Warning: This is a companion piece that fits in the I'll Take Your Hand Universe. It is not necessary that you read that (WIP) story, but I do recommend it because some of this plays hand-in-hand to events that happen in that fic. Also, there are a couple short scenes in this fic that have not yet happened in I'll Take Your Hand, so spoilers beware! But it's really not too spoiler-ific, in my opinion.
Also, don't expect Faberry romance. Just a warning!
Shout out to the awesome Nataliving and TheDoomMerchant!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, the slight Buffy reference, or the Zombie lyrics. Enjoy!
Well no one told me about her the way she lied
Well no one told me about her how many people cried
Finn Hudson first saw Quinn Fabray when he was fourteen-years-old. Karofsky told him earlier in the week that one of the blondes on the cheerleading team was new to the district, and her name was Quinn Fabray. Finn knew it was not Brittany S. Pierce - they have been in the same class since kindergarten - so when he saw Quinn, he knew it had to be her.
From across the cafeteria, she seemed tiny, but that may have been because Finn was tall for his age. He stood at 6 feet, "but still with room to grow," as his mom would always say to him. He knew if he moved closer to Quinn, he would tower over her. Her yellow hair was pulled tight in a high ponytail, and the bright red color of her Cheerios uniform made her skin look pale.
The girl whispered something in Santana's ear - a girl that scares Finn to death - before turning her head to look across the cafeteria. Finn dropped his fork at first glance upon her face. Quinn had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.
"Hey," Finn nudged his best friend Puck in the shoulder and Quinn strutted across the room. "Have you seen her?"
Puck bit into his hamburger before looking to who Finn was pointing at. "Oh, yea," he murmured, rolling his eyes. "I tried to get with her on Monday and she called me disgusting. Whatever. Her loss. Yo, I was thinking about getting a mohawk -"
Finn continued to stare at Quinn, ignoring Puck completely now, as she, with Santana and Brittany following her, moved to sit down two tables away. His food was left abandoned - a first for him - as he continued to be mesmerized by the new girl. Some of her hair had fallen from her scrunchy and into her face. Quinn smiled at something Brittany said and tucking the loosed hair behind her ear, before taking a sip of her milk. She lifted her eyelashes and Finn caught another glimpse of hazel.
She's looking at me.
He slowly lifted up his hand and half-waved at her. Quinn's milk straw dropped from her mouth as her eyes shifted to the table behind Finn. Finn turned. A very short, raven-haired girl in knee socks stood with her hands on her hips, chastising a blonde-haired boy Finn recognized from the debate team. The girl's eyes narrowed at the boy and Finn quickly tore his eyes away from the scene, becoming a bit frightened by her ferocity.
As he turned back, he found Quinn staring at him with her right eyebrow cocked up at him. He still had his hand up in a half-wave. Biting the inside of his cheek in embarrassment, he gently lowered his hand. Quinn was already back in conversation with Brittany and Santana.
Stupid, Finn thought, stabbing his burger with his fork.
It would be another four months before Finn Hudson would even gather up the courage to talk to Quinn Fabray.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
He stayed away from Quinn Fabray as much as he could. Of course, he had to see her at football games and he ended up watching her more than the actual game. Finn thought she once caught him eyeing her backside during one of the games, and ever since then, he was much more careful about where his eyes strayed.
From what he observed, she mostly hung out with Santana and Brittany, although "hung out" was putting it loosely. They mainly followed behind her, imitating her strut.
Finn had heard through the grapevine that Quinn was trying out for Head Captain of the Cheerios. He also knew she went to church every Sunday, and he thought that was weird because, although Finn did not know much about the Bible, he did know that the Jesus guy says to love everyone, and Quinn had a habit of snapping at people a lot (not that he was watching). Finn didn't know if he liked that about her, but just yesterday, Finn helped the guys on the football team egg a geek's house, and that wasn't very nice of him, either.
