Meiran is Wufei (Chang)'s wife. She died when she was 14 in Wufei's arms.
Minna is Heero's (Onna) woman. (She wrote most of this)
Crystalline is ME! Duo's Onna. (That's why I'm called Crystalline MAXWELL!!)
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A Midsummer Nights Dream
Cast:
Helena: Crystalline
Hermia: Minna
Lysander: Heero
Dimitrius: Duo
Puck: Relena
Oberon: Wufei
Fairy Queen: Meiran
Bottom: Quatre
Judge Dude: Zechs
Potion Dude: Treize
Child: Chibi Trunks
Act One: Messed Up Marriage
Enter Relena and Treize
Relena: Oh, I wish Heero would like me.
Treize: Potions! LOVE potions! *Sigh* Why didn't I get a real job?
Relena: LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEE potions?! *Thinks* Finally! This plan cannot fail!!
Enter Zechs. Minna, Heero, and Duo are sitting down.
Zechs: Ho-kay. Minna, ya gotta marry Duo or else ya gotta be a nun. *Thinks* Yes! More torture for Heero!
Minna: … Zechs? Thou shouldst use Old English like us.
Duo: *thinks* Whu?
Heero: *Thinks* Omae o korosu, Zechs.
Enter Crystalline.
Crystalline: Oh, spite! Why does not Duo love me?
Enter Minna and Heero.
Minna: Hello, sibling! How goes everything?
Crystalline: Everything goes awful.
Heero: How so?
Crystalline: Duo doesn't love me.
Heero: Well Minna and I will be leaving tonight, so Duo shall be yours.
Minna: Good luck, Crystalline!
Heero: Come on, Minna!
Exit Minna and Heero.
Crystalline: Spite! *Thinks* Damnit!
Act 2: Into the forest
Enter Relena; Wufei and Meiran are fighting over the child.
Wufei: Thou shall give me the child!
Meiran: Thou shall not have this child! Thou art baka! *Pulls down lower eyelid and sticks tongue out.* I bid ye farewell!
Exit Meiran
Wufei: Damn her… Puck! Come hither! Dost thou remember the love potion thee purchased? Tha'rt to give some to M'lady Meiran. Understood?
Relena: Right away Wufei! *Thinks* But I shall give some to my Heero first!
Exit Relena and Wufei, Enter Minna and Heero.
Minna: Methinks we should rest here for the night.
Heero: G'night.
Minna: Night.
Heero and Minna sleep. Enter Relena.
Relena: Ah, my Heero! *Pours love potion into his mouth* Now the first thing he sees shall me and we shall live happily together forever. *Sighs* Oh, I was to give some of this potion to the Fairy Queen!
Exit Relena. Enter Crystalline.
Crystalline: Oh, spite. I cannot find Duo. Eh? What is this I spy? Heero and Minna?
Heero: *Wakes up* Eh? Who art thou? Thee must be the fairest maiden in the land, for I have never seen the likes of thee before!
Crystalline: NANI?! No! Thou art wrong! *Thinks* Well, he's partly right. *Says* Thou loves Minna!
Heero: Nay! 'Tis you I love, o fair Crystalline!
Crystalline: No, no… I shall run and you shall stay!
Exit Crystalline, Heero follows.
Minna: *wakes up* Heero? Heero? HEERO! THOU SHALL PAY THE BILLS IN THE HOUSE OF GUNDAM AND BUY ME ICE CREAM ON THE WAY HOME!!!
Exit Minna. Enter Quatre, Maquanacs and Relena.
Quatre: I hope I memorized my lines…
Relena: I wonder what Quatre would look like with donkey ears? *Gives him Ass's head*
Rasid: Thou art on, Master Quatre!
Quatre: Fair Thisbe…
Rasid: Quatre has the head of an ass!
Abdul: 'Tis a monster! Run!
All: Ahh!
Quatre: Wha?
Exit all.
~Intermission~
Crystalline: You can stop following me now Heero!
Heero: Fair lady Crystalline... *glomp*
Crystalline: Get off me! Minna! Pull your boyfriend off me!
Minna: *pulls Heero off Crystalline* Heero. The potion was fake.
Relena: Heero! Do you love me yet?
Heero: Mine love is for the most fair madden of all!
Crystalline: Holy Kami-sama...
Relena: *thinking* Yes! It worked! *Speaking* You love ME!
Heero: Nay, thou art the vilest woman in this world! Mine is a love for the fair Crystalline! *Glomps Crystalline*
Crystalline: HEERO YUY! GET YOUR BUTT OFF ME!!!
Minna: *kicks Heero* Relena you worm, what'd you do to Heero?!
Relena: I gave him the love potion! The one marked "L-O-V-E P-O-T-I-O-N"!!
Minna: The one on the prop table?
Relena: No. The one on Crystalline's dresser!
Minna: The... one... on... Crystalline's... DRESSER?! THE ONE SHE MADE LAST MONTH!?! THE ONE THAT IS REAL?!?!
Relena: Evidently so.
Quatre: Are you okay Minna?
Minna: Relena Bitchcraft! Omae o korosu!!
Heero: *glomping Crystalline still* Copyright infringement! Thou shouldst use thy own lines!
Crystalline: Get off me before I hurt you!
Heero: Lady Crystalline... *squeeze*
Crystalline: Sorry Minna. *Electrocutes Heero*
Heero: Such powerful emotions! *Passes out*
Duo: Crystalline...
Crystalline: Hai Duo?
Duo: Nanada ka?
Crystalline: You wanna know what's going on? Ask RELENA!
Relena: Heero took the wrong potion.
