This was soooo fun to write. Also, someone please, please, PLEASE write some Levin?
It was a normal day in South Park.
…Or whatever you could call normal.
It wasn't the hyper-crazy induced days where a Barbra Streisand mecha would be found destroying the town. There wasn't any guinea pig invasions or holograms trying to host a Christmas special. It was one of those days where the hours seemed to drag on and boredom plagued the inhabitants.
Absolutely nothing was happening.
It was the type of normality that Craig Tucker enjoyed.
Yeah, it was pretty normal alright. That is, if you weren't Kevin Stoley- the Asian who had a fixation with anything nerdy. Known for his knowledge on anything from comic books to movies.
But now, he found something a little more addicting…
Kevin sat at his computer chair, staring into the monitor like a mindless zombie. Video games, they were the best distraction from worldly problems. Consoles were sorta obsolete. He was into the new computer game age. There was so much you could do online rather by yourself and Kevin found it fun to move from his consoles to PC.
The graphics, the gameplay… everything!
And to his knowledge, it was true that PC was master race.
So, he sat there, wasting hours just clicking keys and becoming more and more obsessed with leveling up and stockpiling items. He wasn't alone. There were his friends Clyde, Dougie and Scott Malkinson. A Warrior, a Squire and a Ranger. Kevin of course was a Black Mage. While Clyde led the battles Kevin stayed behind and threw spells. Today they were trying out a new campaign. The reward was great and the dungeons were deep. It was worth is though! The Exp and the items... And you could say he was in the 'zone'.
Yeah, things weren't so normal if you were him. Because Kevin had Lizzy.
And speak of the devil, the woman started to whine from behind him, "Notice me!"
Kevin couldn't help the exasperated sigh that left his lips, feeling his face fall into his hand. Dear god, she was doing this again.
"Come on already… notice me." She continued on and on and on and on. Sure, it was arguable that he wasn't showing her the attention she wanted and that's why she was being a complete brat… but then again she was begging and beggars can't be choosers.
"Senpai! Notice me Senpai!" she said in that overtly fake, high pitch voice of hers that would crack ever so often, "Senpai, please?"
She knew that he was Chinese and anything Japanese irritated him. Because come on, every Asian looks alike right? He was always mistaken for Japanese since he was a little tyke and it kindled a bit of hate in his heart. So, instead of acknowledging her, he instead humored her, "Go die. Please go die. Now."
"You want me to kill myself? Does that mean my Senpai is noticing me?"
Kevin continued to ignore her as his headset ratted with the noises of other players. Luckily, his microphone was off… Or at least he thought.
If real life was his game, Lizzy would be a mere level forty-five Berserker and Kevin would be a level eighty-two Black Mage.
And so the fight began.
She called out to him again as the woman crawled towards him, digits brushing up his leg. The comic she was reading on the bed was discarded, besides she had something else to entertain her now. Her fingertips were like spiders legs, creeping up higher and higher his thigh…
Lizzy, the girl in the pink parka was striking. Her quick mouth and her snappy attitude attracted him to her. Maybe it was her choppy blonde locks or her extremely petite stature that made her, dare he say, cute.
Or maybe that her pixie cut and small frame reminded Kevin of a boy, but who knows.
Lizzy peeked at his computer with a sly smile and praised him, "Sugoi! Senpai is so kawaii."
Any type of attractiveness the woman had, died instantly.
He thought on his toes as the woman's cheek brushed against his leg. He ran his fingers through her hair before gripping it roughly and pushing Lizzy into his crotch. "Well, while you're down there…"
The woman in pink flailed with a small gasp and he released her. He didn't expect a fist to come flying out and connecting with his ribs. Kevin laughed off the pain as the woman's cheeks caught fire.
"Fuck off you little ass munching bitch-" She broke her little squeaky persona for only a split second before returning back to it, "I-I mean, gomen Senpai."
The terrible, broken Japanese that rolled off her tongue made Kevin squirm and he was sure that Lizzy knew it too. And so she took it a step farther. Why? Because the pink parka woman wasn't the type to step down when she saw a weakness.
And she was also a bitch.
Kevin runs out of MP. Lizzy casts Berserk. Lizzy's now inflicted with Berserk. Attack and speed raises significantly. Lizzy attacks. Damage.
"Sugoi! Kevin-kun is so kawaiii-desu!" she nipped at his earlobes, massaging his chest. "Lizzy-Chan is so turned on. Lizzy-Chan can't help she want's Kevin-Kun's penisu."
She continued to ramble in that stupid anime crap language of hers. Who taught her that shit? It wasn't like she was obsessed with Japan, no- she was completely obsessed with angering him.
Lizzy's lips drug down his neck, nibbling and biting softly. "Senpai is such a hentai… Tentacle porn all over his computer. Lizzy-Chan likes."