Nevertheless, he could get lost in her eyes and he thought her smile was cute. And even if he sometimes thought she was mean to people, he liked her confidence because that was something he sometimes lacked.
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
Coach had just made him next year's quarterback and captain of the football team - much to Puck's chagrin - and Finn knew Quinn would think it was impressive.
The football and cheerleading teams always had an end-of-the-year bash at one of the senior's houses. It would be Finn's first party - he had stayed away from them throughout his freshman year - and he dressed in simple jeans and striped polo. He hoped Quinn would be there and maybe he would actually talk to her.
Finn sat on the stairs of Nick's - the senior - house, swirling the beer in his cup.
"Hey man," Puck called, thumping Finn on the back. "There are so many hotties here tonight. Santana's already offered to give me a -"
"- I don't need to hear that, dude," Finn interrupted, taking a sip of his drink. He scanned the crowd, unable to find Quinn.
"Ok, I won't give you the details. But come on. We need to finally get you laid or something. You're about to become the quarterback! Who do you want?"
Right then, Quinn walked through the front door, clasped her hands in the front of herself and bit her lip. It was the first time Finn has seen her look uneasy and vulnerable. One of the football jocks - always on the bench - made a beeline toward Quinn and slung his arm over her shoulder. Finn noticed Quinn take a deep breath and scrunch up her face before beaming at the boy in a fake smile. The corner of Finn's lip twitched upwards.
"Nah," Finn said to Puck. "I got this on my own, thanks." He stood up from the steps and threw his cup in the trash bag to the right before shouting back at his friend. "By the way, the mohawk makes you look like a douche."
Finn weaved his way through the sea of people and arrived at Quinn and Azimio Adams. Azimio's hand was pawing its way down Quinn's arm and he clearly missed the glare Quinn sent his way.
"Hey, Adams, why don't you go check out what Karofsky's doing outside?" Finn said.
"Man, I don't care what Karofsky's doing."
"How about you go check it out anyway," Finn warned, attempting to use what he liked to call his "Captain voice." It worked; Azimio slowly lifted his arm off Quinn and walked away shaking his head. Finn watched him go before turning back to Quinn. She didn't look angry, but she definitely wasn't happy, either. Finn stuck out his hand.
"Hi, uh, Finn. Finn Hudson."
Quinn's eyes darted to the hand Finn offered and then back up. "I didn't need your help with him. I can handle myself just fine, thanks."
Finn stuck his hands in his pockets and threw back his head, laughing. He'd seen the way students parted as she walked down the hallway at school and how she got Santana and Brittany as her minions in just days. Of course she could handle herself.
Quinn crossed her arms. "You're laughing."
"Well, yea," Finn snorted, only to be met with Quinn's icy glare. "I mean, I know you can handle yourself. I've seen you - I mean, not like that, but - I was laughing because I know you didn't need my help, but, Azimio is an ass anyway."
Quinn blinked at Finn and opened her mouth before she quickly decided to close it and purse her lips. Her index fingers tapped on her arms and Finn could see the gears working in her brain. Finally, she stuck out her hand. "I'm Quinn Fabray."
Her hands felt limp in his, but he ignored it. "I'm going to be quarterback, by the way."
Quinn's smile widened at that. "I was just made Cheerios Captain."
Finn scratched the back of his neck, unsure what to do now. He knew she was impressed with that, but he did not have a lot else going for him. He knew he wasn't as smart as she was and he didn't have the body that Puck did, but his mom always said he had a great smile and that girls would love that about him.
Finn smiled down at Quinn. Their height difference seemed perfect, and he didn't know what he was thinking earlier in the semester that he would be too tall.
"Can I get you something to drink?" Finn asked.
"I'm, um, I'll actually go get one myself. But we should talk later. It'd be good for the head cheerleader and quarterback to get more... acquainted."
She squeezed his arm before heading to the kitchen for her drink. Finn heaved a sigh of relief that he actually talked to her and didn't make a fool of himself (not like in sixth grade when he gave a special Valentine to Brittany and he didn't even get anything). He followed the blaring music into the basement and found Puck with Mike and Matt.
