Disclaimer: I don't the hobbit or any of Tolkien's great works.

~We Will All Burn Together~

Brown eyes crinkled unpleasantly, sharp and searching, pinning me though I was already trapped in a moving vehicle. My eyes shone brightly with youth and poorly concealed amusement against his stern anger. My dad repeated his question, stern and full of warning.

"Did you get a tattoo?"

"Maybe," I drawled, my smile growing wider.

"Megara?! Did you or did you not get a tattoo?" The boiling anger of his voice and the way he puffed in the driver's seat might have been intimidating but I had seen the display so many times that he looked like nothing more than a child angry about not getting its way. Truth be told, that was probably the case.

I didn't know why this particular spat that paralleled so many others amused me and I knew I was on the road of no return with nothing but a scolding and simmering rant as my reward.

"No," I replied so fatly that, despite not rolling my eyes, one could have imagined me doing so.

I was telling the truth, I hadn't gotten a tattoo, but not because I didn't want one.

"Good. Don't ever get one. The needles are never cleaned and you'll get a disease." My dad didn't look convinced and his tone was a stern command that usually struck me like a blunt bat but after a two weeks of his constant tyranny I finally snapped.

"Oh my god. You flip when I mention ATV-ing, you won't let me ride a bicycle or ski green slopes without a helmet, I can't go into town by myself–"

I could see his rage building but was past the point of no return. He had frayed my last nerve and all I wanted was to go home, not to my parent's new shiny home, but my little apartment back in my home state where I was taking college classes.

"What? Are you going to say next that I could fall going to the bathroom and hit my head, killing myself? Tell me one thing that isn't dangerous."

"Meg. Don't kid around when it comes to your life. You only get one."

"You didn't answer the question." My anger brought my voice a notch higher, full of more readily seething fire than his slowly boiling anger.

The car slowed to a crawl up an icy driveway, cutting its way between tall pines dusted with old snow, a sheer drop of twenty feet on each side. My dad expertly maneuvered his truck so he could pull backwards into the garage and I crossed my arms, waiting for an answer that would probably avoid my question.

When the truck was in park he turned to me, putting his arm possessively over the center consul. I glared with invisible hackles raised.

"Everything is dangerous."

A chorus of halleluiahs chimed in my head. I had been waiting since birth to hear him utter those three words, sadly he couldn't leave it there.

"-and I don't like that you brush me off. You act like your safety isn't important and it's insulting. I'm trying to teach you to be an intelligent human being who will live well into their old age."

I wanted to fling my arms into the air and scream in frustration. It was more insulting that he constantly treated me like a toddler with fragile bones and skull that could crack like an egg at the slightest bump. I was done with the one sided conversation, He would never listen. He disagreed with me on everything and every conversation ended in how I would kill myself doing something that was supposed to be fun. Of course there was a danger to everything, I could kill myself by simply drinking too much water.

The passenger door was flung open and I stormed out, slamming the car door harder than necessary. I paced, waiting for my dad to open the back door, that inside the closed garage, with his keys. The moment it was opened I bolted inside and went to a bench in the mud room and began tying up my hiking boots.

"Where are you going?" He made it sound like I was hiding something behind my back.

I had to get away from him or I was going to go absolutely mad. I didn't want to be in the same building as him, right now the outdoors was be the only suitable escape.

My answer was sharp. "A walk."

"Don't go into the back woods, only go along the road."

I kept my eyes on the laces of my boots, constricting my ankle in one tie at the middle then wrapping the laces around brackets further up to tighten them again and finish the last tie. I shoved on my second boot and did it up the same way, pulling the laces tighter than necessary.

"I'm going in the woods." I growled between the brown hairs hiding my face.

He didn't answer right away and I was tempted to look up but he relented first. "I'd rather you not but take the bear spray if you do."

I wanted to laugh. Fuck the bear spray. It would never fit in my girly pockets anyway; it was like a mosquito spray canister only twenty times bigger with an angry bear sticker growling on the side of it.

