to who is on your thoughts," Lily said smugly, giving me the look that only smart girls could pull off.

I froze. Could she know about Remus…?

"You like that Ravenclaw wench, don't you? All the guys have been talking about her."

It was then that I realized that Lily Evans was not all that intelligent. Well, all right, she was somewhat intelligent, but she was nowhere near observant.

I burst out into rather loud laughter. I really couldn't help it; some Ravenclaw wench that I've never heard of? Please. Lily Evans has known me in all her years at Hogwarts. She should know me by now.

(Of course, the small and sane part of my mind argued, you tend to go after the girls whose names you don't know and who are good in bed. I told this sane part to shut up and let me continue with my laughing. It was fun to make Lily Evans look dumb since she did it all the time to me.)

Finally, after about five straight minutes, my laughter died away and I wiped away the tears from my eyes. "Lily Evans," I gasped out, "you are so completely off the mark that it is completely and hysterically funny."

Lily looked annoyed. "And how far off the mark am I?" she challenged.

I blurted out, "I'm not even going after a bird" before bursting into another round of laughter.

When I looked at Lily again, her green eyes were wide and her mouth hung open.

"You're drooling, Evans," I mocked. "Really, is it that surprising?"

"But… you… I mean…" she stuttered. "You've always been a bloke's guy! I never even thought… never imagined…"

I settled back into my chair and waited for Lily to stop stuttering in shock and for her said-to-be-sensible brain to kick in.

After a minute, she said briskly, "Well, who is it, then?"

I blinked. "Who?"

She rolled her eyes in that infuriating you're-such-a-dumbass way she does. "The guy you're chasing after, Sirius. Who is it? I can give you pointers; I know how to attract boys…"

I knew better than to laugh out loud this time.

"Honestly, why do you care, woman?" I asked. "Lily Evans does not just go flouncing up to Sirius Black to ask him what the bloody hell is running through his head. Lily Evans would only do that unless she wanted details or information on something or someone that Sirius Black is close to or knows about, and…"

Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

"You fancy James, don't you?"

Within seconds, Lily had gone from smug to gobsmacked. Her pupils shrank, her face froze, and she let out a tiny "Meep" sound.

Oh, I was going to get so much mileage out of this.

"Oi, I thought you were flirting with him in Charms! Besides, you'd primped way too much than to be considered normal for a girl!" I exclaimed. James was going to regret ever saying that he was over Lily.

Blushing like a lunatic, Lily said angrily, "I am not here to talk about my love life, Black – I'm here to gossip about yours, dammit!"

Changing the subject on me? Oh, she was in deep.

"You are royally screwed, Evans," I taunted. "You are in love with the most idiotic boy in school…"

"James isn't stupid!" she defended. "He got perfect OWLs! I even kept an eye on him the entire exam! He didn't cheat once!"

After registering what had just come out of her mouth, Lily blushed so hard I reckoned her to be a cherry and sped off up the girls' staircase to her dorm.

Lily never called James by his first name. She also did not defend him. And she most certainly would not have gotten caught dead staring at him, especially during the OWLs exam.

I, Sirius Black, had just witnessed the true (albeit not direct) confession that Lily Evans was, indeed, in love with my best friend, James Potter.

Merlin. Took the idiot long enough.

In the following weeks leading up to Valentine's Day, Lily and James had gotten together and were now an official 'item'.

I was still single.

Bah.

(I had gotten hit on by several girls more times than I could count without hurting my poor unused brain, but I didn't care about any of them. I just wanted to bloody snog Remus; was that too much to ask?)

I was really beginning to hate being the rainbow sheep. Honestly, what good was it having a heart of gold and fantastic looks if the one person I fancy could care less about my romantic intentions?

Anyways, Valentine's Day, this year, landed on Saturday. A Hogsmeade Saturday.

And guess who was the only bloody person going to Hogsmeade without a date?

Me.

Remus, when questioned on who his date was, got extremely nervous and darted away, which led us to believe that he had gotten asked by some really good-looking and perfect person (male or female, I have no clue).

Even Peter got a date. Peter Pettigrew got a date. Some shy Hufflepuff came up and asked him during lunch the other week; Peter had immediately said yes and resorted to sighing melodramatically like some kind of love sick nutter.

I, Sirius Black, voted the most good-looking boy in school (followed very closely by James Potter), did not have a Valentine's date for Hogsmeade.

What kind of cruel world is this, anyways?

Of course, like a good little boy, I accompanied (er, followed) my friends to Hogsmeade and decided to go with (er, stalk) Remus to Zonko's to await his unnamed date.

On the way, I thought once again of the woes of being the rainbow sheep. Just because I was different, I had inherited complete and utter stupidity and was, therefore, doomed to never become the love interest of someone as smart as Remus. Why, cruel fate, WHY?

Realizing that I was being rather melodramatic, I stopped thinking as the two of us entered the joke shop. I drowned my misery in cool doohickeys I could use on Snivellus.

"So, Remus," I asked casually as I examined the new gadgets, "what is your date like, exactly? Is your date a bird, or…"

"No," Remus said quickly, "definitely not a bird."

That put me on guard. Oh, so some other bloke was good enough for Remus, but apparently not his best mate…

"And what's this boy like?" I asked. "Tall, perchance?"

"Mmm-hmm," Remus said absent-mindedly as he handled some green item I didn't feel like identifying.

Thinking quickly, I thought of all the tall boys that went to Hogwarts. Ergh… most of them looked good! And some of them were in Ravenclaw, therefore being smart!

"Smart, maybe?" I asked, quickly growing angry and jealous at Remus's perfect date.

"Mmm, well, I think he's smart, but lately he's been showing… idiotic tendencies," Remus said.

Huh?

I looked at Remus blankly. "For the love of Merlin, Remus, who in the world asked you to Hogsmeade?" I asked, looking directly at my friend.

Remus looked at me and said, "Well, ah, he didn't really ask me, but, well…"

I was stumped. Completely and utterly stumped.

And it was rare that Remus stumped me. Confused me, yes, but he didn't stump me.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Remus cried out before moving towards me and kissing me full on the lips.

I'm not kidding. I even pinched myself to make sure that this wasn't some kind of perfect dream. And damn it, that pinch hurt!

When Remus pulled away, he said, "You know, I question your sanity often, but I usually say to myself that it's because you're brilliant. Now, however, I'm questioning your sanity and your brilliance. Honestly, Sirius, did you not see the signs? I've been in love with you since fifth year!"

Whoa. That one went completely over my head.

Of course, things these days often go over my head.

Kissing Remus on the forehead, I said, "Well, you love me because I'm different, right?"

Remus smirked. "Exactly," he said. "And because you're the… what was it… the rainbow sheep, I think?"

"You can't be the black sheep in the Black family," I told Remus as I took his arm and led him out of the shop.

It wasn't until later that it occurred to me that Remus Lupin, the kind and quiet boy, had tricked me into being jealous enough to go to Hogsmeade with him so he could confess to me.

Bloody smart werewolf.

Ah, well. It seems sparkly rainbow sheep go well with purple werewolves.

No, wait, screw that. He's a glittery purple werewolf. Remus is just that awesome.

And he's all mine, dammit.