"You were talking with that Quinn chick?" Puck asked.
"Yea," Finn replied. "She's cool."
Puck took one more sip of his beer before setting it down on the counter next to them and walking away. Finn furrowed his brows at Puck's retreated figure, but didn't think any more of it.
"Uh, dude," Matt gestured to the crowd of dancers in the middle of the floor. "Isn't that Quinn?"
Finn moved his head so he could see through the mass of people. His eye caught the blonde hair, and his eyes widened when he realized that a pair of hands were on Quinn's backside. Quinn and most of the cheerleaders were dancing in a circle to 3OH!3's "Don't Trust Me." Brittany grabbed another girl by the hips and was doing body rolls, but that didn't surprise Finn. What did surprise him was Quinn grinding up against a sandy blonde cheerleader, their hips gyrating to the beat. The other girl's hands were moving all along Quinn's body while Quinn had her eyes closed and head hung back; hips swaying and a drink in her left hand. Quinn's right arms scaled up the side of the cheerleader and into the girl's hair where Quinn's fingers latched on.
Finn's jaw slacked, not sure what to make of this. The rest of the football team egged on the girls while Finn remained bewildered. He had heard that sometimes this happened at parties, but Quinn seemed so much more reserved -
The girl dancing with Quinn moved closer - if even possible - and nuzzled her neck. Quinn's eyes shot opened and she pushed the girl back. The other girl stumbled and Quinn clasped a hand over her own mouth, her breathing becoming noticeably quick. Quinn scanned the crowd and landed on Finn, who hadn't moved - stunned - during the whole performance. She quickly jumped away from the scene, grasped Finn's hands and tugged him upstairs with her.
Finn stumbled after her, not sure what was going on.
"Um, Quinn - "
"Shut up," she snapped. Finn noticed her pupils were dilated and that her free hand was clutching the part of her blouse that lay over her heart. "Can you walk me home?"
"It's - It's only 9:30 -" but he was silenced as Quinn grabbed his face and pulled it towards hers. Suddenly, lips were on his lips and he shuffled his feet to find balance while her fingers dug into his temples and his own hands found purchase on her hips.
She pulled back. "Walk me home now?"
When they reached her house, Finn didn't get a goodbye kiss, but she told him to pick her up next Friday at 7:00 p.m. for dinner, so he guessed something in the night went right. And even though he hoped his first kiss would be a bit more romantic than it ended up being, he still thought it was ok.
When he texted Puck about the kiss, he never got a response.
Two weeks later, they became the Golden Couple of the school.
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
Sometimes Finn felt so stupid around Quinn. He knew he wasn't the brightest guy ever -hell, even Puck, whose blood doesn't exactly follow in the direction of his brain, got B's and A's in math - but Quinn would snap at him just because he didn't get a reference to whatever book Quinn had read in AP Literature. Then, sometimes, after she would call him an idiot, he'd try to make up for his stupidity by kissing her cheek and calling her beautiful. Then she would shamefully stare at her feet before excusing herself to the restroom or something.
Her hand in his still felt loose every time they held hands. It was like she wasn't even trying to hang onto him the way he wanted her to.
He thought that hurt more than being called an idiot.
During the summer, they would lie on the floor in her room after a make out session - she'd always seem so hesitant before kissing him, like she had to talk herself into it, before grabbing onto his collar roughly - and he'd talk about his mom or the new video game he'd just bought and she'd lay on the carpet silent.
One day, he tried to get her to open up - something he would regret.
"You like to draw, right?" Finn asked.
Quinn hummed. "What makes you say that?"
"During school I used to see you drawing in a notebook all the time." Quinn remained quiet, so Finn continued. "What do you like to draw?"
With that question, Quinn's whole body stiffened. "Let's get back to kissing."
She dove into his neck and Finn - doing something he never thought he would ever do - pushed her away. He squinted at her, wondering why she just won't answer a simple damn question.
