A/N: I've been itching to write a canonverse fic for a while, especially this one. I hope you enjoy it, but as the rating hints at, there will be some explicit material later on in the fic. I don't consider this story for the faint of heart. I will attempt to place proper warnings, but if something goes untagged and you, as the reader, feel it needs to be, please feel free to say so. Thank you in advance for your consideration and respect.

Warning: This story will contain depictions of incest.

chapter one: we long too much

When the fog cleared, she found herself in Elsa's room, thankful for once, for silence.

Anna watched the plum drapes of Elsa's window flutter in the night's breeze, listening to the wind howl outside. Her eyes traced the sharp contours of the glass, mesmerized by the diamond patterns of the triangular shape. She pushed down the overwhelming feeling that rose in her stomach. She was in Elsa's room! After so many years, she was here. Her stomach hurt from the weight of it, from its eerie silence. The quiet of the room was so even and soft—broken only by the sound of Elsa's breathing.

Elsa.

Anna turned her gaze away from the window, blinking to adjust her eyes to the shadows of Elsa's canopy bed. In the dimness, she could make out Elsa's silhouette, the outline of her body almost blended into the drapes. Were it not for Elsa's hair, a gold so light it was almost white as snow, Anna felt as if Elsa would disappear.

She blinked and her hands, placed in her lap, curled into fists.

In some ways, you did disappear, Anna thought.

Thirteen years of quick escapes and terse conversations would not bleed away quickly.

She shifted in her seat, in a chair beside Elsa's bed, then leaned closer.

"Are you okay now?"

It was a terrible and inappropriate question and already her mind hushed at her (of course not!), but it was simple and innocent. And that was why it was difficult to answer.

Anna berated herself for it, thinking about all the reasons that sprung up on why the answer would be no.

Elsa turned away from the window, having been staring at it as long as Anna had been, motionless and silent. Anna felt her breath catch when Elsa's eyes, pale blue and wide, met her gaze. Anna's eyes widened, lips parting as she and Elsa held gazes, feeling momentarily as if the floor had been swept from underneath her. This must have been the closest they'd ever been in thirteen years, Anna thought. Then she retracted it immediately, for it was not so, she realized. Anna remembered arms wrapped around her torso and a chin nuzzled into her shoulder. How wonderful Elsa's embrace had been, how tight Elsa had pressed her to her person, and how breathless Anna had felt, only able to croon into her sister's ear.

"Oh, Elsa."

She swallowed, then diverted her gaze back to the window.

"Sorry, that was dumb. I mean- well, no I did mean to ask you that, but I meant, how are you feeling? Are you feeling any better?" Anna's cheeks warmed. That was no better. She blamed the tightness in her throat on the silence of the room. After several days of windswept panic, of a chaotic coronation and climbing up a mountain, of freezing to — ! Of freezing to stillness, Anna thought, quietude would be strange to her. It was only natural then, that she was clumsy for words. Well, the right words.

Well, I'm always clumsy with words, but I—

Elsa was still staring at her.

Anna's breath seized, then she sighed through her nose and ran a hand through her fringe. "Are you feeling better Elsa? Sorry."

Are you calmer now, was what she really wanted to ask. And what she didn't want to ask, because how could she ask that now after everything that had happened, and knowing what she now knows.

In the dimness, Elsa smiled. At least, Anna thought she could see Elsa smile because it was hard to make out the distinct features of her face despite her pallid complexion. But Elsa shifted in a way that made it clear her attention was on Anna and Anna perked up at the noise, at the implication. How wonderful it was to be noticed! She lifted her chin, hands squeezing together in her lap.

"Yes, I'm feeling better."

Anna beamed, straightening in her chair.

"A, well, a l-little better. I feel a little better, now that it's quiet," Elsa clarified.

Anna deflated, then straightened her shoulders. Fair, that was fair. Thirteen years would not bleed away quickly, she reproached herself with. She got up from the chair and stepped towards the bed, then paused when she saw Elsa's shadow stiffen. Anna flexed her hands in front of her stomach, then plopped herself down on the edge of her sister's bed. She played with the lavender duvet, biting her tongue as she tried to choose her words. They were thick in her throat and heavy on her tongue. She wanted to lean over and pat Elsa's hand, or her arm, her shoulder. Physical affirmation—comfort, I am here for you. She was somewhat certain Elsa would shy away from her touch though.

She huffed, brow creasing.

"Is... Are you- is everything alright Anna? Are you...okay?"

Blast her hesitance! She'd waited too long.

Anna shook her head so fast her braids slapped against opposite shoulders. "Yes! I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm—" She sucked in a breath and her lips quirked into a crooked smile. "I'm perfect. Err, everything's perfect Elsa."

You're here.

Elsa's posture relaxed, shoulders dropping down from her ears and Anna heard the whistle of her breath as it left her. She held out her hands and refrained from crowing when Elsa took them. Their fingers interlaced and Anna delighted in the texture of skin, in the satiny smoothness of Elsa's palms against hers. She shivered and her smile grew, eyes lighting up.