He was starting to break down just a little, wanting to rub his temples in annoyance. He couldn't take his hands off the computer, he couldn't. The illuminated screen in the dark room was his beacon of light and his only distraction from the pink bubble gum girl. He had to help his friends… he had to…
"Are you going to notice me Senpai? I'm an innocent girl that wouldn't mind a little recognition from her Senpai. You're little Onii-Chan."
Kevin's lip twitched. Not in annoyance but in amusement. "Little brother," This time he decided to answer and 'notice her.' "You used that wrong."
"Of course you would know. I'm not a weeaboo like you."
"If you're trying to bother me, it's not working."
"What was that? Did you notice me?" Lizzy continued again, opening her mouth, moaning and whining and making the over-the-top anime girl noises.
He wished he would just die on the spot. Or her. One of them. Both of them. Everyone.
And in a flash, she got to her feet. There was a glint in those grey eyes of hers. Lizzy slid herself into his lap, straddling him. The office chair creaked and moaned under their weight. It wasn't a hindrance, nor was it a problem… at least, that's what Kevin kept telling himself. He could see a little from peering over her shoulder and he could reach the keyboard by sliding his arms past her waist.
No big deal… right?
Null damage to Kevin. Kevin recovers MP. Kevin throws a third tier spell at Lizzy. Massive damage. Lizzy is now at critical.
When the bubble gum girl didn't get the attention she wanted, she set herself down rather roughly on him, grinding. "Senpai, notice me already, I have somewhere to be."
His hands unconsciously found her hips. Part of him wanted to stop her and fling her to the floor and the other more male side of him, well… Kevin's lips pressed into a line. "Really, it's not working. You're not sexy and you're not annoying me. You're just making a fool of yourself."
Lizzy sat back, an aggravated look set into her expression. "Fine, whatever you little bitch." before she could climb off, she leaned over and smashed her hands on the keyboard, "Oops, sorry rump ranger."
Kevin scooted back to his computer, adjusting himself as the woman hopped off. The girl was taking things a little too far in the name of annoyance but… It wasn't anything he couldn't handle.
Nope, just another normal day in South Park.
Lizzy had failed…
That was, until she held up something. He didn't notice her riffling beneath his bed and pulling something large from under it. "Oh. My. God. Senpai, what the fuck is this?"
He turned and his face paled.
The pillow.
His pillow.
The pillow!
He shot out of his chair, foot catching the wire to his headset, knocking the girl into the side of the bed. He clamored after her, a bright blush on his cheeks. Trying anything for her to release it. Desperately tugging on it.
He could hear little shouts from his friends on the computer. He turned and noticed the headset was unplugged. And Clyde's heavy breathing…
Dear God, how could this get any worse?
"You have one of these?" Lizzy gave a little tug, yanking the soft fabric with a smile. "Give me it already, ass licker!"
"You're tugging too hard! You're going to rip it!"
"Then just give it to me."
Dougie and Scott were silent, as if you could tell they were mortified. Clyde's voice boomed from the computer, sounding all the more confused. "Dude, what? Yo! She's tugging too hard? Tell her to pump and… maybe give a little twist. Spit on it or use some lube!"
Kevin tumbled after Lizzy, trying to free her hands. Unbeknownst to Kevin, the woman was strong for her small stature. She writhed and wiggled, kicking and biting… using everything she could against him. It wasn't very fair. And Kevin was forced to use dirty tactics.
He couldn't let her see it. She would never let it go.
Lizzy finally freed herself from him with a good kick to the balls. Kevin shriveled up, falling back to the floor with a moan. Lizzy's eyes raked over her prize before instantly letting it go, face twisting in disgust. Kevin bowed his head, partially in shame and to avoid her eyes.
"It… looks… like me!" she pulled at her parka strings, "What the fuck?!"
Kevin's eyes met the anime woman on the pillow. One side was an extremely petite girl in pink with a blonde pixie cut, laying out with a meek expression and the other side… well, the woman seemed to gain confidence as she was disrobed in a promiscuous position, showing off everything with a lewd expression.
Kevin could hear Clyde shout out, "Dude! Just fuck her already. All this sexual tension is so annoying. And I'm tired of reviving you. Are you going to play seriously or not?"
She grabbed up the rather large pillow, lifting it up before bringing it down roughly, beating him down, "You're a closet weeaboo! I can't believe you have a pillow that looks like me, you fucking pervert! Do you fuck it or something?! What the hell!"
Kevin lifted his head, begging for forgiveness, "I can explain-!"
And beggars can't be choosers.
The pillow silenced him as it connected with his face. The seams of the love-pillow erupt and feathers flurry from one side of the room to the other. And just because the pillow was destroyed didn't mean Lizzy wouldn't use her fists.
So, she jumped the Asian, clobbering him with her dukes.
Critical hit. Lizzy breaks max damage cap. Overkill. Collect Exp and items.
Kevin is defeated.
A loud shout was heard from the computer and it sounded like Clyde. "Yo, Kevin! I'm not reviving you."