"I just - I want to know more about you. You don't - you don't talk about anything."
Quinn quickly stood up, arms on her hips. "I don't have anything to talk about, Finn. You know me. I'm 15, I go to McKinley High, am a straight A student and youngest Captain ever of the Cheerios. There's nothing else."
"But I've seen you draw -"
"I don't draw anything of substance, Finn!" Quinn shrieked. He backed away - Scary Quinn, he thought - and let her continue. "They're just stupid fantasies - no - they're just things I sketch when I'm bored. And right now, I'm tired and would like to be alone."
Quinn held her bedroom door open for Finn to walk out of. He gaped at her, trying to read her mind - something he found impossible to do - before walking through the door.
"Can I call you tonight?"
She sighed. "Yes."
He stopped asking personal question and settled with just making out. However, he did know one thing: no matter what Puck had been telling him since they were 13, physical intimacy was not the only thing Finn would ever need.
Well no one told me about her, what could I do
Well no one told me about her, though they all knew
Finn had been dating Quinn for about four months when school began. He walked the hallways with Quinn on his arms and tried not to notice the mean comments she posted on the internet or the way she laughed when a girl - Finn thought he'd seen her face somewhere - would get slushied.
It was easy not to notice because while Quinn was doing that, he was holding the purse of a gay boy being tossed in a trash dump.
He didn't think his mom or his dad would be proud of that.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care
He didn't know where Mr. Shuester found the bag of weed, but the next thing Finn knew, he was literally being pulled on stage by a crazy chick while singing "You're the One that I Want" from Grease.
And although the girl was wide-eyed and insane, Finn really liked her voice and thought her face lit up when she sang. He found out her name was Rachel, and she said he was talented - which is something he'd never heard from Quinn.
He suffered the wrath of Quinn - and oddly enough, Puck - about joining Glee Club. But he couldn't very well tell Quinn that the only reason he was in the club was that Shuester found marijuana in his locker.
She yelled at him in the hallway and claimed that people would think she was his "big gay beard." He wanted to tell her that even if that were true, that there was nothing wrong with that, but the words were caught in his throat and he choked them down.
Quinn poked him in the chest and warned him not to cheat on her with Rachel Berry. Finn wondered why the Rachel Berry part of it was the problem, but he'd learned by now not to say anything back to Quinn.
Quinn made him go to celibacy club, which he thought was ridiculous because since he wasn't getting any anytime soon, there was no reason to learn about why not having sex is a good idea. Puck joined him, but only to irritate Santana. Finn was sitting in the desk at the front so he could be close to Quinn when Rachel walked through the door hesitantly. Quinn spotted her and tripped over the leg of her desk, catching herself before falling all the way down. Rachel beamed at Finn - he returned a small smile - and Quinn's eyes flashed at him.
Just don't do it with her, echoed in Finn's mind.
Later, he made a mistake.
He didn't mean to, but when Rachel said he could kiss her if he wanted to, he just thought about how this was the first time someone had looked at him with such wanting. Quinn, however domineering and forceful during their kisses, always seemed like she was itching for their make outs to be over. And Rachel said he was special and with being on a crap football team and his girlfriend just never opening up, he didn't feel special.
But Rachel thought he was, so he kissed her.
He had to run out of the auditorium.
Finn felt really guilty and called Quinn to see if she was busy and if they could watch a movie. He needed to somehow make it up to her, even though he wasn't going to tell her about the kiss. His call went straight to voicemail.
"Uh, hey Quinn. I just really want to see you. So - yea, call me back."
An hour passed and Quinn still had not called him back. Finn rubbed his forehead in frustration. He needed to talk to somebody. So he texted Puck.
Puck did not respond until the next day, stating that he was out with a hot girl - Finn did not receive the name of whom - and that came before whatever advice Finn needed.
Then Quinn joined Glee Club and he didn't know who she glared at more - him or Rachel.