"Fine." I ground out to appease him and fiercely wished he would go away.

He did finally turn to go up the stairs that would lead to the main floor but half way up he had leave me with one more command, "Don't forget your phone."

Fuck you! I stamped my booted foot that was tied so tight that my foot tingled. I reached for my purse that had been left on the bench from earlier that day and pulled out my phone and a bulky, but nice set of headphones. I hastily scrolled through the settings and promptly turned on air plane mode feature, disconnecting any and all cellular transmitting capabilities, and jammed the headphone jack into the device. I hated the thing. It made me feel like my dad could watch over my shoulder even when he wasn't there. If the thing didn't have all of my music on it I would have left it rusting in the purse.

I left the house, going through the garage and out a door leading to outside. The cold winter chill was quick to seep through my clothes. I wasn't fond of the cold, especially up here in the middle of the mountains, far away from civilization. It was impossible to call it home since my parents had moved here recently and I had only been visiting for a month.

My boots bit into the loose scree around the hill that took up the back of the house. On my left was a towering wall and on left right was a sloping drop that lead into a small valley. I could see the neighbor's house a half mile away across it, still covered in snow because it faced the south side. Since coming here I had been hiking more than I had my entire lifetime; usually I favored retreating to my computer but lately even that wasn't a safe haven. My dad would come up behind me and ask what I was doing, what I was reading, and would get angry when I closed the laptop saying I didn't want him looking at it over my shoulder. If I took it to my room he would repeatedly pace by my door and poke his head in to repeat the same questions and would get angry when I refused to tell him in detail what I was doing.

It was refreshing to be outside, working my legs across the jagged terrain. The phone I had grabbed was fit snuggly in my jean pocket and the headphones were hanging around my neck silently. For now I was content with stomping on loose, pinkish feldspar and kicking aside chunks of quartz to watch them tumble down the mountain to break up the unnatural silence that came from being deep in the woods.

Not much later my breathing was coming in large gasps since I was nowhere near acclimated to the high elevation. It easily made me breathless and the dry air left me thirsty. I looked up from, my heels digging into the loose gravel, and could see a nearby mountain through the trees. There wasn't anywhere else I could go but in a circle. Despite the house being on a generous amount of acres there were still neighbors on either side and they tended to get angry when people trespassed onto their property.

I slipped on the slick rocks and was able to stay upright by using my arms as balancing wings. When I rounded the second turn of the large hill - through my labored breathing I glared at a bulge on a tree. I kicked it, causing bark to fly as the camouflaged motion camera twisted to face the other side. It was meant to capture passing wildlife but I didn't want to be recorded on it. It was another thing for my dad to see where I had been and what I had done.

I stomped a block of ice in half that was refreeze snow. I was sick of this white, cold wet stuff too. I didn't like the way it crunched under my feet in a way like nails on chalkboard and it made it impossible to see where I was setting my foot. Since my arrival it hadn't snowed, the last time I had seen a snowfall was maybe six years ago on some vacation. Nothing about me was conditioned to this climate when I was used to the winter low being no less than 40 degrees except on rare occasions and it rained instead of snowed.

The last turn of the hill came and I crashed through the woods like an elephant, stepping on fallen trees and snapping their branches off and whacking bushes out of my way, often breaking them with the rough treatment. I walked ten more minutes, fifteen more minutes, the other side of the house should have been in sight by now. The sharp hill was still on my left and the woods curved out from under me as before but I started to wonder if I had taken a wrong turn. It wouldn't be a stretch since I wasn't familiar with the woods, but I kept going, knowing that if I followed the curve of the hill there was no way I could miss the house.

Scuffle. Slip.

I paused. The ground had changed. It wasn't loose and bumpy but hard and solid. Curiously, I scrapped at the layer of snow and bits of sticks with my toe and saw a slab of stone. It was odd looking, like an old floor with strange symbols blasted into it. I followed the lines of the rock with my eyes and saw it made a wide circle within which I stood. It was interesting, old and weathered looking. Maybe I would ask about the previous owners. I shrugged my jacket higher and kept walking.