"Are you tired then? Do you want to sleep? You should go to sleep." Elsa looked at the grandfather clock nestled in the corner. "It's late."

But I don't want to leave you, she wanted to whine. Anna bit the inside of her cheek. Elsa was right. It was late and she was tired (she could not recall a time where'd she'd been this tired), and she should sleep. Elsa was most likely equally tired and wanting to sleep. There would be plenty of time for catch-up later.

Like tomorrow.

Anna's eyes widened and her cheeks dimpled with her toothy grin.

Tomorrow! What a wondrous thought. It sent a warm glow to her stomach.

She nodded and tucked the covers tight around Elsa's waist, who only twitched a bit. Anna's cheeks pinked and she stammered, "Yes of course, it's late and you're tired, I understand. We can talk tomorrow! We should, yeah, we should sleep now. Tonight. Right, we should do that."

She was still fiddling with the covers when Elsa's hands caught her and she froze, lips parted as Elsa met her surprised stare.

"I meant to say, I was concerned you were tired Anna. Not to drive you a- ... I like you being here."

Anna's blush darkened. She hoped her sister couldn't see it.

"But it's been a long day... It's been several long days," Elsa continued, her hands squeezing Anna's wrists. "We're both tired and could use the rest." Then, more softly, and so softly Anna almost didn't hear her. "I'm not going anywhere again..."

The floor was not underneath her again.

Anna's pulse fluttered in the thick vein of her throat.

"I didn't say you were," she croaked.

"You didn't have to," Elsa whispered.

She made a small noise and squeezed Elsa's hands, then startled at her own action. "I'm sorry—"

"No it's okay, I'm—" Elsa paused and looked away, then looked back at her and her lips curved downward. Anna watched her eyes dart all over the room. Scared too? Anna wondered. When Elsa spoke again, her voice was shuddery. "It feels like a dream, to me too."

Another squeeze of Elsa's hands, though this time it was affirmation and Anna reveled in it.

I'm here, I'm here!

"Y-yeah, I know. It's okay. Let's just go to sleep now Elsa. We can talk tomorrow after we're not on the verge of falling into a coma, or something," she chuckled. She closed her eyes as she did so, then snapped them right back open when the darkness of her eyelids unsettled her. She patted Elsa's hands again before scooching back on the bed. "Sooo, goodnight?"

Elsa's presence seemed to hover in the air and Anna, half-turned away from her, appraised her.

"Anna..."

She turned swiftly back around, apprehensive.

Elsa shrunk back a little and Anna cursed herself. She ignored it and spread her arms out, hoping the wide grin on her face was reassuring and not awkward.

There was a heart-stopping moment of nothing and Anna was never more aware of the night's chill on her nape. Then Elsa moved and Anna's heart beat a raucous tempo in her rib cage, a wild drum against the bone. She inhaled and her nose and mouth were filled with the crisp scent of Elsa's hair, her chin tickling with the silkiness of the skin of Elsa's shoulder. Her hands were pressed against her sister's shoulder blades and Anna could not resist the croon into Elsa's ear, her eyes closing in rapture.

Distantly, distinctly, she mused that to be so close was to set her nerves aflame.

She nuzzled Elsa's shoulder and breathed. She and Elsa swayed for a moment and Anna listened to the rise and fall of Elsa's breath, feeling Elsa bury her nose in the crook of Anna's neck. Anna held her tighter and Elsa gasped, "Thank you."

They parted after several long moments and Anna didn't comment on the wetness of Elsa's eyes.

"Goodnight?" Elsa whispered, full magenta lips curling at one corner.

"Goodnight," Anna replied. She slipped off the edge of the bed and padded to the door.

"Anna?"

This time when she turned, she did it slowly, halfway and glancing over her shoulder.

"Yes, Elsa?" she almost whispered.

Elsa shifted in bed.

"See you tomorrow?"

Anna released her breath. She grinned and nodded fervently, then remembered it was dark and said, "Yes of course, see you tomorrow Elsa. T-talk to you tomorrow?"

"Talk to you tomorrow." Anna hoped that was a smile in Elsa's voice.

She turned back to the door, opened it, and slid out. She closed it softly, then pressed her forehead to the frame. The wood was so familiar. Anna breathed once, twice, and a third time.

"Tomorrow, Elsa."

She walked back to her bedroom and fought herself every step of the way, to not run and throw herself over the bed, to dive into her sheets and roll this way and that in the sheets. She fought herself just as much to turn around, to run back to Elsa. Or to scream and shout and jump in glee.

Slipping through the door to her bedroom, Anna shut it quietly and took a few steps farther in. She stopped and looked around her room, then doubled back and opened the door, just a crack. Her hand closed tight around the doorknob and Anna took another breath. She wiped her hands on her gown, feeling them cold and clammy. Anna left the door open and scurried to her bed. She slipped under the covers, not caring enough to dress into a nightgown. When she curled into a ball and her head hit the pillow, she was asleep within moments.