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
Finn found out Quinn was pregnant and not even the embrace of Mr. Shuester was enough to stop the tears flowing.
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
"What are we going to do?" Quinn whispered. Finn cradled her head on his bed. It had been a rough night. He accidentally got Quinn kicked out of her house. Thankfully, his mother is better than the rat bastards that are Quinn's parents, so Quinn was staying with him. They didn't have a lot of room, so Quinn was going to have to sleep on his bed with him, something he knows she is going to be uncomfortable with.
"I can get us out of here, someday," Finn replied. "I mean, I'll try to get a football or - or a music scholarship - and we can go to Ohio State. They'll let us live in married housing, you know, if we - if we got married."
Finn hadn't thought about marrying Quinn for months now. He used to, in the beginning, but now when he pictures his daughter, a little girl running around with blonde pigtails, he also pictures Quinn standing with him. Sometimes her face is a little blurry and sometimes it shifts into another face entirely, but most of the time, he pictures Quinn. And they'd lead an ok life. All Finn really needs in life is a steady job and family, anyway. And maybe a life away from Lima would actually make Quinn happy.
"I'd - I think I could do something like major in business. I couldn't do something like working at a bank, but I'm good with people so I think I could one day be a manager somewhere." Quinn rolled onto her side and he continued. "You can do whatever you want, you know, once she's born. English, science, whatever."
Finn felt Quinn shaking her head against his leg. "That's a ridiculous idea, Finn."
He fisted his fists. Just once, this once, he needed her to not make him feel stupid.
"No," he said quietly. "If I work really hard, I can get passing grades. And - and I'd be a good father. You know that. And you're smart. You can do anything."
Quinn remained quiet and began drawing imaginary doodles with her finger on his pants before speaking up. "I'm not keeping her, Finn." She drew in a shaky breath. "But…you would be a good father."
Finn leaned down and kissed Quinn on top of her head for finally saying something that didn't make him seem so unworthy of anything.
"Hey, we need to schedule an appointment with a gynecologist. Also, do you need any more prenatal vitamins?"
Quinn lifted her head up, a small smile appearing on her face. "How do you know about any of that?"
"Rachel is forcing me to read a pregnancy book so I can help out with stuff."
"Rachel's doing that, huh?"
"Yea, she's not so bad, Quinn."
Quinn bit her lip and looked off to the side as if staring at something.
"No. No she's not."
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
The baby wasn't his. After punching Puck's face in, he vowed never to speak to Quinn again.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care
Finn sang "Beth" with Puck. Finn still liked the name Drizzle better, but Quinn was crying during the song, so maybe Beth was an ok name.
Finn hated how he still did stuff like singing a fucking song to Quinn to help Puck. And he hated how, even after having his heart ripped out, he still wanted to see Quinn happy.
He also hated Jesse St. James, but it did make him smile when he would see Quinn staring at Jesse like she wanted to murder him. Maybe it was the baby hormones.
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
Quinn heard knocking and she opened her eyes to see Finn standing in the doorway, shoulders hunched over and hands in his pockets. She was still exhausted and didn't want to move, but she beckoned Finn in.
"Hi -"
"I want to see her."
Quinn blinked and remained silent.
"I just thought you should know before I do see her, because you're her mother, but I want to see her."
"Finn - " Quinn began slowly, but Finn quickly interjected.
"No. No. She was my baby for months, ok? I loved her and sang to her and just because Puck is actually the father doesn't mean that she wasn't once mine. So I want to say goodbye."
Quinn gulped. Finn shouldn't have felt satisfaction that maybe, just maybe, he once had the upper hand with Quinn.
"What'd you name her?" he asked.
"Puck named her Beth."
"But is it actually going to be Beth?"
Quinn shrugged, toying with her fingers while refusing to look Finn in the eye.
"So you didn't like any of my names, but you let Puck name her."
Quinn's head snapped up. "I didn't want to name her at all!"
Finn growled in frustration and ran his hands across his face. "Yea. Ok. Whatever. Everyone is out in the lobby if you need anything. I'm going to go see her."