I emerged on the other side of the stone circle and was met with a blast of hot air and the snow started to disappear the further I walked, turning from a brown, frostbitten slush to healthy rolling hills. Even the trees look a little different. I tried to spy the far mountain and it was much further than it should have been. It looked miles and miles away, I could barely see its peak over the trees. I turned to look behind from where I had come and saw a small hill that was nothing like the one I had been following and it had disintegrated on one side, the one I stood on where the house should have been. In the distance I saw more far away mountains, mountains that I should have been right in the middle of 3,000ft up from the base.

I was frozen with my mouth agape, a sense of being lost that stretched beyond the physical taking over. The air here was warm as if it were late spring, the trees no longer looked like the kind that would grow in the high mountains. They were too full and lush like oaks instead of scraggly pine trees.

Had I teleported to the bottom of the mountain? None of it made sense. I shook my head as if clearing it of stars decided to keep walking the way I was originally going. If I was lucky I would come across someone's backyard or a parking lot. At the base of the mountain was a busy city, would be hard to miss. What unnerved me was the silence. Up in the mountains it was normal but down here I should be the rushing of highways and screeching of frequent air traffic. I don't know how long I walked through the woods, hoping to come across something when I stopped walking and took my pick from dozens of fallen trees and sat down with a thump. My breath came sharp and ragged and a small amount of sweat had started to collect on my forehead.

Now that I wasn't moving my tingling foot itched as it had nearly fallen asleep. I redid the lacing so it wasn't cutting off the circulation and stretched out my legs. The sun was going down and I was undoubtedly lost. I fingered the phone in my pocket but didn't want to resort to calling my parents and have to explain what I couldn't understand myself. If I sat there for a minute and regained my breath it might make it easier to remember which way I needed to go. The only problem was nothing looked remotely familiar and the house wouldn't be marked on any GPS.

It was starting to cool off though the temperature was still leagues warmer than it had been. The warmth the sun had provided was slinking away with it. The days were short up in the mountains and the nights long, at least this one didn't seem like it would be cold. I pulled out my phone, cussing about my luck. It wouldn't be worth not talking to my dad just to sit out in the middle of nowhere for the rest of the night. After turning off airplane mode I dialed the house only to be met with an immediate error message. I called again and it didn't ring even once. There was no signal.

"This is just great," I muttered and curled into my seat, tucking my arms between my legs and resting my forehead on my knees.

Once it became completely dark it would be impossible to find my way back and I would just get more lost. A ghost of my dad's voice floated through my head. 'You'll get eaten by animals'.

I kicked the dirt, annoyed his words could invade my thoughts. No animal was going to eat me. The chances were zero to none. The bears were hibernating and there was a million in one chance a cougar would suddenly pounce. Even if they did, there would be nothing I could do until the moment came.

Snort, rustle.

I sat straightened, swearing I had heard something move.

Whinny, clop.

That was a horse, a fairly common thing to own in the mountains, which meant there was someone nearby. I stood and with a triumphant grin and made my way toward the sound. There was more than one. It was fully dark now save for a small sliver of light. Normally it didn't bother me but right now I was cursing the abnormally short days in the mountains which were even shorter at the base where the stone monoliths could block out the rays. I clamored through the woods that showed no sign of use or travel, the weeds had grown thick and there was no path to speak of, not even ones made by deer. The closer I got the more stomping hooves over grass and dirt and soft snorting and chewing I could hear.

I stumbled upon black silhouettes of horses, short and stalky. I counted at least five in my line of sight. There were a lot of them, almost a small herd. It was odd that I hadn't come upon a fence to mark the property that keep them contained.

There had to be a house nearby which meant there was probably reception. I reached into my pocket and gripped the square phone resting there when my arms were yanked back into a tight grip and I'm not ashamed to say I screeched like a little girl when my head was thrown back and a blade pressed against the front of my throat.

