This is my first story in a long time… So please don't be too harsh. Sorry it's so short but I wasn't sure about this... Review for me to continue! Thanks! xoxoxo
I stepped into my – our – home after a long day of hunting, my bag heavy with squirrels and birds. I smiled slightly at the smell of baking bread that could only mean one thing: Peeta. Four months he had been back in District 12, and yet I was never able to anticipate the butterflies in my stomach when something reminded me he was really here.
My eyebrows raised when I rounded the corner to the kitchen, and was met with a dishwasher running and the oven slowly heating the dough, but no Peeta.
"Peeta?" I called up the stairs that led to our bedroom, the few spare bedrooms, and his art studio. If he wasn't baking, he was painting.
I sighed when I didn't get an answer and began to climb the stairs.
"Peeta? I'm back! And I got a good load, it'll probably last so we…." I walked into his art room to find him standing, griping the edge of a chair, with his back to me.
It never ends.
I stood, watching him to see how bad it was. His shoulder muscles were tense, sweat slowly dripping down the back of his neck. His knuckles were white from clinging to the chair and I knew from experience his eyes would be closed as he tried to determine the shiny memories from the real ones.
"Peeta?" My voice was soft, scared. The tone I had become used to hearing from my mouth whenever I tried to coax him from a flashback like this.
Something triggered in his mind when I said his name, and I didn't know if it was good or bad. He whipped his head around, blue eyes wide open. "Katniss?" He said, clearly surprised.
I took a step towards him, holding out my hand. "Yea, it's just me." I smiled, though my whole body shook.
Peeta's feet went backwards, away from me. I sighed and started with our little game. "Not real, Peeta," I whispered quietly. "Whatever it is, it isn't real."
"You faked it!" He cried, taking a step towards me. I reflexively backed away, but he stopped himself. His eyes squeezed shut and he shook his head. "Not real, not real…."
The thing was, if he was talking about the arena, I had faked it, at least at the time.
My feet shuffled forward until I was standing slightly behind him, my hand on his shoulder. I felt his shoulders relax under my touch. His head was bowed and I knew how guilty he felt. His body shook and I almost lost it.
"Hey, hey it's okay. You didn't hurt me. I'm fine, you're fine."
The blond head looked up, his bright blue eyes staring into mine. "I'm so tired of doing that to you."
My heart pounded out of my chest. Why was he constantly looking out for me? I guess Haymitch was right. I could live a thousand life times and never deserve this man. My mouth opened to respond to him, but instead I pulled him into a hug.
"It's okay. I'm not hurt, right? That's progress," I try to smile but his expression is serious.
"Seriously, Katniss."
"You put up with my nightmares, I put up with you. That's how it works, right?"
That's how it works, right? That's how what works, exactly? This thing we've had since he came back from the Capitol almost four months ago? Friendship? No. More than that. I cared about him, he knew that right? I actually think I might lo…
"Yea. That's how we work…" His voice interrupted my thoughts. He backed away from me, his tears gone. "We live together because that's how it works. You hunt, I bake…we cope with the nightmares and the flashbacks and that's it."
"Peeta…"
"Forget it. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
My guilt tripled. I turned on my heel, the emotion in the room too much when he seemed to have changed his mind and called out to me.
"I know we don't talk about it…." I turned back around. "But I still love you. With all of my heart." He took a deep breath. "And…I think I deserve to know what really happened. My memories are so jumbled, I can barely remember anything. I mean I can remember exactly who killed who, but I don't remember anything that happened between us. I don't know what happened in the cave. I can't remember if we had the most romantic time of our lives, or if you just left me there. I don't know what happened between you and Gale. I don't remember anything about the Quell, except that you were always by my side…and I don't even know if that was real or not. Katniss, please. I need to know."
What had this flashback done? Brought up everything I had so cleverly avoided. Gale. The 'act' in the arena. How hard his hijacking had been on me. Everything between me and Peeta I had never wanted to bring up. And yet here it was, four months later, staring me in the face.
My heart hurt. I knew it. Deep down, I there was no denying how much I cared about him. Loved him. But I had never been good with words. Could I make him understand without pushing him away? He'd always been so patient with me, that I knew it was at least worth a shot. I took a deep breath and started at the beginning.