Finn turned around to walk out when Quinn's voice squeaked. "Everyone?"
He leaned against the side of the door. "Well, not Rachel, but yea, everyone else."
"Oh."
Finn thought her voice sounded so small but he didn't dwell on it. He trekked his way to the neonatal unit, where he would only be allowed to look at Beth from the outside. He peered through the window, reading the name tags and stopped on one that said "Fabray."
She was beautiful; everything Finn ever hoped she'd be (he was selfishly glad that traces of Puck were so far nonexistent). Blonde hair was tufted out on the side of her head and her eyes could barely open, but she was alive and healthy.
Finn felt more than saw Puck's presence, and Puck glided over to where Finn stood.
"She's great, right?" Puck asked.
Finn smiled, but replied, "I'm not happy for you, you know." Finn didn't look at Puck, but continued staring at the little girl. "I'm glad Quinn's ok, and that she's ok, but I'm not happy for you and Quinn."
Puck nodded. "I know."
The two boys stood shoulder to shoulder in silence, staring at the little wonder in front of them. Time didn't seem to matter as they gazed upon her.
"Are you keeping her?" Finn finally asked, afraid of the answer.
Puck shook his head. "No. We're giving her up."
"To who?"
"Ms. Corcran."
Finn felt his stomach drop. "That's... kind of messed up, man."
Puck shrugged. "I know, but she was here and then she was signing adoption papers." Puck leaned forward, placing his forehead up against the glass. "Don't tell Rachel, please."
"Rachel isn't even here. She stayed at the competition... Quinn actually seemed a little sad at that."
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
Finn didn't see Quinn again until Mr. Shuester's goodbye. And then they were on radio silence the entire summer.
Rachel would give him updates about how Quinn is doing - Rachel found out about Ms. Corcran, and apparently they are weirdly bonding over that fact - and Rachel thinks Quinn is handling everything well.
When Rachel said that Quinn wanted to join Cheerios again at the beginning of school, Finn knew Quinn wasn't doing well. She was going to hide behind the façade - a word he'd heard from Rachel - of the uniform to make the world think she's ok.
Finn let her do it. Quinn's problems weren't his anymore. And he had to deal with Rachel and her cat calendars (although, when he complained about them, she made new ones and made him into a lion, and he thought that was kind of manly).
He was happy with Rachel. Sure, she talked a lot, but he got the feeling that no one really ever allowed her to talk, so when she needed to, everything just spilled out. And she loved him, something that made him smile more than Quinn ever did. He could deal with cat calendars if him grabbing Rachel's hand made Rachel's face light up.
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
He and Rachel got into a fight about Santana of all people.
And then Rachel said she was with Puck the night before.
Finn saw red.
Well no one told me about her the way she lied
Well no one told me about her how many people cried
Rachel somehow thought singing with Puck was a good way to get him back. Instead, it made him sick. He was madder at Rachel than Puck, but Finn was equally confused with Quinn's reaction during "Need You Now." It looked like she was gazing at Rachel, but that would just be weird. Maybe Quinn had residual feelings for Puck and, while that didn't make Finn sick like Rachel kissing and singing with Puck did, it still made him mad because, once again, Quinn was still lying about everything.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
He knows it's wrong. Finn was damaged badly when Quinn cheated on him, so he knows how Sam is going to feel, but Finn gave up his reputation to date the geek of the school - not that he thought Rachel was a geek, but that was how the school saw her - and she crushed his heart. He just needs something to be back on top, to feel ok, to make everything right. He knows Quinn messed up big time last time they dated, but maybe, just maybe, he can fix both of them.
It was a mistake.
Quinn still makes him feel so stupid. She's obsessed with Prom and forcing him to look at colors and, frankly, he doesn't care what he wears to prom. She'll look beautiful no matter what so no one was going to be looking at him anyway.
Quinn talks about Rachel a lot more this time around. Finn didn't know it was possible.