"You are quite possibly the worst burglar to have the unfortunate mind to cross path with us," A male voice full of humor whispered below my ear. He were so close I could feel his warm breath against my neck and smell a strong mix of sweat and campfire smoke.

"I could hear them coming a mile away. Orcs are quieter when they trek through the woods." A second voice joined in.

I was frozen solid with the only thought going through my head: shit I fucked up. They might be a crazy survivalist group camping out.

"What shall we do with our new found burglar? It doesn't smell quite foul enough to be an orc." The man behind me questioned, sniffing as if my scent would tell him what I was.

"I'm not a burglar," I choked out against the blade that bobbed against my throat.

"No? Then what were you to do with our ponies if I may ask."

I told him nothing but the truth and hoped they didn't take it to mean I was alone and vulnerable - which was exactly what I was at the moment. "I heard horses and thought people would be nearby. I'm lost so I followed the noise."

"Do you hear that? Lost they say." the man I could hear but not see somewhere in front of me stated and his tone let on he was having too much fun at my expense.

It was unimaginable how dark it could be outside with no city lights and tall trees that blocked out stars and the new moon. I could barely see my hand in front of my face now that the sun was completely down. I strained to find the speaker and finally caught a silhouette but only because they came closer while lowering something in their grip. They were short and stocky, I could see their outline better out of the corner of my eye than straight on.

"Where are you lost from?" The one behind me asked smugly, keeping up a quick banter between him and the other guy who called him brother.

"My parent's house." I probably should have made something up but nothing was coming at the spur of the moment.

"No one lives around here, not anymore. Kili, give me a piece of rope."

The guy in front tossed something that the one behind me caught with the hand that had been holding a blade to my throat. I gasped for breath, glad for the cold metal to be gone. The man behind me bound my fisted hands with the rope, making a thick knot with the scratchy material.

"Is that really necessary?" The last thing I wanted was to be incapacitated.

"It's just a precaution. Your wrists are unnaturally slim. You wouldn't happen to be an elf?"

"What?" I balked at the strange question.

"Sounds like an elf," Kili snarked.

"Come, elf." The guy at my back shoved me forward and I bit back a curse.

"Hold on." Kili sounded panicked and I was stopped by the brother.

"Something isn't right about the ponies." Kili stumbled away and started murmuring to himself then came back. "We may have a slight problem. Two of them are missing."

The brother holding me groaned. "If our burglar hadn't been so loud to begin with I would believe they had taken them."

"I don't think it was this guy either." Kili agreed.

"Who else are you with?" The brother questioned hotly. "Tell me where they are and I may let you live."

"No one," I was started to get annoyed. "I said I was lost, meaning I'm alone. I didn't even start out with anyone."

The brother's grip became uncomfortably tight.

"Jesus fuck I'm telling the truth." He grip slackened suddenly as if surprised by my choice of words. I wrenched away but was grabbed back quickly.

"What's the matter? Wait, is there someone else there? Who's that?" A new voice joined the conversation, it was male but smaller sounding and more uncertain the two I had been dealing with.

"This, dear Bilbo, is a burglar worse than even you."

Bilbo?

"We appear to be two ponies short. There were sixteen, now there are fourteen." Kili said a bit strangled.

"Our burglar here won't tell us where his friends have taken them." The brother at my back sneered.

"Oh my god." I growled at him in exasperation. "I don't have any."

"Look there. I see a light." Kili whispered and crept at a crouch into the darkness.

The brother pushed me forward and down to my knees, none too gently, near Kili. Bilbo followed close behind, carrying two sloshing bowls of…something. It smelled pretty good, like a vegetable soup, and it made my stomach roll with sudden hunger.

"Those must be our new burglar's friends." Kili said smugly and glanced at his brother who I could only assume smiled back before shoving me forward which was over a large fallen log that had to be half dragged over thanks to my useless hands. Whoever was camping there wouldn't know me; that would have to be proof enough to these numbskulls that I didn't take their precious horses.

