This (very short) fic was inspired by photos and fan art I saw on tumblr and deviantart. I had to write this!
There are some A Very Potter Musical Quotes in here, like..one. lol.
I hope you FIND this fic to be enjoyable!

NOTE - NO offense to "Twi-Hards" or any Twilight fans, this is just meant to be a a joke.

"Edward..." Bella said slowly one night. Her and Edward, her perfect Vampire boyfriend, were sitting in Bella's room.

"Yes, my love?" Edward said, with his perfect golden eyes staring into Bella's.

"I've been meaning to ask you..." She said with her usual monotone voice. "How...how did you become, you know, a Vampire?"

Edward grimaced.

"Must you ask that?" He said with a slightly strained voice, his stone-like chest heaving a sigh.

"I want to know everything about you, Edward..." Bella whispered to her vampire boyfriends golden eyes, which were above those perfect dark lips.

Edward looked away, as a flashback hit him...


"Cedric, no!" Harry screamed.
Kill the spare!


"Edward!"Bella's distant voice said.

"Sorry?" he said, looking down at Bella.

"Can you answer my question?"

"Err...sure."

Edward took a deep breath.

"I was a student in a fantastic school, for magic."

Bella nodded.

"There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. I was Hufflepuff-"

"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?"

"I didn't exactly find out either. But we were particularly good finders..."

"I'm lost." Bella said.

"You're always lost, my lovely lamb...anyway...

"So...I...in my seventh year, my headmaster held this thing, called a Triwizard Tournament. I was chosen to compete. And there were three tasks me, Harry Potter, who was far sexier than you dammit, Fleur and
Krum had to complete. All of them were dangerous, and life threatening."

"Who's Harry Potter?"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't ask that. Moving on...On the last task, me and Harry got lost, and we ended up in a graveyard."

"And...Harry romantically confessed he was a vampire like what you did to me?" Bella said with a hopeful, stupid smile she always wore when she wanted sex from Edward.

"No!"

"Aww..."

"Moving on. There was a dangerous wizard called Voldemort there, and...he killed me."

"He killed you?"

"Yeah...kinda a shame though. I won the tournament for about ten seconds, then I died."

"Oh..."

"So I was lying there for a good ten days...Before Frankenstein found me."

"Huh?"

"You heard me, Lamb. He took my body to his lab, then he resurrected me right there. All I really remember is him pumping my body with body glitter...It was kinda odd..."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"What?"

"That's the best you can do? That's the biggest piece of bullshit I ever heard!"

Edward actually started to cry.

"Thanks for insulting the only good movie I was ever in!"


...The end.
Yes, I was that bored.