One day, they're on her bed making out when his hand goes up her shirt. This has happened before and he was ready for the tug on his arm for him to bring it down. Finn still feels like Quinn isn't interested in him physically so when she swats his hand away, he sighs and rolls off her.
"I'm going to go."
Quinn frowned. "What? Why? I still need you to look at this tux -"
"I don't care that we aren't going all the way, Quinn. I really don't." Finn grabbed his jacket. "But I need to know that you're not going to go screw Puck again."
Quinn winced. "I told you, it was a mistake. I said that it should have been you!"
"Then act like it!" Finn yelled. Quinn shrunk and Finn hated how tiny she looked. That is not how Quinn Fabray takes someone yelling. "I want to talk about something."
"Like what?" Quinn whispered.
Finn gestured aimlessly around the room. "I dunno, Quinn. What - I asked you once if you liked to draw. I know now you used to draw Rachel in the bathroom, but what else? Or, what about your claustrophobia - yea, I watch, Quinn, I know about it. Let's talk about Puck, or your dad, or even Beth."
Quinn drew her knees up to her chest as she sat in the middle of her mattress. "I don't - I don't want to talk about Beth."
"You talked to Rachel about her," Finn stated.
"That's different."
Finn stared at the girl in front of him - the blonde whose eyes once captivated him now looked hollow, and the smile that had been so infectious before was now only a hint of what it once was. He didn't know her at all - not like he ever did – but, the sad thing is, he still probably knows her better than anyone else.
Finn shook his head. "You know stuff about me, Quinn. I've told you about my dad, my fight with Kurt last year, and you still can't - you've never let me in. And I don't know how long I can do this."
"We have prom in a week, Finn."
"Prom is only one damn night," Finn seethed, slamming the bedroom down behind him.
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
Finn hated Jesse St. James with a passion. He hated how Jesse complimented Quinn and that she smiled at it, but he hated more how his hands were all over Rachel.
He was kicked out of prom but not like it mattered anyway. He wasn't paying any attention to Quinn and she sure as hell wasn't paying attention to him, either.
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
Finn knew he and Quinn weren't tethered. They were just two people who kept finding their way back to each other even though they shouldn't. As he and Quinn left the church, he knew he had to break it off with her. The dance they'd been doing wasn't doing good to either of them. Her hazel eyes that no longer shined did not captivate him; his status and cheesy grin were not enough for her, either. Finn was tired of playing this game.
He thought she looked gorgeous in the red dress. She forced a smile at him as she opened his truck passenger door.
"You did great, Finn. I am so proud of you," she said while squeezing her hand.
Finn felt the tears hot on his face - he knew she noticed - but he had to do this. If he waited to do it, if he waited even ten more minutes, he knew he would never follow through.
"Because I'm breaking up with you." His hand gripped the steering wheel. "I shouldn't have done this with you. I thought that I could fix everything from last year, but I can't."
He tried not to look at Quinn - he had to do this - but when she uttered Rachel's name, his frustration grew.
Does she not see this? Finn thought.
"Don't you feel anything anymore?!" Finn shouted. This time, Quinn didn't look small to him, just bored, like it wasn't happening. He hated no-confidence Quinn, but he didn't like the Quinn sitting in his car, either.
Say something that will make me want you like I used to! He wanted to scream.
Fourteen-year-old Finn used to think Quinn felt things, wanted things bigger than her. But when Quinn slammed the car door shut, Finn understood that if Quinn felt anything at all, it was never going to be with or for him.
He was tired of trying to make her feel.
Well no one told me about her, what could I do
Well no one told me about her, though they all knew
They lost Nationals. Finn was sure Quinn was going to kill him for kissing Rachel on stage, but instead she held Santana back from killing Rachel.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
Finn and Rachel sleep together shortly after Nationals. It's crazy how just freshman year, Finn was scared of Rachel because of how she threatened a debate team member and he was in love with Quinn because of her eyes and confidence. And now, he was sleeping with that crazy chick - something much more fulfilling than his brief moment with Santana ever was - and Quinn hardly ever lit up her eyes anymore.