Far too soon I was shoved to the ground again and was about to snap at the brother for manhandling me. "I-" a dirty hand covered my mouth which I licked in annoyance. The brother made a small sound of disgust and withdrew his hand on reflex. God that had tasted disgusting. I tried to spit away the taste of dirt and sweat but it wasn't rubbing off easily. Remind me never to lick a strangers hand again.

I was about to continue my coming rant when the earth shook and the loud neighing of horses drew my attention to the left, between the trees. My eyes widened at what was possibly a fifteen foot humanoid thing. It was gray and stalky with no defining features other than it was big and elephant like. It was lit vaguely by a massive fire it walked towards. On either side of it, as if it were carrying logs under either arm, were two small horses, the ponies that had gone missing.

"Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don't look like mutton again tomorrow!" The troll grumbled.

"They have Minty and Myrtle." Bilbo whispered with distress.

"It looks like I'll have to apologize to our would be Burglar," The brother said. This close I was able to see some features of his face thanks to the far off, but large bonfire. Unabashedly, the first thing that ran through my head was hot damn.I didn't want to stare and was glad when Kili pushed Bilbo forward. "Well, looks like it's time to earn your keep, master burglar."

I was untied and I rubbed my freed hands that were tingling from the tight bounds.

"What?" Bilbo asked and turned around in a confused circle.

I also twisted around, highly aware the two brothers had quietly and almost magically disappeared. I looked at Bilbo whose scared face accompanied my surprise.

"We'll, I might as well help you since you guys seem to think I took the horses." I could see a small twitch of a smile from him. Bilbo looked about as much of a burglar as I did.

Bilbo moved first, stooping at a crouch. He was incredibly short and I wondered if he was midget, but his proportions didn't look off like they usually would when someone had the gene. I was curious as to why everyone seemed to be getting shorter and shorter, or had I grown?

My useless musing stopped when we reached the ponies. They were barricaded behind a haphazardly made up fence built from beams that looked like they had been pounded into the ground instead of hammered, and a thick, gnarly rope was strung between them to keep the ponies contained. Bilbo was almost crawling on his belly he was so low to the ground and from my position my knees were nearly up to my ears. On the other side of the rearing ponies I could see two more trolls sitting around the bonfire, they were cooking something that smelled particularly foul. But strangest of all, they talked.

"Oi, no you don't." A troll wearing a dirty brown apron spat and grabbed the nose of another with crossed eyes.

Bilbo struggled with the giant knots while I was mesmerized by the strange things.

The crossed eyed one was snotting up a storm and a more brutish one was drinking from a giant wooden cup, glaring at the cross-eyed and aproned trolls in turn.

"I'm starving, are we going to get these cooked tonight or what?" The troll on the far side holding a massive knife growled. It was the same one that had taken the ponies.

"Shut your cake hole. You'll eat what I give ya." The apron troll shook a large wooden ladle then dropped it into a cauldron to stir its gassy smelling contents.

The cross-eyed troll took a rag off its side to use as a tissue and I saw a menacing looking sword. It was crudely made but big. Next to me Bilbo tapped my arm and pointed to the weapon then made a sawing motion at the rope. My eyes lit up and I nodded. We would cut the rope with its sword.

It probably should have registered how dangerous of an idea it would be, to sneak up and steal from something three times my size, but it didn't. Bilbo was the first to crawl forward, leaving me with the ponies. I started where he left off, trying to untie the ropes in case I got lucky before he get sat on, or accidentally thrown into the fire.

"How come he's the cook?! Everything tastes the same. Everything tastes like chicken." The knife grumbling troll huffed.

The cross-eyed troll laughed. "Everything tastes like chicken, except the chicken."

"I'm just saying, a little appreciation would be nice. Thank you very much Bert, nice stew Bert. How hard is that?" The cooking troll went on and I was surprised the thing had such a plain, human sounding name.

"There! That's mine." The apron troll hit the cross-eyed one with enough force to shove him so he was teetering backwards. It held the ladle up out of the cauldron and sniffed it. "That is beautifully balanced that is."

