Together we drive down the highway. I've always loved car rides- remember that time I snuck into your trunk? You were so surprised when I jumped out, so ecstatic to see you! But this time is different. You have tears your eyes, and from the way everything is whizzing by, we are driving way too fast. You keep looking at me, telling me what a good baby I am, how much you love me. That you'll take care of me, that I'll be just fine. I know I won't be, but I'm not sorry. Your hand that is normally steadfast on the steering wheel is petting my head, under my chin. My favorite spot. I always loved how you remembered just how I liked to be scratched. Tears are streaming down your face now. But still you keep driving faster and faster. I rest my head for a while, I can't keep it up for some reason.
We pull into a parking lot, and you jump out. I am afraid for a minute, but then you are right there again, picking me up so, so carefully. The nice man gave me a lot of drugs, so I'm not in much pain anymore. But I still mew a little as we walk into another building. Immediately another woman comes. She's not you, but she has long brown hair that I would love to play with on any other day. She takes me from your arms, just as delicately carrying me away from you. I want to fight her, but I'm so tired, my body so heavy. You wave to me, hope and fear in your eyes. They put me on a cold table. I feel a prick in my leg and fall into a deep sleep.
You asked me one time if could dream. You even googled it when I didn't answer. Well, I did. I dreamed of you, I dreamed of sunny days, I dreamed of the best years of my life. My years with you.
And then I dreamed of the car. I dreamed of it hitting me, again and again. And then watching it drive away as I gasped for air. I crawled back to the house; I needed my humans. That's where you found me, laying in the garage, unable to move, but still meowing at you as if I was lecturing you. I dream of you screaming in horror.
When I awake all of my favorite humans are standing over me. I'm covered in bandages, laying on warm fuzzy blanket. I'm not quite sure what's going on, but I'm in no pain. You all spend time with me, petting me, telling me how much you love me. You promise to come back to visit tomorrow, and my tail flicks in response. You get so excited, thinking how much better I was already. You leave, I fall back asleep.
But tomorrow never comes. At least, not the way you want. I can't wake up. The doctor tells you I had several seizures throughout the night, that my brain was swollen. That there was nothing they could do. My brain was dead.
But my heart still pumped. I was suffering, and I needed my human to help me one last time. And you did. They put you in the calmest room you had ever seen, and wheeled me in. I never woke up. The doctor was very gentle with me, I never felt anything. I just fell asleep. Just like that. You held me and pet me for a long time, crying and apologizing for everything. You keep telling me how much you love me, how great I made your life, just by being in it.
You told me you felt like you had signed my death warrant. But all I felt was sweet release and peace. I trusted you to make the right choice, and you did. I love you, my favorite human. I'm sorry I had to leave you, but I will always be watching over you.