When it was over, Finn told Rachel he loved her, and it means more than it ever meant with Quinn. And when Rachel says it back, his heart swells.
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
He saw Quinn one day at the Lima Bean. Rachel waved, but Finn tried to ignore her. He was doing a successful job, until he realized that Russell Fabray is looming over Quinn. Finn's hands tighten on his coffee cup.
"That's Quinn's dad," Finn muttered.
Rachel frowns. "The one who kicked her out?"
Finn nodded. "He's a dick."
"Can you go do something?"
"Like, what?" Finn asked, laughing half-heartedly. "I - that dude's an adult!"
"And you're bigger than him!" Rachel urged. "Go be menacing."
Finn rolled his eyes but got up from the table to talk with Mr. Fabray. The man did not like Finn's attitude, but when Mr. Fabray backed off, Finn's chest swelled with pride that maybe, maybe, he actually did something that Quinn will actually appreciate.
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright
But she's not there
Finn is holding Rachel on the couch - they're watching Rent, something he doesn't care for but he does get sad at the end - and she's ranting about Quinn not talking to her. At the mention of Quinn's name, Finn shakes his head at the girl's constant hot and cold act.
"She's a bitch, Rachel," Finn told his girlfriend.
Rachel moved off Finn's lap and paused the movie. "Finn..."
"I'm sorry, but I've dated her twice, I know. I mean, she dated me and I don't even know if she ever even liked me. She's just... you have me, Kurt and Puck. Who cares if Quinn isn't talking to you?"
Rachel's eyes were downcast as she toyed with Finn's fingers. "She liked you well enough, Finn," Rachel whispered. "Please don't call her a bitch. I just... I think that sometimes we have people who we can talk to and people we can't, even if we wanted to."
Finn intertwined their fingers tightly. "So you think I'm the person she wanted to talk to but couldn't. But that she can talk to you."
Rachel bit her lip and nodded.
"And," Finn continued, "if you and her hang out, that'll make you happy?"
"It'll make me happy to be friends with Quinn, yes."
Finn gulped. He didn't treat Rachel the best in the past, so if Quinn doing something as simple as saying "Hi" to Rachel made her feel better, then he was going to get Quinn to do that.
"Ok." Finn pushed play and Rachel leaned back into him.
He later thought about how he could never get Quinn to let him in and maybe, like Rachel said, it wasn't his fault or her fault. They just couldn't connect no matter how hard they tried.
But he really needed Rachel to stop whining about Quinn not calling or texting her back, so Finn texted Quinn and told her to stop ignoring Rachel.
But it's too late to say you're sorry
How would I know, why should I care
He really, really did not like the game Spin-the-Bottle, especially when it required his current girlfriend to make out with his ex. He especially despised the game when he spotted Quinn's hands gripping Rachel even tighter.
Please don't bother tryin' to find her
She's not there
When Quinn hesitantly came out of the closet - something Finn thought he would never say - he didn't know whether he was livid that their whole relationship was a sham, or happy that she's finally accepted herself.
He now understood her better, though, which is something he's been trying to do for the past three years. So, for that, he's grateful.
When he stopped by her locker after school, she cracked a weary smile. It's shy, and small, but the smile is there, and it's genuine. If Finn wasn't in love with Rachel, he thought he would fall in love with Quinn all over again just because of that smile.
"Hi," Finn says, leaning against the lockers. "Can we talk?"
Quinn grabs her books. "Actually, yes, we finally can."
Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked
The way she'd act and the colour of her hair
Her voice was soft and cool
Her eyes were clear and bright...
Thanks for reading! Feedback is always appreciated! (unless it's unnecessary Finn-bashing. I do that enough in my spare time)
I do have a tumblr! Yay! You can find me at seekingoutfriday. Also, if you prefer AO3, my username over there is seekingoutfriday, too.