My tugging was just as useless as Bilbo's despite the different angles I tried to tug from. I was close to gnawing on the damn thing when I heard a squeal from one of the trolls and cringed at the site of Bilbo being held in the cross-eyed, allergy addled troll's hand, covered in its snot.

"Look wha' came out ah me ooter! It's got arms and legs and everything!" The cross-eyed troll said in a panic.

"What is it?" The knife holding one asked.

"I don't know but I don't like the way it moves around."

Bilbo was hurled to the ground

"What are you then? An oversized squirrel?" The troll with the knife thrust its weapon at a scrambling Bilbo

"I'm a burglar-ah-a hobbit."

"Hobbit?" I squeaked. The only hobbits I knew were in the lord of the rings movies.

"A burglar-hobbit?" The cross-eyed one asked.

"I don' care what it is. I saw we cook em'." The knife wielding troll grabbed Bilbo by his coat and lifted him into the air over the bubbling cauldron.

"I say we make 'em squeal." The cross-eyed troll laughed gleefully.

Watching a terrified Bilbo a wash of "Oh, crap. They're really going to eat him," Went through my mind. Not knowing what else to do I picked up a rock and hurled it at the trolls, hitting the closest one in the leg.

"Oi! There's another Burglar-hobbit over there!"

Shit fuck why did I do that? The apron wearing one was coming after me. I ducked and rolled through the leaves, avoiding his reach, but I wasn't quick enough to escape his second grab and I was wrapped up in his massive hand. The grip was crushing and I gasped at the tight squeeze the troll gave me, Its hot, leathery skin felt way too real.

I squirmed and thrashed as much as I could manage. "Put me down fastso!" I wailed, and it probably wasn't too intelligent of a thing to say.

"What was that?" It squeezed harder. "I 'don like food that talk back."

I wheezed and slowed my struggling to focus on gasping for breath.

"Looks like we won't go too hungry. Cook 'em both." I was held over the pot next to Bilbo and we shared a terrified look. He gulped.

A whistle of wind made me rip my eyes from Bilbo's and not a second later an arrow embedded itself in the troll holding the hobbit then the one holding me. Both brutes screamed and dropped us, uncomfortably I might add. I hit a rock somewhere on my lower back that sent shooting pain up my spine. A war cry erupted from the woods and several shouts roared over the trolls squealing and an army of small people flew out of the trees, brandishing swords and axes. I rolled out of the way, trying to avoid a flurry of troll arms as thick as young tree trunks and prayed Bilbo's and I's saviors weren't going to chop our heads off in the process of attacking the trolls.

I can't really say what happened next, it was a blur of bodies and pieces of flying metal. I was shoved more than once, pulled and barreled into. In the end I found myself back in a troll's grip along with the would-be-saviors. I was thrown into a foul smelling sack that was pulled taught at the sides of my shoulders while others around me were nearly suffocating with the strings pulled about their necks. I was hurled into a pile and someone was thrown on top of me. Most were being held down while I could only look on in shock and disbelief as the trolls tied at least half of the men together on a long spigot and hoisted them above the fire. They were going to cook those people alive.

I looked at the others tied up in sacks that were just as helpless as I was. They gave me curious looks but didn't dwell on my presence, they were rightly more interesting in their friend's fates.

"Hurry up will you? I don't fancy being turned to stone when the sun comes up." The knife troll that was now turning the spigot grabbed.

Suddenly, Bilbo jumped up, hopping forward in his burlap sack. "You're doing it all wrong."

The troll rolling the spigot spat at him, "What do you know about cooking Dwarf?"

"The seasoning, it's all wrong." Bilbo said.

Bert leaned forward. "What about the seasoning?"

"Well have you smelt them? You're going to need something stronger than sage before you plate this lot up."

"Traitor!" One of the guys next to my ear yelled and I drew away to keep my ears from being blown out.

