There was something about his eyes when he looked at her. The way the clear blue of them just pierced through her, breaking through her defenses and leaving her utterly fallen. Fallen in a way she had never realized she wanted to be.

Gil, you know I love you. Her own words from her letter to him before she left gave her a headache. God, she missed him. And to think, just a short while ago he had proposed. Nothing would ever be as wonderful as that day had been.

Sara pushed the thought aside, concentrating instead on the road before her. Maybe a quick trip into Vegas was a reckless idea, but it was an idea nonetheless. And for Sara, ideas were really what had brought her there in the first place.

She had never gotten used to the desert climate. San Francisco was a much milder place, with its calm, foggy mornings and balmy, rainy days. Las Vegas was none of those things. It was hot, dry, and unforgiving as the day is long. But it had been her home for so long, and even though she was glad in some respects to have left, she realized now she had gone without tying up a very important loose end.

It had been almost a month since she had left, and in her brief emails with Greg and Nick she had learned quickly of Warrick's unfortunate situation. She'd also heard that Gil Grissom just wasn't acting like himself.

Sara bit her bottom lip in despair. She couldn't believe herself. Rash decisions were exactly what caused her to be depressed all the time. She thought too much with her emotions and little with her head. And now she'd gone and broken the one man who'd ever made her whole.

A tear slipped down her cheek so she wiped it away angrily with her sleeve. She was so goddamn tired of feeling; all she wanted was to settle things and make them right, and then be on her way again. She couldn't stay, and wouldn't, no matter how hard it might be. She knew it was going to kill her to leave him again, but there was no way either of them were going to be able to move on unless she spoke to him face to face and gave him an explanation he deserved.

The letter had been brief and inconsiderate. He was worth so much more than that. She knew that he wouldn't be angry with her; after all, he was always the understanding type. Unlike herself, she thought bitterly. Always flying off the handle; she was a loose cannon, destined to destroy herself in the end. Gil had to hear it straight and truthful. Or he'd never let go.

When the road turned to Vegas, Sara felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. There was no reason to be nervous, she thought anxiously. Okay, maybe there was. She just hoped that he would be home when she dropped by, because she didn't think she could face the lab, or all the people she'd up and left behind.

His townhome was nestled in a quiet community. It was just like him to want a place here, where there was little violence, little distraction. Work was so much a part of his life, so home needed to be the complete opposite so that he could have some sort of peace.

She parked her car on the street and turned off the engine. Her heart thudded in her ears, but her eyes were dry. She just hoped she didn't break when she saw him.

When she opened her door and stepped outside, she looked up towards his door and saw with surprise as it opened. He stepped out, leash in his hand, his large dog eagerly racing through the door. When the dog spotted Sara, it bounded towards her, knowing her scent and face. She couldn't help but smile as the dog nearly pounced on her, spreading kisses on her chin and hands.

Laughing, she looked up and saw Gil standing at the base of his porch, his mouth hung open in surprise. She felt the all too familiar butterflies at seeing him. God, was she still such a lovesick girl around him?

"Hi." He nearly whispered it, the leash falling from his hand as he stepped towards her. She stood up, suddenly very unsure of herself. Was this the right choice?

"Hi." She replied as he stood in front of her, his eyes slightly weary but still so beautifully blue.

They stood there for a moment, slightly awkward. Biting her lip she reached out and wrapped her arms tight around his back until he was flush against her. He simply held her back, so tight it almost hurt her. With relief she choked back a sob.

"Sara..." He stroked a hand down her back, soothing her. When she only responded with more sobs he pulled her away from him. Smiling at her, he wiped her tears away. "I knew that I would see you again one day, I just didn't know it'd be so soon."

She laughed at him and at her own foolish crying. "I'm sorry, if I'd known that the second I saw you I'd turn into a bawling child I'd have stayed home with my pride...but as I've already blown it let's start fresh."

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat, straightening her back and laughing at the look he gave her. Those eyes...something about those eyes.

"Gil, I feel I owe you a huge apology..."

"What for?" The actual surprise in his eyes confused her. Did he not feel any anger or resentment towards her at all?

"For leaving you so suddenly, with nothing but a note." She shook her head tiredly. "But I guess you are not feeling all that bad."

"Sara, I am not the bundle of emotions you are. I am the analytical scientist, who regards emotions as things to be studied and, on rare occasions, practiced. But I don't let them get the better of me. I was sad you had left, but I completely understand why you did."

Something about the way he said it had a lump forming in her throat and her stomach tying in knots. "And why do you think I left?"

"Because you didn't want to marry me."

He must have noticed the sudden hurt shock in her eyes because he gave her that curious look he got whenever something puzzled him. She felt sick to her stomach.

"This was a mistake." She whispered, feeling faint. Why had she come, just to torture herself while having to hear him say these things to her. To tell her she was nothing but an experiment to him, something to be studied and then placed aside. Had he ever had emotions for her?

"Are you saying I'm wrong? Because please, enlighten me if I am." Gil said, leaning down to silence his dog who had suddenly started barking. Apparently the dog could feel the tense emotions sizzling between them.

"But...I love you, Gil...I told you as much." Sara's eyes felt weary and her chest heavy. This was supposed to be for the best, but now she'd begun to think it was for the worst.

"Yes, you did. But I can't understand why you didn't think I could help you."

Sara turned now, unable to face him. "Just forget I ever came." she muttered, a sudden anger writhing within her. Didn't he understand she'd left him with the intention of saving him? There was no way she could ever want him to suffer while she raged within herself and self destructed. What would it do but cause him more pain than he was already feeling?

She climbed into her car and slammed her door shut. She watched his eyes as she turned her key in the ignition and sped off.

She was wrong. He didn't understand.

Thanks for reading!! More to come...