Minna: Heero took... You GAVE him the wrong potion!!
Duo: ...?
Crystalline: Duo, assistance please.
Duo: Okay. *Grabs Crystalline's arm to help her up. He is met by a gun barrel*
Heero:
(still suffering from Crystalline's electrocution) ...Find thy own maiden...
Duo: *gulp*
Crystalline: I AM Duo's maiden! Minna is YOURS!!
Quatre
and Trowa: (holding the insane Minna back) Heero... Run. Run fast. As fast
as you possibly can...
Heero: As long as my maiden is with me, I have no fear!
Trowa: Minna is your maiden. Minna is going to kill you.
Minna: I'm not going to kill him. I'm going to hurt him. A LOT!!
Dorothy: Everyone! Intermission is over!
~Act 3: Love Resolved~
Enter Heero, Duo, Minna, and Crystalline.
Heero: (to Duo) You! Are thou not the one who is intent on stealing my Crystalline?
Duo: (to Heero) Hah! Thou art the one fixed on stealing my Minna!
Minna: (to Crystalline) How dare thee pursue Heero when thou knows thee loves Duo?
Crystalline: (to Minna) Thou hast not been truthful to thy love or me! Thou follow Duo!
Minna: I do nothing of the sort! 'Tis your fault and none other!
Crystalline: Nay! 'Tis not my fault! Minna! We must sort this out at once!
Minna: Thou art correct.
Heero: Very well if that's what you wish, 'till be a fight to the death!
Duo: Ah, but who shall win? 'Tis none but I!
Minna: Whu--?
All exit; enter Meiran and Quatre.
Meiran: *Wakes up, sees Quatre* Oh, 'tis such a wonderfully handsome man that these eyes are blessed to see! Tell thee, what is thyne name?
Quatre: Quatre Reberba Winner, madam.
Meiran: Come. Come to this sanctuary of the fairies. Dine with me, live with me.
Quatre: As you wish, madam.
Exit Meiran and Quatre; enter Relena.
Relena: Oh, unhappy day! How I have tampered with things! I must set things right once more! But first, to Wufei, to warn him! *Relena exits, then returns*
Enter Heero and Duo at opposite ends of the stage; start inching toward each other, led by Relena's voice.
Relena: Over here, coward! Stockfish!
Heero: Where art thou, coward!!
Duo: Thou art a coward! Show yourself and surrender!
Heero and Duo turn around and bonk heads, falling down. Enter Minna and Crystalline from opposite ends of the stage. Exit Relena.
Minna: Oh, spite! I've been looking for Heero 'till this morn, and still no sight! I shall just rest here. *Lies down next to Heero, unnoticing*
Crystalline: OH, still no sign of Duo. I shall not venture further. I will rest. *Lies down next to Duo, unnoticing*
Enter Relena.
Relena: Now I shall fix things, and every man shall have his proper woman. *Gives Heero anti-love potion* *thinks* Oh, now Heero will never love me…
Exit Relena; enter Zechs and Noin on horses.
Zechs: Well, well. Yuy, Maxwell? What do we have here, hmm? *All wake up*
Minna: For the last time, Zechs! Talk in Old English!
Zechs: Shut-up. Very well. You shall all come with us to the cathedral, and be married today like Noin and I.
All Exit. Enter Meiran, Wufei, and Quatre.
Wufei: *Gives Meiran anti-love potion* Now thou shall love me, send away the creature beside you.
Meiran: *wakes up* Wufei! Yes of course.* Sends Quatre away to far part of stage*
Exit Meiran and Wufei.
Quatre: *wakes up* I have had the most awe-inspiring dream. I shall call it Bottom's Dream.
Exit Quatre.
Act 4: Proper Marriage
Enter married couples: Zechs and Noin, Crystalline and Duo, Minna and Heero. Walk across stage and exit. Enter Quatre and Maquanacs.
Quatre: What ho! I have returned!
All: Yay!
Rasid: Now we can perform our play, Perimus and Thisbe!
All Exit. Enter Zechs, Noin, Crystalline, Duo, Minna, Heero, Quatre, and Maquanacs. Maquanacs and Quatre begin their play.
Quatre: Where for art thou, fair Thisbe?
Abdul: I am here, Perimus!
Continue acting play.
Minna: *all are whispering* Jesus! They didn't practice much, huh.
Crystalline: *laughs* No, but it's funny. *Laughs*
Heero: *tries to contain himself from breaking out into hysterical laughter* I… agree with… *laughs* Crystalline.
Duo: *Does the same* Same here. *Laughs*
End play. Quatre and Maquanacs bow. All Exit. Enter Meiran and Wufei.
Wufei: Well then, will you marry me, fair lady?
Meiran: Of course.
Kiss, exit stage. Enter Relena.
Relena: The day, 'tis done, and now every husband has their proper wife, and every wife their husband, All is well, all is well. Good night, my friends, good night! *Thinks* All is well? Yeah Right.
Exit Relena.
~After the play~
'Enter' Minna, Heero, Duo, Crystalline, and Relena.
Heero: Minna! Please forgive me!
Minna: Mm? What's that? The wind?
Heero: *flatly* Please forgive me Minna-sama.
Minna: Okay. Buy me ice cream.
Crystalline: Du-berry! *glomps*
Duo: Ha… Happy…
Crystalline: When do you think we'll really get married, Duo?
Duo: I dunno.
Relena: Oh… I was so close, too!
Minna: Oh! That reminds me! Relena, this is all your fault, isn't it?
Relena: Now wait… Uh oh… Eeeek!
'Exit' Relena, all follow.
The End.
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