Dwarf? They were dwarves? First they said Bilbo, then hobbits, now dwarves?I didn't want to believe it but it would explain a few things, and added another question. What planet was on?At this point I could be somewhere else entirely, everything was too surreal. Heck, I was willing to consider I was middle earth and that was weird in itself.

"The secret, the secret is," Bilbo struggled, "You have to…skin them first!"

The dwarves around me protested angrily while I was simply confused and a little disgusted at the imagery. Then it clicked. He was buying time until sunrise, one of the trolls hand mentioned they would turn to stone. Sure enough I could see the first rays of dawn behind the trolls. We would only have to hold out for about ten minutes, if that were possible. Had the night already gone by so fast?

"What a load of rubbish," the spigot turning troll snarled. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on, boots and all."

"He's right. Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf." the cross-eyed troll reached into the group I was trapped with and I rolled wildly to not be the one he got a hold of, which had me rolling over Kili and I felt a little bad when he sputtered through my hair. He gave my ribs a deserving kick and I rolled to the other side of him, wedging myself between him and some other dwarf who gave me a severe look with piercing gray eyes and long black hair.

The troll picked out the largest of the group and held the poor guy above its disgusting, open mouth.

"Not-not that one! He's infected! Bilbo's should stopped the troll cold.

"You what?"

I silently cheered him on.

"Yeah he's got worms…in-in his tubes!" I cringed at the wording but it had the desired effect and the troll dropped the poor guy, tossing him back into the dwarf pile I was mixed up in. Karma decided to be a bitch today because his two hundred something or more weight fell on top of me. I gasped and tried to struggle free. The guy noticed my distress and rolled off, but not without leaving more bruises on my skin in his wake. I was going to be sore tomorrow.

"In fact they all have worms!" At Bilbo's declaration the dwarves were louder than before.

"I don't have worms, you have worms!" Kili barked with disgust.

"I have huge worms!" I yelled over the ruckus, trying to drown out the retorts at the notion of them having parasites. "I've got a tape worm as big as my intestines, it's twenty feet long! I named it Jimmy!"

Behind me the dwarf that had given me a nasty look gave a swift kick at the lot of us and it seemed to be exactly what the dwarves needed for their thick heads to get the idea of what Bilbo was trying to do. They instantaneously switched tactics, telling the trolls how many worms they had. It wasn't very convincing.

"Then what do you suggest we do, let them go?" Bert asked Bilbo. "Let them go?"

Bilbo shrugged and nodded, mouth opening and closing like a fish.

"That's it." The troll made to grab him when someone tall and clothed in a gray coat and pointy hat stood above the rocks.

"Let the dawn take you!" A tall man in a gray robe and gray pointy hat shouted from above the trolls.

With just a staff he hit the rock he was standing on and split it in half, letting the rays of the rising sun hit us like a death ray. The trolls squealed, trying to shield their eyes and their their skin began to crumble and turn an even grayer color, their withering movements became stiff. In seconds they had turned to stone, their motionless bodies hunched over the campfire and I was speechless. That wasn't special effects, there wasn't a doubt in my brain that what had just happened wasn't real.

The newcomer cut Bilbo of his bonds and came to free the rest of us. One by one we were released and the dwarves from the sacks rushed to help those tied to the spigot like a giant turkey leg. I stood where I had been released, unsure what to do with myself. The tall cloaked man was eyeing me oddly and I did much the same while still watching the others. Something about his was very familiar.

"And who might you be? Miss…?" The cloaked man came up to me and I had to choke to keep his name from leaving my lips. Gandalf.

"Megara, but you can call me Meg."

"Just Meg?" I don't know what else he was expecting and I nodded. He didn't appear content with my answer but let it slide.

"I must know how you came in company with these dwarves as I left them not long ago and I had not left you with them, nor the trolls."

"Yes, Gandalf. Where did you go?" The Dwarf with stunning gray eyes and a stern glare questioned.

"To look ahead and check our path."

"And what made you return?"

"Looking back."

