i dunno, either. [muggle!au]

634 words, by google docs

Remus feels like he could faint. He doesn't know what he can do. James pulls him into a tight hug.

"I know," James says, squeezing him. Remus hates when people say they know, but he can actually believe that James does know; Sirius was his best friend, too.

"Why?" Remus asks, his voice breaking. Why did it have to be Sirius' house that burnt down? Why did it have to be Sirius that couldn't be saved, lost to the ashes? Why couldn't it have been anybody else?

"I don't know," James says. He holds Remus tighter.

…

Remus is pulled into a random alleyway on his way to work, and that's when his life gets complicated.

He's staring into the face of Sirius Black, who's still holding onto his arm. Sirius clasps a hand over Remus' mouth immediately, knowing that Remus feels like he's about to scream.

Sirius Black is supposed to be dead.

"Don't say anything," Sirius says, uncovering Remus' mouth slowly.

"Sirius? What the hell?" Remus says, ignoring Sirius' order. "I thought you were dead."

"I'm not," Sirius says, pointing a finger at Remus. "I'm alive. I was just gone for a bit."

"Gone for a bit?" Remus asks, feeling angry. "A bit? You were gone seventeen years, Sirius? You couldn't have called? Everyone thinks you're dead. I'm not even sure you're alive. I could be hallucinating."

"You're not," Sirius reassured. "I just needed to get away for a while and I got caught up with everything."

"Everything," Remus repeats slowly.

"Yes. Look, come back here tomorrow. Bring food. Don't tell anyone you saw me, okay?" Sirius asks. He's still gripping Remus' arm and Remus thinks that it's going a little bit numb.

Still, he nods numbly and Sirius lets go, allowing Remus to walk away, blinking hard.

…

It nearly explodes Remus inside, but he doesn't tell anyone that he saw Sirius. He also returns that next day, carrying a backpack laden with McDonalds. If he recalls right, that's Sirius favorite fast-food place.

Of course, Remus hasn't seen Sirius for seventeen years, so his tastes could've changed.

He drops the backpack of food at Sirius' feed as he turns into the alleyway; he had managed to find his way back here, somehow.

"Real food!" Sirius exclaims as he rips into the backpack. "I've been living off vegetable," he says, sinking his teeth into a Big Mac.

"So, I brought you food. I didn't tell anyone," Remus says, fixing Sirius with a hard look. "Where were you?"

Sirius swallows a big chunk of hamburger and then looks Remus up and down. "A farm," he says, shrugging.

"A farm," Remus repeats slowly.

"A farm," Sirius confirms, his mouth full. "I faked my own death and ran away to a farm," he says, taking a swig of soda.

"Why?" Remus asks. He feels betrayed; how could Sirius have just left him? Sirius frowns.

"It was all too much," he says, still frowning. He looks like he's thinking over something for a moment, but then he nods and eats more.

"What was?" Remus wants to understand Sirius' reasoning, he really does, but he just can't.

"Life," Sirius says. His mouth is full again, and Remus cringes.

"So you burnt your house down," Remus says dryly.

"Yup."

"And you left James and I all alone. We thought you were dead." Remus can feel tears prickling at his eyes, and he feels a type of satisfaction as he sees Sirius look at him with guilt.

"I'm sorry," Sirius says. He puts his burger down on the wrapping. "I wasn't thinking of you two."

"Clearly," Remus says. "Can I tell James? He's been torn up about you, you know."

"Not yet," Sirius says, taking a shaky breath.

"When?"

"Soon. But not yet. For now, let's just have us."

for:

the monthly title exchange [it's been 17 years (why didn't you call?)]