The dwarf smiled, finding humor in the answer and finding it acceptable. After that he turned to me, now I had two men glaring me down, at least one was a couple inches shorter than me. I quirked an eye brow, he looked horribly familiar but I couldn't pin how.

"Hello." I said lamely.

Two blurs came rushing on either side of Gandalf and the stern looking dwarf and I was suddenly flanked by the brothers that had originally accused me of taking their ponies. They grabbed my arms on either side and I tried to pull out of their grasps.

"This here is who we thought took the ponies." Kili pointed out.

"She said she was lost and we didn't believe it at first." the blond brother jutted his chin into the air at the dwarf glaring next to Gandalf.

"But then we saw the trolls and she tried to help Bilbo get them back." Kili was giving a shit eating grin if I had ever seen one and I wouldn't say I had exactly helped. What were these two up to?

"Then let the human go. We have to move on." The black haired, gray eyed dwarf stated simply but with an air of arrogant authority.

The brothers shrugged, releasing me and moving on to where the other dwarves stood.

"Were those really trolls?" I questioned once they were gone. Gandalf and the gray-eyed dwarf studied my presence, the former looking slightly less weary.

"Yes. Now leave whence you came." The dwarf said roughly. I found him instantly the easiest to ignore.

"Do you know where the nearest town or at least cell tower is? Or do you have a radio I can borrow?" I was looking at the older man who seemed to be the more reasonable of the two.

"I don't know what you are asking from us but the nearest town is about a hundred miles that way." He canted his head behind where I stood I sputtered.

"A hundred miles?" I fished for my phone and when I pulled it out the dwarf had a sword held out, the tip of it pointing dangerously close to my stomach.

"The fuck dude?" I barked and waved the black square I held. "It's just a phone."

"Hold your foul tongue and never speak to me in such a way again or you will find yourself unable to speak at all," his tone was low and full of dark promise.

"Fine, I'm sorry I cussed, just get that thing out of my face. The most damage I can do with this," I gave the phone a shake, "Is toss it at your head and hope I don't break it in the process."

He didn't look satisfied but lowered his weapon, if only a little. I eyed him with my own warning look that held no water to it besides my burning annoyance. I was just and tired. With deft fingers I unlocked the phone and waited to see if it would catch a signal. I waited in silence, the two watching me as I glanced between it and them. Finally, I turned it off and shoved it into my pocket grumbling, "There's still no signal."

"What kind of signal?" Gandalf squinted his eyes and inquired with a great amount of concentration.

"One that will let me contact civilization and figure out where I am," I said drily, not understanding what other kind of signal I could be looking for. It should have crossed my mind that if I was in middle earth there would be satellites or any form of electronic communication, but I still refused to believe where I might or might not be.

"I must admit, your story does appear to hold some truth. Your attire is strange as is your speech and you carry nothing with you, suggesting you either live very close, or are very far from home and have lost your way and your belongings."

I wasn't sure if I should have felt offended. "Pretty much all of those," I mumbled.

"Well then, it's decided."

I opened my mouth wide "Decided what?"

The Dwarf shot Gandalf a dark look but he only grinned. "That you shall come with us of course."

"No," The dwarf sharply objected. "I won't allow it."

Gandalf bowed his head toward the dwarf and gave a look that said 'watch me'.

"I will take full responsibility of her safety, Thorin Oakenshield. The decision is mine to make. We will take her as far as our next destination."

It almost sounded like he wanted to drag me along for shits and giggles and really, it sound good to me. Going with them would be better than standing around and possibly bumbling into more of those trolls.

Thorin turned on me, his gray eyes gleaming with warning. "I'll let you come because of the wizard but if you dare try anything I will cut your head off and leave your body to the wolves."

"Try what?" I asked densely, earning a particularly nasty glare. "I swear I won't do anything. Not that I could or want to anyway."

He looked a quarter satisfied. "Don't move until I say so."

With that he turned around and behind him Gandalf smiled, but not before giving me an odd wink. I mouthed 'thank you' and he dipped his head with his pointed hat before following Thorin who began booming orders to the others.